11 Things That Make A Man Come Back After A Breakup

Suffering and Healing | | , Senior Editor & Correspondent
Updated On: February 14, 2024
what makes a man come back after a

You get a text out of the blue. It’s your ex. His message has stirred a warm feeling. But hold on! It is time to assess your situation without falling into that honey trap. Don’t you want to know what makes a man come back after a breakup? What are the reasons he is being nice to you suddenly? 

A blast from the past can often be unsettling. This return of the ex could have many reasons – from genuine to outright disgusting. For instance, guilt is what makes a man come back after a breakup, but so does horniness. It is prudent to be alert when an ex re-enters your life.

11 Things That Make A Man Come Back After A Breakup

The catalog of what makes a man come back after a breakup is exhaustive. After all, we are all complex human beings with emotions that overflow more often than we would like to admit. So, naturally, there are many reasons that your ex has rolled back into your life. I will take this opportunity to highlight some of the nice and some not-so-nice reasons the former lover has decided to strike back. 

1. Men come back when they feel guilty

It is true that guys start to miss you after a breakup. They could be saddled with many feelings – guilt being one of them. It sits like a large boulder on the edge of the cliff, waiting to roll down. In such a scenario, the guy might apologize to you and own the fact that he messed up big time. Taking some time apart could knock some sense into his brain, which you’d otherwise thought was filled with sawdust. 

It is up to you to decide how you handle this situation. Do you want to forgive and move on, or forgive and let him in again, or not forgive at all and block him? Forgive, if possible – take the high road and release the burden. Also, now that you know a little about what makes a man come back after a breakup, you have an upper hand. Use it well.

Leave him alone he will come back
A guilty man may apologise to you

2. He may come back because he misses you

We tend to indulge in memories sometimes. A glimmer of a lovely moment from the past can make us very nostalgic. Something like that could happen with him too and make him miss you terribly. So what makes a man come back after a breakup? The terrible void left behind by ‘the one’. It scorches the lover. 

It is true when they say, leave him alone and he’ll come back. A guy who truly misses you will find a way to return to you. If you are thinking of seeing him again and you think it could work, go for it. But tread with caution. Tip-toe for a few days and keep emotions on a leash. 

However, if you’ve had breakups with the same guy before, look back to your memory. What was the guy’s behavior after breakup no. 1? Do you feel that guys always come back when it’s too late? Has he had the tendency to disappear after a breakup without being accountable for it? Do you want your ex-boyfriend back quickly? If such questions rob your sleep, then it is time to take a step back from him and focus on yourself. Nothing like a little self-care.

3. He will come back to you if his other option did not work out

What makes a man come back after a breakup? Maybe the one that he left you for has dumped him. Justice has prevailed. Karma has worked its magic. Or maybe he was just a very flawed man with zero personality. Such male dumpers always come back – they randomly crop up months later, with teary eyes and mopey regret. What would you do if such a guy approached your door?

Some guys start to miss you after a breakup for their own selfish reasons. These drone bee kind of men who jump from partner to partner are selfish. You may not want to take such a man back into your life. But again, every situation is unique. You are the best judge. Just don’t fall for his sweet words – assess and take a decision that empowers you.

Related Reading: Why ‘I Need Closure’ Weighs On Our Mind After A Breakup

4. Male dumpers always come back when they want to hook up

I had a friend who was in a truly horrific and toxic relationship. My friend broke up with the guy just before the 2020 pandemic. They spent a year apart until he called her up for a booty call. Men disappear after a breakup but return when they are horny.

If you are comfortable with the proposition of switching to a no-strings-attached dynamic, go for it. There’s the advantage that your ex will know your preferences in sex. But again, beware! Don’t let sex morph into love again. You must know several things about one-night stands before indulding in one. More so, know your worth. You can’t keep swinging back and forth for a toxic guy.

What stage of breakup am i in

5. He may come back because he is confused about the breakup

What makes a man come back after a breakup? Confusion. Loads of it. He may have broken up with you in a frenzy or with an unclear mind. It is possible that he may not have wanted to end things, but one bad moment got to him and he saw valid reasons to end the relationship. Perhaps he was never the mature one in the relationship and so, you are now left with a murky circumstance and a man-child. 

Also, if your breakup was quite sudden or messy, it is possible that he may not have received closure on why the relationship ended. He may try getting in touch with you – this is typical guy’s behavior after breakup. If his curiosity is genuine and if he’s not chasing you for answers, then it is actually a mature approach and a healthy way of processing the breakup.

Related Reading: 18 Definite Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

6. Guys start to miss you when they realize what they have lost

Sometimes, men disappear after breakup and find a rebound. But leave him alone, he’ll come back. The sheen of the rebound – the high voltage affair – subsides quickly and then they realize what they have lost. Such men may realize how good they had it with their ex. The rebound brings forth the much needed comparison and they regret breaking up. Some men need to realize that they often dump in haste without giving their partners much thought.

