When Lynn Anderson sang “Never promised you a rose garden, along with sunshine. There’s gotta be a little rain sometime”, she was right on all accounts. Relationships are not easy and come with their own set of problems. However, if you get the feeling that something is fundamentally wrong, then you might find yourself questioning, “Is he using me?” Chances are your intuition is trying to warn you and you should listen to it.
I know what you are thinking. What if I am wrong? What if it’s all in my head, and I am overreacting? To that I will say, when you are loved, you will feel it. Yes, there will be differences and disagreements in a relationship, but even in those, you will still feel secure in the knowledge that you are loved. Still unclear? Let’s explore some clear signs that he is using you.
21 Clear Signs He Is Using You
People should not be played within a relationship. Unfortunately, those who do play with feelings, tend to be very good at their game. They will manipulate you into believing that everything is just fine and your habit of overthinking is ruining your relationship. But that tiny voice in your head will keep coming back to tell you that all is not well.
To make sure you don’t dismiss the voice of your wise mind, here are 21 signs that will help you figure out if you are really overthinking things or are you right to question ‘is he using me?’
1. He’s quick to drop you if anything else comes up
You are getting ready to hang out with him. You cleared up your schedule for this date. But an hour before the said date he cancels. Or worse, you get stood up, and when you call him, he says it was football night and he and his guys are heading to the sports bar. Sounds familiar?
This kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. If this is happening to you several times, then it’s only natural for you to wonder, “Is he using me because he’s lonely?” It’s a sign he is taking you for granted and you are the least of his priorities. He only hangs out with you when he has nothing better to do. And is willing to drop you like a hot potato at a moment’s notice. I suggest you return the favor.
You deserve love. You deserve to be treated well. And if someone doesn’t appreciate your value, it’s better to let go of them.
2. Your phone lights up only toward the end of the day
Living such fast-paced lives, it’s impossible to stay connected with a significant other all the time. Also, after a few months of dating, the communication does dwindle a bit. However, if you receive texts from him only after dark and it ends with him crashing at your place, then chances are he is into you just for a place to live.
Women are blessed with a strong sixth sense. And by now the niggling thought that ‘he might be using me for a place to live’ must have entered your head. If it has, then you might as well check up on his living situation. You can confront him directly about it or you can ask his friends or roommates. And I assure you, you will find out exactly what the matter is.
3. How to know if a guy is using you for your body? Selfish lover
It takes two to tango. Be it on the dance floor or between the sheets. But Marjorie was beginning to feel her dance partner had a bad case of 2 left feet. Jamie was handsome with an amazing physique and used to say all the right things.
Marjorie was head over heels in love. Every time Jamie looked at her, she felt butterflies aflutter in her stomach. To her, Jamie was prince charming and she assumed that when they made love, it would be magical. Marjorie was in for a rude shock.
Jamie was proving to be extremely selfish in bed. Not only did Jamie not indulge in foreplay, he believed the female orgasm to be a myth. Yet when it came down to him, he wanted it all.
He was more than happy to experiment in bed as long as he didn’t have to put in any effort. After a while Marjorie began to wonder, “Does he love me or is he using me?” Once she realized what was going on, she sent Jamie packing and blocked him out completely.
Related Reading: 5 reasons why every man must ‘help’ his woman to an orgasm
4. Too much sex
Sex is a very natural and important part of a relationship. It makes the bond between a couple stronger. However, too much sex can also be a problem. Your partner might be addicted to sex. On the other hand, he might just be using you for sex.
If you are beginning to wonder how to know if a guy is using you for your body, then just note his behavior before and after sex. Is he is all sweet and accommodating and turns on his charm full blast before sex, but is cold and inconsiderate after the act is done? Or does he hurry through foreplay and ignore your needs altogether? Then I am sorry to say but he is indeed using you as a sex object.
5. He expects too many favors
When you love someone, you want to fulfill all their wishes to the best of your capacity. You do not want to see them going through any hardships. So, it’s natural that you will want to help out when the love of your life comes asking for a favor.
But when you realize that the frequency of favors is increasing day by day, then you need to ask yourself: Is it possible he is using me for money? As I said, you will want to help out. However, it’s virtually impossible to help someone out all the time.
Most of us are not billionaires and only have finite resources. So, there will come a time you will have to say no. And when you do say no and he’d end up throwing a fit. You can safely assume he feels he is entitled and thinks you are his ATM.
