I Think I Am In Love With Her But I Want To Hook Up With Others

I am in love with her but I want to hook up with others

I will be 24 years old this January. I like my female friend. We have been friends for the last 1 and a half years and we met in real life for the first time last Monday. I think I am in love with her but I want to hook up with others. 

We are good friends

I met her on Instagram. So on Instagram, we started talking casually. I didn’t think of chatting to impress her. I never thought of her as my crush. Over time we had a good bond and shared our secrets and talked about our lives and emotions. We are really good friends now and we have a lot in common too.

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I have developed feelings for her

Nowadays I am feeling something for her but I haven’t expressed my feelings to her yet. I am an overthinker and my brain messes with me. I get restless.

I jump to my phone whenever I hear a notification sound thinking it’s her message. I start having negative thoughts and since I am not employed right now my free time kills me.

She is the one for me

She’s preparing for the toughest Civil Service Exam so she hardly opens her SM applications. I don’t get to talk to her much. I do but not that much. Her exam is on Nov 2020. I have never been in a relationship but I am mature too and I understand things. But if I am thinking of a relationship I cannot think beyond her.

I want to hook up with other girls

For the past 2-3 years, I have been fantasizing to live my life by hooking up with many girls. I am quite desperate for sex. But the thought that if I am in a committed relationship I wouldn’t be able to experiment with others makes me a bit scared. Although I have had sex only once with some other girl, if this relationship happens then this will be my first relationship and I am scared I may mess it up. I am in love but I want to hook up with others.

A relationship or hookups?

I never wanted to get into a relationship with anyone just because I am desperate. And I never will. I won’t take advantage of her. I like her. At the same time, I want to enjoy my life exploring sexual relationships many other girls for a few years at least. I don’t know what to do.

man in conversation with woman

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Dear 24-year-old in January,

It’s nice that you’re clear-headed in knowing what you want and that you’re desperate for sex.

You are very confused

Having said that, you seem to be living in a complete “what if” zone. It simply means you’re constantly thinking about the future and considering multiple possibilities of what may or may not happen with this girl.

Desperation leads to mistakes

You seem to like her. Have you told her that? The possibility of a relationship is only when she considers it too. Else you’re only making khayali pulao. Moreover, if you wish to explore and try various experiences, you can surely do that.

In any case, the desperation of any kind may only lead you to make mistakes.

Figure out what you want

So be level headed in figuring out what is it that you want.

Answer the following to gain further clarity.

1. Do I want to be in a committed relationship right now?
2. Am I in a mental state currently to commit to a relationship?
3. Am I looking for a more than sex relationship or sex is my priority?
4. Is having many girls in my life my idea of freedom and fun? If yes, what’s stopping me?
5. Most importantly, have I even told this girl that I like her more than a friend, if at all?
6. Can my interest in this girl be an infatuation? What am I ready to do about it?

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Hope this helps
Snigdha Mishra

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