Though there’s not as much gossip as there used to be, an older woman and younger man relationship does still garner raised eyebrows from some quarters. As shocking as this bond may seem at first, you soon tend to realize this sort of dynamic comes with its own set of pros that are worth looking into.
While we do not bat an eyelid when a man dates someone half his age, the other way round can make one’s tongue go wild. “She’s older than him. Let’s see how long it will last.” “What does he even see in her?” “She’s quite the cougar and a seducer, there’s simply no love there.” These are some of the remarks that are still casually passed around when people witness older woman younger man relationships.
One of the best movies I watched on this theme was Cher. The story revolves around a young boy, Cheri, who is in love with an older woman, played by Michelle Pfeiffer. As delightful as the screenplay was, there was so much about the storyline and message of the movie that appealed to me. The movie made it clear that despite the insecurity associated with such a relationship, women desire younger men for their vitality, whereas men desire older women for their maturity and poise. And it really makes you think: what could be the harm in that? Interested in knowing more such facts about older women dating younger men? Then let’s start with some statistics.
Older Woman Younger Man Relationship Statistics
Analysis of collated data from the US Census Bureau proves to be revelatory. Out of 100 U.S. marriages, 12 involve an older woman and a younger man. It would suffice to say that more than 1 in 10 marriages in America is that of an older woman and a younger man. Through the same methodology and from the same source, it can be deduced that about 14.8% of heterosexual couples are engaged in an older women and younger man relationship.
6.9% of women in the census correspond to a 2–3 years age gap between the wife and the husband, with the wife being older. The percentage decreases with the increase in the age gap. 0.7% of women in the survey are 15 years older or above than their spouse. A 2021 article by Today.com quotes a survey, probably led by them, that indicates: “81% of women are open to dating someone 10 years younger than they are, and nearly 90% of men are interested in dating someone 10 years older”.
Now to move on to some older woman younger man relationship statistics which talk about the motivation behind such relationships. A poll by AARP with 3,500 participants revealed that fun and companionship were major motivations. People also responded with “relationship compatibility, aligned expectations, likes/dislikes”, but further down the list. It is interesting to wonder that when fun is concerned, does age matter in a relationship?
On the one hand, what these statistics indicate is that there is a lacuna in dedicated surveys done to ascertain the growth of such relationships. At the same time, it is clear that a mature woman dating a younger man may not be a very common occurrence, however, it not only exists but is flourishing. Percentages may be low, but the numbers are promising.
12 Facts About An Older Woman Younger Man Relationship
It is surprising to know that one-third of women between the ages of 40 to 69 prefer dating a much younger man. An AARP poll in the U.S. came to the conclusion that one-sixth of women who are in their 50s preferred being in a relationship with men who are in their 40s.
Let’s talk about Leo Grande. The beautifully tender film Good Luck to You, Leo Grande floored the entire world when it premiered at the Sundance in June 2022. Starring Emma Thompson and Daryl McCormack, the film engages in a young and old relationship between a man and a woman. Although the “relationship” depicted in the film is a temporary sexual alliance, the film is a sensitive portrayal of age, sex, intimacy, and connection, and how they correspond to each other.
The spark in the eyes of the young man in the film shows that even men love dating an independent woman who might be older than him but has a strong character, is responsible, and well-established in life. The elegance of maturity can be very attractive for a man. For many, the older woman younger man relationship works wonders and can last a lifetime. In some third-world countries, there is also the idea associated that when the woman is older in a relationship, she brings luck to her younger beau. Well then, who exactly are we to pass negligent judgments?
It’s now time to say goodbye to all your preconceived notions as we unwrap all that surrounds the concept of older women dating younger men. There’s no good or bad assessment of such relationships. But these 12 facts are sure to be eye-opening in understanding what makes such relationships so very unique. Let us help you get acquainted with the top 12 facts of older woman younger man relationships.
1. There is a great deal of sexual compatibility
Research has shown that women reach the peak of their sexual life when they hit their 30s and 40s, and men do so when they hit their 20s. This means that the sexual compatibility between younger men and older women is usually impeccable. In fact, this is the older woman younger man relationship advice that many psychologists and sociologists even give out.
Ray Loomis, a software engineer based in Atlanta and in an extramarital relationship with a much older woman, said, “It is nice to be looked up to by your wife and for me to take the lead in the bedroom, but it is nothing compared to the excitement of a relationship with a woman who knows herself and what she wants. If you suggest a weekend away, she is into the idea more than you because she is so tired of all the responsibilities that she is totally up for having some fun.”
Dr. Shefali Batra, a senior consultant psychiatrist and mindfulness-based relationship expert, had a similar insight to offer. She said, “I recall seeing a 25-year-old man living with a 36-year-old woman; the two had met on a dating site. The relationship was initially sexually focused. She was older and better experienced and had a lot to offer to the young and energetic hormones of the man. The focus was not as much on commitment as on sexual pleasure.
