A relationship always starts with excitement, getting to know each other, breaking down the mystery, falling in love. But alas, the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. After a while, comfort starts to seep in, which may brew boredom. Things might start to feel monotonous; you might feel like you don’t do anything new, or you might not feel as attracted to your partner. These signs of a boring relationship may lead you to ultimately grow apart.
The boredom can come from a variety of reasons. Cheryl Harasymchuk, a professor of Psychology at Carleton University, in her research, suggests that boredom is frequently attributed to lack of novelty and stimulation. Sometimes, it just means that the relationship has become stable and you need to put in more effort to keep the spark alive.
However, there is a difference between getting bored and being comfortable. Being in a stable, comfortable relationship, that makes you feel safe, is a literal dream! But being in a stagnant one can soon lead to boredom and cause one or both partners to want out of the relationship. These signs of a boring marriage/relationship must not be confused with signs of a failed marriage. Because at this point, the situation can still be rectified.
Why Does A Relationship Become Boring?
Have you reached the boring stage of a relationship? There may be a lot of reasons as to why a relationship becomes tedious. But first, what’s a boring relationship? When the initial excitement fades or fizzles out, and both partners get into a dry routine without trying to do anything new, you can see signs of a boring relationship there. The causes are:
- It could’ve happened due to the natural ebb and flow of the relationship
- Neither partner was putting in any efforts to get out of the stagnant routine – the same efforts that they used to put in initially
- A lack of shared interests is another reason
- Problems in the bedroom can also lead to boredom in the relationship, which could result in infidelity
A research suggests that sexual boredom can reduce your overall well-being too. This boredom can make you question your compatibility and intimacy with your partner in the long run. So stay alert for the following signs of a boring relationship, and try to deal with them in a healthy way to save your bond.
15 Signs Of A Boring Relationship
Sometimes, feeling bored in a relationship can mean that the relationship has run its course, and neither partner wants to make a change. A study by Hanna Zagefka and Krisztina Bahul shows that sometimes certain innate beliefs of a person lead to them having highly unrealistic expectations from the relationship, and when those are not fulfilled, they might feel unsatisfied and think they are bored. But if the cause is pinned down, they can find a way out of the slump. Here are 15 signs of a boring relationship:
1. You keep having the same fight, or no arguments at all
You might be experiencing a lack of interest in your partner’s life, or anything at all that they do. The signs of a boring boyfriend/girlfriend keep piling up as you give out an exasperated sigh. Since there is no mutual care left, there will be no arguments. It just doesn’t seem worth the trouble.
You’ll find yourself letting go of a lot of issues because nothing they do matters. So the problems that you are facing will not be resolved, but only pile up to explode later. On the other hand, you might be having the same fight over and over again with no resolution.
2. Monotony has set in
The initial spark has fizzled out and you find yourself stuck in the daily mundane routine, and this monotonous dating life is driving you nuts.
- There are no new shared experiences, which is essential if a relationship is to remain afloat
- The days have started to merge into each other; nothing stands out as a special, intimate memory
- You are starting to realize that you need to get you and your partner out of this set pattern or your relationship will sink, and take you with it
3. Deep conversations are things of the past
It is possible that you’ve reached one of those boring stages of your relationship where you know everything about each other, and it feels like there is nothing new to talk about, or that you can predict their every reply. Even if you try to have a deep conversation with your partner, you find your mind drifting, or maybe you see your partner is not being very attentive, which is definitely a sign of a boring girlfriend/boyfriend.
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4. You spend too much or too little time together
There might be two extremes in a relationship, where you spend all your time together, or when you don’t spend enough time with your partner. Both these situations are equally harmful to a relationship, as spending too much time together will render you bored very soon, and spending too little quality time will mean a lack of bonding and connection.
5. You have nothing positive to say about each other anymore
Lisa A. Neff and April A. Buck found in their study that “although happy spouses commonly overlook their partner’s occasional insensitivity, the current findings suggest that stressful circumstances external to the relationship may cloud those rose-colored glasses by orienting individuals’ attention toward relationship negativity”.
