8 Tips To Help When A Man Is Torn Between Two Women

Relationship Advice | | , Writer
Updated On: December 4, 2023
when a man is torn between two women
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When a man is torn between two women, it’s hard to decide who would prove to be a better partner in the larger scheme of things. After all, who likes to be caught in a love triangle? Are you stuck in a similar situation too? Are you finding it difficult to choose between two women you love?

You probably share a great chemistry with one woman but an intellectual connection with the other. Maybe the physical attraction or sex is great with one but you share an emotional intimacy with the other. At some point, you will have to choose. If you find yourself in such a situation, allow us to help you make a sound decision. It is difficult, but choosing between an ex and a new girl or choosing between old love and new love does not always have to be a daunting task.

What Do You Do If You Are Torn Between Two People?

Matt, one of our readers from North Dakota, was in a committed relationship with Alice for a while and wanted to marry her. Everything was going well until he went on a trip to Australia and met Jessica, who he was completely smitten by. She was beautiful, intelligent, and fun. He found instant chemistry with her and started hanging out with her more often. The trip ended, but Matt found it difficult to end things with Jessica, who also felt the same. However, he couldn’t take it to the next level. Every time he thought of committing to her, his mind was clouded with thoughts of Alice.

What Do You Do If You Are Torn Between Two People?

Alice was close to his heart but he wasn’t sure of spending his life with her anymore. He had begun to like Jessica a lot and wanted to explore a relationship with her, but couldn’t cheat on Alice. Matt loved both women in different ways but couldn’t decide whom to choose. He kept wondering: How can a man love two women at the same time?

In such a situation, what can one do? Well, when a man is torn between two women, it is always best to introspect and look inward for some clarity and insight. Arriving at a decision out of guilt for ‘almost’ cheating on someone is the worst thing you can do. Feelings aside, a study suggests that we ultimately choose our partners based on “similar intelligence, similar height, similar body weight”. It says that a person tends to marry someone who is a lot like them and has common or similar traits. Whatever reasons you have for your choice, it will cause heartbreak, conflict, and disappointment, but it will prove to be better for all parties involved in the long run.

Related Reading: How To Survive Betrayal In A Relationship? 8 Ways To Figure It Out!

8 Tips To Help When A Man Is Torn Between Two Women

What to do when a man is torn between two women? Can a man love two women at the same time? Why is choosing between old love and new love such a task? Well, finding the right person to spend your life with is difficult and should be done after careful consideration. Take as much time as you need because the wrong choice can cause a lot of turmoil in the future and eventually cause the end of the relationship. We’re here to help. Here are 8 tips to help you decide what to do when torn between two lovers:

1. Make a list of their positive and negative qualities

This is the first step to choosing between ex and new love. You know both of them quite well by now, which is why you should be able to make a list of their positive and negative traits, or rather, the traits that are compatible or incompatible with yours. Jot down the pros and cons. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Who are you most comfortable with?
  • Who understands you better?
  • Who would prove to be a faithful and loyal partner in the future?
  • Who has a bad temper?
  • Who is more controlling?
  • Who is more emotionally mature and stable?
  • Whom do you trust more?
  • Who is easier to talk to?
  • Who is more financially stable?

Consider all these factors. Don’t just go by their physical appearance – it’s not that important a factor when you are in the middle of making a life-changing decision. Be as precise and deep as you can. Don’t ignore the trivial aspects either. Carefully consider their personality traits – the ones you can work or deal with as well as the ones that are non-negotiable. Be brutally honest to yourself.

2. Check for compatibility

Compatibility is another crucial aspect to consider when a man is torn between two women. The phrase ‘opposites attract’ may seem like a nice thing to hear or read in movies and books, but does not always hold true when it comes to sharing a life with someone. When torn between two lovers, see who is more similar to you in the following aspects:

  • Habits
  • Personality
  • Expectations, including whether you both want children in the future or not
  • Interests
  • Values
  • Lifestyle
  • Religious and political views
  • Stance on family, friends, career, morals, and other serious issues

Compatibility is not about sharing the same choices on favorite color, food, movies, and flowers. There should be enough similarity to ensure fewer conflicts in the future. In fact, a recent study by Pew Research Center found that around 77% of “married and cohabiting couples” share similar political views. Getting to know and understand your future partner on a deeper and more serious level will help you establish a secure and fulfilling relationship.

3. Who treats you better?

When a man is torn between two women, it is important that he carefully observes which woman treats him better. Mutual respect is one of the foundations of a long-lasting and healthy relationship. Affection, empathy, and compassion also count.

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself before choosing between ex and new love, or before choosing between old love and new love:

  • Who are you able to be more yourself with?
  • How do you feel about yourself when you’re around them?
  • Does your personality change around one woman but not with the other?
  • Who values your opinion?
  • Who includes you in her plans? Does she think about you when making a major decision about her life?
  • Who’s there for you in times of trouble?
  • Who criticizes you a lot?
  • Who’s appreciative of your efforts or happy about your success?

