Dating a married woman sounds exciting, doesn’t it? The thrill of meeting in secrecy, keeping the affair hidden from the prying eyes of society, and making sure the woman’s husband doesn’t find out about your rendezvous can all be tempting and exhilarating. However, there are dangers of an affair with a married woman that you should be aware of before diving into the relationship headfirst.
According to a survey, 34% of married women over the age of 40 reported having relationships with younger men. This says a lot about how marital woes can blur the lines of fidelity in marriage. Be it out of boredom, feeling trapped in an unfulfilling, loveless relationship, or chronic conflict with the spouse, it is not uncommon for women to seek thrill, adventure, and yes, even love outside their marriage. While she may have her reasons for it, you need to tread cautiously if you’re falling in love with a married woman. The complexities of such a relationship can shake you to your core.
15 Things You Should About Dating A Married Woman
Falling in love with a married woman is completely different than falling in love with someone single or even in a relationship. It could start as sexual infidelity, which could soon lead to emotional intimacy between you and her, or vice versa. Affairs typically begin when these core elements are missing in a person’s primary relationship.
While dating a married woman may make you feel alive in ways you couldn’t have imagined, chances are such a relationship will ultimately leave you heartbroken. Here are some things to know before you give into the temptation of an affair with a committed woman.
1. Your relationship will always be a secret
If you have recently started dating a married woman, then you need to know that your relationship will always remain a secret. Such a relationship will never go beyond hotel rooms. You won’t be able to meet her in public or hold her hand while taking a stroll down a park, share pictures with her on social media, or introduce her to your family and friends.
She’s married. She has a stable life with or without your existence. That’s why she will insist on keeping this extramarital affair under wraps. She may even resort to emotional manipulation to keep your lips sealed as well.
2. You could just be her boy toy
You could just be a boy toy, a means for her to fulfill her sexual fantasies or fill the void in her life. Even if she is looking for an emotional connection, you may well be reduced to a shoulder to cry on and never have the right of a partner in a relationship. These are some of the common reasons why married women date younger men or have an affair outside their marriage. Some of the signs a married woman could be using you for her physical or emotional needs include:
- She meets you only on her terms
- You will feel lonely and incomplete
- She is hot and cold
- She meets you just to have sex with you
Related Reading: What Are The Consequences Of Affairs Between Married Couples?
3. Your future is uncertain with her
This is one of the most important things to know when you are dating a married woman. The chances of you having a happy future with her are bleak. If she wanted to leave her husband, she would have done it already and would have dated you openly.
When you fall in love with someone, you want to have a future with them. That won’t be the case when you fall in love with a married woman. She may change her mind about you and your relationship at any time. With this cloud of uncertainty looming large over your bond, the relationship can quickly become riddled with insecurity, especially if you’re too emotionally invested.
4. She could just be looking to spice her life
After years of marriage, life tends to get monotonous, or predictable at the very least. People get caught in the rut of routines. You get up, make breakfast, head to work, come back home, finish off chores, tend to children, occasionally have sex, and then doze off to sleep. The idea of spending time with a new person can feel like a much-needed whiff of fresh air and passionate lovemaking with them can infuse new vigor in life.
She could just be tackling boredom in the marriage by having an affair with you. Don’t ever assume that she’s in love with you without having a proper conversation about your role in her life. Don’t pour your heart into the relationship without knowing what she thinks about you and where she sees the relationship heading.
5. You will always be a standby lover
A married woman dating another man is typically a symptom of things being amiss in her marriage. Maybe she has fallen out of love with her husband. Or she could be looking to get revenge on her husband who cheated on her with another woman. The fact is, unless she is separated or in the process of getting a divorce, she won’t walk out of her marriage to be with you. And your role in her life will always be that of a standby lover.
6. You are setting yourself up for emotional manipulation
You aren’t just a standby lover but may also end up being her emotional punching bag. She may dump all her problems on you or resort to emotional manipulation to get what she wants from you. Some other signs of emotional manipulation include:
- She twists the facts
- She will make you feel sorry for ditching plans with but won’t be sorry when she cancels on you to be with her family or husband
- When you bring up problems in your life, she will undermine them by talking about her problems
7. You will never be a priority to her
When you have an affair with a married woman, you will never be a priority to her. She will claim she doesn’t love her husband but she will still put him before you. If you don’t want this complicated relationship to take a toll on your mental health and emotional well-being, you need to place her where she has placed you. Otherwise, you will find yourself caught in a relationship with skewed power dynamics and set yourself up for an inevitable heartbreak.
Related Reading: My Husband Is Impotent And I am Having An Affair With Someone Else
8. You aren’t the only one she is having sex with
If you think you are the only one she is physically intimate with, you couldn’t be more wrong. No matter what she says, there is a good chance she has sex with her husband. You need to keep reminding yourself that she is married. When she goes back home after meeting you, her husband is waiting for her. Yes, this may stir up a lot of unpleasant emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and disgust, but it is better to face the reality of your situation than look the other way.