“They did live together. She was divorced and happy to gain the fresh attention of a young and dynamic lover with a high sexual drive and he enjoyed the seasoned homemaker experience that came as an added bonus. Regardless of age, all relationships have their glue that keeps people together as well as toxins that plague them. This couple came to me for relationship advice as they were unsure of the future of their bond. And on assessing the relationship motivation, it was clear that sex was the principal driver.”
Related Reading: 10 Must Watch Younger Man Older Woman Relationships
2. There is a financial ease in an older woman younger man relationship
With women stepping into the work field, breaking the glass ceiling more than ever, and taking up higher-paying jobs too, the wage gap between the two genders has reduced a bit. There is a long way to go but we are indeed on the right road. Also, women are generally considered more sincere and time-efficient than men in the workplace. This adds to them being viewed as more reliable and dependent.
A majority of men are also growing comfortable with the idea of older women earning more and being more focused on their careers. In the same way, women are not bothered by their younger boyfriend/spouse earning less. Stay-at-home dads are now starting to become a reality as female-led relationships take the world by storm.
For men who want to resist the burden of patriarchal pressure, this type of relationship works perfectly for them, as it puts both people on equal footing. With that, budgeting becomes easier and one can purchase bigger homes and better cars together. Even vacations can be more lavish. There is no denying the fact that older women are not just emotionally but financially secure too, and this, in turn, gives the relationship more stability.
3. Health-wise, an older woman younger man relationship makes more sense
The life expectancy of women is five years more than men, and according to a BBC study, this particular trend is caused by lifestyle changes, not by biology alone. So how does one use this fact to their advantage in relationships? Take this as an older woman younger man relationship advice, when we tell you that this is indeed a sustainable lifestyle. By choosing a woman that is older than him, a man ends up being with a person who is his physiological equal and a healthy peer.
With a larger age gap no matter male-led or female-led, comes the possibility of changing health and physicality. This can cause rift in a relationship as one partner moves from one phase of life to the other, while the other stays in the same mental frame as before. But this shouldn’t affect deep connections laid in a mature foundation. After all, no relationship is bereft of its own set of challenges.
Related Reading: Confession Of A Married Woman In Love With A Younger Man
4. Such relationships go beyond dominantly held social boundaries and take more work
Societal norms and boundaries created by notions such as caste, race, religion, etc. do not seem to bother the mature female and young male couple. They are, most of the time, willing to cross these boundaries to give the message to the world that love is more important than these divisions of society. While that is beautiful and strong in its own way, these social norms still present hurdles and challenges in any older woman younger man relationship.
Despite facing hardships, the couple has to keep persevering to keep their bond alive and strong. In an older woman younger man relationship, the couple has to work much harder on the relationship to keep things going and present a bold front around others. They have to work on things that make a relationship work, which is why it may be helpful for women to follow some advice for dating younger men.
Beginning from: Don’t indulge in the ‘cougar’ connotation. You are not a predator and the man a prey. It is a relationship between equal, consenting adults. Enjoy the differences of outlook that age brings in, but do not let them sweep you away into taking on a motherly role either. Also, be confident of your relationship and do not fall for society’s presumption that it is going to be short-lived just because of the age gap. Follow this advice for dating younger men and have fun!
5. The couple has to face many questions and criticism from society
It does take courage for an older woman younger man couple to be together and be open about their relationship. Old prejudices associated with such a relationship do not leave them alone. They often find themselves fielding rude questions, unfunny jokes, and remarks driven by others’ disapproval and, in some cases, jealousy.
People around the couple keep presenting relationship red flags and making insensitive comments about their relationship. Some people try to give the couple ridiculous older woman younger man relationship advice, assuming that their relationship needs fixing. Some people even refuse to socialize with the couple because they did not adhere to outdated societal norms.
Older women dating younger men constantly face the disapproving looks of people, whether they’re out for a nice dinner or just walking in the park. There is also the added embarrassment where one mistakenly assumes the woman to be the older sister or, worse, the mother. This becomes challenging for a couple to deal with on almost a daily basis. They may also find difficulty in having a good circle of couple friends.
Related Reading: 8 Relationship Problems Faced By Couples With Huge Age Difference
6. Clashes regarding career or commitment are common when the woman is older
In older women younger man relationships, there is a possibility that after a point, both partners may not be interested in continuing with one another. This means either the man is not ready to commit seriously to the relationship or the woman doesn’t want to because her career comes first for her. The man may want her to be around all the time as he has seen his mother be with his father, but the woman finds this suffocating.
