13 Subtle Signs Your Wife Is Not Attracted To You Anymore – And 5 Things You Can Do

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Love is an all-encompassing feeling. When you are in love, nothing else matters. And yet, when it crashes down, it makes you feel more lonely than ever. “My wife never touches me anymore” – I hear it all the time. That’s why I went out and tried to find the answer to the question – “Signs my wife is not attracted to me”. And the signs were varied and subtle but extremely interesting.

These signs would help you in figuring out whether you are stranded in the forest of love as well. But don’t worry. I have listed down solutions for you as well. If none of them work, then the Bonobology team would be happy to set you up with one of our experts on matters of love and they would be able to guide you.

How Do You Know If Your Wife Is No Longer Attracted To You? 13 Subtle Signs

Do you remember the days when you ended up falling in love for the first time? That tingly feeling, that feeling of warmth that surrounded you and your partner when you were talking to each other for the first time. Though that fades away after a period of time, it still remains a good, viable memory. 

If you feel that memory belongs to somebody else, and you do not know if you can achieve that again, you are in the correct place. That hollow place in your heart is what makes it ache. You are wondering – are these the signs my wife is not attracted to me? This list will help you identify those and also provide solutions for those.

1. My wife never touches me anymore – Romance is dead

You must be looking for an answer to the question – “What are the signs my wife is not attracted to me?”. The answer is in the very first point. The good, old days when you could expect a surprise at the end of a tiring day are long gone. Along with it, the hugs, all the types of kisses she would give you, the small gifts – all seem to have taken a backseat.

If this has been happening for a while, then maybe you are wondering ‘my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me or my wife has no passion for me anymore.’ You are right to assume that and you need to talk to a marriage counselor in order to storm through this bad weather.

2. Your wife never initiates physical contact – Sex feels like a chore

Is your mind saying – “my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me?” Your wife never initiates physical contact and she does not seem excited by that idea either. She has just lost interest. If that is the case then it is evident that the sexual tension and chemistry between the both of you have taken a backseat. 

You are wondering the reason behind – “my wife never touches me anymore”. Do not worry because it is not over. Yet. Spend tie with her and try to talk to her about the issue in a calm manner. Try to spice things up in the bedroom using different things or techniques. The best advice to cure the feeling – “my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me” – is to lend a kind ear to her and her feelings.

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Related Reading: Sexual Performance Anxiety: When Self-Doubt Plays Havoc On Your Intimate Moments

3. My wife rejects me all the time – She is no longer jealous about you talking to other females

How to tell if your wife is not attracted to you? This would demonstrate itself pretty clearly when she is no longer bothered to check your texts or calls. Women tend to lose interest in their partner’s life when they are not feeling the attraction. Don’t judge us. We don’t endorse a full-blown jealousy-ridden relationship. But some bits of it won’t hurt. It makes the relationship more playful.

“My wife never touches me anymore” – if you are trying to get an answer to this question, try to figure out the answer to why she is least bothered about your conversations with other female friends. Maybe she is frustrated and wants to say something to you. Instead of worrying that your wife hates you, listen to her and try to resolve that and she would be yours again.

4. How to tell if your wife doesn’t find you attractive? – You guys don’t spend quality time together

What to do when your wife doesn’t find you attractive? The answers to these questions lie in the fact that she does not associate the idea of a great time with you anymore. You are a boring old bum for her now. You don’t excite her anymore.

The long walks on the beach, the giggly and cozy nights – they have dried up and you are wondering – “my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me”. Try to do new things for her like bringing her a thoughtful gift or cooking for her. Things would become rosy once again.

5. My wife rejects me all the time – It’s always awkward to have a conversation with her

What to do when your wife doesn’t find you attractive? How to tell if your wife is not attracted to you? Healthy conversations are the cornerstone of a successful relationship. That way, it transcends beyond mere sexuality and assumes a different life of its own.

