15 Things To Know When Having An Affair With A Married Woman

Infidelity | | , Expert Blogger
Updated On: April 26, 2024
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Dating a married woman sounds exciting, doesn’t it? The thrill of meeting in secrecy, keeping the affair hidden from the prying eyes of society, and making sure the woman’s husband doesn’t find out about your rendezvous can all be tempting and exhilarating. However, there are dangers of an affair with a married woman that you should be aware of before diving into this new relationship headfirst. 

According to a survey, 34% of married women over the age of 40 reported having extramarital affairs with younger men. Taking a lover while married blurs the lines of fidelity in marriage. There can be many underlying issues in her marriage like boredom, feeling trapped in an unfulfilling, loveless relationship, or chronic conflict with the spouse. 

It is not uncommon for a married woman dating someone young to seek thrill, adventure, and yes, even true love outside her marriage. While she may have her reasons for it, you need to tread cautiously if you’re falling in love with a married woman. The complexities of pursuing this relationship can shake you to your core.  

10 Rules Of Dating A Married Woman

So, you’ve found yourself in love with a married woman — a bit of a sticky situation, right? In the messy world of love and attraction, rules don’t always apply. And nobody gave you a manual on how to not only manage it but also enjoy this unconventional affair. No need to fret! Even in this tricky scenario, sticking to the basics can be your key to success. Here, I’ve got 10 simple rules for having an affair with a married woman; your roadmap to smoothly navigate this unique journey. 

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  • Accept that it will be complicated: Recognize the complexity and potential consequences of an affair with a married woman.
  • Set boundaries: Avoid making impulsive choices like going to her home or workplace. Respect her boundaries.
  • Maintain discretion: Keep the relationship confidential to prevent potential gossip and rumors about the married woman cheating with you.
  • Social media caution: Avoid posting any content related to the relationship on social media so as not to ‘out’ her.
  • Establish some ground rules: Maintain open communication about your expectations and boundaries regarding the affair, make strict ground rules, and stick to them diligently. 
  • Preserve your routines: Stick to a regular routine to avoid suspicion from others. Married women and affairs — they both need discipline.
  • Avoid gifts: An exchange of gifts can raise suspicions if found out.
  • Vary meeting locations: If you’re sleeping with a married woman, the anonymity of locations is vital to protect both of you.
  • Use cash for transactions: Avoid using credit cards or online payments to maintain financial privacy and prevent a paper trail.
  • You cannot be too careful: No matter how tempted you are to push the already set boundaries of spontaneity, just don’t!

Related Reading: 13 Reasons A Married Woman Feels Attracted To A Younger Man

15 Things To Know About Having An Affair With A Married Woman

Falling in love with a married woman is completely different than falling in love with a single woman or even with someone in a relationship. It might start as a sexual relationship but could lead to emotional intimacy. Affairs typically begin when core elements like intimacy and respect are missing in a person’s primary relationship. 

While dating a married woman may make you feel alive in ways you couldn’t have imagined, chances are such a relationship will ultimately leave you heartbroken with shattered self-esteem. So, a man having an affair with a married woman is advised to consider the cost of the thrill. Here are some things to know before you give in to the temptation of a married woman cheating with you.

Related Reading: What Are The Consequences Of Affairs Between Married Couples?

1. Your relationship with a married woman will always be a secret 

If you have recently started dating a married woman, then you need to know that your relationship will always remain a secret. Such a dynamic will never go beyond hotel rooms. Maintaining secrecy is crucial to keep your affair non-existent in the public eye. You won’t be able to meet her in public, hold her hand while taking a stroll down a park, share pictures with her on social media, or introduce her to your family and friends. 

She’s married. She has a stable married life with or without your existence. That’s why she will insist on keeping this extramarital affair under wraps. She may even resort to emotional manipulation to keep your lips sealed as well. It’s better to learn how to date a married woman secretly or not get involved at all.

2. You might just be her boy toy 

“Wow, a married woman is in love with me.” — This thought might feel incredibly thrilling but have you ever considered that maybe you’re just her boy toy? Simply a means for her to fulfill her sexual fantasies or fill the void in her life. Even if she is looking for an emotional connection, you may well be reduced to a shoulder to cry on and never have the right of a partner in a relationship.

These are some of the common reasons that married women date younger men or have an affair outside their marriage. If you’re sleeping with a married woman, you should know some of the signs she is using you for her emotional or physical intimacy needs:

  • She meets you only on her terms
  • You will feel lonely and incomplete 
  • Her behavior is hot and cold
  • She meets you just to have sex with you

3. Your future is uncertain with her  

This is one of the most important things to know when you are dating a married woman. The chances of you having a happy future with her are bleak. If she wanted to leave her husband, she would have done it already and would have dated you openly. This is also why your affair would never be considered a legitimate or normal relationship. According to a study, one in five (20.4%) relationships ended because of the affair, and only one out of 10 (11.1%) of the affairs turned into love, leading to a commitment.

