Spirituality and Mythology

Is your spouse your soul mate too?

Commander ‘Jae’ Rajesh wonders if it is necessary for your spouse to be your soul mate too. Bonobology readers share their views...

So you are ‘happily married’, and are wondering if this person is your soul mate. In those first few months (or even years) of love and marriage, it’s totally normal to feel kind of dumbstruck. The conversations are thrilling, the sex is amazing and you really can’t get enough of each other. After all, that’s why you’re contemplating terms like “soul mates.” You are head over heels with the idea of finding your ‘Soulmate’, and are reasoning if this person could be the same ‘One’. But yet, there’s this sneaky feeling that maybe this person isn’t the one your soul seeks. So the question starts to nag you — is he or she really your One and Only soul mate?

We, as individuals, require a physical mate. That’s nature’s design. Some of us would like an intellectual mate – that’s a need generated by our intellect, our mind. Our ‘soul’ supposedly transcends both, our body as well as our mind. In that case, is it required to have a mate, wonders Commander ‘Jae’ Rajesh. “Also, is it necessary for your spouse or partner to be your soul mate too? Will your relationship suffer if otherwise?” the fitness aficionado asks.

Relationships can be strong even if your life partner isn’t your soul mate. Understanding and compatibility is very important though, says Neha, who has been a teacher for the past 22 years. Danseuse Joyeeta Talukdar believes that it is often possible that your spouse can be a good partner but need not be a good soul mate. There’s always a difference between the two but one has to be very lucky to find both in one.

Telecommunications engineer Sid Balachandran used to think otherwise for a long time, but the more he has experienced in life and the more relationships he has seen, he realised that sometimes your partner/spouse and your soul mate could be two different people. “And there’s nothing wrong in that. I don’t think the strength of your relationship depends on if your partner is your soul mate or not – just communicate, try and give each other some space and keep the spark alive – it’ll be fine,” Sid adds.

Not everyone believes in soul mates, but it can be a beautiful thing to believe in. The idea of someone loving you, no matter what… the damn near-magical feeling when a single glance communicates all of your thoughts! The soul mate understands you, supports you, and gives you warm bear hugs even when you are smelly or sick.

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Related reading: How I realised my soul mate is none other than my best friend

Have you heard of the concept of losing yourself? With a soul mate that losing happens more often than not. “In all other relationships, once the novelty wears down, the being One also fades. But with a soul mate, there might be real promise there,” believes Raksha Bharadia.

Surgeon Kamal Nagpal believes a soul mate need not be permanent, need not be a spouse or even a romantic interest, it may be anyone, who helps you move to the next level of self development. “We often develop deep connections with people which are based on deep sub-conscious and conscious needs, consistent with our phase of life evolution. These connections therefore feel very intense and can truly be thought of as soul mates, because they fulfill important roles in our life at that point in time,” Kamal says.

spirituality and mythology

If you believe in the kind of soul mates found in fiction and fairy tales, or dream that there is someone out there who is meant just for you, here are some sure shot signs for you to know if you are on the right track to find them. And in case you come across The One who knows you, truly understands you (and still loves you), don’t let the person go — they come around just once in a lifetime!

How To Identify Your Soul Mate

* You feel such a deep, spiritual connection with this person that it seems as if you have known the person for a long time.

* You seem to easily comprehend each other and have a similar way of thinking.

* You have déjà vu moments or flashbacks that make you feel that you have been together before.

* Your connection is intense and so is your relationship with the person too, often moving from extreme highs to extreme lows.

* You feel very much in-tune and connected with the person’s thoughts and actions. You intuitively know what the other person is thinking and/or feeling.

* You feel in sync with the person even when you are not together physically. You may also develop a feeling of having to team up together to overcome something.

* Your relationship is not just physical, but emotional too. It can bring things out in you that you never knew existed.

* Your relationship with this person may not last forever but the love always remains.

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