signs my wife is not attracted to me
Love is an all-encompassing feeling. When you are in love, nothing else matters. So when it crashes down, it makes you feel more lonely than ever. “My wife never touches me anymore” – I hear it all the time. That’s why I tried to find the answer to the question – “Should I be looking out for signs my wife is not attracted to me?” And the signs were varied and subtle, but extremely interesting.
These signs would help you figure out whether you are stranded in your relationship or not. If you are, I have listed down solutions for you as well. Let’s dive in.
How Do You Know If Your Wife Is No Longer Attracted To You? 13 Subtle Signs
Do you remember the days when you ended up falling in love for the first time? That tingly feeling, that feeling of warmth that surrounded you and your partner when you were talking to each other for the first time. There is a good chance that even if it fades away, it still remains a good, viable memory.
If you feel that memory belongs to somebody else now, and you do not know if you can achieve that again, then that hollow place in your heart probably aches. How to tell if your wife is not attracted to you? This list will help you identify those signs and also provide solutions.
1. Romance is dead
You must be looking for an answer to the question – “What are the signs my wife is not attracted to me?” The answer is in the very first point. It is true that people tend to lose attraction in marriage. The good, old days when you got a welcoming smile at the end of a tiring day are long gone. Along with it, the hugs, all the types of kisses she would give you, the small gifts, quality time with just you – all seem to have taken a backseat.
If the “my wife never touches me anymore” phase has been going on for a while, these are signs she is not sexually attracted to her partner. You may need to accept that she has no passion for you anymore. You are right to assume that and you need to talk to a marriage counselor in order to sail through this bad weather.
2. Your wife never initiates physical contact and sex feels like a chore
Your mind is saying, “My wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me.” Your wife never initiates physical contact and does not seem excited by the idea either. She has just lost interest. She responds with one-word answers (often a no). If that is the case, then it is evident that the sexual tension and chemistry between the both of you have taken a backseat. This does not mean she has stopped loving you, though.
Instead of going to your best friend and telling them that “my wife never touches me anymore,” approach your wife instead. It is not over yet. Spend time with her and try to talk to her about the issue in a calm manner. Try to spice things up in the bedroom using different toys or techniques. When you notice the signs she is not sexually attracted to her partner, lend a kind ear to her and her feelings.
3. She is no longer jealous about you talking to other women
How to tell if your wife is not attracted to you? If you’ve been thinking “My wife rejects me all the time,” then that’s a pretty big sign. She is no longer bothered to be mock-hurt by you checking out other women, she no longer cares if you’ve been spending time with someone hot. Many women are known to have lost interest in their partner’s everyday life when they are not feeling the attraction. We don’t endorse a jealousy-ridden relationship. But some bits of it don’t hurt. It makes the relationship more playful.
“My wife never touches me anymore” – If you are trying to get to the bottom of this concern, try to figure out why she is the least bothered about your conversations with other female friends. Maybe she is frustrated and wants to say something to you. Instead of worrying that your wife has checked out of the marriage, listen to her and find ways to resolve this gap that has risen between the two of you.
4. How to tell if your wife doesn’t find you attractive? You don’t spend quality time together
She does not like to spend time with just you anymore. You are boring for her now. Your wife feels that the excitement is lost. It’s okay, it happens. And a lot of people find themselves in this situation where they ask themselves: “What to do when your wife doesn’t find you attractive?”
The long walks on the beach, the giggly and cozy nights – they have dried up, the long conversations have converted to one-word answers and you realize that “my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me.” Try to do new things for her like bringing her a thoughtful gift or cooking for her. Make your wife feel special because women tend to enjoy equal efforts in a relationship.
5. It’s always awkward to have a conversation with her
What to do when your wife doesn’t find you attractive but tells you she is fond of you? How to deal with signs that your wife isn’t attracted to you the way she used to be? Well, to begin with, healthy conversations are the cornerstone of a successful relationship. That way, it transcends beyond mere sexuality and assumes a life of its own.
If your wife feels uncomfortable talking to you that much, or she doesn’t open up to you anymore or ends up giving one-word answers, then it is time to consider the fact – “My wife has no passion for me anymore.” If she cannot confide in you and be emotionally intimate with you, then that’s our sad tip on how to tell if your wife is not attracted to you.
