It has been said again and again that drugs ruin relationships. Being in a relationship with a drug addict is a daunting and emotionally draining experience. It is characterized by the constant hope that things will change for the better. But the addict is struggling with his own battle and can’t devote his energy to the relationship.
As Fredrik Backman puts it, “Addicts are addicted to their drugs, and their families are addicted to hope.”
As lonely as such a relationship might feel, there are many others out there going through the same thing. Today we have a story, a lived experience shared by a courageous soul. Maybe she has put your feelings in words, and you will get some food for thought after you read her piece. We have a little learning, and a little hope to lend…
Being In A relationship With A Drug Addict Ruins Everything
The substance being abused becomes the third party in your relationship and it takes precedence over everything. The drug in question exercises control over your partner, and consequently, the relationship takes a backseat.
There may be times when you can’t recognize your boyfriend when he’s under the influence of drugs. Maybe he’s emotionally and physically abusive, and you’ve lost count of the times he’s hurt you.
However, ending a relationship with a drug addict generates guilt; you want to put yourself first, but leaving him when he’s so vulnerable seems wrong. The relationship is clearly not healthy and you don’t know how to deal with a drug addict boyfriend.
Someone has already been through the motions of what you’re going through. She has faced these dilemmas and overcome them. Here is her story about being in a relationship with a drug addict, which will give you a fresh perspective on where you stand.
Related Reading: 8 Ways You Can Help Your Partner Get Over Drug Addiction
“Dating a drug addict was deeply problematic…”
As told to…
While most couples spend the first few weeks of their relationship being wooed by their significant other with chocolates and flowers, I spent mine watching my boyfriend get higher than the Burj Khalifa. This was definitely not how I pictured the ‘honeymoon phase’ to go.
A lot of people say that those who abuse drugs are two completely different people rolled into one – the high, intolerable self and the sober, apologetic one. My experience has been that the two share more similarities than one would like to believe.
For instance, the ‘high’ self that acts on every whimsical, socially inappropriate impulse due to lack of self-control is much like the sober self that can’t help himself from waking up and doing a line or taking another hit. They’re inextricably linked with and to each other, and believing otherwise is just self-consolation. Drugs ruin relationships, as well as the person you’re dating.
The fact that my boyfriend does drugs was something I underestimated early on. It had a much greater impact than I can describe. At one point I was convinced that I was in a toxic relationship.
“It boils down to the kind of person he is”
The bigger problem never really was the drugs, but more so what his addiction reflected about him. When it boiled right down to it, whether high or sober, he was unambitious and directionless. He was unbothered with the ground reality of everyday life, and in a sense, he refused to grow up. For how long did he think that his lifestyle was sustainable?
I kept trying to inculcate some sort of accountability in him, but in vain. Back then I used to wonder where I was going wrong, and maybe I was explaining things to him incorrectly. I now know that was not the case. It took time to tell myself, “My boyfriend is a drug addict and he is responsible for his choices.”
People often ask me how to deal with a drug addict boyfriend, and I usually say: you can’t. You should be dealing with your own inhibitions and complexes before moving on to him or your relationship.
Related Reading: 5 Ways Drug Addiction Affects Relationships
“For once, I asked, what am I doing?”
Honestly, he did very little to challenge me which stunted my personal growth. His erratic personality fueled by narcotics made him an extremely unstable emotional support. Upon further reflection, it seemed like the only reason this stagnant relationship saw the light of another day was due to my dependency on him. He had sparse redeeming qualities.
So why did I stay through the countless dates disturbed by calls from his dealer? Or through the many sleepless nights I spent being worried about his safety? Why did I continue being in a relationship with a drug addict?
For the same reason people continue to pump resources into a dying business; it’s hard to forgo the time already invested, coupled with unrealistic hope. It gets even harder to shut shop as more time passes because the efforts invested just increase. It’s a scary, vicious cycle to be a part of, even if it’s evident that the relationship is over. Breaking up with a drug addict requires introspection and asking what am I doing?
“The inner tug of war”
I have always been a strong believer that within us there remains a constant battle between the impulsive child and the logical adult. So while my boyfriend’s constant drug intake tempted the child in me many a times, his selfish behavior, appealed much more greatly to my rational self.
He had no self-control and that angered me a lot. I felt like I was putting in so much work to make him better, while he couldn’t keep his hands off a joint.
His constant insistence that I try this ‘enlightening’ recreational activity did almost persuade the curious, instinctive child in me. But then, witnessing him prioritize the ‘high’ over his academic workload or his responsibility to his family and friends only made me surer that I would be happier finding ‘enlightenment’ through yoga, meditation or our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
“The last straw”
I distinctly remember That Night – this was just before his final exams were about to commence, and this was a rather important set of exams as he was on academic probation. Failing these would lead to his expulsion. While most students would spend hours making flash cards or testing themselves, I was surprised to find him pop some Xanax and hope for the best.
I was flabbergasted at his casual approach. He simply didn’t care, not just about anything else, but even his own self. While I understand that addiction is a serious sickness, his lack of willingness to even try was such a deal breaker.
It was in that moment that I decided our journey together was over. I could not keep putting myself through this anymore, it also hit me that I had to be realistic about where this relationship was going. Was there a future with a drug addict boyfriend?
Ending a relationship with a drug addict is the final step when you have to choose between him and you. When people ask me how come I never got around to trying drugs, the answer really is very simple: him.
(As Told To Raksha Bharadia)