The man may not be comfortable with her girls’ night outs or socializing with colleagues. These small irritants can snowball and lead to bigger issues. This could be a drawback in an older woman younger man relationship that needs to be worked upon. One has to ask themselves, is it the novelty of the age gap and the fact that their relationship is different from their peers that is attracting them to each other, or are they genuinely attracted to what their individual personality has to offer?
Does age matter in a relationship? Yes, and the goals and differences that come with age can also change a relationship fundamentally. Discuss life goals and how the other sees the future 5 years from now, not just relating to one’s relationship but also things like family and career. You may be in a healthy older woman younger man relationship and yet, not on the same page about future visions and goals.
7. The woman generally has to face a lot of dilemmas
When the woman is older in a relationship, the problems do not end for her. First of all, she has to face the brunt of society more than the man. Second, she is always living in this fear that the man will leave her for a younger, sexier woman. The ‘what if the younger man leaves me?’ question keeps adding to her anxiety.
Add to it the fact that she is judged far more, called a cradle snatcher, and has to deal with people looking down at her almost all the time. And last but not the least, owing to her age, she has to be the responsible one most of the time, making it really difficult for her to understand her role in the relationship.
She keeps wondering if the guy will be able to understand her point of view or not. Or is she just raising a man? Older women also understand that it may be difficult for them to find someone else, and sometimes continue to be in boring, loveless relationships just for this reason.
Here, we would like to bring to you a recent news that sort of counters this generalization or supports it, depending on how you look at it. While women face more issues in a young and old relationship, it turns out that more women than men also disapprove of a mature woman dating a younger man. Cougar Life, a Canada-based dating site, has recently done a poll designed to gauge the attitudes related to the ‘should a younger man date an older woman’ question. They discovered that “women are surprisingly more disapproving of (such relationships) than men”. Such news lays bare the societal pressure women have to go against.
8. Older women dating younger men means no drama
Should a younger man date an older woman? Absolutely, considering how drama-free your life is going to be. When an older woman and younger man get together in a relationship, one thing that really helps them is the complete absence of drama. Mind games are more often a ploy used by younger women. Older women are generally upfront about things, they appreciate what they like, and spell out the wrongs as clearly too. Sometimes they may sound brutal, but it is far easier for men to know how to deal with things when they do not have to read between the lines.
So when in a relationship, an older woman and her younger counterpart both know and are clear about what they want from each other and in life! There are no unsaid expectations, communication lines are clear, and this ensures that an older woman younger man relationship remains strong and free of unnecessary drama. Also, older women dating younger men handle long-distance relationship problems so much better than regular couples.
9. Life of such a couple is exciting and fun at all times
Both the older woman and younger man are free of inhibitions, due to which they are able to enjoy their lives together to the fullest. They’ve already defied society in a great way, which is why they now feel like they have nothing to lose. This pushes them to be their best, unabashed, and totally real selves at all times.
Moreover, the couple feels so free that they do not shy away from exploring new places, meeting new people, and trying out new hobbies and pursuits. Through all this, the couple gets closer to each other and achieves fulfillment in their lives through an older woman younger man relationship.
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10. The two learn a lot from each other
There are so many older woman younger man relationship statistics to convince oneself that this is a great kind of a dynamic. But apart from that, these little unnoticeable learnings and outcomes are also why such relationships are so successful.
When in a relationship with a mature woman, the man learns to grow and become a better person under her guidance. A woman who’s seen it all and cuts through the bullshit is far more interesting, open, and intellectually stimulating for him. He gets to know how to behave like a mature man as the two strike a deep intellectual intimacy.
On the other hand, the woman also learns about the ways of the modern world by enjoying the young man’s companionship, opening herself up to newer experiences. This is the best part of an old woman young man relationship but one that does not make itself so clearly visible.
11. Satisfaction in the relationship might decline after 6 to 10 years
Does age matter in a relationship? It absolutely does, and here is why. While the relationship between the young man and older woman is able to survive the test of time, it is likely to experience a decline in satisfaction after, say, 6 to 10 years. This is because the couple has not really learned to cope with the challenges and negative shocks that life has to offer.
A study has found that those having a 10-year age gap have a 39% chance of divorce, whereas those having a 20-year age gap have a 95% chance of divorce. Also, the conversation about having babies will always be complicated and tricky. In a way, this relationship is pitched against the biological tide in a few ways. However compatible the two people are, children bind some marriages greatly. And this could be a missing point in the younger man and older woman relationship.
Related Reading: Does Age Really Matter In Love And Romance?
12. The couple usually faces the problem of starting a family
It could be a choice between having kids or not. The woman may be at the end of her childbearing years, but the man may feel he is too young to start a family. Or he may want to start a family but she may be looking forward to a more chilled, relaxed life that includes a glass of wine with dinner every evening after a long day at work. Even if they do become parents, there will definitely be a huge difference in energy levels and perhaps child-raising techniques which are bound to play the spoilsport in their marriage.