6. He is reluctant to compromise
A relationship cannot stand if there is no compromise. Both partners have to make space for adjustments for the relationship to work. When only one partner keeps adjusting to the needs of the other without any concession from their side, the relationship becomes unhealthy.
When a guy is not willing to find a middle ground in any situation and expects you to bend to all his whims and fancies, it’s a sign a guy is using you emotionally. It’s best to end things with a person who only caters to his own needs. You deserve better.
7. Is he using me if he only calls to vent
Patricia is an empathetic soul. Being a good listener, people around her lean on her for emotional support, as did her boyfriend Ted. She spent hours on the phone consoling and boosting him up.
Yet, whenever Patricia tried talking about herself, he would cut her short or nullify her problems. Patricia tried to be understanding about it. But eventually, she started to notice a pattern. After talking to her, he often disappeared for days, not returning calls or texts. Or being curt in his responses.
Until she had an epiphany. She made the wise decision and called up Peter and said, “I feel you are using me for attention, and I can’t be in a one-sided relationship.” Peter begged her to reconsider, but she had already made up her mind. Patricia is now in a healthier place emotionally and learning to set healthy emotional boundaries.
Related Reading: 9 Ways To Deal With An Unsupportive Husband
8. He doesn’t try to get to know you
Damon and Nina went out on quite a few dates. They texted often and seemed to enjoy each other’s company. They seemed quite compatible. However, they barely had any deep conversations.
Anytime she tried, he would retreat into his shell or he quickly changes the topic when it came to talking about something important to Nina. Nina knew that Damon had just come out of a relationship. But whenever she tried to talk about it, he would close up.
Eventually, Nina couldn’t help herself and ended up asking Damon,” Are you using me as a rebound? Because we don’t seem to be getting anywhere.” The long silence that followed, affirmed Nina’s fears. They both realized that Damon was not yet ready for a fresh start and their relationship did not have any future. At least, Damon’s honestly made sure they parted on good terms.
9. You only see him on his schedule
When you try to reach him, he is busy. But when he calls you, he expects you to give him your time. If you have to continuously make adjustments to your day to accommodate him while he is unwilling to step out of his comfort zone, it’s a sign that he is using you for his pleasure and indulgence.
A relationship needs two people to make it work. If your relationship stands because you are holding it up, then it’s a one-sided relationship and it’s best to terminate such a relationship. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. If he is willing to change the behavior, then there is a bit of hope. If he is not willing to work on the problems, then your relationship is already over.
10. You haven’t met his people
When a guy is serious about you, believe me, it will show. He will introduce you to his friends and family. Of course, it won’t happen right away. He does need his time to be ready.
But if you have been dating for a long time and you have not met any of his friends or siblings, then it can be considered a red flag. And no one can fault you for wondering, “Does he love me or is he using me?”
The best way to resolve this is to confront him directly. If he is serious about you, he will try to remedy the situation as soon as possible. If he is not into you, he will be wishy-washy about it. And in that, you will have your answer.
Related Reading: 10 Ways To Tell Your Parents You Have A Girlfriend
11. He doesn’t contribute to the living situation
He seemed quite into you, but after moving in together things changed. Not only does he not want to spend time with you. He doesn’t even want to help out with the household chores or the finances. It could mean one of two things – either he is trying to get you into adopting him or he is staying with you because he doesn’t have a place anymore. Neither of the options is pleasant.
You shouldn’t have to pick up after an adult. No matter how much he has been pampered. You deserve to be helped around the house. And when he doesn’t even bother to share the finances, you can rest assured his living situation is temporary. You can tell yourself he is using me as a place to live without any doubts.
I cannot stress this enough. No one owns you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Any relationship with a man who uses you will only end in misery. Do yourself the favor and ask him to hit the road.
12. He will lead you on
If your relationship is starting to resonate with Charlie Puth’s song ‘Attention’ and you find yourself thinking, ‘Is he using me for attention?’, you are most probably right.
A man who seeks attention will give you the impression that he wants to be with you, but will never actually commit. He will do everything to please you and will say all the right things to pull you in.
He will revel in the affection you bestow on him and will brag about it to his boys. But when it’s time to make things official, he will chicken out. It is best to avoid such toxic relationships altogether.
13. He doesn’t put in the effort to take you out on dates
You barely ever go out on dates. And when he does put in the effort to meet up with you, it’s Netflix and chill. And we all know where that’s headed. While it’s completely fine to not go out once in a while, if it happens 80% of the time, then it means he is not really into you.