6. How to tell if your wife doesn’t find you attractive? There is no playfulness
It is important to find ways to be playful and silly in a successful relationship. No, I am not talking about sexual chemistry. That is a given but if your wife cannot be silly or casual with you, then she does not trust you anymore. There are ways to help her with trust issues. You’ve gone from “How to tell if your wife is not attracted to you?” to “What to do when your wife feels no attraction toward you?” And we are sure a lack of light-hearted moments must have led to this realization as well.
So, if “my wife never initiates physical contact” and “my wife rejects me all the time” is the phase you’re in, it is time to get serious. You can plan a trip with her, arrange for something fun to do with her, cook and garden with her, go for an outing with her family, and look after the needs that you may have neglected. That way, you can get to be in her physical proximity, do something together, and get her to trust you again.
7. She doesn’t feel protected by you
One of the saddest signs that your wife isn’t attracted to you. Love is intimately connected to trust. Women tend to be distant when they feel a loss of trust. You cannot love a person you don’t trust. At one time, she trusted you to be her friend, guide, and companion. You could do no wrong.
But she does not trust your guts anymore. In fact, she hates them. There is a good chance she does not look at you as somebody she feels safe to be around, or maybe she has stopped loving you because of this lack of trust. This is one of the signs she is not sexually attracted to her partner.
Related Reading: What To Look For In A Relationship? The Ultimate List Of 15 Things
8. “My wife rejects me all the time and doesn’t value my opinion”
There was a time when your opinion was the most important to her. But now your position has been slowly eroded by her new friends, family, colleagues, or even her boss. She does not want to value your opinion the way she used to. This is an alarming sign and perhaps might even be the sign of a dead-end relationship.
If your wife doesn’t value the opinion of her partner, it is basically one of the signs that your wife isn’t attracted to your intellect as well. In this situation, you would have to innovate yourself in her eyes – come up with a strategy to get back in her good books, take an interest in what she likes, learn about it, and make her world an important part of yours.
9. How to tell if your wife doesn’t find you attractive? She is okay with planning big vacations without you
“My wife has no passion for me anymore” – this list would have this sign right at the top. At the start of the relationship, she was always interested in showing off every bit of her everyday life and plans to you. Why? Because you featured in all of them.
She dreamt of adventure vacations for couples, bungee jumping with you, kayaking with you, and whatnot. But now? She seems to let you be and insists on going alone. There is a good chance that she has lost interest in you. You’re right, it’s one of the “signs my wife is not attracted to me”.
10. You have become more like friends
“My wife never touches me anymore.” “My wife has no passion for me anymore.” Well, it’s because she is your best friend forever. Sounds beautiful, but it does come with its own weird issues. A lot of marriages go through this phase. While that is a disconcerting sign, the reason for that might not be sexual incompatibility. It might be something altogether different – you and your wife might be migrating into a more friend-like situation.
At the outset, you might say, “What’s wrong with that?” A lot. But it depends on what you need. You’re in a marriage, not a platonic relationship. It is good to have friendly banter in a relationship to keep it alive and kicking, but to completely morph into a solid friendship is one of the signs that you don’t have a viable relationship anymore. Unless, of course, that’s something you’re ‘both’ comfortable with.
11. You are no longer funny
Yep, you’re thinking back on all the jokes she didn’t laugh at, and realizing, “That’s definitely a sign my wife is not attracted to me anymore.” Women tend to laugh more when they find a man attractive. Imagine her laughing at each one of your bad jokes while the others shrugged their shoulders. That was an ideal romance and may have been the situation when you started dating. The ability to make a woman laugh or cheer up one’s girlfriend is an admirable one in a partner.
But those laughs have slowly withered away. Now, she gives out a sardonic look whenever you try to sound funny. She compares you with others whom she finds hilarious. This is one of the signs that your wife isn’t attracted to you anymore.
12. The sex is awful
How to tell if your wife is not attracted to you? Well, let us call a spade a spade. The sex that was once imaginative and hot, is now insipid, dull, and uninspiring. The charm and the chemistry have all gone and what remains is a highly mechanical act that pleases no one.
If your relationship has reached this stage, then you no longer need to look for more “signs my wife is not attracted to me” or think about if “my wife has no passion for me anymore.” The answer is right in front of you. Try taking advice from a sex counselor; try to go for unconventional intimate postures, look for suitable sex toys, and take a deep dive into the art of pleasing a woman sexually. That refresher course would definitely help bring the flame alive.
