It’s been a long, hard day at work, you hate your boss, you kind of hate your job, and you’re exhausted. You come home and you still have to cook dinner, clean up the mess you left this morning and prepare for the next day. Nobody’s got time or energy for action between the sheets after that. Add kids to the mix and you have the recipe for erotic doom.
So how to keep the spark alive after all these years of marriage? Desire, the spark, the boom, the fireworks whatever you call it, often fades over time in long term relationships. Sometimes people end up surviving a sexless marriage without cheating though.
But the effect of a sexless marriage is definitely not a good one. According to a recent newspaper article, married (read long term relationship) folks are having less sex than ever before! Once the sex starts waning from a relationship it could result in frustration, resentment, and bitterness gradually creeps in.
So in that case, how to keep the spark in a relationship? Let us tell you.
How To Keep The Spark Alive In Long-Term Relationships
There is no denying the fact that every relationship goes through phases where the sex takes a backseat and you focus on building emotional intimacy. But sexual intimacy is important for maintaining a healthy relationship so you need to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship.
We’re giving you 5 tips on how to keep the spark alive in relationships that are losing their charm because of boredom or lack of time.
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1. Demystify the myth of spontaneity
As much as pop culture reinforces the myth, sex is not going to fall out of the sky when you are cleaning cobwebs from the ceiling or wringing wet clothes before putting them in the dryer. Sex in long term relationships is pre-meditated sex; it takes planning. Don’t expect the magic to just happen, get out there and make it happen.
You have to schedule sex and ensure that you are having it enough. There are some crazy sex ideas for long term relationships that can help keep things exciting. Just like you don’t miss out on your gym sessions, try not to miss out on the sessions in bed. You need to discipline love and get the best out of it.
Related Reading: Scheduled intimacy can be just as fulfilling
2. Create an erotic space
Creating an erotic space doesn’t only have to mean candles and rose petals on the bed, while that can be helpful, it is also about creating a space where you are a couple.
You need to create a space where you can let go of your responsibilities, like stop being parents to Max, caregiver to your mom or owner of pet Xander for the moment. You need to allow the playfulness of desire to sparkle to keep sex in long-term relationships alive.
Some ways in which you can create this space are to make a night-time ritual, for example every night before falling asleep, my husband and I tell each other one thing we loved about the other that day and this brings us closer instantly. We indulge in couples talk therapy at home too.
Another tip is to have a 3 minute make-out session before sleeping, only making out, no pressure; it’s sexy and playful and if it leads to more, hurray! And finally, make sure that your bedroom, or at least your bed, remains a sacred space.
Avoid bringing phones into the bedroom because gadgets ruin relationships, or working in bed. Definitely do not go to bed angry with each other.
3. Have date nights (with each other)
Who says dating has to stop when you are married or in a long-term relationship? You won’t know how to get the spark back unless you do the things you used to during your honeymoon phase. Plan a date with each other at least one evening every month.
It can be as simple as going for a long drive or a moonlight walk or eating ice cream from a truck. Get dressed, go outside, do something different from your routine, together. You can also plan double dates with like-minded couples.
Make a rule that you will not talk about the kids or rent or work on this date; be imaginative, be playful and you will remember what made you fall in love with your partner in the first place.
Related Reading: 60 Ways To Celebrate Spouses Day
4. Be open to trying new things
One of the most potent poisons that kills desire in a long term relationship is the lack of novelty. While on one hand, familiarity breeds ease and security, it can also give rise to boredom and monotony and these are the most common relationship problems. Be open to trying new things in your relationship.
One of the biggest advantages of being in a healthy long-term relationship is that you can be completely comfortable with your partner; this is a great foundation to explore your sexuality together. Don’t hesitate to try new things: sex toys, new positions, lingerie, role-play, fetishisms, can all be safely discovered in your erotic space.
You should be able to fathom when your man is in the mood and men should know how to satisfy a woman in bed. To keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship, knowing about each other’s needs is supremely important.
Make sure to be respectful and always keep consent at the center of all exploration. Ensure both of you are on the same page when you plan to experiment in bed.
5. Love and value yourself
One of the secrets to know how to bring back the lost spark in a relationship is to keep the spark alive within you. It is difficult to be sexy when you don’t feel sexy. Eat healthy, take care of your mental, emotional and physical well-being. It is very important to practice self-love.
Find your passion and invest your time in cultivating it. Nothing burdens a relationship like neediness; everyone knows how being clingy ruins relationships. Depending on each other is healthy and normal in a relationship, but when your partner becomes the only source of joy in your life, something is not right. It becomes an unhealthy codependent relationship then.
Making some quality time for yourself will also help you value yourself more. Love and accept yourself the way you are and before you know it, you’re bringin’ sexy back! This will help you flirt with your spouse and keep the spark alive.
So you get the drift now on how to keep the spark alive in long-term relationships. There is a wrong belief that sex is not a necessity in the long term but people enjoy sex in their 40s and even in their 60s. All you need to do is to ensure that you take time out for each other to have the conversations and the intimacy.
Do uncommon romantic things like you used to do in your honeymoon phase, start going on date nights again, and experiment with new positions and toys in bed to keep things exciting.
It lasts as long as you make an effort to keep things playful and exciting between the two of you. The problem with most couples is that when they get too comfortable with each other, they stop trying new things.