My marriage was not one of the ‘Big Fat Indian Weddings’, the ones which India is known for. I got married in a simple ceremony in a temple. This marriage was happening at our will, and after our parents’ consent, so everyone was happy. It was our decision not to spend extravagantly on random strangers, who do not give a shit about our happiness.
When you marry the person you love, there is nothing better than the feeling. You smile so wide that your cheeks start hurting. The priest starts to wonder about your mental soundness because of the wide grin. Your skin glows, not because you have been groomed for hours in a parlour but because of the excitement for the perfect life.
As the ceremony started, my dream of marrying actualised, with him holding my hand. Suddenly you are on a path to take the seven vows.
The sacred vows bind a couple for eternity, and these vows seem to work better than any modern relationships. These seven vows hold you for your entire life, and you plan to hold on the same.
Throughout the ceremony, your feet keep sweeping on, and a flighty tinge overpowers you all the time. Your friends nudge you to be subtle but you are so happy that nothing else matters except for the eye contact. Those continuous mumbling of I love you’s in between the ceremony by him, whenever he gets near you. It’s like a dream come true.
The ceremony lasted for less than an hour and your excitement, knows no bounds. Your friends hug you, click pictures and then you receive loads of best wishes from everyone. Everything seems perfect, and you become the happiest girl alive on this planet. Seems so good, right?
Then everyone leaves, and in the end it’s just you two on a lifelong journey. Slowly you are bound to a routine. Your habit of getting up at noon turns into a good morning at 7 am in the morning because he has a regular job to take care of.
Your whole routine changes from hanging out with friends to cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, washing clothes and sweeping floors. If you are a working professional, soon your vacations get over and then cleaning and household works are left for the weekends or the maid, but these added set of responsibilities continue to haunt you for life.
Shopping bags turn into grocery bags, romantic evening plans turn into lazing around while watching a movie and those cute text messages turn into, “Did you remember to pay that bill?”
You start bickering; things start to get a bit rough and bleak, and within days you start fighting like cats and dogs.
“Where are those romantic dreams, long mesmerising walks and magical dates?” Where is all that, you wonder?
You forget to acknowledge his making breakfast every morning only to ensure you catch more sleep. His messages to take it easy on work, to relax and be calm seem a bit intrusive. But he cares for you and his advice to take a day off and not to get tired seems real.
Everything remains magical but in a different form. He helps you with cooking each evening after office. He carries the heavier bag because he knows you are not used to it. He waits for you outside work and makes snacks for you when you are late from office. Those silly ‘I love you’s’ change to ‘Take care and be safe’, but they are still there.
Related reading: No infidelity, no domestic abuse and yet am lonely in my marriage
Love changes with time. This is what real love feels like. Situations change, but feelings do not change ever. You become a wife from a girlfriend. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the perks of being a wife. You control his wallet, after all.
Once married, not everything is as lovely as it was. We are resistive to change, the basic principle of nature. And the same applies to the relationship of two friends turned couple turned husband and wife. We keep missing old times without thinking about our present and future. Marriage is one such change that can never be cherished in a better way, than when we are with the person we have loved the most, over the years. If you feel stuck with it, take a reality check and start enjoying it. It is definitely worth it.