When and why does a person, willingly and in full conscience, take the risk of revealing their emotions, past traumas, and secrets to a man? The answer is quite simple. It’s when they are in love with the said man. However, there is a thin line between being vulnerable and being needy. There are some examples of being vulnerable with a man which don’t come off as needy or clingy. It’s a type of emotional openness that fosters deeper trust and understanding between two people.
To find out more about what vulnerability is and what the signs of vulnerability are, we reached out to psychologist Jayant Sundaresan. He says, “In very simple words, vulnerability is the act of connecting with your partner in an undisguised way where you are your authentic self. Being vulnerable in a relationship means you are being honest and open in processing your emotions and expressing them.”
I’ve lost count of the number of times people have associated vulnerability with weakness when it is in fact the opposite of being weak. Imagine the kind of strength one has to gather to share their wounds, to remove the mask they are hiding behind, and share the things that they are ashamed of or are sorry for doing. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship we are looking at. Be it friendship, kinship, or a romantic one, being vulnerable in a relationship of any kind requires a lot of courage.
9 Examples Of Being Vulnerable With A Man
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Jayant shares, “I believe vulnerability is a way of life. It’s a philosophy of life that one must follow to have an enriching and a more nuanced experience of love and life. There are tides and waves, ups and downs, that we all have to face. To stimulate vulnerability in a relationship means you are still honest and open despite such complicated and difficult times.”
As a woman, I must say that when a man is vulnerable with a woman, it is hands down the most beautiful thing in the world. This led me to a question that many women must have thought about at some point in their lives. Do guys find vulnerability attractive as well? I asked my husband the same question and he was stunned.
That’s one of the questions I asked to build emotional intimacy with my partner. He said, “Why would you think it isn’t attractive for us? As much as you love our raw truths and unveiled emotions, we appreciate and love the same kind of truthfulness and transparency from the woman we love.” That instantly doubled my love for him because he didn’t find my vulnerability as over-attachment toward him.
Below, I cover the ‘being vulnerable’ meaning in detail, with examples of being vulnerable with a man (which you need not confuse with being needy).
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1. There are no masks
Jayant says, “One of the significant signs of vulnerability is when you are in the moment without any mask around your significant other. There are no image projections, no acting or pretending to be someone you are not. You let them see the real you. It requires a lot of courage and willingness to be vulnerable.
“Most of us have had bad relationships in the past. To overcome the bad days, to heal yourself, and to learn how to trust someone again is one of the hardest decisions people make in their lives. One of the examples of being vulnerable with a man is when a person, despite all the horrible past experiences, voluntarily chooses to be vulnerable again by being their real selves.”
2. Being upfront
Jayant adds, “One of the biggest signs of vulnerability in a woman is when she is upfront about her man’s behavior and moods. If she doesn’t like a certain habit, she will be upfront about it with her partner. For example, let’s say the man comes over to have sex. The woman, who has been practicing being vulnerable in a relationship, is upfront with him and says, “Listen, you can’t leave right after sex, as you usually do. I need you to stay.”
This is a very vulnerable moment for anyone, to ask for a man to stay in bed after being intimate. If the man leaves right after having sex, then it is one of the sure-shot signs that he is only into casual dating and has no intentions of being serious with you. You can’t be be vulnerable with someone who isn’t serious about you. If he jumps back in bed after you are vocal about your needs and spends the night with you not once but many times, then it is one of the indisputable examples of being vulnerable with a man.”
3. One of the examples of being vulnerable with a man is when you own up to your mistakes
Jayant shares, “When someone shows vulnerability, they will own up to their mistakes rather than sweeping them under the carpet or playing the blame game. They will be straight up honest and will admit to messing up. By accepting their fault, they are being real and taking accountability for their actions without shying away from it.”
Some people mistake accepting their mistakes and apologizing for them as weaknesses. They will resort to sincere ways to apologize. In fact, only a strong person with integrity takes accountability for their actions. The fact that a woman isn’t pointing fingers and is honest with a man by accepting her mistakes has to be one of the most important signs of vulnerability in a woman.
4. You don’t want any distraction when you are with your partner
Jayant says, “Spending quality time with someone makes a woman show vulnerability. Everyone is busy and trying to juggle personal life, professional life, and a time to pursue interests and hobbies. When you want to carve out quality time to spend with your partner, that is one of the examples of being vulnerable with a man.
“You could watch a movie or just sip coffee together while looking into each other’s eyes. Quality time can also be spent while doing chores together. When you crave “our time” with a man, it is one of the signs of vulnerability.”
