“Is it an affair fog or real love?” “Is the affair getting serious?” – Are you frequently asking yourself these kinds of questions? Well, if you are, you’ve probably crossed the affair stage and moved on to love. The fact that this thought came into your mind is one of the signs an affair is turning into love.
Do affairs feel like love? Yes, they can. Emotional or sexual affairs usually start casually, with no intention of them moving on to anything more. However, it’s a very thin line. Eventually, the flirtation and physical attraction can turn deeply emotional, which is when the problem starts. They may seem harmless, initially, but such affairs can wreak havoc on a marriage in which loyalty or fidelity is considered of utmost importance.
People might get into it as a means of escape but there’s always a possibility of an affair turning into a deep emotional connection or love. It’s quite difficult to understand when that line is crossed, which is why we’re here to help you understand and gauge the signs an affair is turning into love.
12 Signs An Affair Is Turning Into Love
Do you find yourself thinking about the person or wanting to talk to them all the time? Do you often compare your affair partner to your spouse? Are you comfortable sharing intimate details about your life with this person? If the answer to all these questions is a resounding ‘yes’, then my friend, it’s a sign of having fallen in love with your affair partner.
Going through the “I had an affair and fell in love with her. What should I do?” dilemma? Or spending sleepless nights wondering, “I fell in love with the man I had an affair with. What does it mean for my marriage?” If you’re worried about the affair getting serious and hurting your married life, sit back and take stock of your feelings and actions.
If you have decided to end an affair with someone you love for the sake of your marriage, go ahead by all means. Dealing with emotional infidelity difficult. It is, at times, considered a bigger deal-breaker than sexual infidelity. But if you’re still trying to process or understand your feelings for this other person in your life, allow us to help you. Here are 12 signs an affair is turning into love:
Related Reading: 8 Steps To Deal With Your Spouse’s Emotional Affair
1. The person is always on your mind
Is it an affair fog or real love? If your affair partner is constantly on your mind, then romance is probably in the air. If you can’t get him/her out of your mind, if he/she is the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person on your mind when you go to sleep, then it’s a sign of an affair getting serious.
You feel butterflies in your stomach when you think about this person. You always want to be with or talk to them. They take over your mind to an extent where you find it difficult to concentrate on anything else. To top it all, if these thoughts precede a feeling of guilt for having cheated your spouse, it’s one of the biggest signs an affair is turning into love.
2. You’ve begun to draw comparisons between your spouse and this special person
Do you often compare this other person in your life to your spouse? If you do, it’s a sign of an affair getting serious. When you draw comparisons between your life partner and the person with whom you’re having an affair, you’re possibly looking at them as your better half or significant other. To be honest, it’s a recipe for disaster.
If you’re wondering “Does my husband love his affair partner?” or “Will my wife choose her affair partner over me?”, notice if your spouse has all of a sudden begun to see faults in you or blame you for everything that goes wrong. If that’s the case, you’re probably thinking right.
Drawing comparisons is likely to create trouble or conflict in married life because your spouse is suddenly finding faults in you and idolizing this other person in their head. It’s a sign that they are getting closer to this other person and ignoring or getting angry with you for not being as ‘good’ as them.
3. You spend more time with your affair partner than your spouse
Do you find yourself wanting to spend more time with this person? Do you enjoy their company more than your partner’s? Do you drop or cancel all your plans to meet them even if it is just for a couple of hours? If that’s the case, you might just want to sit back and think about the kind of relationship you share with your affair partner.
One of the signs to observe to figure out if it’s an affair fog or real love is to notice how much time you spend with this other person and how much you enjoy their company. If you’re comfortable spending more time with them than your spouse, find or create excuses to meet them or lie about your whereabouts to avoid spending time with your spouse, then the signs an affair is turning into love are written all over your complicated relationship dynamics.
4. You share personal details about your life with them
Do affairs feel like love? Well, if you’re comfortable sharing intimate details about your life with this other person, then probably yes. You are in love. We usually become vulnerable or share intimate details about ourselves with people we trust and are closest to. If you’re opening up to your affair partner and are okay with the fact that they know the worst side of you, then it’s a clear sign of an affair getting serious.
Is your affair partner the first person you want to share a life development or milestone with? Are they the first person you call if you’ve had a rough day? Have you shared your deepest, darkest secrets with them? If the answer is ‘yes’, then the relationship is probably taking a romantic turn. If you’ve shared things that you haven’t even mentioned to your spouse, then you’re already in trouble, my friend.
Related Reading: 15 Real Reasons Your Wife Avoids Intimacy
5. You hide the relationship from your spouse
Not sure if it’s an affair fog or real love? Well, here is a litmus test for you: if you feel the need to hide your relationship with this person from your spouse, you’ve definitely crossed the line. It’s one of the major signs an affair is turning into love. You hiding your relationship from your spouse could be the start of a lifelong extramarital affair.
Lying about the relationship, hiding communication or meeting details, deleting messages or call logs are all signs that you’ve fallen for your affair partner. You know in your heart that this behavior is not okay. You probably won’t tolerate your spouse doing this to you either and that is likely to cause conflict at home.