The stressful circumstance in this case is the boredom in your relationship. When you are with your partner, instead of feeling at home and peaceful like you used to, you now experience a wave of mutual hostility or withdrawal. It could look like this:
- Every time you are with your partner, all you feel is irritated or annoyed by their habits that you once used to find adorable
- There may be periods of constant silence between you both
- The relationship may include no appreciation from one or both partners
It is imperative to address these emotions, and identify why you might be experiencing them, because there is always a way to fix a strained relationship if one wants it.
6. One sign of a boring relationship is less sex
Sex, too, can seem boring in a long-term relationship, if you are not trying anything new. Sometimes, the boredom of a relationship can be a sign that he is bored with you in bed or that she’s tired of the same old moves. As mentioned above, research shows that people who are bored in a relationship have sex less often and find sex less exciting. If you’re not trying to spice up your sex life, maybe the two of you are so weary of each other that you avoid sex altogether. But, sometimes all that is needed is some great sex.
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7. Other people start to tempt you
The fact that you are unsatisfied in your relationship will have you looking elsewhere to fill that gap.
- A certain unexpected person might start to seem very attractive all of a sudden. You could see them as everything that your current partner is not, which could lead to infidelity
- If you think the relationship is a goner, end it and then go ahead with the infatuation, but if you think there is still something left to salvage, talk it out
8. You’re fantasizing about being single
When you’re bored in your relationship, you might start getting jealous of your single friends, and thinking about all the good times from your singlehood. Fantasizing about being single is a clear sign of a boring relationship, signifying your stagnation in the current relationship.
One of my dear friends once came and told me how jealous she was that I was single and able to be with whoever I wanted, not being stuck in the doldrums. All the while I was thinking how envious I was that she had a constant support system, someone to go home to after a long day. I guess the grass always looks greener on the other side.
9. You’re filled with conflicting emotions
The boredom will bring you to an inevitable conundrum where you will feel a lot of conflicting emotions.
- You might feel like you love your partner and yet you are unhappy. This will have you swinging from happiness to anger or comfort to despair very quickly
- You will have to find the cause of your unhappiness, and decide whether the relationship is worth saving or not. Whatever your answer might be, you need to be sure you are prepared to go through that ordeal
10. Avoiding each other looks like the best solution
“There are times when, either consciously or unconsciously, we want to take a dig at our partners, and spouses know best what will get their partners’ goat,” says psychologist Arthur Aron of Stony Brook University.
So, your answer to avoid conflicts is to pull away from your partner or completely avoid them, which leads to even more boredom in your relationship. You would rather stay late at work or watch a TV show alone than spend time with them. But this can also make you feel lonely in the relationship.
11. There is no mention of a future together
The thought of spending your future with your partner might not seem as welcoming as it once did. All conversations would seem to miss that flavor of the future as well. Things like getting married, building a family, owning a house with them might start to look a little blurry than before and you might become unsure if they’re really the person you’d want to do that with or not.
12. The romance is missing
You might feel like you are not attracted to your partner anymore. There is not an ounce of romance left between the two of you, and if you wish to keep the relationship going, you will have to go out of your way to find it back. There are certain things that you might be doing that might be killing the romance. While it may be natural for passion to fade over time in a relationship, there shouldn’t be a complete lack of romance.
13. You want to change things constantly
When you don’t want changes, it means that you are comfortable. But in an unexciting dynamic, you will constantly be looking for things to change, for your relationship to continually evolve, or you’ll find yourself becoming restless.
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14. You’d choose buddies over your beau
- You might feel like you’d much rather spend time hanging out with your friends than be bored sitting at home with your partner.
- Boredom can make you feel uncomfortable and restless, and makes you seek out your friends instead, where you feel safe and fun.
- “Boredom often leads to seeking excitement outside the relationship,” says Lisa Concepcion, Founder of LoveQuest Coaching. “Cheating, acting out on social media, and also wild nights with friends are behaviors that bored people will engage in.”