When you fall in love with someone, you want to have a future with them. That won’t be the case when you fall in love with a married woman, even if both of you develop intense feelings. She may change her mind about you and your relationship at any time. With this cloud of uncertainty looming large over your bond, loving a married woman can quickly become riddled with insecurity, especially if you get too emotionally attached. 

4. She could just be looking to spice up her life

Married women and affairs can go hand in hand when after years of marriage, life gets monotonous, or predictable at the very least. People get caught in the rut of routines. You get up, make breakfast, head to work, come back home, finish off your chores, tend to the children, occasionally have sex, and then doze off to sleep. The idea of spending time with a new person can feel like a much-needed whiff of fresh air. Passionate lovemaking with them can infuse new vigor in life.

It is more than likely you’ll end up in a superficial situation where the affair is limited to only sexual interactions. Not feeling emotionally fulfilled or having your relationship needs met are the most common consequences of sleeping with a married woman.

Don’t ever assume that things are serious without having a proper conversation about your role in her life. A married woman cheating on her husband could just be tackling boredom in the marriage by having an affair with you. So, don’t pour your heart into this bond without knowing what she thinks about you and where she sees the relationship heading. 

5. You will always be a standby lover 

A married woman dating another man is typically a symptom of things being amiss in her marriage. Maybe she has fallen out of love with her husband. Or she could be looking to get revenge if he cheated on her. The fact of the matter is, unless she is separated or in the process of getting a divorce, she won’t walk out of her marriage to be with you. And your role in her life will always be that of a standby lover. It is good to remind yourself that the affair is, at best, a temporary relationship with a married woman.

affair with a married woman
When in a relationship with a married woman, you’ll have to accept the fact that your relationship will always be secondary

6. You are setting yourself up for emotional manipulation 

You aren’t just a standby lover but may also end up being her emotional punching bag. She may dump all her relationship problems on you or resort to emotional manipulation to get what she wants from you. There are no benefits of dating a married woman. In fact, some instances of possible emotional manipulation include:

  • She twists the facts
  • She will make you feel sorry for not agreeing to spend time with her but won’t be sorry when she cancels on you to attend to her family commitments 
  • When you bring up problems in your life, she will undermine them by talking about her problems

Related Reading: Romantic Manipulation – 15 Things Disguised As Love

7. You will never be a priority to her

Will a married woman leave her husband for another man? Probably not. When you have an affair with a married woman, you will never be a priority to her. She will claim she doesn’t love her husband but she will still put him before you. If you don’t want this complicated relationship to take a toll on your mental health and emotional well-being, you need to place her where she has placed you. Otherwise, you will find yourself caught in a relationship with skewed power dynamics and set yourself up for an inevitable heartbreak. 

8. You aren’t the only one she is having sex with

If you’re sleeping with a married woman, no matter what she says, there is a good chance she has sex with her husband. You need to keep reminding yourself that she is married in the first place. When she goes back home after meeting you, her husband is waiting for her. Yes, this may stir up a lot of unpleasant emotions like insecurity, disgust, and jealousy in the relationship, but it is better to face the reality of your situation than look the other way. Only go ahead with this affair if you accept and respect her sex life completely.

9. Loving a married woman means you may have to deal with the husband’s wrath

This is a biggie when you choose to date a married woman. You can’t hide an affair with a married woman forever. Her husband might find out about his wife’s extramarital affair. There is a good chance it will get out of hand and you may get dragged into their circus.

A confrontation is highly likely in such a situation. He may want to know every little detail about your relationship. You can’t know how her husband will react under this overwhelming pressure while dealing with intense feelings of rage and betrayal. If push comes to shove, he may try to hurt you physically or damage your life. He may even want revenge. Ask yourself, is dating a married woman worth all this risk and drama? There’s a reason they say there are no benefits of dating a married woman.

Related Reading: My Husband Is Impotent And I am Having An Affair With Someone Else

10. You won’t be able to talk about the affair with anyone 

For the fear of being labeled as a home-wrecker, you may be afraid of talking about this affair with anyone, including your own family members and friends. Never can you walk up to your closest friend in the entire world and say “A married woman is in love with me” without seriously damaging your image. So, not only do you have to hide one of the most important parts and underlying issues of your life from the world at large, but also your inner circle. 

