Sex is a lot like choosing food: Sometimes you feel like having Chinese, sometimes you might crave Italian and sometimes you might feel like having plain food.
Not all sex is the same, even if it’s with the same person. Sometimes it is vanilla, sometimes it is kinky. Sometimes it is horny and sometimes it is slow and prolonged. But you need to know the distinction between having sex (f**king) and lovemaking. These are actually different ways of connecting sexually.
1. About you or your partner
F**king or having sex is all about you while making love is about your partner. That’s why they say, “Make love to me.” It’s about loving another’s body, inch by inch and you are more focused towards your partner’s body, whereas when you are f**king, you are focused inwards, on your own body.
Of course, making love necessarily involves having sex. But having sex, even great sex, is not necessarily making love; just as a chilled beer is not a glass of wine! True, some may prefer the taste of the other drink and beer may be the drink of choice; but it would indeed be unfortunate if one ordered a glass of Merlot in an intimate setting and was served a Bud.
2. Orgasm or Connection
Lovemaking is about enjoying each and every part of the process. From looking each other in the eye to caressing each other, every touch and look and every bit of eye contact matters when you are making love. It’s not about the orgasm; it’s about the intimate connection with each other’s bodies. On the other hand, when you are just f**king, the focus is on having an orgasm. The only touch or contact that matters is when genitals are involved.
Lovemaking is actually as much an emotional and psychological process as it is physical. The more connected and cared for you feel, the more intense is your love for your partner.
Don’t we know the difference between a man who is just into our bodies and the one who is in our hearts? The touch of the first making love to us is completely different; it’s caring, sensitive and sensual. He likes (or loves) us, so he wants our souls to speak to one another.
Related reading: Why did I need so many emotional connections outside marriage?
In lovemaking, when you kiss, it’s all about the rhythm, and the key is to go slowww. When you are turned on, your movements naturally speed up and usually begin with gentle and slow pecks on the lips before moving on to deep kissing.
Whereas, when you are fu**king, you get a little rough while kissing, like holding on to the back of his head as you press his lips into yours and digging your fingernails into his scalp and grinding your hips against him while making out.
The after-play in lovemaking actually maximises bonding. Nothing beats the classic spoon. You get into a cosy position and then match your breath to his. On the other hand, when you f**k, you grab him by the face and say, “That was so hot.” Reinforce with a lusty text: “You are so hot, I would pay for it.”
So, what mood are you in?
Related reading: Why lust is important to understand love
Personally, I don’t have a favourite type of sex – they are all good. It just depends on your mood, what kind of sex you want at that particular time, f**king, lovemaking, just foreplay or horny sex!