When moving in with your boyfriend, you may visualize a shared bathroom, bed, a clothes-tossed living room and unwashed dishes, right? The prospect of moving in with your boyfriend is fun and exciting. You are unofficially almost married and it’s time to get down to the dirty (literally) details of cohabitation.
Moving in together is the first step to a long-term relationship. This is the time when you can really test if you are made for each other.
Living together can be so much fun, unless “Let’s have sex on the sofa”, changes to “Why are the dishes still not washed?”
And it won’t take a lot of time. You can lose your favorite lipstick under the pile of his unwashed underwear. You will hear complaints about how much hair you leave in the bathroom and how long you take in the shower. Cooking together might be a distant dream now because your busy schedules leave time only for quickly gobbling down ordered in food.
The reality of moving in could be rather different from the expectations you had from your move. Live-in relationships certainly have advantages but they can turn out to be a disaster if not planned properly. So, if you are moving in with your boyfriend soon, here are a few things you should expect.
Moving In With Your Boyfriend – What To Expect?
As you pack up your life in a few dozen cardboard boxes, you may be filled with a titillating excitement of venturing into uncharted romance and intimacy. Unless you are an uptight person, who always gets her way, moving in with your boyfriend might be a tad different from what you expect. When a guy asks you to move in together here’s what you should be ready for:
- Privacy? What’s privacy? From peeing with the door open and being in a fart competition, expect a lot of moments of cringe-faced platter of no-privacy. If you haven’t seen it all, you will, after you move in. Nothing is too disgusting
- Nowhere to go after a fight: If you are usually the one to walk away from a fight and retire to your bedroom to calm down, you won’t get that kind of luxury anymore. Your bedroom is his bedroom. Say goodbye to the honeymoon phase. Instead, expect to actually talk about your issues with each other. I mean, you really have to now
- The father-mother situation: Ever seen your father look for his things for hours while your mother finds them in seconds? Expect things to be misplaced, expect your boyfriend to launch panic-ridden searches for his charger that you can see is still in the wall socket, only for you to literally point it out for him to find it
- Mixing of arguments: You won’t know when an argument about unflushed poop can change track into a much deeper fight. Even though you had settled it in the past and said you had made peace with it, while living together, it can come back in ugly ways. But remember to fight the issues, not each other. And remember to reconnect after a heated argument
- Hunger pangs and all that: You SO might be hungry all the time. It could be for food or for sex. You might feel it too. Couples often rub off on each other. Your hunger pangs will hit you at the oddest of hours. Thank God for long drives at 3’O clock
When should you move in with your boyfriend?
Being madly in love is one thing and living together quite another. You need to have a certain comfort level with each other to be able to share the bed for a good night’s sleep and not get perturbed by the farts and warts.
How long should you wait before moving in with your partner? Ideally, it should be around 3 years. That is the right time to know each other well enough to be able to live together. If you have been dating for three years, you will have a fair idea about each other’s eccentricities and habits.
You would know then if you can cook the same dinner and have it together or if you can manage the expenses together. This does not mean that living together won’t be a revelation. It will be, but if you move in at the right time then you will be able to handle the revelations better.
That’s why moving in with your boyfriend too soon is not a great idea.
10 Tips For Moving In With Your Boyfriend
If you feel that you both are spending a lot of nights together at each others’ homes, then moving in together makes a lot of sense. It can also help you save some money as a couple. Paying rent for two apartments when literally you are at one place all the time seems impractical.
But moving in together is a huge step in any relationship – it is natural to feel anxious and excited at the same time. It’s a big step in your relationship.
Although moving in together will give you a first-hand experience of what happens at the next step, it can get messy if not done right. You might want to go through a moving-in together checklist to know your readiness so that the move doesn’t blow up in your face. From sharing a bathroom to cutting him some slack for his alone time, here are some tips for moving in together and cohabitating successfully:
1. No ‘helping’ only ‘sharing’
Don’t agree with your boyfriend on ‘helping’, he should be ‘sharing’ all the responsibilities. Helping is for guests and relatives who visit you sometimes. Ensure he won’t dump all household responsibilities on you.
Your boyfriend cohabitates with you. Make sure he knows you are not there to pick up his dirty underwear or cook for him. Make it clear that you won’t clean up after him like you’re his mother.
2. Throw out stuff
You’ve got one wardrobe and fifty different kinds of underwear. The closet is overflowing and you’re running out of space to store your belongings. It’s time for a little closet clearance. Bring down the number of clothes you own because the same space will now be utilized by two people. You need to be clever about creating and space so that it doesn’t become a constant reason for bickering.
If you are too attached to your clothes, stuff them in a suitcase and keep them in storage. Although we recommend picking out everything you’ve not worn in the past year and dropping it off at the nearest donation center. Moving in with your boyfriend is all about compromise.
