Got rejected by a girl? Your ego and heart must hurt like hell. You can still deal with the self-esteem issue by being more charming to the next girl, but your heart’s set on this one. You feel she is your soulmate, and that she just doesn’t know it yet. You can’t help but ponder how to win over the girl who rejected you.
For sake of a better perspective, here are a few questions you need to answer: Were you rejected outright just for approaching her? Is she not interested in the dating scene at all? Or is it you that she has rejected? We can understand that you have your heart set and know in the depths of your soul that the two of you are meant to be together, even if she doesn’t see it yet.
You know you want to give it one more shot, but you also want to be respectful of her boundaries. To help you figure a way out of this conundrum, we list out some ways you can win over a girl who has rejected you. In some cases, it might be possible to turn around a rejection from a girl. Let’s get right into it.
If A Girl Rejects You, Is There Still A Chance?
The chances of winning over a girl who has shown no interest in you are slim, but it’s not an impossible feat. You must give her and yourself the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you were not at your best or portrayed something you are not, or maybe she made a decision in haste.
What if her friends have told her something negative about you that is not true? Maybe she suspects your intent, and thinks you are just in it for a fling or a casual relationship? There could be myriad reasons for her to reject you without really knowing why she has said no to you. For now, let us work with that premise and hope that there is a chance to win over the girl who rejected you.
At Bonobology, we get many stories where women write to us about rejecting boys on flimsy grounds and ask us how they can restart the friendship again. Do not back off just yet, maybe she likes you already and is regretting rejecting you. In some scenarios, the girl might be a commitment-phobe at that point in time but may still like you. If you think that this is what’s happening to you, you need to wait for a second chance and let her have her time and space to be ready for one. You have to respond to the rejection with dignity.
In the meantime, you can show her in subtle ways that you are waiting and very much invested. But remember there is a thin line between obsessing over someone and letting them know you are there. You don’t want it to seem like you’re obsessed with her. Make sure you make the correct moves, the minute you look like a creep, she’s immediately going to want to get as far away from you as possible.
Related Reading: 8 Sensible Ways To Deal With Rejection In Love
If you think you still have a chance to win her heart, figuring out what to do when a girl rejects your proposal is an absolute must. However, if she rejects you again, we recommend you let it go. At the end of the day, you can’t force chemistry and attraction. And you should respect the other person’s decision and also, in turn, figure out how to move on yourself.
Sometimes, understanding when you should let go is more important than trying to beat a dead horse. If you really like someone and you get rejected by her, it will be discouraging and hurtful to accept it. But it is understandable when you still feel for her and do not want to give up right away.
So, if a girl rejects you, is there still a chance? To be honest, the answer to that question is highly subjective and depends on the situation. If the person you’re pining over has outright told you that nothing is ever going to happen between you two, it may be best to move on immediately.
If she’s in a relationship or wishes to experience the benefits of being single, all you have to do is respect her choice. A “no” means no, and her point of view isn’t really going to change any time soon. Trying to sit around, waiting for her relationship to fall through is probably the worst thing you could be doing for yourself.
However, if she has rejected you for extremely situational factors like it not being the right time for her or her just not seeing you that way, you may benefit from waiting a while, or even just a little makeover.
At the end of the day, the answer to the question, “If a girl rejects you, is there still a chance?” depends heavily on the dynamic you have with her. Always remember that basic human decency and respecting a person’s choice after they have expressed their displeasure is an absolute must.
On the flip side, if it’s just a couple of situational factors holding her back, perhaps there are a few things you can do to try and improve your chances of winning over a girl who rejected you. With that being said, let’s take a look at what to do when a girl rejects you, so you don’t feel completely lost in the heartbreak that you might be experiencing.
8 Steps To Winning Over A Girl Who Rejected You
Winning over the girl who has rejected you once is a little tricky and risky. You are already at a disadvantage. Remember you need to be even more careful this time around. At this point, a single wrong move can turn her off permanently from you.
Take some time to get to know her more, think about your interactions with her, perhaps ask her friends and others (without sounding creepy, of course) about her. If you are friends on social media, go through her profiles to get some insight into her likes and dislikes.
Can you win over a girl who rejected you? You need to align your moves with what you think she may like, gather courage, and ask her out again. The following 8 ways can be of help to you.
1. Do not take the rejection too seriously
The first thing you need to do is to work on your own psyche. Rejection is humiliating and chips away at our sense of self. You may think you are less than what she wants, perhaps not smart enough, good-looking enough, not independent enough, etc, and hence you have been rejected. Change that mindset. Do not take the rejection personally.
Maybe it was not about you. And remember, it is better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. Honestly, if you knew the number of queries we get from guys on how to handle rejection, you will know it is not as rare as it sounds. Even if you think it was about you, think of it this way: because she rejected you, you have deep-dived into yourself and will now get to know things about yourself, and if needed, work on them.
