One of the most trying times in a man’s life is when his wife walks out on him. It is a heart wrenching experience when the woman you have dedicated a lot of your love and energy towards, decides that she is not happy with you or does not want to be with you, for whatever reasons.
He needs to know where he stands in the world as well as his legal rights. Men do feel lonely after separation and divorce and often find it hard to cope alone. This list seeks to help men, whose wives have left them, realize the options they have available to them to help them through these hard times.
8 Things To Do When Your Wife Walks Out On You
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Let’s face it men and women react differently to breakups and divorce. While women reach out for help men recoil and try to handle their emotions on their own.
This often leads to men becoming reclusive or they end up binge drinking and losing a hold on life itself. There is no denying the fact that when your wife walks out on you it’s like your life falling apart suddenly but whether you can put the pieces back together depends on how you handle the situation after that.
We tell you 8 things you can do to be back on your feet again.
Related Reading: 15 Warning Signs You Need A Divorce For Sure
1. Seek therapeutic help
Seeking therapy is a good idea if your wife has walked out on you. You will be going through several intense emotions and seeing a professional could help you navigate those emotions.
It is common for men to feel rage, despair, guilt and shame when their wife leaves them. Therapy is a good idea because it can get difficult to manage multiple negative emotions at the same time.
You could turn to your friends and family for advice, but it is likely that they have never been through such a situation and may not be equipped to effectively help you through it.
Seeking professional help can go a long way towards managing your mental health as well as creating a workable plan for the future. If it is possible, couples counselling may also be a good idea if the relationship still has a chance of being saved.
This is an option that couples should be willing to explore as trying to mend a marriage is often better than giving up on a partner who you have dedicated your life too. Remember that love is not always enough to sustain a marriage, visiting a therapist can help you and your partner work on your problems.
2. Be patient
A monumentally difficult thing to do when your wife walks out on you is to wait. You will have to wait to hear from her again, wait for the lawyers to contact you, wait for the pain to disappear, wait for a day that does not feel as bad. There will be a lot of waiting.
As unhelpful and condescending as it sounds, the only thing you can do at this point is to be patient. The negative feelings don’t just suddenly disappear.
Every day you will wake up and you will hurt, you will remember how good things were in the past and you will wonder how you managed to let things get so bad.
Remember though that every day the pain will get easier to tolerate and the sadness will slowly disappear. Eventually though, maybe in a few months, maybe a year, things will get better.
You must remember to be patient and to give things some time to work themselves out. One day, you will start to feel better and realize that there still is a lot that you can do with your life. Until then, you will have to go through the motions as they say, there really aren’t any shortcuts.
3. Get some legal advice when your wife walks out on you
When your wife walks out on you, it is important for you to know your legal rights. The divorce law in India is quite nuanced, so it can be a little confusing. A common question amongst men is that they are worried about having to give a certain amount to their now ex-wife. This is called maintenance or alimony.
Common knowledge amongst people is that once a divorce takes place, the man will have to start paying a monthly fee to his ex-wife so that she can then spend it as per her discretion.
Well this is partly true. A man only has to pay maintenance if his ex-wife is unemployed and unable to work. If both partners are working and can support themselves individually, then maintenance does not need to be paid provided there isn’t a large difference between the levels of income. But then, the right people to answer this would be our divorce counsellors who you can reach out without having to step out of your home.
Another question that men have during this time is if they will get to see their children again. Custody laws in India are quite balanced, with both parents being able to still be involved in the child’s life providing one of the parents isn’t abusive or otherwise a threat to the child’s safety.
Referred to as co-parenting, it can be a wonderful way to raise children together without being spouses. However divorce law is not a simple thing to grasp. A weekend on Google will not help you. If the divorce is turning ugly, it is best to contact a lawyer for a more insightful view into the rights you posses.
4. Connect with your friends and family
Having supportive friends and family can be a godsend when your wife walks out on you. During such a difficult time, it can be quite comforting to know that you are surrounded by people who still care about you.