If your wife does not seem comfortable talking to you that much, or she doesn’t open up to you anymore or ends up giving one-word answers, then it is time to consider the fact – “My wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me.” If she cannot confide in you, she is no longer attracted to you.

my wife rejects me all the time
Constant arguing can be a sign of trouble in paradise

6. How to tell if your wife doesn’t find you attractive? – There is no playfulness

Signs my wife is not attracted to me – If you are googling this, you are in the correct place. It is important to be playful and silly in a relationship. No, I am not talking about sexual chemistry. That is a given but if your wife cannot be silly or casual with you, then she does not trust you anymore.

What to do when your wife doesn’t find you attractive? If the above thing has been happening for a while, it is time to get serious. You can plan a trip with her, or arrange for something fun or entertaining to do with her. That way you can get her to trust you again.

7. My wife never initiates physical contact – She doesn’t feel protected by you

Signs that your wife isn’t attracted to you– Trust me, this is right at the top of that list. Love is intimately connected to trust. You cannot love a person you don’t trust. At one time, she trusted you to be her friend, guide, and companion. You could do no wrong.

But she does not trust your guts anymore. In fact, she hates them. There is a good chance she does not look at you as somebody she feels safe around. How to tell if your wife doesn’t find you attractive? – this is a sure-shot answer.

Related Reading: What To Look For In A Relationship? The Ultimate List Of 15 Things

8. My wife rejects me all the time – She doesn’t value your opinion

There was a time when your opinion was the most important to her. But now your position has been slowly eroded by her new friends, colleagues, or even her boss. She does not want to value your opinion the way she used to or you desire. This is an alarming sign and perhaps might even be the sign of a dead-end relationship.

If your wife doesn’t value the opinion of her partner it basically means that she is no longer attracted to you. In this situation, you would have to innovate yourself in her eyes – come up with a new strategy, a new point-of-view, and learn a new skill.

9. How to tell if your wife doesn’t find you attractive? – She is okay planning big vacations without you

‘Signs my wife is not attracted to me’ – this list would have this sign right at the top. At the start of the relationship, she was always interested in showing off every tiny bit of her life and plans to you. Why? Because you featured in all of them.

She dreamt of going on vacations with you, bungee jumping with you, kayaking with you, and whatnot. But now? She seems to let you be and insist on going alone. That proves, beyond a doubt, that she is no longer interested in you.

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10. You have become more like friends – Signs my wife is not attracted to me

My wife never touches me anymore or my wife has no passion for me anymore. While that is a disconcerting sign, the reason for that might not be sexual. It might be something altogether – you and your wife might be migrating into a more friendlike situation.

At the outset, you might say – “What’s wrong with that?” A lot, my friend. You’re in a marriage, not a platonic relationship. It is good to have friendly banter in a relationship to keep it alive and kicking but to completely morph into becoming solid friends is one of the signs that your relationship is no longer viable. Your everyday life can get affected by this.

11. You are no longer funny – Signs my wife is not attracted to me

Imagine her laughing at each one of your inconspicuous jokes while others shrugged their shoulders. That was an ideal romance. This must have been the situation when you started. The ability to make a woman laugh or cheer up one’s girlfriend is an admirable one in a partner.

But those laughs have slowly withered away. Now, she gives out a sardonic look whenever you try to sound funny. She compares you with others she finds funny.

12. My wife never touches me anymore – The sex is awful

Let us call out a spade a spade. The sex that was once imaginative and hot, is now insipid, dull, and uninspiring. The charm and the chemistry have all gone away and what remains is a highly mechanical one that pleases no one.

If your relationship has reached this stage then you no longer need to ask – signs my wife is not attracted to me. The answer is right in front of you. Try taking advice from a sex counselor; try to go for unconventional sex postures and take a deep dive into the art of pleasing a woman sexually. That refresher course would definitely help bring the flame alive.