It’s not really a failure, perhaps it’s a necessary experience you needed to go through to get the motivation to introspect a little. Get over this self-defeating frame of mind and step into one which is filled with positivity, and a solid strategy to win your girl over. One of the basic essentials to make a relationship work is to make sure you’re your best self. The sooner you start with self-improvement, the better your next relationship is going to be.
When you’ve decided you want to try winning over a girl who rejected you, it’s important to make sure you don’t start blaming yourself for everything that happened. The rejection could have been for a plethora of reasons, and it’s only your insecurities that are going to make you blame yourself for it. Instead, focus on things you can change.
2. Be true to yourself
How to respond to rejection with dignity? Make a list of all the things that are good about you. Maybe you don’t have the ideal physique, but you are really smart academically. Maybe you think it is the pox-marked face that was your undoing, but then you are a kind and considerate person loved by everyone.
Maybe you stammer but you also understand the other person’s emotions and bring out the best in them. There could be a hundred things that are right about you, and this is the time to acknowledge that. Remember, more often than not, just like guys like pretty girls, girls also want the charmers. Maybe you aren’t one, maybe you’re looking for someone who speaks the same love language as you.
You do not need to change that. All you have to do is warm her up to the things you do have. Never change who you are just because you got rejected. When you love yourself you will send the right kind of vibes to the girl too. If you are serious about her you would want the girl to like you for who you are and not a fake version that you have become for her.
So, instead of saying things like, “I got rejected by a girl and it hurts. I’m going to change myself and be the kind of person she’s looking for”, maybe try to accept that she may be looking for something completely different than who you are. On the other hand, if she hasn’t truly appreciated the good qualities about you, you can always try to showcase them a bit further.
Related Reading: Heartbroken In A Relationship, Rejected In An Arranged Match
3. Try to have a fresh start
If you are trying to win over the girl who rejected you then, first of all, take a step back and make a fresh start. Work on removing all the awkwardness surrounding your relationship with the girl after you are rejected by her. Start as a friend the second time around. Don’t try to initiate dinners and romance with her. Take note: becoming friends-with-benefits with her is not the goal here.
And remember, as her friend, make sure you do not pay extra attention, just be a chilled-out friend. This may make her miss that extra care from you and wonder if you have lost interest in her. Take the second chance to know her, her likes and dislikes, what makes her sad, what are her goals and dreams.
What are her fears? At this stage, we would recommend that you act cooler than her if possible as you would be with a guy friend. But be fun and interesting, be witty but chill. Aim to become her best friend. Talk to her, offer help, be kind or funny, and watch for signs of affection.
The closer you get to her, the more she will be able to see who you truly are. When you’re winning over a girl who rejected you, the most important thing you can do is make her feel that you’re truly capable of being her friend, and a very good one at that.
4. Examine your approach
If you want to know how to turn around a rejection from a girl, then you need to introspect on what you could have done wrong. Were you a bit too cheeky? Or did you come across as underconfident? Did you seem too much in awe that put her off (remember: though girls want attention, they still like men who are not all over them like puppies)?
Or were you almost aggressive? Were you all about yourself or were you interested in her and more importantly listening to what she was saying (just listening can improve a relationship)? Was it something about the way you asked her out that she doubted your intention? Trace the steps you took and try and deduce what could have possibly gone wrong.
If the two of you have common friends, maybe you could take them in confidence to get an understanding. Work on your approach and come up with a strategy to woo her, and this time tell yourself you will be better. However, keep in mind that if these friends are closer to her than they are to you, they’re most definitely going to tell her about it.
Before you text your common friends something like, “I know she likes me but she rejected me, what should I do?”, consider the possibility that before you even get a reply, the girl you’re pining over is going to hear about it from this friend. Even so, it’s always a good idea to try and gain as much insight as you can. When you’re thinking about what to do when a girl rejects you, you’ve got to think about what you didn’t do as well. Perhaps she was expecting you to do things differently or just be there for her in a different way, i.e., as a best friend?
5. Respect her despite the rejection
Jog your memory, what if she did give you a reason for rejecting you? You need to respect her decision. But more importantly, make sure you treat her with respect even after. Respect is actually a very attractive quality that women take note of, and it’s also a sign of a confident man. The second you’re disrespectful, she has already blocked off any thoughts of ever being with you.
She is bound to think of you as a gentleman if you not only respect her decision but also don’t put her down. Do not badmouth her to your friends or anyone, do not call her pricey or simply run her down because she has rejected you. Your ego may be hurting but do not let it make you petty.
When a girl rejects you for another guy, it may get hard to not get angry at her decision and not let your emotions get the better of you. But since there’s not much you can do about it in that scenario, the best thing to do is be respectful because that’s the least that’s expected of you.
