Struggles and Scars

I don’t believe in love and marriage

She never believed in love and marriage but changed her mind when she met him...
close up a lady

I’ve never believed in the institution of marriage. I strongly believed that love loses its charm over a period of time. I was born and bought up in Mumbai. My father always believed that my hatred towards marriage was because of the ‘Mumbai culture’. After my dad’s retirement, he decided to move to Chennai so that I can understand the importance of marriage and ‘SOULMATE’.

After bidding adieu to Mumbai (the place I loved the most), I was struggling hard to settle in Chennai. I was not able to understand the city, neither in terms of culture and nor in terms of location. This is when I decided to take up a job in an IT company. After a few months, I started interacting with a guy who was very quiet by nature. After some time, we started liking each other. My perception about marriage changed. This guy used to treat me like a princess and he used to understand my problems from my perspective. He accepted me the way I am. I admired simple things about him. He too was madly in love with me. After a year’s time, we decided to take our relationship to the next stage…. MARRIAGE.

Related reading: He’s very conservative; how do I change him

We spoke to our parents and were able to convince them after a few efforts. Things changed after our engagement. Earlier, we used to chat all day long, not any more. Now, I was less pampered. Soon after our engagement, I lost interest in marriage, but I was left with no choice, because I was the one who initiated marriage conversation with my parents.

upset woman
(representative image) Image Source

Ultimately, we got married. During the initial days, things were very complicated as his parents were very traditional and it was difficult for me to adjust. His parents live next door, so I had to make modifications in my lifestyle. It all started with my dressing, changing from Western formals to salwar.

When we were in love, he used to ensure that nothing hurts me but today, he hurts me the most.

I started to feel that he wasn’t interested in my happiness any more; he is just concerned about his parents’ thoughts, opinion and social stature. Things changed and I decided to adjust.
We’ve been married for a year now and with every passing day, I feel burdened with household chores and loneliness. Sometimes he is just numb when I share my problems and sometimes he shouts at me loudly when I cry.

Related reading: How does a couple’s environment affect their relationship?

I just feel like I should leave this house and run to some corner of the world where nobody can question my decision. Probably this wasn’t the relationship that I wanted. Waking up at 6.00 AM to cook, rush to office, come back and wash all the dishes, prepare dinner, fall asleep and the same routine again. If I talk about my problems to any of my friends, they tell me that life is all about adjustment and there are people who are leading a much more difficult life. Sometimes I feel that I have no other option, but to adjust. Sometimes I feel, I’m not valued for what I do and I should stand up for my self-respect.

Still confused and not able to make a firm decision on what to do…

How my heartbreak changed me as a person

Bollywood songs on heartbreak

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Published in Struggles and Scars

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17 Comments

  1. That’s a really touching tale. Yes, you should stand for yourself when you find no support. You trusted your instincts and somehow it did not work out. Don’t blame yourself for it. Confront them, confront your husband. You need to express and express immediately. You will not get another life.

  2. Whoever hold this story…My suggestion to u that u also have life to live…u also have right to b happy..if u r Taking care of everyone then it’s others responsibility is also to make u happy…look my frd u r doing everything which people call adjustment great but if in return we also get love care and affection then V can do all house stuff…there is no pain in doing but if v r not happy there then what is the use of doing all things beyond our comfortable zone….Don’t b there where u r not happy…In schools also v get failed. No matter v start again in studies… sometimes v study the subject we don’t like…so it’s the one more chapter of life in which v get failed…that’s it…sorry it’s not negative thoughts…It’s just u hv right to b happy. Thats it…God bless u…

  3. We cannot choose our experiences but we can choose how we respond to them.
    You can either look at this as a victim or as a warrior.
    Know yourself well , delve deeper, introspect…you went by your instinct and don’t bash yourself for it.
    Use this time to explore yourself fully. What gives you joy; what takes away your peace of mind; what makes you feel safe; what makes you lose your center and once you start getting clarity, you will know what to do in this marriage…whether to leave or stay. Don’t be in a hurry to take a decision. Time unfolds the truth. Give yourself time and be patient and gentle with yourself.
    Loads of luck & love – Meenu

  4. We cannot change the Behaviour, Attitude or Mind Set of the People around us… But We can surely Learn to Change our Way how to React at their Behaviour… The situation arises mostly in love marriages wherein the girl leaves her family – fighting with her relatives only the trust of her lover – her future husband; but if she feels betrayed; it becomes very difficult to adjust & compromise..
    Be Brave; think twice – analyse pros and cons and then take a decision about your life… Best of Luck !!

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