Love is not everything. Choose someone who makes you feel valued, respected, heard, understood, and cared for.

Related Reading: 21 Signs Of Chemistry Between Two People

4. Is it just an attraction or a deep connection?

Can a man love two women at the same time? Of course, but when torn between two lovers, it is important to understand whether it is just an infatuation or true love. You might be extremely attracted to one woman but don’t feel a deep, emotional connection with her or you’re always stressed when she’s around, while the other woman makes you feel like yourself. She’s fun to be with and you feel you can talk to her about anything under the sun or share a comfortable silence without any fear of judgment.

If that’s the case, then go with the latter. Dig deeper into your feelings and figure out if what you are feeling is love or lust. Choose someone with whom you feel intimacy, romantic love, and sexual desire all at once. It is difficult, but not uncommon. Keep external beauty out of the picture. As Gavin, a photographer from Kansas, shares with us, “Choose the woman you can connect with on an emotional and intellectual level. Choose someone who makes the little things, even grocery shopping, fun and something to look forward to.”

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5. Choose someone who brings out the best in you

Samantha, a 32-year-old entrepreneur, shares with us, “I’m dealing with an awful situation in my romantic life. I became friends with a great guy a few months ago. We’ve developed feelings for each other. Neither of us wanted this. And now he’s unable to make a decision because he is confused between me and his girlfriend. What should I do?”

A man in such a situation could be confused because he’s trying to figure out who brings out the best in him. At this time, it is best to leave him alone and give him the space he needs. He probably just wants to be sure before making a promise of commitment. When a man is torn between two women, he should observe how he is around each woman and choose someone who helps him become the best version of himself.

If you are confused about the two women in your life, ask yourself these questions:

  • Does she give you your space and freedom?
  • Are you happier with her or do you always feel stressed and worried around her?
  • Does she encourage you to pursue your dreams and ambition?
  • Does she appreciate your good qualities openly and sincerely?
  • Does she give you gentle feedback for your problematic opinions or actions?
  • Does she challenge you in a healthy way?

6. Distance yourself from both of them

This is the most important tip to keep in mind when torn between two lovers. Don’t make the mistake of rushing into a decision because it is going to cost you your emotional stability later. You can’t decide which woman is better for you by flipping a coin, which is why you must take your time. Be honest with yourself. Consider taking a break from dating if you have to, but don’t rush it just because you are scared of losing them.

Distancing yourself from both women will help you realize who you miss more. You’ll realize who you are more excited and eager to meet. Also, remember that you have the choice of choosing neither of them.

7. Trust your instincts

This is again a necessary advice to keep in mind when a man is torn between two women. Be attentive to your mood and feelings around each of them. Don’t ignore your gut feeling because, more often than not, it is right. Sometimes, even after considering all the factors and weighing all the positives and negatives, people fail to arrive at a decision. In such a situation, it is advisable to listen to your heart, trust your instincts, and take that leap of faith.

Also, remember that there is no guarantee that a relationship will stand the test of time. Do take into consideration how the two women feel about you too. Who’s interested in a long-term relationship? Have an honest conversation with both of them and then do what your instincts tell you.

Related Reading: When You Feel Attracted To Someone Do They Feel It Too? 7 Signs They Do!

8. Seek help from friends and family

Tricia, a sales manager from North Dakota, shares a similar plight with Samantha, “I started seeing someone recently, things couldn’t have gone better. He and his partner were in an open relationship. But one day, she realized she wants to be in a monogamous setup. He doesn’t want that though. So now he is confused between me and his girlfriend. His family and friends have always known he’s polyamorous so he’s seeking their advice on what to do.”

Before you seek help from your family and friends though, know that they are not the final authority on who you should spend your life with. That decision is only yours to make. Having said that, it is always good to have a second opinion from people who are on the outside and have your best interests in mind. As the third person, they will be able to see things more clearly and offer you a fresh perspective. They will be able to see things that you might have overlooked. So, seek their help when torn between two lovers.

Key Pointers

  • When a man is torn between two women, it is best to consider their positive and negative qualities and observe who he is more compatible with
  • Don’t rush it. Seek help from family, friends, and loved ones for a better picture
  • Choose someone you can be yourself with, who treats you better, who brings out the best in you, and makes you want to be a better person
  • Most importantly, trust your instincts because they are almost always right

If you think neither of them fit the bill, you can always go back to dating other people or being single again. You will have to make a choice, but remember to be honest with both women if you decide to end things with both or either of them. Don’t leave them hanging or give them false hope. Face the consequences of your decisions. We hope the above tips help you decide who you want to spend your life with.

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