The secrecy pact is one of the most unbearable rules for having an affair with a married woman. But there is no alternative. You will have to keep this relationship a secret unless she leaves her husband. And that’s a long shot. 

On Extramarital Affairs

11. She won’t be able to give you the love you deserve

If true love is what you are expecting to find, then you will be sorely disappointed. A married woman cheating on her husband will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. She may say she doesn’t love her husband or doesn’t enjoy being with him, but that might only be partially true. Even if she is trapped in a loveless marriage and has fallen in love with you, she won’t be able to give her 100% to the relationship as long as she stays married. It could turn into a bitter heartbreak for both parties involved.

Commenting on whether a married woman would ever fall in love with another man, a Reddit user shares, “I have to say “run” if you’ve found yourself involved with a married woman. It’s a very bad situation and she is ‘using’ you and not necessarily in love with you. This is never, ever going to work. If you are after a partner, she certainly is not one. Go find another lady, fall in love, and have a decent life of your own.” 

12. You will feel guilty when you’re in love with a married woman

The guilt of being someone’s reason for heartache will eventually get the better of you if you date a married woman. You will feel cheating guilt because you’ve broken someone’s home and participated in an affair even if you had no intention of hurting the husband. 

You might even try to put yourself in the husband’s shoes to see how it feels if someone intruded into your committed relationship. That’s a good enough reason to fall into a cesspit of guilt and self-hatred. Sure, your needs are being satisfied at the moment. But when the guilt of having an affair with a married woman gets to you, it will be difficult for you to come out of it. 

Related Reading: We Had A Loyal Relationship But My Wife Was Diagnosed With An STD

13. Your relationship won’t have any labels 

She’s married. She is already in a committed relationship with someone else. So your relationship with her won’t have any labels. Except maybe this: ‘Man having affair with married woman.’ Not the newspaper headline you want.

Ask yourself, “Will a married woman leave her husband for another man”? Most of the time, the answer is no. You will just be the other man in her life, and the only label you will get is of a home-wrecker if and when the relationship is exposed. Such a no-labels relationship will always be marred with uncertainty and insecurity. Your needs will be completely different from hers and you will not be on the same page most of the time.

14. She may cheat on you 

If she cheated with you, it is likely that a cheater will cheat again. Get to know her past; see if she has been prone to taking a lover while married. If she’s done this before, she might easily leave you for someone else, or fall in love with her husband again and break it off with you. 

When that happens, you won’t have a choice except to accept her decision and nurse the wounds she has left you with. Beware of such a relationship where there is little to no scope for honesty and loyalty. 

15. Prepare for heartbreak when dating a married woman

With undefined expectations, unspoken ground rules, and unreciprocated love, you are definitely setting yourself up for heartbreak. There is no sense of security in such a relationship. You are and will always remain secondary unless she decides to do something about it. If she doesn’t, you will never have a peaceful or normal relationship with her.

If she decides to leave you, she may just snap all contact and disappear from your life. And if you have genuinely fallen head over heels for her, it won’t be easy for you to move on. Before getting too emotionally invested, keep an eye out for the signs she is toying with your heart. If you notice the red flags, walk away before she tramples all over your spirits. It is ultimately one of the many negative consequences of sleeping with a married woman.

Related Reading: 10 Ways To Deal With Heartbreak

Key Pointers

  • There are 10 rules for dating a married woman. Some of them include the need for social media caution, no gift exchange, varying meet-up points, etc. 
  • If you have fallen in love with a married woman, you need to know that she could just be using you for physical pleasures or to fill an emotional void in her life
  • Your affair will always be a secret and you will never get the respect and commitment one expects from a partner 
  • Dating a married woman is rife with risks and complications for both parties involved. The thrill and excitement may not be worth the drama and insecurity that come with it
  • If it ends, you’ll have no choice but to nurse the heartbreak in silence. There’s a good chance that she will prioritize her family over you

While married men are generally believed to be the culprits, women also seek pleasure, thrill, and excitement outside their marriages. Remember that dating a married woman is a landmine of complications. If you find yourself too drawn to her to be able to hold back, it helps to be mindful of the ground realities of your dynamic. Just try not to set yourself up for heartbreak.

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Readers Comments On “15 Things To Know When Having An Affair With A Married Woman”

  1. You can certainly see your skills within the work you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. At all times follow your heart.

