Have you been thinking about giving up on love? Know that you’re not alone. Almost everyone entertains this thought at some. Being caught in a string of bad relationships. Actively trying to search for ‘the one’, with no success. Feeling stuck in a marriage rife with unhappiness and tension.
These trying circumstances can make anyone want to quit love. By quitting love, we don’t mean giving up on a relationship you’re currently in but abandoning the idea of love altogether. We tell you why you should not. Not even when you feel like you’ve hit the rock bottom in your personal life.
When You Feel Like Giving Up On Love
When you feel like giving up on love, you’re undeniably in a tough spot in life. Perhaps, your first love, your second love, the one after that and the one after that didn’t pan out as you had expected. You have held on to the hope that you’ll meet your soulmate soon. But every failed relationship, every heartbreak chips away that hope little by little.
When you’ve been oscillating between being the dumper and dumpee, or a long-term relationship not working out has left you devastated, it’s only natural to begin losing faith in the idea of love.
However, love is a basic human need. Much like food, air and water. You need it to survive and thrive. Giving up on love can change your outlook toward life and lead to a host of repercussions such as reduced social interactions, stress, anxiety and even depression.
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While not many people may recognize it, love is regarded as a necessity for leading a healthy, well-rounded life. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pegs love as a basic pillar on which physical and emotional health rest. Studies indicate that being in loving relationships can reduce anxiety and stress. This, in turn, can eliminate the risk of auto-immune disorders, heart conditions, obesity and inflammation.
It’s important to note here that giving up on love and giving up on someone you love is not the same thing. Which brings us to another crucial question – when to give up on someone you love? If you’re in an unhealthy relationship where you suffer physical or emotional abuse at the hands of your partner or see the signs of a toxic relationship, it’s perfectly legitimate to walk out.
You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
What Happens If You Give Up On Love?
There are circumstances where love is not enough. Anyone who is caught in an unhealthy relationship has every right to move on without guilt or remorse. Even so, you have to hold on to the hope that love will come to you someday.
Other than such extraordinarily overbearing circumstances where the person who is meant to love you and make you feel secure begins to violate your mental or physical sanctity, love must fight tooth and nail to preserve love in your life.
Because here’s what happens if you give up on love:
1. Relationships overwhelm you
When you no longer believe that love exists or is meant for you, the idea of romantic relationships starts to overwhelm you. You don’t see a point in investing so much in something that, according to you, is bound to fizzle out someday.
Perhaps, you have been in long-term relationships or a marriage that reached a point of stagnation and love just fizzled out. Eventually, the relationship that you had invested so much of yourself in came undone. Now, the though of starting all over again exhausts you.
While that is understandable, you have to be mindful of the fact that all relationships require work and commitment from both partners. Once you find someone who is ready to meet you half-way, you’d realize that not all relationships are exasperating, overwhelming or hollow.
So, if you’re considering giving up on relationships as a result of a lost faith in the idea of love, think again.
2. Trust issues are a result of quitting love
Betrayal, heartbreak and a void in your heart are the reasons why someone would consider giving up on love. In such situations, trust issues take hold. You’re convinced that anyone interested in you either has vested interests or is playing you.
One of the tell-tale signs you’ve given up on love is that you become cynical of the idea that someone can love you for who you’re. Even if there is a person pursuing you and you too have feeling for them, you will not be able to embrace the idea of loving them because a part of you cannot trust them.
3. Commitment issues
As they say, once bitten, twice shy. If you’ve had your heart skinned more than once, you’d naturally be skeptical of commitment. Even the thought of a long-term relationship or tethering yourself to another person makes you unsettled, nervous and stirs up an instance flight response.
This fear of commitment is a defense mechanism developed subconsciously to protect your emotions and feeling. As a result, you may have a tough time fostering committed relationships or becoming emotionally invested in another person.
4. Loss of belief in relationships
If you want to give up on love forever, there is sure to be a valid reason behind it. Perhaps, you’ve been in a relationship infested with lying, manipulation, infidelity or abuse. Or maybe you saw your parents, siblings or other loved ones trapped in relationships with such unhealthy patterns.