Related Reading: Good Sex Can Kiss Your Worries Away – 5 True Stories

13. My wife rejects me all the time – Something is off

You are talking to each other, having sex regularly, and going on vacations as well. Yet, your mind is not at ease. You consistently feel that something is slipping away and fast. That might be Cupid telling you that something is wrong and you need to address that.

Your wife is your partner, your comrade, and the most important person in your life. You ought to try hard with her, to bring back her into your arms, and to go back to the Elysium-like love life you had before.

Figured out the answer to the questions – Signs my wife is not attracted to me? Now that you have acquainted with the signs, I would hope that you want to take some action and try to save the relationship. You want to change its current stage (‘My wife never touches me anymore’) to (‘She cannot keep her hands off me’). Here is the list of what you can do to bring back the magic.

5 Things You Can Do If your Wife Is Not Attracted to You

Yes, you read that correctly. All is not lost even if you have noticed all the above “Signs my wife is not attracted to me.” You might have lost the skirmish but you can definitely win the battle. What is needed – is unwavering allegiance to all that I list down as to-dos. Do that consciously and you can find that nothing is impossible.

1. Be an avid listener

This is an oft-misunderstood point. I am not suggesting that you should never be expressive and be passive listening. Follow something known as ‘Active listening’. It is slightly different than the former. The difference is in absorption and retention and that’s the way to cultivate emotional safety in the relationship.

You need to be able to provide appropriate feedback after listening to verbal and non-verbal cues from your partner. That way you can establish a process of mutual understanding and your partner would believe that you respect them a lot. That helps.

2. Don’t try to push things

My wife never touches me anymore. I know it is frustrating but do not ever demand something from your partner in a forceful manner. That would definitely worsen things. Let her be. Try to align yourself with whatever she wants to do and she would definitely appreciate that.

While doing that, find ways to put forward your desires and actions in a suggestive, non-combative manner. She would come around and like the idea that you didn’t throttle her at all and you gave her sufficient space in the relationship.

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3. Try investing in yourself

Yes, it sounds crazy but it is a follow-up to the previous one. Now that you’ve noticed the “Signs my wife is not attracted to me”, it’s time to do something different. You have decided to give her ample space but you also need to focus on yourself. Do not let this temporary slump affect you negatively. Try to do positive things.

Learn a new skill, start good habits like exercising regularly, or start reading. These new habits would increase your confidence levels and also make you a more viable partner in the eyes of your wife.

Related Reading: Feeling Neglected In A Relationship? Psychologist Shares Ways To Take Care Of Yourself

4. Do not be jealous

My wife never touches me anymore. Recovery of lost chemistry can take some time. Do not let yourself be consumed by poisonous thoughts like jealousy. That will only dampen the relationship further.

If you feel your wife is taking an active interest in other friends other than you, let it run its course. Understand that love is a stronger emotion than any and if your bond is valued and validated, she would turn to you sooner than later.

5. Work on your sexual prowess

Yes, I have saved the best point for the last. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important, if not the most vital part of a relationship. Let us not underplay its worth. If your wife does not feel attracted to you, it is time to bring out some new moves.

Make the effort. That’s all that matters after all. If your wife loves you, it would reach her for sure. Listen to her desires and follow the path laid out by her. And you would never falter.

Key Pointers

  • Being in love does not mean that you will always be attracted to each other
  • Lack of conversation, physical intimacy, romance, and attention are some subtle signs of losing interest in a partner
  • Listen better, work on yourself and focus on improving the relationship when you begin to notice these signs

Now that you have reached the end of the list, do you feel that you are equipped to weather the ravages of love? Do not worry reader, since I am sure that the solutions we have laid out for you would help you rejuvenate the love in your wife’s heart.

If you have tried everything and it still hasn’t worked out and you are sure your wife has stopped loving you, the Bonobology team would be happy to take care of the issue. You would need to talk to a medical professional and they would be able to guide you regarding how to tackle the problem. Luckily, our team of expert counselors is only a click away.

This article was updated in October 2022

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