  2. Cheating in marriage (One nightstand, affairs etc…) irrespective of gender is impact of weak minded, psychos who are selfish crooks. Problems in a marriage are not license for cheating. Some people by birth are cheaters can’t commit to relationship & they cheat for variety or experimentation. If a person is ethical, has values and character with self respect and dignity, the partner will identify the issues and discuss with his/her counterpart ans rectify the same. The courage one shows in dropping cloths and sleeping with third person, the same courage if he /she shows courage in resolving issues in marriage by taking lead, issues will be resolved. No need to allow third person to use his/her body shamelessly like a prostitute (for regular prostitute money is motive whereas as for a cheater lust fulfilling is motive with selective person/s), A cheater /betrayer is a cheater for life till cheater goes to graveyard whether cheater disclose to their partner or not but only thing after cheating whether one is a serial cheater or one time cheater is the only point. A prostitute will never have any attachment for his/her claints, so saying cheating is only for physical satisfaction but not attached to the affair person mentally has no meaning. If this is one can marry a prostitute not required a decent person as spouse.
    Animals eat, fend,mate and sleep. They don’t have feelings of shame, dignity, boundaries, dharma, spirituality and guilt. That’s why they are animals. They have only animal instinct. Cheater has human body but not human character but animal traits. But there is a slight difference. Animal will never act drama whereas a cheater after doing all dirty things at back of loyal spouse acts drama at home.
    All these cheaters thrive on the principle that “ Ghar Ki Chor ko not even God can catch. One can catch outside chor but not Ghar Ki Chor. At the end they are Ghar Ki Chor and have no feelings for their spouses. For them, their spouse is a doormat or a slave to take care of house responsibilities and stresses. They are like parasites survive on body. They will stick to the marriage but do all dirty things at the back of their partner and act drama at home. The altitude of cheater is that they enjoy being used by outsiders like prostitutes.
    Finally cheating is personal choice but is not a mistake and is an inherent personal trait which manifest as the person grows. Cheaters either pursue and involve in cheating ,if not, grab the opportunity when arises and do cheating. Cheaters always justify cheating either blaming the spouse or the circumstances. Cheaters often confuses themselves love with responsibility. When a person loves his/her spouse, he/she will never do any act which hurts their spouse either infront or behind by keeping under the wraps. But all cheaters say they love their spouses and yet sleep with third person. What they have for their spouse is not love only responsibility brought by the marriage. Cooking food, taking care of children, paying monthly bills,nursing ones spouse in hospital are responsibilities which either can arise due to love or due to a unwritten contract like marriage. Even a nurse in hospital serves the patient, does she has love ? No only responsibility due to payment received. Spouses who see their significant others as their responsibility only, confused love with responsibility, treat marriage as business, can;t see the sacredness of marriage can only stoop to the low level of cheating & lies but in reality they don’t love their spouses in heart. Also persons for whom, sex is larger than life ,the purpose of human birth is only for mating either by hook or by crook or with the spouse or outside doesn’t matter them , who lack spirituality of life, for such people only genitals rule the relationships and hence cheating is reflection of their personality and for them cheating is a way of life.

  3. SreeRam Gupta

    I just want to know how and why the ethics that we learnt have become so stale so much so that we have lost our conscience?

    1. If there is the dissatisfaction in marriage from any quarter, well try resolving it. If that won’t be resolved then just walk out. Is cheating an option? How does cheater compensate the marital deficiencies by taking onto cheating?

    2. When the cheater cheats, doesn’t it cross his/her heart/mind that this action can potentially ruin the his/her family and the one who is his/her cheating partner?

    3. Cheating/adultery/extramarital affairs are a choice. By naively arguing that “humans are not supposed to be monogamous”, the moral right to cheat is not automatically conferred. We are aware that Supreme Court of India recently recognized that adultery can lead to divorce but is legally not a binding thing on the couples. This was passed in September 2018, and adultery was a legal right of every citizen. However what is legal is not necessarily moral. So, what can be done to minimize such incidents of cheating? (My take us as below)

    (a) all couples must recognize that marriage is a monogamous matter. Polygamous marriage is not the societal norm. The law books define marriage as a monogamous affair. Thus before marriage the couples must sign a pre-nuptial agreement. If that agreement defines polygamy and multiple relationships then cheating may not exist. The married partners must confide and consent with each other with whom the other partner will have sexual affairs. If such boundaries are set, then the matter is OK. There is no cheating in such specific cases.

    (b) if the boundaries of the pre-nuptial agreement are transgressed, then the case can go to a court of law and proceedings must be held to determine the initial transgressor. That person must be penalized per law, and after the court reaches a conclusive decision, the aggrieved partner should have the full right to expose the cheating partner on the social media. That person’s employer should be informed about the court’s findings and decision/judgement and any ensuing legal recommendation thereof.

    Any comments?

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