As a result, you become convinced that all happy couple relationships are a farce. Your coupled friends, your parents or siblings – to your mind they’re all stuck in unhappy relationships and faking it to the world. It becomes hard to accept that two people can be genuinely happy together.
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5. Giving up on love can make you self-centered
Since you’re now single and want to give up on love forever, you develop a self-centered attitude. From work to pursuing hobbies, traveling and socializing – your entire life revolves around your own needs, wants and desires.
A lot of people view this shriveled up focus of their life as an act of self-love. It is anything but that. In most cases, living your life thinking and catering to only your needs after giving up on love is also a defense mechanism. You want to become so self-sufficient that the presence or absence of others doesn’t make a difference to you.
Over time, you begin to cut out not just on romantic partnerships but also friendships and other relationships. This can make your life extremely lonely. On some level, you abhor it.
6. Blame and guilt
When you’ve lost one love after the other, you begin to blame yourself for it. In part, you’re quitting on love because you believe that you don’t deserve it. That first love who dumped you over a text. Or that second love who you think was the one that got away. The third love who couldn’t commit.
After a string of bad experiences, you begin to feel like it’s your fault that people can’t stay in love with you. This blame and guilt makes to feel like you’re unlovable. As a result, you begin to push away any prospect of love finding its way into your life.
Are you giving up on love at 30 or 40? Take a moment to introspect whether a life bereft of love is what you truly desire or is this decision an outcome of a string of bad experiences.
7. Settling for less than you deserve
If the need for companionship becomes too strong, you compromise and settle for less than you deserve rather than wait for a love that you’re worthy of. Mainly because you’ve given up the hope that you’ll meet your soulmate soon or ever. Often, this is one of the reasons why people get trapped and continue to stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships.
You begin to view the need for a partner or spouse as one of the boxes to check on life’s to-do list, the quality of the relationship notwithstanding. Your partner or spouse may be gaslighting, manipulating or demeaning you. You choose to put up with it because the idea that someone can truly love, support and cherish you as a partner seems too unrealistic.
8. Ignoring sound advice
When your friends or loved ones try to counsel you or set up you with someone, you not only ignore their advice but become aloof and distant. You’re convinced that you did the right thing by quitting on love and the others don’t know what they’re talking about.
Your insistence on giving up on relationships and love and your loved ones’ efforts to try to make you see why you shouldn’t can cause friction in your bond with them too. You start avoiding meeting or talking to them out of fear that the same old conversation about why you shouldn’t give up on love forever will come up again.
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8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Giving Up On Love
Can you relate to what happens if you give up on love? If yes, you may have already started giving up love or are at least very close to doing it. Here are 8 reasons why you shouldn’t:
1. Love makes you happier and healthier
As mentioned before, love is considered a necessity for living a happy life. Its benefits manifest not only in your emotional well-being but also physical health. Studies have established that when you’re in love, your brain works differently.
This reduces the risk of anxiety, stress, irritability, mood swings and personality disorders. Feelings of love release a hormone called oxytocin that make you feel happy and content.
You eat better, sleep better, and are better equipped to lead a wholesome life.
2. Love shapes up your personality
Going through heartbreak and yet another failed relationship can be a depressing and frustrating experience. But it is important to remember that just because one love is over doesn’t mean the possibility of finding others is gone too. Every relationship, while it lasts and even when it fades away, teach you some lessons.
Your personality is the cumulative sum of these lessons and experiences. Perhaps, a partner taught you how to be vulnerable and express your feelings without inhibition. And another taught you how to be spontaneous and live in the moment.
So, don’t look at your failed relationships as a waste of time. Instead of giving up on love, focus on using these life lessons to understand what you want and expect from your relationships.
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3. Giving up on love can change you
Giving up on love doesn’t just impact your personal life or intimate relationship. Every aspect of your life and personality is affected by this decision. Once people quit love, they tend to become aloof, distant and closed-minded. You begin to resist receiving or giving love and affection in any form – and not just romantically.
This can take a toll on friendships, family ties, social skills as well as career prospects. You instinctively develop a cynical and negative outlook. Some people may even start believing that they’re not important enough to make a difference in their own life or that of others.
