I have always prized loyalty in all relationships. A disloyal person, whether in friendship, business, or love, cannot be trusted. But I never imagine that I would end up being in love with a married woman.
I was an engineer in a job market full of thousands of engineers produced annually. So when an offer came to teach at a government university located in a mofussil town, I took it up hesitatingly. Better be 31 and a teacher, no matter where than 31 and broke.
My girlfriend of four years had also decided she wanted to move on. So I figured, life in an obscure college as a teacher would give me the peace I needed. It would help me to deal with my break up better.
(As said to Shahnaaz Khan)
That couldn’t have been farther from what lay in store. My first meeting with her was quite routine, a basic introduction to staff members I was to share the campus with. The university was our little world, as not much lay outside.
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My Affair With A Married Woman
She was not in my department, five years older, and married with two children, so I ended up putting her in the ‘not happening’ section in my ‘loyalty is life’ head. We shared a table in the staff canteen. The next semester the schedules changed, but I looked for every opportunity to be in the cafeteria at the same time as her.
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We bonded over Camus and Derrida, questioned Hegel and argued over Nietzsche. She was the organic river flowing in my technical life.
She had been teaching at the university for a little over a year. Her husband was in the city with their children. She took up this job when her husband lost his, and though she missed her children terribly, their future had to be financially secured.
But when we were together, nothing else mattered. Not her reality. Or mine. We were both lonely and we just instantly clicked. Still I didn’t know I would end up dating a married woman.
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Cafeteria discussions turned into late-night conversations walking around the campus, which then moved into our flats. We were quite sure that ours was just a friendship of like minds. But we had to be discreet to avoid tongues wagging in our tiny community. I later realised the complications of being in love with a married woman.
I love a married woman
This did make me aware of her married status and I was being the other man. But it also made it more fun. I felt like a student stealing that first kiss, away from the prying eyes of parents and teachers.
One night, I leaned in and kissed her. It was not planned or thought out. I just don’t know what happened. Was that the first time I’d thought of her as more than a friend? Of course not. But I’d previously managed to push those feelings into the recesses of my subconscious. She responded, if only for a second, before pushing me away and walking out.
I knew I was in love with a married woman but I got totally confused about her feeling for me.
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She was married and avoided me like the plague
I was in love with a married woman but for the next few days she avoided me like the plague. While I tried to apologise she moved away and didn’t respond.
Though if I am honest, I wasn’t sorry. This relationship went against everything I believed in. Yet it felt right. In fact, not being able to be with her seemed wrong.
I finally managed to get her to talk to me. She said her husband was a nice man and didn’t deserve this.
Neither did her children. I understood or tried to. We stopped talking. For weeks we pretended to be strangers in the same campus. Then the holidays came, and it was a relief to get away. I even looked for jobs elsewhere so I wouldn’t see her every day and be able to move on.
Her marital status didn’t stop her from loving me
The new academic year began with a heartbroken me. I was disappointed in myself for falling for a married woman, in life for making me fall in love with a married woman and her for being married. But something had changed.
One night, she knocked on my door. When I opened the door, she hugged me and said she missed me. We started to talk again. After a few weeks, I kissed her again. Only this time, she didn’t push me away.
It has been over six months now. We’ve created our own oasis. A sub reality where notions of right and wrong are bent.
She says she may be moving back to her family, as her husband’s financial position has improved. I don’t question her. I honestly do not know where I stand in her life. What made her change her mind or what lies ahead.
She is married, I am single and we are together
From emotional intimacy we have moved to physical intimacy and sometimes I feel I have found my soul mate. Our lovemaking sessions are at times so full of passion and sometimes it’s gentle and serene. When I am in her arms I am in the present. I never think of the past or the future. I know no matter what happens I will always love this married lady.
I’m aware of what my actions might seem like. But I didn’t set out to love a married woman or destroy someone’s family. I just fell in love with a married woman without any intention or malice. Right and wrong seem amorphous from the precipice where I stand. All I know is that we are here, together, at this moment. And for now, that’s all that matters.
It’s very hard for us to think of a future together because of the complications that would arise if she tries to leave her husband. She doesn’t want to either. I don think about it. I just know I love her.