In love with a married woman

Shahnaaz Khan
couple holding hands

I have always prized loyalty in all relationships. A disloyal person, whether in friendship, business, or love, cannot be trusted. I was an engineer in a job market full of thousands of engineers produced annually. So when an offer came to teach at a government university located in a mofussil town, I took it up hesitatingly. Better be 31 and a teacher, no matter where than 31 and broke.

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My girlfriend of four years had also decided she wanted to move on. So I figured, life in an obscure college as a teacher would give me the peace I needed.

That couldn’t have been farther from what lay in store. My first meeting with her was quite routine, a basic introduction to staff members I was to share the campus with. The university was our little world, as not much lay outside.

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She was not in my department, five years older, and married with two children, putting her in the ‘not happening’ section in my ‘loyalty is life’ head. We shared a table in the staff canteen. The next semester the schedules changed, but I looked for every opportunity to be in the cafeteria the same time as her.

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We bonded over Camus and Derrida, questioned Hegel and argued over Nietzsche. She was the organic river flowing in my technical life.

She had been teaching at the university for a little over a year. Her husband was in the city with their children. She took up this job when her husband lost his, and though she missed her children terribly, their future had to be financially secured.

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But when we were together, nothing else mattered. Not her reality. Or mine.

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Cafeteria discussions turned into late-night conversations walking around the campus, which then moved into our flats. We were quite sure that ours was just a friendship of like minds. But we had to be discreet to avoid tongues wagging in our tiny community.

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This did make me aware of her married status. But it also made it more fun. I felt like a student stealing that first kiss, away from parents and teachers. One night, I leaned in and kissed her. It was not planned or thought. I just don’t know what happened. Was that the first time I’d thought of her as more than a friend? Of course not. But I’d previously managed to push those feelings into the recesses of my subconscious. She responded, if only for a second, before pushing me away and walking out.

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The next few days she avoided me, while I tried to apologise. Though if I am honest, I wasn’t sorry. This relationship went against everything I believed in. Yet it felt right. In fact, not being able to be with her seemed wrong. I finally managed to get her to talk to me. She said her husband was a nice man and didn’t deserve this. Neither did her children. I understood or tried to. We stopped talking. For weeks we pretended to be strangers in the same campus. Then the holidays came, and it was a relief to getaway. I even looked for jobs elsewhere so I wouldn’t see her every day and be able to move on.

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The new academic year began with a heartbroken me. I was disappointed in myself for falling for a married woman, in life for making me fall in love with a married woman and her for being married. But something had changed. One night, she knocked on my door. When I opened the door, she hugged me and said she missed me. We started to talk again. After a few weeks, I kissed her again. Only this time, she didn’t push me away.

It has been over six months now. We’ve created our own oasis. A sub reality where notions of right and wrong are bent. She says she may be moving back to her family, as her husband’s financial position has improved. I don’t question her.

I honestly do not know where I stand in her life. What made her change her mind or what lies ahead. I’m aware of what my actions might seem like. But I didn’t set out to love a married woman or destroy someone’s family. Right and wrong seem amorphous from the precipice where I stand. All I know is that we are here, together, at this moment. And for now, that’s all that matters.

(As said to Shahnaaz Khan)

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Sanath Iyer
Sanath Iyer April 11, 2020 - 3:40 am

This is Shehnaaz Khan’s personal experience. A Hindu guy exploited her weakness and had sex with her. I pity her muslim husband. Foolish still doesn’t know.

PS August 3, 2019 - 12:54 pm

You have talked about loyalty and relationship as if you are a religious follower of these values . But what you did at the end. Under influence of your selfishness and lust, you preyed a married lady , exploited her weakness to your advantage and ensured that she broke the loyalty with her husband. Have you ever thought of keeping yourself in her husband’s shoes and thought about the scenario. Obviously no, because you are selfish and lusted. I pity for her children and poor husband of her. She betrayed him and her family as she was weak in her values. and succumbed to your preying. You have anyhow brought shame on yourself.
You are also unfit for the teacher post. Teaching profession is always honoured by great Acharyas and Gurus ranging from older days to eminent teachers of current era who were passionate in teaching with highest degree of personal values as inspiration to the students. But you people being in teaching profession without values doing dirty things in secret are unfit for the teaching chair and you people brought blot to the profession. What principles you want your students emulate from you? Have you ever introspected anytime? If you are a Human and left with any values which if at all your parents have given you, pl. leave teaching profession , settle in other professions (except teaching )and do dirty things and go to hell. After all you are responsible for your actions who cares. But definitely don’t dishonour the chair of a teacher and the Chair deosn’t deserve people like you.

Karma August 2, 2019 - 2:47 pm

U are selfish crook. Eventhough u were not set out for love, inspite of knowing her married status, you exploited her. This has become fashion for many men of todays era. Married women are easy prey because in every marriage few voids will be there and fair chances that they can succumb. For you, what to loose , enjoy as along as she is available and move on to other women under the name of friendship. Even if you loved her also, if it is true love, you will not exploit her and but wish her happiness as a friend remain as a friend but not take it forward. Simply your lust under the name of love for which u have taken the friendship forward and the lady may be due to her own voids in the marriage succumbed to you. Remember, when u marry some day some one, you may get back what you did to her. Whatever you sow you will get back but only it is a matter of time, how and destiny.

Even a murder say the same thing what you said that there is no notion of right or wrong (or) right or wrong is amorphous to a murder also. So all selfish people who dont have ethics repeat the same notion. This is the bottom line.

RA August 2, 2019 - 2:08 pm

It is nothing but cheaters paradise under the name of love. That’s all. Many men now a days are eager to make friendship with opposite sex than with their own for obvious reasons and then make move towards love. If some how the lady due to her own voids in the marriage succumb, enjoy intimate moments. Who bothered about ethics at the end it is the lust under the guise of love/friendship. If this lady leaves, connect with one more lady and repeat the same. That’s why majority of friendships are to day are no more friendships but masked friendships with selfishness and lust. That’s all.

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