If you’ve watched Unfaithful or even Love Actually, you probably know that dating a married man rarely leads anywhere good. The dangers of dating a married man are far too many, especially if you’re single. It seems like a no brainer that one should stay away from married men but we understand that the heart wants, what the heart wants.
If you are in such a relationship and feeling like if you are wasting time with a married man, or confused about whether to step in or out of it, here are some points to consider.
Why You Should Never Date A Married Man
Dating a married man is like walking on hot coals. No matter how deliciously forbidden it may feel, you will end up hurting yourself, eventually, no matter how beautiful the feeling is. Think about it, the married man you are dating is cheating on his wife.
This is among the foremost dangers of dating a married man since it indicates that cheating is his tendency. If he can cheat on his wife, he can cheat on you as well. Do you really need to live with that constant uncertainty and dread?
Remember, these dangers can be sudden and very painful, and definitely not something you should have to put up in any healthy relationship. You deserve better.
There are many, many reasons not to date a married man. Have a look at the top 11 here.
1. You will always come second
In a relationship with a married man, you will always come second, or at least it will feel like that. He may pledge eternal devotion to you and promise that you’re his ‘real love and life.’
But, take a look at his actions instead of these over-the-top words. Is he constantly cancelling plans with you because his wife needs him to run errands, or his kids need to be picked up from school? Is he constantly juggling you and his family schedule, and more often than not, you’re the ball he drops? This could also be a sign that your lover is not trustworthy.
Without questioning his commitment, let us just say that more often than not, you will feel like you’re playing second fiddle. Despite his assurances to you, you will end up hearing a lot of ‘I won’t be able to make it today’ or ‘Sunday is with the family’.
2. Say goodbye to PDA
One of the disadvantages of dating a married man is that you have to keep PDAs for your dreams alone. If you are someone who loves public displays of affection, forget about it, at least till your relationship is out in the open.
There will be no holding hands in public, or stealing a quick kiss, or even walking with your arms around each other. And forget about social media PDA. Until he has formally acknowledged your relationship to people who are dear to him, he’s going to treat you like a hidden treat. That does not mean that you cannot go out on dates together, only that they will be dangerous.
Danger might be sexy at the beginning, but gradually, it becomes exhausting and ends up making you feel discontent and small. It’s not worth it, and could also be one of the signs that a married man is using you.
3. You have to lie, more than ever
One of the worst dangers of dating a married man is that you are keeping your relationship under wraps. Most people will not understand your need to be together and even if they do, they will try to convince you to get out of it because they care for your wellbeing. You will find yourself in situations where lying is the easiest way out when your friends and family ask you, ‘Why are you wasting time with a married man?’
Related Reading: Falling In Love With A Married Man? Here’s How You Lie To Yourself
When you’re constantly forced to lie about where you were, or why you were seen with him, it takes a toll on your relationship, and your mental health. This is one of the more serious consequences of dating a married man. And honestly, you don’t need the stress.
4. You will be the center of gossip
One of the most painful challenges of dating a married man is the unending, often malicious, gossip you’ll be dealing with. Whether you met this man in office or through a friend, once people realize something is up, tongues will wag. And more often than not, they will not be kind.
More than focusing on your relationship, you will be worrying over being the center of attraction and for all the wrong reasons. This is the stark reality of dating a married man, and one that is terrible to deal with, especially if gossip is against your values.
No matter how much you justify your relationship in your mind, doubts will creep in if you’re constantly exposed to people talking about it. The best of relationships fail when under scrutiny all the time. Maybe it’s time you moved on.
Related Reading: I Had An Affair With A Married Man And I Hoped For An Ever After
5. People will see you as the ‘home wrecker’
Want to know one of the main disadvantages of dating a married man? He’s probably told you time and again that his marriage was on the rocks even before he met you.
But, whether or not you were the reason his married life is falling apart, in the eyes of society, his family and friends, you will always be the ‘other woman’ who broke up a happy family. This will be intolerable, most especially if you have already started feeling guilty about the relationship.
