As exciting as being in love is, going through a breakup is equally devastating. No wonder in today’s day and age, casual dating is becoming more and more acceptable. After the first few heartbreaks, one can hardly take the risk of going through the painful healing process all over again. Initially, two people coming together is all flowery and the high level of passion in the relationship is fueled by excitement and attraction. However, as time passes, several incompatibilities come to light and relationships turn bitter. And all the miscommunication and misunderstandings give way to diverse reasons to break up long-term relationships.
10 Most common reasons for A breakup
Have you ever thought that if love is such a wonderful feeling, why do you people fall apart? Why do they break up after all? We talk extensively about the good parts of falling in love; we commercialize romantic holidays. But what happens when two people face various disturbing issues after being in a relationship for a few years? What leads them to finally put their foot down and make a call to end things with their partner? That is exactly what we are going to discuss today – 10 common causes of relationship failure.
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1. Insecure attachment style
Out of the many reasons to break up with someone you still love, relationship insecurity hits the top of the list. It could stem from an unfavorable childhood if a person grew up without consistent familial affection, encouragement, and love. If you had a similar upbringing, chances are you already know what it is like to live under the perpetual fear of being left alone.
You seek constant validation and reassurance that you are loved which, in reality, makes you look clingy and needy in the big picture. It could be a huge turn-off for your partner if they refuse to be patient with you and the relationship. On the flip side, you may find difficulty in establishing real intimacy with your partner and push them away before the relationship gets a chance to mature.
2. Unrealistic expectations
Sal shares, “For me, over-the-top expectations were enough reasons to break up with a nice guy. I met this insanely good-looking person at a party a few years back. There was a cinematic moment when our eyes locked from the opposite corners, he walked up to me and offered to buy me a drink – just like that, a special connection started growing. At that moment, I had the kind of feeling people write novels about. But it wasn’t meant to be. I know now that my expectations throughout the relationship were unrealistic even though he was lovely.”
If you think the dreamy honeymoon phase stays forever, you are wildly mistaken. Your partner is not supposed to always read your mind and magically understand what you want. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean it will be like a series of fancy date nights, surprises, and romantic weekend trips. If you fail to accept the mundaneness of life, and the importance of making honest efforts, it’s going to be difficult to hold on to a relationship for long.
3. Lack of emotional connection
Do you feel the emotional connection you had with your partner five years ago is slowly fading away? If I am not wrong, you hardly check in with each other to see if the other needs love and support to go through a stressful time. When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart or grabbed their fingers while crossing a road?
Apparently, like thousands of other couples, you too have started taking your loved one for granted. But honestly, it’s not the end of the world. Partners can still address the issue and work on building intimacy before they run out of time. It’s the lack of effort that turns out to be one of the reasons to break up long-term relationship.
Related Reading: 20 Questions To Ask Your Partner To Build Emotional Intimacy
4. Toxicity at its best
When we reach out to a friend or a colleague and ask what the causes of relationship failure were for them, in most cases the response is, “Our relationship was becoming very toxic.” Now, toxicity is more like an umbrella term, as the monster can rear its ugly head in many ways. If your partner exhibits narcissistic personality traits leaving no stones unturned to intimidate you and disrespect your individuality and capabilities, it can eventually drift you two apart in the relationship.
Or, offering your partner absolutely no personal space, or refusing to accept them as they are – can you relate to such stifling behavior? If yes, you may find your relationship hit rock bottom very soon. As a matter of fact, you can count on it as one of the common reasons for teenage breakups, heartbreaks, and painful divorces.
5. Trust issues
If you are looking for causes of relationship failure, circle this one in red! The inability to trust someone may sit in your psyche for a myriad of reasons. For instance, growing up looking at your parents’ relationship as an example of dishonesty, or being betrayed by an old lover – these incidents leave an impact deeper than you think.
And to make it worse, if your ex or current partner has shown the traits of a serial cheater, trust will fly out of the window. It’s practically impossible to build the foundation of a relationship based on disbelief and insecurities. Result? The inevitable collapse of the relationship.
You know there are many valid reasons to break up with someone you still love, but this is undoubtedly the most painful and bitter one. We cannot rule out the possibility though, of two partners deciding to stick together to work on the root of the problem and make a comeback as a stronger couple.
That being said, infidelity is a non-negotiable red flag for the majority of people. Cheating in a relationship is hard to digest and even harder to get over – as simple as that. Sadly, many couples don’t make it through such a disaster and the relationship meets its tragic end.
Related Reading: Push Pull Relationship – 9 Ways To Overcome It
7. Poor communication
One of the textbook reasons to break up with girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner is when you stop voicing your feelings, concerns, and resentments in a relationship. So tell me, if you’re dealing with poor communication in your relationship, is it because you don’t communicate with your partner at all, or do you do it in a way that is confusing or indirect? Or do you completely refuse to hear out the other person’s version and shut them off? Or are you being rude to them? Constant criticism, blame-shifting, or uttering hurtful things to each other can spell doom for your relationship, I hope you realize that.
For the sake of argument, if we say the situation hasn’t escalated to this point yet, a lack of meaningful, healthy conversation can still create a huge space between two people. By the time you realize you don’t ‘talk’ anymore, you may have already lost them. Maybe you have outgrown your partner and can’t understand them anymore. One way or another, you take one step toward a breakup every day.
8. The long-distance hurdle
The struggles of a long-distance relationship can be a real pickle especially if the partners are split into two different time zones. Your sleep schedule gets messed up keeping with the overnight calls. Possessiveness and unjust jealousy slowly creep into your mind as you can’t shake the feeling of them finding someone new. You feel extremely lonely and emotionally distant over time – out of sight, out of mind!
All the miscommunications and never-ending fights loom large upon your sanity and one day, you realize, you just cannot bear this anymore. In fact, long-distance relationship problems are common reasons for teenage breakups. As they move out to different states for higher studies, the sweet high-school relationships are bound to expire in due course.
9. Financial matters
Financial stress in relationships can stand in the way of a happy ending for many couples. It becomes a bigger problem if you decide to move in with your partner. Unless planned way ahead in time, a gap in earning makes both the partners feel uncomfortable as they are either overspending or unable to meet the basic relationship responsibilities. On top of that, financial infidelity often clears the path to separation, giving you enough reasons to break up long-term relationships.
Related Reading: 21 Elements Of Developing Respect In A Relationship
10. Lack of integrity
Have you ever thought about what could be the reasons to break up with a nice guy or any person for that matter? It’s probably because partners tend to give up easily when patience is lacking or they just lose interest. They do not want to make real efforts toward sustaining a long-lasting bond. See, relationships take time and investment to grow. These days, we are always in a rush and we seldom devote our time and patience to nurturing a relationship. The moment the honeymoon phase fizzles out, one becomes too despondent and lazy, or simply uninterested, and starts looking for the next prospect.
Now you have much better clarity about the major reasons to break up with girlfriend, boyfriend, or a partner. The moment you see your relationship hitting a rough patch due to any of these reasons, you know where to start in order to reattach the scattered pieces. If the two of you feel incapable of solving the problem, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel of experts are always here for you.
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