So, should a younger man date an older woman? It is a fairly reasonable query when childbearing and desire to parent comes in the picture. This issue can cause a lot of resentment between the couple and is one of the biggest downsides of an older woman younger man relationship. It is one of the problems that the older woman younger man relationship statistics don’t tell you but is quite pervasive among such couples, especially if they haven’t talked about their expectations beforehand.
We hope that through this article we have given you a clear picture of why and how a young man would be attracted to an older woman and about the relationship they are likely to share with each other. While an older woman younger man relationship has its merits, there is no textbook way to find your eternal love.
No matter what kind of bond, at the end of the day, it takes plenty of work, love, respect, and communication. So does age matter in a relationship? It certainly does. But there’s a lot more to a relationship than that.
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Readers Comments On “12 Facts Of Older Woman Younger Man Relationships”
I have met someone eighteen years younger than me we are both very spiritual and after my hubby passed away after six years if illness I reached out to god to find someone on same wavelength and to love me .I am the older party he has been very hurt in past and that was dic years ago which has closed his heart to love .he takes me on days out for drives and coffee etc and we can communicate well and have same sense if humour I only look about ,sixty five do everyone says he is ,61 I fell in love with him mind body and soul the day j met him but don’t want to ruin relationship by telling him.he has already planned us spending outings in the future and helping me with my music as he is a musician j feel overwhelmed when in his company and wonder if I should tell him but frightened j may lose his freindship he is the most wonderful caring man j have ever met any advice please ?
Being in love is such a wonderful feeling isn’t it? And at the same time it feels so unfair when we can’t tell our beloved that we love them. We completely understand. If you need any help to deal with this please mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org Sending love and care your way!
I could sure use someone’s help…and will try to keep this brief. I am a divorced, 61 yr old female, that was married to a Narcissist, at age 18. I divorced him when I was 58 yrs old. (although enjoyed living alone 8 years before the divorce.) I am a very active, hiker, backpacker, caver, climber, outdoor extremist with a 30 year old, high functioning autistic son and 2 adorable grandchildren ( they don’t live with me, but I help support them ). I am an honest, loving, “what you see, is what you get” type person with many group interests and friends. I thought I was finally ready to date and tried a dating site for “Silvers”. I also tried a general dating site a year later, when work friends said; “dont do Silvers, you need a younger guy to keep up with you”….( I was thinking 50’s) I only lasted about 12 hours on each site, then shut them down. Overwhelmed feeling of “piranhas” being after me and fearful of being “owned” or controlled. Probably because I had not dated since age 18 and chose poorly… Meanwhile, many young men, (younger than I had as my age of interest) “liked” me. I thought; ” why would a young man be interested in an old lady like me?”. I decided it had to be money and maybe sex. I thought sex would be something I could enjoy ( at least 10 years since any hard-core sex) and I can afford a bit of money.. So I chose a 36 year old with common interests who responded. I was thinking…”hike and get sexy young man in bed…ok, one night stand plan and I buy dinner”
Meanwhile this guy has hitched up in my life. We hike all of the time. When I asked him why me? He said; women his age are “mostly divorced and want someone to help raise their children or maybe add another child and don’t do extreme outdoor like me.
I am feeling like an idiot. Why did I even start with a person almost half my age? I am too nervous to even tell my family and friends and feel my sexual desires have just muddled up what I should have been doing.
He lives in a cold temperature home situation, so is at my house all of the time. I said he could stay during the cold, but that he couldn’t move in. He is a good ” trail mate”, excellent chef and tells me I am “without a doubt, the best lover he has ever had”….yet (red flag) doesn’t open his eyes and look at me during sex. He wants to apply for a new job in my area and move near me. (we live 30 miles apart) He is scaring the crap out of me. Not like he will injure me, fear….just ” how the hell did I get into a relationship with a 36 year old!?” fear.
He is a former Marine and Navy man, who I finally got to tell me was a front line infantry (something like that), and once admitted he had to kill people while in the service, but he doesn’t like to talk about it. He gets really withdrawn and acts sort of PTSD. He claims to be Christian, drinks and smokes, but doesn’t until after 5 pm and doesn’t do any illegal drugs.
I am at a loss. What the hell should I do? I don’t want to chance a relationship with a person 25 years my junior… So I said ” we aren’t in a relationship, we are more like friends with benefits and I’m helping you in the cold weather” and he said “what he saw of us was being in a relationship “.. I haven’t had the nerve to introduce him to my friends or family. And I have a different, older friend I “sorta” was dating that deserves to know if he is out of the picture….
Please advise me
Thank you. Name Withheld
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