9. You may have to deal with the husband’s wrath
This is a biggie when it comes to dating an older woman. You can’t hide this affair forever. One day or the other, her husband will find out about his wife’s extramarital affair. There is a good chance that the situation will get out of hand and you may get dragged into their circus.
A confrontation is highly likely in such a situation. He may want to know every little detail about the affair. You can’t know how her husband will react for sure. When push comes to shove, he may even try to hurt you physically or damage your life. He may even want revenge. Ask yourself, is dating a married woman worth all this risk and drama?
10. You won’t be able to talk about the affair with anyone
For the fear of being labeled as a home-wrecker, you may be afraid of talking about this affair with anyone, including your own family members and friends. Not only do you have to hide one of the most important parts of your life from the world at large but also your inner circle. That can be an extremely isolating experience. But there is no alternative to it. You will have to keep this relationship a secret unless she leaves her husband. And that’s a long shot.
11. She won’t be able to give you the love you deserve
If genuine love is what you are expecting in return, then you would be sorely disappointed. A married woman will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. She may say she doesn’t love her husband or doesn’t enjoy being with him, but that might only be partially true. Even if she is trapped in a loveless marriage and has fallen in love with you, she won’t be able to give her 100% to the relationship as long as she is married to another man.
Commenting on whether a married woman would ever fall in love with another man, a Reddit user replied, “I have to say “run” if you’ve found yourself involved with a married woman. It’s a very bad situation and she is ‘using’ you and not necessarily in love with you. This is never ever going to work. If you are after a partner, she certainly is not one. Go find another lady, fall in love, and have a decent life of your own.”
12. You will feel guilty
The guilt of being someone’s reason for heartache will eventually get the better of you. You will feel cheating guilt because you’ve broken someone’s home and participated in an affair even if you had no intention of hurting the husband. That’s a good enough reason to fall into a cesspit of guilt and self-hatred. Your needs are being satisfied at the moment. But when the guilt gets to you, it will be difficult for you to come out of it.
Related Reading: We Had A Loyal Relationship But My Wife Was Diagnosed With An STD
13. Your relationship won’t have any labels
She’s married. She is already committed to someone else. That’s why your relationship with her won’t have any labels. You will just be the other man in her life, and the only label you will get is of a home-wrecker if and when the relationship is exposed. Such a no-labels relationship will always be marred with uncertainty and insecurity. Her needs will be completely different from hers and you will not be on the same page most of the time.
14. She may cheat on you
If she cheated with you, they can just as well cheat on you. It’s as simple as that. She may easily leave you for someone else or fall in love with her husband again and break it off with you. When that happens, you won’t have a choice except for accepting her decision and nursing the wounds she has left you with. Beware of such a relationship where there is little to no scope for honesty and loyalty.
15. Prepare for heartbreak when dating a married woman
With undefined expectations, unspoken ground rules, and unreciprocated love, you are definitely setting yourself up for heartbreak. There is no sense of security in such a relationship. You are and will always remain a second unless she decides to do something about it. If she doesn’t, you will never have a peaceful relationship with her.
If she decides to leave you, she may just snap all contact and disappear from your life. However, if you have genuinely fallen head over heels for her, it won’t be easy for you to move on. Before getting too emotionally invested, keep an eye out for signs she is toying with your heart. If you notice the red flags, walk away before she tramples all over your heart.
Married Women And Extramarital Relationships
It can be intoxicating to date a married woman in the beginning but as the relationship progresses and you see her more often, it may turn into a hotbed for insecurities and jealousy. Such relationships have their share of risks and complications. Always know that so you don’t confuse this relationship for what it’s not. When the affair is discovered, her family will take precedence over you and you won’t be her priority ever.
You will have to get used to radio silence or evasive responses, every time you say “I love you” to her. If you ask her how she feels about you, she may become withdrawn and distant. This can come as a huge blow to your self-esteem and can forever alter the way you behave in future intimate connections.
The consequences of an affair with a married woman can linger long after the relationship has ended. So, it’s absolutely vital that you get into a relationship with a married woman with both eyes open and find ways to protect yourself.
- If you have fallen in love with a married woman, you need to know that she could just be using you for physical pleasures or to fill an emotional void in her life
- Your affair will always be a secret and you will never get the respect and commitment one expect from a partner
- Dating a married woman is rife with risks and complications. The thrill and excitement may not be worth the drama and insecurity that come with it
While men generally are believed to be the culprits, women also seek pleasure, thrill, and excitement outside their marriages. Having an affair with a married woman is a landmine of complications. If you find yourself too drawn to one to be able to hold back, it helps to be mindful of the ground realities of your relationship so that you don’t set yourself up for heartbreak.