Related Reading: Good Sex Can Kiss Your Worries Away – 5 True Stories
13. Something is clearly off
You are talking to each other, having sex regularly, and going on vacations to spend time together as well. Yet your mind is not at ease. Your wife feels distant. You consistently feel that something is slipping away and fast. That might be Cupid telling you that something is wrong, and you need to address that nagging “my wife rejects me all the time” feeling lodged in your throat.
Your wife is your partner, your comrade, and the most important person in your everyday life. You ought to try conversing with her, hug her more often, and do what you can to go back to the love life you had before.
Now that you have acquainted yourself with the ‘how to tell if your wife is not attracted to you’ signs, I would hope that you want to take some action and try to save the relationship. You want to change its current “my wife never touches me anymore” stage to “she cannot keep her hands off me” heaven. Here are the things that you can do to bring back the magic.
5 Things You Can Do If Your Wife Is Not Attracted To You
Yes, you read that correctly. All is not lost even if you have noticed all the above signs “my wife isn’t attracted to me.” You might have lost the argument but you can definitely win the battle. What is needed is unwavering allegiance to all that I list down as to-dos. Do that consciously and you will find that nothing is impossible.
1. Be an avid listener
This is an oft-misunderstood point. I am not suggesting that you should never be expressive. In fact, follow something known as ‘active listening’ instead of ‘passive listening.’ The difference is in absorption and retention and it will help you to cultivate emotional safety in the relationship.
One of the biggest signs she is not sexually attracted to her partner is when she feels unheard. You need to be able to provide appropriate responses after listening to verbal and non-verbal cues from your partner. That way you can establish mutual understanding and your partner would feel respected. Women tend to respond more to their partner and not give one-word answers when they feel heard.
2. Don’t try to push things
I know it is frustrating to be in the “my wife never touches me and my wife has no passion for me anymore” crisis, but do not ever demand something from your partner in a forceful manner. That would definitely worsen things. Let her be. Try to align yourself with whatever she wants to do, spend time with her, and she would definitely appreciate that.
While doing that, find ways to put forward your desires and actions in a suggestive, non-combative manner. She would come around and like the idea that you didn’t throttle her at all and you gave her sufficient space in the relationship. This can also bring back the lost flame in your relationship
3. Try investing in yourself
Yes, it sounds crazy but it is a follow-up to the previous point. Now that you’ve noticed the signs “my wife isn’t attracted to me,” it’s time to do something to bring the flame back to life. You have decided to give her ample space but you also need to focus on just you. Do not let this temporary slump affect you negatively. Try to do positive things for yourself.
Learn a new skill, start good habits like exercising regularly, or start reading. These new habits would increase your confidence levels and also make you a more viable partner in the eyes of your partner.
4. Do not be jealous
Recovery from lost interest or chemistry can take some time. Do not let yourself be consumed by poisonous thoughts like “my wife has no passion for me anymore, but has all the time in the world for others.” That will only dampen the relationship further. If you see your wife taking an active interest in other friends, let it run its course. Understand that romantic love is a stronger emotion than any, and if your bond is valued and validated, she would turn to you sooner than later.
5. Work on your sexual prowess
Yes, I have saved the best point for the last. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important, if not the most vital, part of a successful relationship. Let us not underplay its worth. If your wife does not feel attracted to you, it is time to bring out some new moves.
Remember, she has not stopped loving you, so make the effort. That’s all that matters. If your wife loves you, there is a good chance the efforts would reach her for sure. Listen to her desires and follow the path laid out by her; and you would never falter.
- Being in love does not mean that you will always be attracted to each other
- Lack of conversation, physical intimacy, romance, and attention are some subtle signs of losing interest in a partner
- Listen better, work on yourself, and focus on improving the relationship when you begin to notice these signs
Now that you have reached the end of the list, do you feel that you are equipped to weather the ravages of love? Do not worry, reader, I am sure that the solutions I have laid out for you would help you rejuvenate the love in your wife’s heart. Many people go through this situation, and you are not alone.
If you have tried everything and it still hasn’t worked out, and you are sure your wife has stopped loving you, our Bonobology team would be happy to take care of the issue. You would need to talk to a marriage counselor who would be able to help you tackle the problem. Luckily, our team of expert counselors is only a click away.
This article was updated in March 2023.