So, what do women want in a relationship? Answering this question is both, extremely simple yet awfully perplexing, at the same time. It’s like asking your mom where your bag is. “Check there,” she’ll say. Thanks, mom, but where exactly is “there”?
To be honest, it’s really not that hard. Just be nice and go out to have fries. That just very well may be all it takes to win someone over. Oh and don’t cheat. And don’t yell. And definitely don’t call her friend fat. Okay, maybe a list is needed.
Now that your ten-second attention span has been adequately grabbed and you’re seriously trying to figure out things every woman wants in a man, let’s get right into it.
What Do Women Want In A Relationship?
We’ll tell you what women don’t want, they don’t want a text that says, “Sorry I couldn’t reply, just been so busy lately.” Okay Elon, go finish up things at SpaceX and then hit her up.
And no, “What are you looking for?” is not the question to be asking a woman with whom you’ve exchanged three texts on a dating app; you definitely won’t be getting a precise answer either.
Of course, every woman wants different things. While some might prefer a more fun and relaxed dynamic that’s edging towards a polyamorous relationship, where they date multiple people at one time. Others may want a strictly monogamous, old-fashioned dynamic.
The best way to know what your girl wants is to get her some fries and talk to her about it. That being said, the list you see below is a generic collection of things most women want from their men in a relationship. Let’s dive right in before you end up thinking being good in bed is the only way to keep her around.
1. The golden rule: don’t be a douche
This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The simple answer to the mysterious question that’s been bothering you for days. Nobody wants James Bond or Ryan Gosling (as a boyfriend, we mean). All a woman – or anyone for that matter – wants, is someone who’s not obnoxious.
Think of what you’d want from a partner and be that person. You’d want someone nice, someone who cares about you, someone who’s respectful, right? Well, you have your answer.
The type of boyfriend a girl wants is the type of person you’d want to spend time with too. Make sure your dynamic features mutual respect towards each other. Speaking on the subject, Dr. Aman Bhonsle previously told Bonobology, “Respect is the foundation of any relationship. Trust and love are equally important, but without mutual respect, there’s no depth to a dynamic.”
Related Reading: 5 Things That Make A Relationship Work | The Basic Essentials
2. You don’t always have to solve, just listen
We get it, the hero instinct you have embedded inside of you is kicking you to be her knight in shining armor. But in most times of distress, she’s not really a damsel. She’s a fiercely independent woman who’s ready to take on the world and fight her own fights. Just because she’s ranting about Jansen from work doesn’t mean she wants you to do something about it. Try to understand how listening can improve your relationship. It’ll make your partner feel heard and validated.
3. Communicate honestly and be open
The basis of any good relationship is honest and open communication. When you’re confident enough to let your partner in on your vulnerabilities and open up about yourself, you’re also setting the groundwork for a deeper intimacy level.
What does a woman look for in a relationship if not intimacy and communication? Don’t hide how you’re feeling; nobody here knows how to read minds.
4. Have a conversation, not a monologue
While you’re trying to communicate, make sure you let her talk about her feelings and how she’s dealing with them too. Don’t be that guy who ends up having a one-sided conversation, regardless of who’s talking to him.
Validate and acknowledge whatever she’s saying, and make her feel heard. Communication is a critical aspect of any relationship and sometimes it can be as easy as actually listening to whatever she has to say. Plus, it will make you more empathetic in your relationship, which always helps you two get closer.
5. Give it a label and act accordingly
And be honest about your feelings. Forget answering “What do women want in a relationship?”, we’ll tell you what they don’t want: “going with the flow”.
Once you’re not just dating anymore and things are getting a bit more serious, now is the time to have a conversation about it and give your dynamic a label. Do it as soon as possible, we swear it makes things a lot easier.
6. Don’t be clingy
“Oh, you’re going out for a girl’s night? Mind if I join you?” Yes, yes she minds. So do all her friends, who will totally be dissing you in their WhatsApp group chat.
Nobody appreciates a clingy partner and personal space in a relationship is what holds it together. Give her the space she needs and enjoy your space too. You probably have a couple of friends who are angry at you for getting into a relationship and abandoning them. Make those plans and visit your favorite haunt.
7. Don’t fight dirty
Fights are a part of every relationship, and the way you approach conflict resolution speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. Don’t yell, don’t lose your cool over trivial things, and don’t break her expensive china. There’s no coming back from that one.
8. Emotional intelligence, a.k.a., maturity
Want to know what a mature woman wants in a relationship? A mature partner who knows how to be a gentleman. Being mature means you don’t let your emotions get the better of you and always look for positive ways to express the things you’re feeling.
Don’t lose your cool just because an ex contacted her after two years. Definitely don’t get angry when she can’t decide on what to order for dinner. It’s not that easy!