Some time apart can often provide a much-needed perspective and clarity. He might actually try to get in touch with you to convey how he has been feeling all this while. But if a lot of time has gone by, you may have already moved on. It’s true, guys always come back when it’s too late, don’t they?

Breakup counseling

7. He wants what he cannot have

Male dumpers always come back when they see you glow. Consider this – after your breakup, you have gotten over him. You are focussed and driven, and it shows. You have never been better. Whatever the improvement has been, he has noticed it. 

He might take it a little too personally and wonder how you managed to get over him with such flair. This is what makes a man come back after a breakup – your newer version. There is nothing more attractive than an ex-flame who does not want you anymore. Men will go crazy in winning the woman back despite having the knack to disappear after breakup. They will try every step to win the girl over who rejected them.

Trust me on this. If you have moved on, you do not want him. You have come this far, not to fall for his trap again. Your independence and allure is a large testimony to your own strength. Find someone who matches it.

Stories about breakup and loss

8. He has worked on himself

Self-realization is what makes a man come back after a breakup. And I believe it is one of those nice instances when you would not mind your ex cropping up into your life. If the man has used the few months apart to focus on himself and remake parts of his personality, it shows his zeal toward the building the relationship after cheating and subsequent breakup. 

If you broke up with him because of some of his habits and attitudes, he might get in touch with you to let you know that he has changed for good. Now you must decide whether the work he has put in matters to you or not. Something similar happened with Rick and Natasha. Natasha, an artist, broke up with Rick, a tutor, because he would engage in drugs as a form of recreation. He needed his fill every two months. 

“Rick would claim that it was not a habit, but a well-placed interval that he needed. But I saw the dependency forming. I tried telling him that this was unhealthy in the long term. He would not listen and I called it quits,” Natasha said. Three years later, she met Rick who had been sober for 1.5 years. He had made a genuine effort in getting rid of the addiction, after which he got in touch with her. They are now friends and are working toward healing and rebuilding their relationship.

Related Reading: 13 Ways To Get Back With Your Ex

9. Loneliness is what makes a man come back after breakup

A lot of lonely people reach out to their exes. It almost proves that when you leave him alone, he’ll come back. The man might have been scrolling through your old photos and a wave of loneliness hit him. So he texted you to gauge the vibe. He might be hoping that you will offer some kind words to make him feel better about himself.

guys start to miss you after a breakup
He might be just emptying his feelings of loneliness

However, be warned, he might not be interested in anything serious or long-term – there are often clear signs that he is not into you. He might be just emptying his feelings of loneliness, hoping you would give him some attention.

10. Comfort is what makes a man come back after a breakup

You had shared a great relationship before your breakup – there was an unmatched physical and emotional comfort. There was a feeling of being home, a promise of growth, and all that jazz. If your bond was so strong, then the breakup is going to be devastating, especially for the man. They may take breakups harder than others.

Your ex could return in search of this comfort. The man might regret the breakup because he hadn’t considered what was at stake. What will you do then? Would you give him a chance or would you prefer moving on? Go with your gut.

11. Men who have been codependent can return

Just like loss of comfort, a loss of dependence also makes a man come back after a breakup. While living together, you and your partner may have shared duties and responsibilities. It is obvious that when you pull the plug on your relationship, you also become solely in charge of your life. For a man, this feeling could instill fear and insecurities.  

I would recommend that you do not accept a man in your life again just because he is unable to cope with his sudden independence. It is akin to him using you to sustain himself. Don’t fall for it. Moreover, it is high time that he learns the ways to overcome codependency.

For whatever reason a guy returns to you – the decision to accept him or not rests completely with you. Treat it like a power, and be responsible for your mental health first. Ask yourself why you are keen on letting him in. Is there a genuine chance of a healthy relationship, or does he simply feel too familiar? If you think it is too late for someone to chase you, bid them sayonara and bounce back into your cherished freedom.


1.How long does it take for guys to come back after a breakup?

Some guys could immediately realize their mistakes and beg for forgiveness, while others could take years. They may rebuild themselves and find a new avenue to connect with you. The larger question is – do you want to wait?

2. Is it true if you let someone go they will come back?

Though some people might come back after a breakup, it’s important to remember that you let go of someone for your own benefit, not with the hopes of them returning. Letting go is an act of cleansing. 

3. What to do when he comes back after a breakup?

When he comes back, do not immediately start a relationship. Assess why it had failed in the first place. Ask yourself, do you have the mental space to give it another go? Act in accordance with the answers to these questions.

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