6. Signs an affair is turning into love – You are conscious of how you look
It’s human nature to want to look your best in front of the person you love. You want to put your best foot forward and create a good impression. One of the sure-shot signs of an affair getting serious is being conscious of your appearance before you meet this special person.
If you find yourself putting extra effort and time into making sure you look your best before meeting your affair partner, then it’s a sign you’ve fallen in love. You want them to find you attractive. You try to look your best because you want to impress them.
7. Intimacy with your partner decreases
Dwindling intimacy may have caused your spouse to wonder, “Does my husband love his affair partner?” Or perhaps, your husband is agonizing over, “Is my wife in love with another man?”, because you’ve turned cold toward his advances. Take a moment to introspect if your spouse’s suspicions are valid.
If you find yourself drifting apart from your partner and getting closer to this other person in your life, know that the affair is taking a more serious and romantic turn. When you fall in love with your affair partner, your physical or emotional intimacy with your spouse starts to decrease. You talk to them less, spend less time with them because you’re busy concentrating on this special person.
There are hardly any sexual encounters because you start to feel those desires for your affair partner. You don’t get physically intimate with your spouse anymore because you’re probably dreaming of the same with this other person in your life. Your focus completely shifts.
8. You share your marital frustrations with them
One of the sure-shot signs an affair is turning into love is when you begin to share your marital frustrations with this other person. It’s all sorts of inappropriate to discuss marriage problems with a romantic interest. But if that comes naturally to you, know that your affair is not just a casual thing any more.
Sharing details about the arguments or fights you had with your spouse or negatively talking about him/her with your affair partner is unfair and disrespectful to both you and your spouse. However, if you find yourself sharing marital conflict or other personal issues with this other person, you’ve probably fallen in love.
Related Reading: Everything You Need To Know About The 7 Types Of Affairs That Exist
9. You feel like they understand you the best
Do affairs feel like love? Well, if you feel like no one understands you better than your affair partner, it’s one of the common signs an affair is turning into love. You probably feel you’ve finally met someone who really gets you and knows you better than anyone else, including your spouse. You seem to have reached a point of deep emotional connection or understanding with them.
Both of you share common interests and life goals, which makes this partnership unique. You feel like they understand your perspective or feelings better than your spouse. If that’s the case, you’re probably having an emotional affair with them. It’s a clear sign an affair is turning into love.
10. You talk to each other at odd hours
Do you find yourself talking to your ‘friend’ at odd hours? Have the texts, calls and emails turned into late-night conversations or spilled over to the wee hours of the morning? Has communication become more frequent? If that’s the case, then you’re probably right about your “I had an affair and fell in love with her (or him)” assumption. Your affair may have moved on to the next level and taken the form of love.
This person is constantly on your mind, which is why you can’t help but find reasons to talk to him/her. This could create trouble in your married life since it’s crossed the threshold of a casual affair and turned into something serious. If one message or phone call from this person leaves you with a warm, fuzzy feeling or gives you butterflies, it’s a sign of a romantic development.
11. You find it hard to concentrate when the other person is around
Finding it difficult to concentrate when your affair partner is around is quite common when you are attracted to or infatuated with someone. It can cloud your judgment or divert your attention toward this one person who seems to have spiced up your life. It’s normal to not be able to think about or do anything else in such a situation.
You lose track of time when you are with them. You forget about all your troubles and worries for a while. You can’t stop thinking about them. You lose sleep and are desperate to see them again. It’s pretty much a repeat of what you felt like when you fell in love with your spouse. If it’s happening again, you know it’s one of the most common signs an affair is turning into love.
Related Reading: 17 Signs A Guy Is Unhappy In His Relationship
12. You begin to imagine a future with this person
One of the sure-shot signs an affair is turning into love is when you start fantasizing or thinking of a future with this special person. If you’re constantly thinking about what it would be like to live or get intimate with your affair partner, then it’s a sign of an affair turning into love.
If you and your affair partner have fallen for each other, it’s obvious that you would want to spend your life together. If you’ve already imagined a future with them, it means that you are in love. Instead of getting into one of those lifelong extramarital affairs, it makes sense that you call it quits with your current spouse before you begin a life with this special person.
We’re no one to judge you if you’re having an extramarital affair but we hope you realize the risks and consequences involved, especially if there are children in the picture. You know your relationship best but know that the effects will be damaging to both you and your spouse. Infidelity is one of the toughest things to deal with in a marriage.
We’ve all heard of lifelong extramarital affairs. We’ve read about affairs that last for years. But you should know that you’ll always run the risk of getting caught and causing hurt to your partner you once loved. An effective way to deal with the situation is to have a proper conversation about it with your spouse.
Whether you want to end an affair with someone you love or call it quits with your spouse because you fell in love with your affair partner, always keep lines of communication open. Tell your partner about the affair – it’s better if they come to know about it from you than somebody else. See a marriage counselor or therapist. They’ll be able to help you communicate your feelings to your partner and deal with the situation better. If you’re seeking help, Bonobology’s panel of licensed and experienced therapists is only a click away.