Reconnecting with your friends and family now is very important as they can still provide you with a measure of stability when your world is crumbling around you.
They would also be the people who know you best and could potentially have some ideas that would cheer you up. It is natural to feel lonely and depressed after your wife walks out on you, so take some time to yourself if need be but do not isolate yourself from the people closest to you.
It is important to remind yourself that there are still things that you can enjoy that goes beyond your wife and marriage.
Related Reading: Is It Okay For Men To Cry?
5. Talk things out with your partner
Even if your wife walks out on you, it is not too late to save your marriage, she has not asked for a divorce yet. If a divorce is not finalized yet, you should do your best to try to talk to your wife about the problems she is facing and work with her on solving them.
Dedicating time to fix a failing marriage is far more noble and practical than quitting it and giving up on your partner. It will be hard, but you need to try not to get defensive and listen to what she has to say.
Remember to fight respectfully.
It is the two of you against the problem and not you against her.
You both decided to marry each other and so the responsibility falls on both of you to try to fix your marriage and face all problems together as a team.
Marriage is not a walk in the park, it is a hard commitment and the longest undertaking you should take, understand that there will be a lot of problems. Divorce should not be an option until the very end.
6. Meet someone new
Meeting new people is always a great idea, especially after your wife has walked out on you. It does not have to be in a romantic way at wall, it could even be someone of the same gender.
The point here is not to find the next person who you will date, but rather meet someone who adds another perspective through which you can view life. The world is huge and it is filled with varied and interesting people.
After losing someone close to you, meeting someone else can help you make peace with the way your life is now. If you have been harassed or abused, you may be wary of new people but trust us, it is essential.
They can show you a different way to view things, or they might introduce you to their likes and interest which you might also enjoy.
It can be a cathartic experience to once again realize that there is still so much more to life that you have not yet discovered, things that can still excite you and bring you joy. Meeting new people can be a great way to realize that you can never truly have no one.
Related Reading: How To Cope With Divorce As A Man? – EXPERT ANSWERS
7. Try new things
Picking up a new hobby or travelling somewhere can work wonders for a broken heart. Learning a new skill is a very effective way of distracting yourself from the pain of separation.
Eventually, you might find a hobby or an activity which brings you joy and which soothes you during stressful times. This may seem like applying a band-aid to a bullet wound, but simply having something to distract yourself with can make living without your partner feel slightly easier.
8. Guide your kids
If you have children, you should really reconsider divorce. If separation is unavoidable, it is important to realize that any decision you make does not just affect you, but your child as well.
Any problems in your marriage are between you and your wife, not your child. Remind them that they are still a part of your life and that it is not their fault. Divorce can be quite hard on children, and it is your responsibility to help them make peace with the separation. But also if the marriage is not working out staying in it for the sake of the kids could make things worse.
What happens when your wife moves out before divorce
If your wife walks out on you and decides on a divorce then she has to live separately from you between 6 months and a year before she files for a divorce. This rule applies in India and in some states in the US.
But moving out before divorce does not mean that she would take the assets or divide finances and move out. It can only be done after the divorce is finalised. But the problem starts when she decides to move out of the state when the divorce proceedings are on.
Moving out of state before divorce is final can prove troublesome for you because be it a divorce by mutual consent or contested divorce, then your wife will have to travel to the court where the divorce has been filed to attend the proceedings. And if she is not regular then you have had it.
Does moving out affect divorce? Yes, in the US it does because then the spouse who moves out can be said to have abandoned the kids or the person who moves out, in this case your wife, can say she had to do it because the husband was abusive and was an addict.
The legal risks of moving out without a divorce are more in the US than in India. Because in India a separation period is a must before a divorce but if the wife moves out of the state during separation then matters could become complicated.
Ultimately, separation is never easy. If I told you that I have the answer to your problems, I would be lying to you. Everyone can give you well-meaning advice or a shoulder to cry on, but ultimately only your efforts can decide how your relationship turns out. Hopefully this list has given you an idea of where to start looking for answers when your wife walks out on you.