Keeping your heart open to the possibility of love, on the other hand, makes you optimistic, kind and compassionate.
4. Love comes when you least expect it
This is another reason why you should re-consider giving up on love. Maybe you have tried every dating app, been set up on dates by friends and coworkers, had a string of bad relationships. You have been out there seeking love for so long that the whole experience starts to fatigue you.
Often, love comes when you least expect it. You’re on a holiday, trying to unwind and get away from the pressure of finding love when you meet someone who instantly stirs up something inside you. You find that this person not only makes your heart skip a beat but also shares your worldview, values and life goals. The one you’ve been looking for all along.
That’s why it’s important to keep your heart and mind open to the possibility that the one true love of your life can walk in any moment.
5. Most worthy goals are not easy
The best things in life don’t come easy. If you’re in a relationship that is not its best form but still looking for reasons not to give up on someone you love, keep this mind. Any accomplishment that you’re proud of and inspired by must have taken a lot of perseverance and constant hard work. Your relationship is no different.
Or if you’re currently single and wondering if and why you gave up on love so easily, know that finding the right partner and relationship takes time. When you do find the one, you’ll be glad that you decided not to quit love.
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6. You tend to settle for what you get
So, your first love didn’t work out. And the second love proved to be an even bigger disaster. Now, you’re wondering – is it true we only fall in love 3 times? That means you have only one strike left. That anxiety is pushing you to give up on the idea of love and settle for the next available option who seems like a half-decent person to be with.
However, finding real love is all about the will to wait it out for the right person. That entails hope that you will meet your soulmate soon. When that right person comes along, you’ll know it instantly in. Your personalities will fit like a hand in glove. You will look forward to spending time together. There will be open and honest communication. You’ll share your beliefs and goals.
If you haven’t found that, don’t settle. But don’t give up on love either. Hold on a little longer. The person who fits into your life and dreams perfectly will come by.
7. It takes only one person to make love last
Is it true we only fall in love 3 times? Well, there is no hard-wired evidence to support that prevalent myth. People can fall in love over and over again. Or they can misjudge their feelings of attraction as love.
While being caught in the cycle of falling in and out of love can be an agonizing experience, you have to remember that it takes only one person to turn things around forever. Perhaps, your last relationship was left you immensely heartbroken. Or that last date you went on sucked six ways to Sunday.
You may feel like you have a bad pattern when it comes to choosing partners and dates. And you’re not cut out for relationships and love. But it takes just one person, one date, one conversation to change of all that.
The next date you go on could be with the one who turns out to be the love of your life. Perhaps, you meet them without even going on a date. An accidental run in a café or meeting them at a friend’s party. Instantly, you feel that connection that you’ve been yearning for all along.
Your life could be so different from that moment on. That’s one of the biggest reasons to keep believing in love.
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8. Inability to love yourself
Giving up on love indicates a lack of belief in this emotion altogether. When you denounce something with such conviction, you let it go completely. A person who has quit love can not only not love others but also themselves.
Their perception of the self becomes warped. Add to that a harrowing sense of loneliness, guilt and self-blame, and your self-worth can take a massive hit.
Instead of giving up love, take the time to work on yourself. Heal and recuperate before you give another relationship a chance. If you’re struggling with your sense of self, there is no shame in seeking help.
So, process the hurt and agony. Understand what you want from your relationships. Take some time off to be on your own, if you need. But keep your heart and mind open to the possibility of love. It’ll find you. If not today, then tomorrow.
To give up on love means that you have lost faith in the concept of love altogether and shut doors on the possibility that you can build a wholesome bond with someone.
If you’re in an unhealthy relationship where you suffer physical or emotional abuse at the hands of your partner or see the signs of a toxic relationship, it’s perfectly legitimate to walk out.
When you feel like giving up on love you abandon the idea of getting romantically involved or emotionally invested in another person. When that happens, your relationships are at best superficial and hollow
To give up on someone you love, you need to sever all ties with them. Following the No Contact Rule is a time-tested way to give up on someone you love, as it allows you to process and let go of your feelings for the person.