Another way you can show respect is by really listening to her without feeling the need to impose your feelings on her and by respecting the personal space she wants from you. Even when you want to get over a girl who rejected you, badmouthing her isn’t going to do you any favors.
6. Learn to accept her decision
The basic step in the process of winning over the girl who rejected you is accepting her decision with an open mind, even if your heart hurts like crazy. If her answer is no the second time around too, do not harp on your feelings. Give her space to rethink about you. Maybe she needs to date a few people before she realizes your worth? Maybe being desperate at times just cheeses off girls.
Most emails we get at Bonobology are from girls who think that such guys are creepy. Also, they start thinking of categorizing you as “controlling” and once that happens, you can forget about winning over a girl who rejected you. Do not irritate her or seem too needy.
The internet is flooded by how the movies romanticize stalking and those days are gone and done with. Respect her decision and do not ask her out again right away. Do not stalk her, if you do, you are finishing off all your chances. When a girl rejects you for another guy, you shouldn’t go berserk and spread rumors about them or something equally absurd. Instead, accept her decision and come to terms with it.
7. Align your interest with her interests
When you do approach the girl again, it is important that you bring to use all the knowledge you have gained about her. Is she a fitness enthusiast? Hit the gym and post a few pictures on social media so she knows about it. Does she like movies? Try to explore her preferred genres so you have something to talk about.
If she’s a foodie, become a master chef. You get the drift, right? The next time you ask her out and if she agrees, you should know things that help the two of you hit it off! Find out about her interests, try incorporating them into your life and know what dating means to a woman.
When you’re winning over a girl who rejected you, the best thing you can do is slowly get to know her a little better so you both can figure out if you might actually be a good match for each other.
Related Reading: 12 Signs It’s Time to Stop Pursuing the Girl You Like and Back Off
8. Be patient
It is rightly said, “Patience is the key to success.” You must inculcate the virtues of patience in yourself. You cannot expect to change someone’s feelings toward you in a fortnight. So give her some time to think about it because maybe all of a sudden you approached her and she rejected you without knowing her true feelings.
As a girl wrote to us, “Sometimes, you have to intuit it. Girls are not stupid. We do not forget when a guy has expressed his interest. If we reject them initially, it means “please leave me alone for now, but I will not forget that you are interested”.
What To Do When A Girl Rejects You?
As we said, figuring out what to do when a girl rejects your proposal is not the easiest thing in the world. You may end up feeling too depressed to figure out how to impress a woman again, as it’s not surprising that being rejected hurts. However, that’s not really going to do much for you. If you’re feeling down and out, let’s take a look at what to do when a girl rejects you.
1. Don’t wallow in self-pity
“I got rejected by a girl and it hurts. Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to anybody.” Sound familiar? A lot of us opt to wallow in self-pity after something bad happens, essentially trying to find a sort of excuse for the failure by blaming ourselves. Not only is this line of thought detrimental to your mental health, but you may also just get comfortable with a state of despair.
Once you get too wrapped up in feeling sorry for yourself, it’ll be a lot harder to get out of it. We know it’s easier said than done, but try to pick yourself up and dust your shoulders off. And if you’re looking for help from a counseling psychologist, Bonobology’s panel of expert and experienced therapists is just a click away.
2. Focus on yourself, but don’t change
As we mentioned before, try not to obsess over this person who has rejected you. Under no circumstances should you be aiming to change yourself for them. If you find yourself saying something like, “I know she likes me but she rejected me,” maybe try to build your personality further, so you can showcase all the good things about you eventually.
3. Move on
When it’s all said and done, sometimes you just have to get over a girl who rejected you. Especially if you are rejected for a second time or if she has explicitly said no the first time around, the best thing to do is to move on. Don’t slide into her DMs all the time, and in no circumstances should you assume that a “no” means “try harder”.
A no is a no, and perhaps this might just end up being good for you. Instead of getting disheartened about this turn of events, look at it as an opportunity to introspect and grow. This isn’t the end of the world.
When you’re winning over a girl who rejected you, initially, putting yourself out there, exhibiting your best qualities and gaining her trust would work. Wait for the right moment to approach the love of your life once again. However, if you still fail to woo her, then do not get disheartened and take the defeat maturely. There is always the next girl and then the next. There is someone out there who will reciprocate your feelings happily and genuinely. So keep fighting and trying your luck in the gamble of love.
Take the rejection with dignity and tell her that it does not always mean that a person has to like you because you like her. If you want to give your feelings another chance, stay friends with her.
When a girl rejects you over text, tell her the same as above. But also add that you would like to continue to have the friendly chats if she is okay with it.
Do you want to woo a girl even after she rejected you? Staying friends is important. She would get to see how you acknowledge the rejection with dignity and did not let it come in the way of your friendship. She might start liking you then.