15. You’d rather be glued to your phone
Even when you’re with your partner, the world that is inside your phone seems to be much more interesting than any conversation you might have with them. You’ll find yourself being less attentive to your partner and instead want to fill the awkward silences by being on your phone, so as to avoid conflict or feeling the state of unhappiness and dissatisfaction that your relationship has come to.
5 Ways To Fix A Boring Relationship
Boredom can have severely negative effects on your bond, but there are things that you can do to infuse some excitement back into your boring relationship. Sonya Teclai, a famous musician says, “It’s crucial to prevent a relationship from getting boring. Put as much effort in keeping your significant other as you did to get them.”
The first step is to ask yourself if you’re bored or just extremely comfortable. If you are bored, which aspect of the relationship would you like to work on? Are you and your partner even willing to put in the effort it will take to salvage the relationship? Once you have your answers to these, you can try the following 5 ways to battle the boring signs of a relationship.
1. Communication is key
The first thing a person needs to do is talk about it. It is essential in a relationship to have clear and open communication. So mention to your partner that you feel that the relationship is in a rut, and could use some spicing up. Throw out ideas to shake things up and try to find something you guys can do that will bring you closer.
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2. Make dates a priority
You should make sure that you go on a date with each other once a week. If not a date night, then a breakfast date, but something. You can shake up your routine and try new things together – go to new places instead of your usual spots, work out together, find a hobby or a shared interest or take a class together, travel, go for a hike, etc. There are endless things you can think of to do with your partner to get yourselves out of the boring stage of the relationship. Maybe a DIY date might help too? Something to think about!
3. A little goes a long way
Small romantic gestures always have a lot of impact and make a lot of difference. Maybe a small note to show your appreciation, or sending them flowers just because. Any small gesture to let them know you are thinking of them and that they mean a lot to you will help you both slowly get back on track.
4. Spice up your sex life
The importance of sex cannot be overlooked in a relationship. It is a beautiful thing that bonds you and your partner and creates intimacy. As mentioned above, sometimes, a boring sex life can lead to you feeling bored in the relationship as a whole. If you feel like your sex life needs attention, you can try sexting, dirty talk, role play, lingerie, new positions, sex toys, etc. to help juice up the situation, if you know what I mean (wink!).
5. You can seek counseling
If you’ve tried everything else and nothing seems to work, couple’s counseling might be a great option for you to try. The counselor will help you improve mutual communication and this might help you be more intimate with your partner. Sometimes, it is found that the boredom actually stems from a mental health issue that one or both partners are facing, which only a trained counselor would be able to help you with.
- A relationship might turn boring after a while, which is natural. But it doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end
- The fact that there seems less or nothing to talk about, that there is less sex, more negative emotions, and feelings of avoiding each other are all signs of a boring relationship
- There are a lot of ways that could fix a boring relationship and add spice to it, namely communication, small but meaningful gestures, juicing up the sex life, or counseling
Every relationship has a boring stage. But if the relationship and your partner are worth fighting for, you’ll get through it. All you need to do is identify the cause of this dreariness, talk it through with your partner, and work on it. The signs of a boring relationship are not to stay if the relationship is constantly worked upon. Being in a healthy romantic bond and keeping it healthy are no piece of cake. It will require all your effort, and your partner’s as well, but it will be worth it.
After you’ve been with a person for a long period of time, like in a marriage, the relationship might start to feel like a snooze-fest. But it is upon both the partners to try and keep the spark alive.
Ainee Nizami from Mumbai says, “I’ve been married for a decade, and I don’t agree with this statement at all. Post-marriage life gets comfortable and it’s on you and your partner to not make that zone boring. Personally, I’d rather have this comfort zone over anything else: there’s a lot less drama, there’s a lot of trust, and sure, some days you’ll ditch the date nights for pizza in bed, but remind me again how is that boring!”
There is no set time limit to a relationship and its stages, but the general consensus is that boredom can set in anywhere from three months to two years, with many people citing the six-month mark as when things start to feel monotonous. Good news? Even if you’re bored, there are ways to get out of a romantic slump and rediscover passion and excitement.
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