I want to divorce my alcoholic, womanising husband

Question:

 I have been married for 6 months. I had a love marriage without my parents’ permission. As days passed I came to know that my husband is not the person whom I used to know. Actually, we had not met frequently because we were living in different cities. I fell in true love that’s why I trusted him and his words. But he was a liar. He told me that he was a teetotaller and abstained from smoking and alcohol. But he is a habitual drinker and smoker. He talks with many girls and he is very close to them. Also, he is a slight kleptomaniac. He pays for girls and spends time (for sexual relationships ) with them.

I tolerated all this. Meanwhile, my parents started talking to me and my husband. They kept inviting us at home. It was a big step for my parents since because of them accepting me and my marriage, many relatives stopped talking to them and meeting them. I didn’t tell them about my sufferings because they would get hurt and feel sad for me. I didn’t want to give them any tension. As time is passing, the situation is getting worse. Now I can’t tolerate anymore. I am dying at each moment.

My husband doesn’t support me financially or emotionally. He criticises me before his mother and my parents to show himself as a good person. And he never accepts his misdeeds. He says that I don’t support him in starting a new business, in completing his education etc.  But the reality is that now I am fed up of explaining to him how to get his life in order. Each time I speak with him he pretends before everyone as if I were wrong.

Now I really hate him and can’t live with him. I want to take divorce but I am unable to tell them about my decision. Because they have to suffer again. Already they have suffered because of me. I did everything to take my husband on the right path but he can never be improved. I don’t want to live with him and don’t want to expand my family with him because I really hate him. Anyway, we have not had sexual relations for 3 years. I have no future with him. What should I do?

Jaseena Backer says:

Dear Lady,

You wrote in the beginning that you have been married for six months and towards the conclusion, you have written that you haven’t had sex for three years. I need clarity on this. However, I am assuming that you meant that you have been married for six years…
It is evident from your words in the email that you do not wish to live with him as you have tried several reconciliations. You have to talk to him about what you feel now and then take a decision. NO matter how he treated you, it is always better to have clarity on what you plan to do with the marriage.

The decision to marry him was yours. Maybe you didn’t see the hints that he gave you from the beginning as you were blinded by love. Most of the time people give us hints on their behaviours and expectations but during an engagement, people don’t get those hints because they think that marriage will change people. Now you have to take responsibility for your decision. Your parents will be hurt as you made the wrong choice to marry him and are now suffering because of that. You have to find a way that doesn’t make you suffer permanently. Your parents are going to be hurt, but tell your parents your plight. Together with work out a solution.

Get a job and don’t be dependent on either your husband or parents. Being independent will make you stronger. Then some clarity will come to you and it will be easier to make a decision.
Good luck.

Jaseena