Relationships 101

15 things divorced people should know when getting into new relationships

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It is generally assumed that divorced people will have better knowledge about relationships, because they have come out of failed relationships and have first-hand experiences of what could go wrong in a relationship. They know what works in a relationship and what can totally lead to the breakdown of a relationship.

However, this might not be the case for many divorcees.

Anyone who goes through a divorce has to experience many changes in their lives – some can be really bitter and heartbreaking. Some divorcees are not able to move on, while some, on the other hand, are able to face the life changes boldly and think about getting into a serious relationship after divorce. They feel empowered and ready to take on new relationship with better understanding. If you belong to this latter category of divorcees, then we congratulate you for taking the step forward. It is highly impressive, but go through this article to learn about things regarding new relationships that every divorcee must be acquainted with. First, the most important question-

Are you ready for a relationship after divorce?

Before you take the plunge and get into the first serious relationship after divorce, it is important that you ask yourself this question: Am I really ready for a new relationship? You know yourself better than anyone. What was the reason that the divorce happened? And when you think you are ready, both physically and psychologically, for a new relationship, then only you will commit yourself to another person.

Here are certain signs that will help you determine whether you are ready for a relationship after a divorce or not.

  • You forget living in the past and think more about how the future can be made fruitful and satisfying
  • You find productivity and positivity in everything you do, whether it is personal or professional
  • You regain confidence in yourself
  • You feel hopeful at the mere thought of going on a date or meeting someone new
  • Your attitude towards relationships changes. You find yourself becoming more mature and understanding of your past relationship and feel encouraged to begin a new relationship
  • The feelings of anger and disappointment that you had against your ex subside and gradually disappear
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Only when you notice these signs, you should take the decision of starting a new relationship. Remember that falling in love quickly after divorce is as easy as falling out of love when you are in the new relationship. You may even get into rebound relationships just because you feel it will help you get over the hurt and anger. Thus, one has to be very careful so as to not repeat the disaster of the previous failed relationship.

Relationships after divorce: Success rates and things you should know

As a divorcee, you must have learnt to find your own way and stand up for yourself. But now when you are independent and strong, are you being tempted by the idea of being with someone and a chance to love once again? It is risky and you might be wondering about how your relationship after divorce will grow. How soon should I get into one? How soon should you consider remarriage after divorce? Give yourself enough time to heal, readjust and then proceed with a new relationship.

Statistics suggest that breakup rates for relationships after divorce are higher than the first relationship. You ask why? It is simply because those who get into a new relationship after a divorce carry the emotional baggage of their past relationship and fail to learn from their previous mistakes.

Here are 15 things the divorced people should know about new relationships:

1. New relationships after divorce do not usually have good survival rates

Around 67-80 per cent of relationships after divorce usually end up breaking down, because a divorce does not teach you to select a good partner. (Source) However, it teaches you to end the relationship again in a divorce. This means since you are already acquainted with how to get a divorce, you prefer it as/ an option instead of working out the relationship after divorce issues. However, do not get discouraged by the statistics if you really like your new partner and want to make things work with him/her.

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2. The kids are more important than the new partner

It is taken for granted by many divorcees who get into a new relationship that their new partner will understand that their kids are more important to them. Despite being in a new relationship, you might find yourself spending more time with your kids. This is natural, because the kids are one thing that you cherish from your previous relationship. However, this can cause problems if you do not have a loving and accommodative new partner.

3. The new relationship is all about having fun and getting to know each other

You should not think about getting serious too soon in a new relationship. If you are recently divorced, then it is essential that you give yourself time to have fun and enjoy the new relationship. Go on dates and spend time with your new partner to know each other well before you actually think about committing yourself to another serious relationship.

4. Timing is very important in a new relationship

Whether it is going on a first date with the new partner or introducing your new partner to your kids, remember that the timing is highly important and you cannot get it wrong. Only when you think that this is the person you want to give a chance to, then you can start dating the person. In addition, take a lot of time before actually introducing the kids to your new partner. All these cautious steps will ensure that your new relationship after divorce survives appropriately.