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5. Trusting your SO with your secrets
Jayant shares, “Everybody has secrets but we don’t share them with all the people who are a part of our life. We share them with those who we trust deeply, and with whom we have decided to be vulnerable. Trust and vulnerability are the two most important components in a relationship.
“One of the examples of being vulnerable with a man is when you build a level of trust where you share your secrets despite being aware of the fact that there is a 50-50 chance of the relationship working out. You might have a happy ending or the relationship will run its course down the line.”
6. Sharing self-doubts and embarrassments
Jayant says, “Sharing self-doubts, scary thoughts, and all the worst case scenarios rather than hiding them is one of the examples of being vulnerable with a man. You share these thoughts as and when they are created in your head. You become an open book with your partner. There will be no secret keeping or lying in a relationship.
“A woman shows vulnerability when she shares her insecurities and embarrassing moments with a man she loves. We try our best to keep our embarrassing moments hidden, but when we share those moments with someone we love, it means we are ready to be vulnerable with them.”
7. Asking for advice
Jayant says, “Asking for advice on important matters is one of the other examples of being vulnerable with a man. It is also one of the signs of unconditional love in a relationship. You’re subtly telling him that his opinion matters to you and makes a difference in your work or personal life, you’re telling him that you need him to guide you when you’re struggling to deal with something.”
Being vulnerable in a relationship doesn’t always mean sharing secrets. Vulnerability can also be shown by asking for help from your partner. This is one of the ways I learned to be vulnerable with my partner. I asked for his help despite him not knowing anything about my profession.
He doesn’t know anything about content writing and I don’t know anything about technology and software. Despite our careers being polar opposites, we ask each other’s opinions because we want to make each other feel included in our professional lives. and it helps us connect on a deeper level.
8. One of the signs of vulnerability is when you don’t use their vulnerability against them
Jayant explains this tricky and delicate point elaborately. He says, “When people are being vulnerable with each other, they share their weaknesses, they reveal their flaws, and they accept their shortcomings. That’s one of the characteristics of a healthy relationship. A woman shows vulnerability toward a man when she doesn’t use those weaknesses against him during a conflict. You refuse to use the information the man shared in private, as ammunition against him.
“When a man speaks of his past and present failures and problems, he is at the risk of getting hurt. The person he is sharing this with can use it to defame him or use this as leverage to hurt him. He is being real by being vulnerable. When you respect and accept his weaknesses, and don’t use them against him, it is one of the biggest examples of you being vulnerable with a man.”
9. A woman is being vulnerable when she fights for her man
Jayant says, “We are all works-in-progress. We are constantly evolving and growing everyday in life. When you are deeply in love with someone for a long time, you see a lot of changes in them. When you fight for the man and the relationship, despite witnessing changes in him, it is one of the examples of being vulnerable with a man.
“Love is a rare thing to find. A relationship needs a lot of work, and no relationship is ever perfect. When time comes, you will even need to fight for that love, for that man, and for that relationship. To keep fighting for someone, despite the dynamics of the relationship changing, is one of the truest signs of vulnerability.”
When I asked Jayant if guys like vulnerability, he said, “Of course they do. A man’s vulnerability makes a woman show vulnerability as well. And the men who say that they don’t like vulnerability are the men who are not ready for a real relationship, an intimate relationship where there is no disguise of emotions and feelings.”
Do guys find vulnerability attractive? To this, he said, “Yes. It is one of the things that binds two people together. If a man isn’t ready to be vulnerable with his partner, it simply means he hasn’t accepted himself yet and doesn’t know how to love himself. If he hasn’t accepted himself yet, then how will he truly accept another person in his life?”
This is the true ‘being vulnerable’ meaning. I hope all these examples will give you a richer experience of love. Being vulnerable in a relationship is showing all parts of you – the good, the bad, the-work-in-progress, and the damaged ones. It is true love when your partner sees these parts and loves you for who you are. Vulnerability adds more substance and color to the relationship. Getting hurt is a part of the journey – You can’t put up walls and expect people to be honest when you refuse to be vulnerable yourself.
Yes, guys like vulnerability and they find it attractive. When you are vulnerable, you are free and open with your partner. That leads to more intimacy, which will help in strengthening your bond with your partner.
Vulnerability to a man looks like a healthy relationship where both of them can be genuine and real without any fear of being judged or misunderstood. There will be less fault-finding and blame games once we are vulnerable with our partners.