A guy who really likes you will try his best to make your day fun and exciting and not take you for granted. I would suggest you wait for that man.
14. He doesn’t protect you
Whether you are a guy or a girl, when you love someone, it is but natural to want to protect them. And it’s been known for ages, men are instinctively protective. It’s purely instinctual. A guy who likes you will try to be your hero and protect you from the advances of other men. A little jealousy is fine. Endearing even.
But, if he has no qualms about leaving you alone in seedy dark alleys, or you walking home alone in the dark doesn’t bother him even a bit, then don’t even bother asking yourself, “Does he love me or is he using me?” It’s glaringly obvious he doesn’t care. You can’t avoid this truth with even blinders on.
Related Reading: Is Your Jealous Boyfriend Being Possessive And Controlling?
15. There is another woman
We all have a past. And while we can’t change it, we mustn’t let our past relationship overshadow our future. Unfortunately, many people tend to forget that before moving on to a new relationship.
So, when Thomas refused to get rid of the toothbrush that his ex used because it was the only thing of hers that remained with him, Linda couldn’t help but realize ‘he is using me as a rebound’. And the fairy-tale ended right there.
16. Is he using me for money? Yes, if he is mooching off you
Are you the one paying for all the coffee and dinner dates? Does he frequently forget his wallet when you are at the movies? Does he use your Netflix account (and messes up the algorithm)? If you have answered yes to any or all of these questions, then you have my sympathies.
A relationship is a partnership. You are supposed to share everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And that includes finances. It’s good to help out a loved one in need. But if the list of needs just keeps growing to the point that he just assumes you will take care of it all, then you are being used.
17. Your relationship isn’t romantic
Grand gestures are not everyone’s cup of tea. However, when your relationship completely lacks any sort of romance, it’s a red flag. And no, wild and inhibited sex doesn’t count. Great sex doesn’t mean romance.
If he seems cold or detached toward you in your sexual encounters and you have heard that his last girlfriend did a number on him, then you might start to question, “Is he using me to get over her?” Confront him. Whether he says yes or no, at least you will know where you stand.
18. He brags about getting the prettiest girl
Unfortunately, some men are in the bad habit of measuring their self-worth by the number of beautiful women they have dated. To them being a stud is more important than being a good human being.
Are you dating a guy who keeps talking about other women? Does he constantly point out your flaws or tries to better you to the point that you are beginning to feel like you are competing? It’s a sign a guy is using you emotionally to feel better about himself. Dump him now. He is so not worth it.
Related Reading: How To Cope When Your Partner Is A Control Freak
19. Shows you off to his friends and ex
It’s amazing when the person you love is proud to have you as a partner and says “that’s my girl”. When your partner is proud of you, it means he loves you just the way you are. And will let you know it too.
However, if he is constantly critical of your looks or only tends to show you off in front of other women or his ex, you will begin to think, “Is he using me because he’s lonely, or is he trying to get back at his ex?’
To be honest it’s most probably both. His need to show you off is his coping mechanism to deal with a breakup and get an ego boost. So, your doubt about ‘is he using me to get over her’ is absolutely valid. And you should probably end things if you want to retain your sanity.
20. He moves 0 to a 100 real quick
If you are wondering how to know if a guy is using you for your body, then the answer is: he will come on strong early on. He wants you to know he just wants sex with you and he is not going to be subtle about it.
Chances are if you ask him to slow down, he is not going to like it. It’s best to nip this relationship in the bud because nothing good ever comes out of a relationship in which you are just an object of someone’s gratification.
It’s quite simple really. A man who cares about you will be willing to wait till you are comfortable enough to take things to the next level. Simply put, he is not going to make a pass at you every opportunity he gets and you will actually feel safe being with him.
21. Your friends and family dislike him
The reason we often miss out on the sign that we are being used in a relationship is that we tend to see things through rose-tinted glasses. In such times, our friends and family tend to show us the real picture.
If your boyfriend really cares about you, he will try to make a good impression. But if he is disliked by every one of your friends and family, then there is a cause for concern. And it’s a good idea to pay heed to them.
I am sure reading all this may have hurt you a little. It is disappointing to realize that the person you gave so much of yourself to doesn’t even spare you a thought. But the fact of the matter remains that if a guy loves you and cares about you, he will show them in little gestures and you will feel loved.
But if your instincts are telling you otherwise, then there is definitely some truth to it. A woman can instinctively sense a mate who is not worthy. Have implicit faith in your conscience and do what it says.