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5. Honesty and clarity of thought is a must in a new relationship

When you get into a relationship after divorce, it is extremely essential that you be honest and you have clarity of thought. These qualities are something that every person looks for in a potential partner. Thus, even your new partner must be expecting honesty from you and clear expression of your inner thoughts and desires. Do not disappoint him/her if you want your new relationship to last.

6. New relationships are more complicated to handle

As a divorcee, you think that you will be able to handle any sort of relationship. Well, then you are wrong, because you must realise that all relationships are not the same. Your new relationship will likely be more complicated than the previous one. The reasons for the complications can be: Your maturity, the opinion of your relatives or close friends, emotions and needs of your children and other such responsibilities. You will not be as easy-going as you were in your first relationship, which might complicate things.

7. Sexual intimacy can be your new partner’s desire

Probably, after a divorce, it will be very difficult for you to become physically intimate in a new relationship. This is highly understandable and your new partner will give you enough time to overcome this difficulty. But do not take too much time, because being sexually intimate with you might be your new partner’s desire. And if the new partner is perfect in all other criteria, then being intimate with him should not take long.

8. Communication patterns change in a new relationship

The failure of the past relationship has probably taught you a lesson or two. So now you know that communication should be given top priority in your new relationship. The way you interact with your new partner will change considerably in comparison to the way you conversed with your ex. You will be able to assert your needs and opinions in a clearer manner than you used to in your previous relationship. On the other hand, you will even listen to what your new partner has to say. All this will make your new relationship successful.

9. Money matters will be dealt with intelligently in a new relationship

If you filed for a divorce due to a money issue, then it is possible that you will not make the same mistake again in the new relationship. At the start of the relationship itself, you and your new partner will probably decide on how money will be spent, who will spend on what items of need and such other money matters. This is a smart move to help nurture the new relationship after the divorce.

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10. Personal space and time might be highly respected by the new partner

Your marriage might have ended in divorce because your ex failed to give you enough personal space and time. Well, do not get bothered by this habit of your ex while getting into a new relationship. If you get a good and understanding new partner, then obviously he/she will respect your personal space and time. The thing that you most disliked about your ex might not rear its ugly head in your new relationship.

11. Dealing with the relatives and close friends of the new partner can be daunting

Your new partner might have taken a step forward and introduced you to his/her relatives or close friends. But dealing with them will not be a cakewalk for you, since you are a divorcee. It can be overwhelming. However, while entering into the new relationship, you have to be ready for such advancements from your partner’s side.

12. Fights and arguments will be quite different in a new relationship

Basically, as a more mature person in a new relationship after divorce, you will probably handle fights and arguments smartly. You will also most likely stop fighting on small issues like possessiveness, absentmindedness and so on. The frequency of fights and arguments might also be reduced, as you will argue about major issues only. However, this does not mean that disagreements won’t take place between your new partner and you. It is just that these disagreements will be quite different.

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13. Flowery romance will not envelop your new relationship

Your divorce will make you a complete realist. So you will not expect any flowery romance from your new partner. All you will require in the new relationship is a show of genuine love and affection from your partner’s side. Anything superficial will turn you off and mark the end of the new relationship.

14. Expectations might be high in the new relationship

Though you will be a realist in your new relationship, you will expect more from your new partner. Why? The simple reason is that since you have faced disappointment from your ex, you will have high expectations from the current new partner. It is quite obvious and nothing to be ashamed of.

15. Adjustment will not be a major issue in the new relationship

A majority of marriages end in divorce because people have adjustment issues with each other. However, as a person who has gone through a divorce and ends up in a new relationship, you will notice that adjusting to the requirements of the new partner will be an easy task for you. You will eventually learn from your mistake and adjust with the new partner in your own comfortable way.

So you better get familiar with these 15 things about new relationships after divorce so that you can have your second ‘happily ever after phase’ in your life conveniently and satisfactorily.

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Published in Relationships 101

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