I’ve never believed in the institution of marriage. I strongly believed that love loses its charm over a period of time. I was born and bought up in Mumbai. My father always believed that my hatred towards marriage was because of the ‘Mumbai culture’. After my dad’s retirement, he decided to move to Chennai so that I can understand the importance of marriage and ‘SOULMATE’.
After bidding adieu to Mumbai (the place I loved the most), I was struggling hard to settle in Chennai. I was not able to understand the city, neither in terms of culture and nor in terms of location. This is when I decided to take up a job in an IT company. After a few months, I started interacting with a guy who was very quiet by nature. After some time, we started liking each other. My perception about marriage changed. This guy used to treat me like a princess and he used to understand my problems from my perspective. He accepted me the way I am. I admired simple things about him. He too was madly in love with me. After a year’s time, we decided to take our relationship to the next stage…. MARRIAGE.
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We spoke to our parents and were able to convince them after a few efforts. Things changed after our engagement. Earlier, we used to chat all day long, not any more. Now, I was less pampered. Soon after our engagement, I lost interest in marriage, but I was left with no choice, because I was the one who initiated marriage conversation with my parents.
Ultimately, we got married. During the initial days, things were very complicated as his parents were very traditional and it was difficult for me to adjust. His parents live next door, so I had to make modifications in my lifestyle. It all started with my dressing, changing from Western formals to salwar.
When we were in love, he used to ensure that nothing hurts me but today, he hurts me the most.
I started to feel that he wasn’t interested in my happiness any more; he is just concerned about his parents’ thoughts, opinion and social stature. Things changed and I decided to adjust.
We’ve been married for a year now and with every passing day, I feel burdened with household chores and loneliness. Sometimes he is just numb when I share my problems and sometimes he shouts at me loudly when I cry.
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I just feel like I should leave this house and run to some corner of the world where nobody can question my decision. Probably this wasn’t the relationship that I wanted. Waking up at 6.00 AM to cook, rush to office, come back and wash all the dishes, prepare dinner, fall asleep and the same routine again. If I talk about my problems to any of my friends, they tell me that life is all about adjustment and there are people who are leading a much more difficult life. Sometimes I feel that I have no other option, but to adjust. Sometimes I feel, I’m not valued for what I do and I should stand up for my self-respect.
Still confused and not able to make a firm decision on what to do…
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