9. Be her best friend first
What do women want in a relationship? Simple, a best friend who they can spend their entire day just laying next to. When you’re best friends with your partner, you achieve a level of intimacy that encourages you both to talk about absolutely everything.
This, in turn, will only lead to improved communication and greater satisfaction with your bond. The type of boyfriend a girl wants is someone she can share anything with.
Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Grow In A Relationship Every Day
10. Throw the traditional gender roles in the trash
Forget all about the ‘men bring home the bacon, women fry it in the kitchen’ scenario from the 1950s. Get rid of all your traditional gender role biases if you have any. Answering “what do women want in a relationship” also ends up being a study of what they don’t want, and they do NOT want you to pay for every single thing they purchase.
No, you shouldn’t expect her to cook. She doesn’t expect you to pay all the bills, and she doesn’t need your “protection”. You work as a team, and work with what you’re good at, not at what society has told you that you must do.
11. Be sensitive and supportive
Want to know what a woman wants in a man physically? No, not six-pack abs or massive biceps. She wants someone who’s physically there to support her. That’s it.
The world can often be cruel to women. Don’t brush off the unfair treatment and discrimination she goes through. Be supportive, acknowledge and validate her struggles, and make sure you reply respectfully when she talks about the issues she has faced due to sexism.
12. What do women want in a relationship? Loyalty
Monogamy is a two-way street. When you’ve discussed that you’re both going to be exclusive with each other, it’s important to hold up your end of the promise. When you’re figuring out what a mature woman wants in a relationship, she wants someone who won’t hit on her hot best friend.
13. Be open to new experiences
Sure, you may like to spend your Saturdays watching the game with your friends while drinking beer, but try to keep an open mind about trying out new things. That new French restaurant that your partner wants to try can’t be as bad as you’ve imagined it out to be.
Being fun, spontaneous, and exciting are things every woman wants in a man. Spending a Sunday curled up next to each other while watching Netflix sure is fun, but so is trying out that rock climbing place. Spice things up with an at-home date night, or go out thrill-seeking. Whatever you do, at least you’ll get a few new Instagram pictures together.
14. Don’t make everything about sex
If you do her a favor and expect to be rewarded with sex, you’re better off not doing her the favor. Just because you took her car to the shop doesn’t mean she has to do that thing you like in bed.
Do things for her out of the kindness of your heart, not to keep score or if you’re expecting sex in return. When you’re trying to answer “What does a woman look for in a relationship?” know that she’s definitely not looking for someone who’s going to make her feel like she owes sex to that person.
15. But also make sure the sex isn’t boring
Just like men, some women have a high libido, some don’t. Some are asexual, some aren’t. Some consider sex very important, some don’t. But if yours is a dynamic that frequently has sexual intercourse, make sure it’s not the same old thing every time, but an exploratory practice.
So, what does a woman want in a man physically? Someone who will take her needs into account in bed, and won’t be obsessed with finishing the race first and laying down next to her breathless for 10 minutes.
16. Take responsibility for your actions
It doesn’t matter what your actions may have been, make sure you don’t run away from taking responsibility. No, your past relationship wasn’t toxic solely because of your “crazy ex.” Take responsibility for the mistakes you may have made.
Especially when you’re trying to rebuild trust in your relationship, owning up to whatever you might have done wrong is vital.
17. Be committed to the relationship and let her know that
If the only exercise you get is running away from commitment, it’s probably not going to fly. Out of all the things every woman wants in a man, being 100% committed and showing it every single day is right up there.
Related Reading: Top 9 Tips To Build Trust In Relationships
18. Be the best partner you can be
Granted, a relationship should feel like a well-oiled machine and you shouldn’t rely on surprises and gifts to keep things afloat, but kind gestures never hurt anybody. When you’re trying to answer the question, “What do women want in a relationship?”, they’re definitely looking for some of those cute surprises and romantic gestures we all see in the movies.
Work on yourself, be respectful toward her friends and family, value her time and be a reliable person. When you can successfully be a better partner in your relationship, you can help her be the best version of herself too.
19. What do women want in a relationship? Trust, safety, and accountability
No, she doesn’t want you to add her fingerprint on your phone. But even so, if you’re both capable of using each other’s phone to Google something without making the other person anxious, that’s all the trust you could ask for in our modern-day, dating scenario.
Trust issues in relationships can end up eating away at it. Do whatever it takes, but make sure you can say you truly trust your partner.
So there you have it, the things every woman wants in a man, listed out for you. Seems daunting? Here’s a pro tip: instead of spending hours pondering over “What do women want in a relationship?”, just go and ask your partner what she wants. Oh, and make sure you follow points 2, 3, & 4 while you do so.