Related Reading: 5 Things A Girl Does In A Live-In Relationship
3. Finance matters
Will everything get split 50/50? Or the one who earns more will pick up most of the tabs? Also, talk about if you should be having a joint account. You need to have these discussions before things get awkward.
Living together before being legally married might not require a joint account, but go ahead and get one done if you are sure. There is no one right way to handle money as a cohabiting couple but make sure you are sharing the finances in a way that no one feels pressured.
4. Have a life of your own
Your lives shouldn’t revolve around each other. Living together will ensure you see each other all the time but that doesn’t mean your boyfriend needs to be around every time you have your friends over.
Hang out with the gals when you want and let him do the same with his friends. If you forget to have a life of your own after moving in together, you’re going to get sick of each other.
5. Brace yourself for an oh-so-different version of your boyfriend
Is he really sweet? How does he handle pressure? How woke is he really? Does he expect you to do more housework than him? How is he with his friends when no one is looking?
You will definitely find something that you hadn’t expected of him. Do you like this part of your boyfriend? Be prepared to see some hitherto unexplored sides to your partner. There’s no trying to impress each other anymore. It’s just the reality.
6. Compromise a little
Meet each other mid-way. If you are the cleanliness freak who likes her jeans ironed and dishes washed right away, you should take over the cleaning part. Let your boyfriend take charge of doing the shopping and running errands.
You will not always get to do things your way. If a guy asks you to move in with you then be ready to compromise. No relationship is perfect without balance.
Decide what you can compromise on and what not. For instance, you can let go of an argument over the position of the living room table but not your independence. Be open to suggestions and let your boyfriend take a call on some things. Remember: it’s a shared household.
7. It’s okay to sleep angry
A fight in the evening led to you sleeping on the couch? Good. Fighting and being angry is given when you are sharing a roof with your boyfriend. This practice might just be healthy for your relationship. Moving in with your boyfriend will definitely challenge this aspect of your life.
You do not need to stay awake till 3 in the morning to decide who is right and who is wrong. Sleep on it. The issues you were fighting about can be handled more rationally in the morning light.
Related Reading: 8 Things That Are OK To NOT Share With Your Partner
8. Changes in sex life
When the novelty of living in wears off, sex life changes too. There are dips and rises, there are times when you go days/weeks without sex. Know that it’s okay.
The ebb and flow of sex drive can make you question the validity of the relationship. But it’s more common than you think. It’s normal to experience this change because nothing in life will stay the same and remain perfect. You need to work for it.
In times of doubt, talk to your boyfriend. Maybe rev up your sex life with toys?
9. Continue dating
It’s easy to stop making an effort to look nice when you have seen each other walking around in a T-shirt with a three-week-old stain. But that can take a toll on your relationship eventually. Even if you are living together, dress up pretty, go out for dinners, movies, long rides.
Living together might become mundane and you may feel like you are already married, but don’t let the thrill of the romance and intimacy die out. Don’t let adult life, work routine and proximity dampen the spirit of dating. Keep the spark in your relationship alive.
10. Don’t let the insecurities get to you
Sometimes, insecurities increase when people move in together. Do you have a habit of texting people till late in the night? Does your boyfriend think these late-night conversations with different guys amount to micro-cheating? If he did the same, would you be okay with it? Moving in with your boyfriend is a serious step and should not be taken lightly.
Learn to limit the things that make your boyfriend uncomfortable or insecure. Or at least have a heart-to-heart conversation to quell his insecurities.
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Deal With An Insecure Boyfriend
When you are sharing a space with your boyfriend, it calls for compromise and communication. Do not skip talking about the issues bothering you, do not hesitate to share how and what you feel, and above all make sure you are willing and ready to move in.
Can Moving In Together Ruin A Relationship?
Yes, it can. Many couples treat moving as a trial run to check their readiness for marriage. When you’re constantly viewing the experience as an assessment of whether you can survive together in the long haul, little irritants begin to stand out.
When the real persona starts showing, the arguments become frequent and two people start seeing the differences more, then this could actually ruin a relationship.
There are couples who live together but decide not to marry because they realize they are like chalk and cheese. On the other hand, many couples come closer while living together. So, it all really boils down to your reasons behind sharing a living space and how ready you for this next step in your relationship
Before deciding to move in together, have a detailed conversation about your living arrangement. If it’s not working out, handle the situation maturely and break up as amicably as possible. Every relationship has its pros and cons and ups and downs, It depends on how you deal with it. Living together can indeed be a lot of fun, if done right.
Moving in with your boyfriend will help you understand if he is the one for you. It might increase the love in your relationship or it may end up being a disaster. It all depends on how well suited you are for each other. The good thing is, at least you will know for sure.
If it is the right time, it is definitely not a mistake. When you are ready, you should 100% commit to moving in together.