This is one of the major reasons not to date a married man. The ‘home wrecker’ label is hurtful and will affect you, no matter how intense your love for this married man is. If it’s a choice between a deeply toxic relationship and maintaining your sanity and dignity, we strongly suggest you dump this married man and find yourself someone better.
No matter how strong your love for each other is, it is not worth being labelled a home-wrecker and doubting yourself all the time.
6. Being boycotted
If you find yourself wasting time with a married man, and then realize that you’re slowly losing all your other relationships, don’t be surprised.
Your relationship will always be a grey area for most people, even those who are close to you. People will find no reason to stand up for you and will step back to show solidarity with their families or societal norms. Some will even call you names or boycott you completely. Unfortunate but true, this is a hardcore reality of dating a married man.
Maybe right now, you feel that you need other than your love for your married man. But you do need your friends and a support system. This is one of the many reasons not to date a married man.
Related Reading: Questions To Ask Yourself When You’re Falling For A Married Man
7. You will have to practice great self-control
You thought love sets you free? Not this one. You will find yourself adhering to a rule book but wanting to rip it apart every time. There will be times when you can’t call or even text him. More often than not, the married counterpart calls when the field is clear or when they can talk freely. You will find them hanging up on you abruptly, hurting you every time. Watch carefully and ask yourself if you need to get over a married man you’re attracted to.
This is one of the multiple challenges of dating a married man. You cannot give vent to your feelings, you cannot communicate freely in the relationship. Where does all this pent-up frustration go?
These might be signs that a married man is using you. At such a time, try penning all your thoughts and what you felt like saying but couldn’t and mail it to them (on a private email id, of course).
8. Then there are kids…
Dating a married man can be murky enough. But if he has children, you just stepped into a whole swamp of quicksand. It will get more and more difficult to justify your relationship with him when you know his kids need a stable home and family.
Even though you never planned this, you will constantly feel guilty about the relationship, about taking their father away from them. There will be times when you want to walk away even though you love him and you are perfect for each other. At the end, you will feel that all this while, you were wasting time with a married man.
9. Rubber band relationship
The challenges of dating a married man continue. A relationship with a married man is like a rubber band. You get close to him, then realize what you’ve gotten into and then start distancing yourself. The distance makes you realize how much they mean to you and the attraction becomes stronger and you’re back. The toxic cycle repeats!
Related Reading: Will He Cheat Again: 11 Signs To Watch For
You’re intensely attracted to him, your conversation is sparkling, the physical intimacy is wonderful but you’re constantly riddled with doubt and guilt and unsure of yourself. This kind of off-and-on, push-and-pull relationship might seem thrilling, but trust us, it’s exhausting and unhealthy.
Let’s face it. This relationship is doomed, either for you or for his wife. There will be heartbreak(s), either everyday or once and for all. This will hurt you bitterly if you have fallen in love with a married man. Even if he does end up leaving his wife eventually, there will always be resentment and sorrow lurking somewhere.
Maybe you went into this knowing fully well that pain and doubt are part of the consequences of dating a married man. Maybe you thought you could handle it. But since you’re only human, the heartbreak will affect you and make you deeply aware of the dangers of dating a married man.
11. Ghosts of past life and baggage
Even though you might be perfect for each other, his past relationship will haunt him and you if you decide to be together. You may never have been married but he has, and brings a lot of emotional baggage with him. It might be an unknown threat to your new relationship, more serious than you can imagine.
He won’t come to you as an individual, but as someone with a lot of memories of the past that might have an impact on both of you in the future. This is a harsh reality of dating a married man that you have to accept.
Being involved with a married man is dangerous and confusing. Before you decide whether it is for you or not, here’s our two cents of advice – Love may not conquer all and while it may be worth fighting for but not worth fighting over.
Related Reading: How Do I Show My Love To A Married Man, When He Has A Loving Wife
So, keep your emotions for someone who could bring you peace and an uncomplicated relationship. Aren’t these enough reasons not to date a married man? It’s better to look for a man who will be dedicated to you and will weave dreams and memories exclusively with you.