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What is demi-sexuality and why you should know about it

Unlike homosexuality, pansexuality, or heterosexuality, demisexuality is not an attraction based on the sex or gender role.
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“A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being ‘halfway between’ sexual and asexual. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else, the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners” ~Wikihow.

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What? Another kind of sexuality! How does one keep up?

Well, you read articles. It is not that constraining, as it is liberating to find a name for anything that is off the beaten path. People who feel alienated from the trend, the umbrella of heterosexuality, the rulebook of how to conduct your sexual self – these name tags are meant to reassure them that they are not the odd ones. The world is filled with odds and evens. Demisexuality is such a term coined for us human beings who are unable to connect sexually without first constructing an emotional and mental bond. Just like a sapio-sexual gets attracted to intelligence, autosexual who is attracted to one’s own self, gyno-sexual who are attracted to people owning both masculine and feminine qualities, demisexual is meant for people who can only be truly attracted towards someone that he or she has established an emotional rapport with. But unlike homosexuality, pansexuality, or heterosexuality, demisexuality is not an attraction based on the sex or gender role.

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Why do I need to know about it?

Because you might be one and you never knew what it is called. Because the friend you taunt for being Little Miss Goody-Goody might be one and you need to learn empathy. A demisexual often finds it intimidating to get accustomed to the current trend of dating. They experience fleeting instances of sexual attraction, but nothing translates under the sheets without having an emotional connect established before. The demisexuals dawdle before going out on a date, because they are anxious about the possibility of an emotional sync, a friendship. They cannot tell right after the first date that they are in or out. It can be rather nerve-wracking for them to survive in the breakneck speed of the dating world and the peer pressure surrounding it. Often they fall in unrequited love with their friends, as the emotional bond is what attracts them to people. They are often accused of ghosting after a date, not because of lack of interest but the anxiety of not being able to fit into dating rituals. Demisexuality should not be confused with the lack of sexual drive, because it is only the emotional spur that is in need. So for my demisexual fellows out there, fear not, there is a huge peer group who is living their sexuality through the emotional keyhole. And for the rest, be aware of their sexuality and refrain from trying to define their sexuality based on yours, in other words, stop saying ‘paneer samajh ke khaja’!

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