Have you ever been shamed for having had sex? At some point you’ve probably thought to yourself – it’s the 21st century, can’t a women have sex without guilt? Unfortunately, in many societies talking about masturbation and orgasms is still a big no. Chances are you’d be judged for talking about these ‘taboos’. But it’s time you forget about these meaningless societal norms and explore your sexuality and have the best sex of your life – without any guilt!
After all, YOLO. Isn’t it?
What Best Sex? Isn’t It Just About Babies!
What I am about to tell you might sound outrageous, hysterical, impossible, because you will not want to believe that a girl is “shamelessly” having sex; and I’ll tell you why.
It’s a huge taboo in our conservative society. Women and sex? They don’t mix well at all. Well then, how do you think we women have babies? We have to have sex for that, but that’s exactly where the taboo starts. Women are expected to procreate but not indulge in sex for pleasure.
These pressures have made women feel ashamed of enjoying sex for years! The reality, however, is far removed from this stereotypical perception. Sex is not just a mean to have kids. It is also something you can enjoy. Contraceptives exist for a reason, right?
School wasn’t very helpful
Like most other children, my introduction to sex or “sexual intercourse” happened through my seventh-grade biology book. I was randomly reading some chapters in the book (biology is my first love) and I happened to come across some fascinating sexual terms.
So many organs, so many functions just to have babies. Nature is so complex. I went to my father to ask questions about it. That’s when he slapped me, saying I shouldn’t be asking him such questions. I went to my mother. She evaded every question I had.
Thankfully, unlike other biology teachers, mine was there for me when I had these doubts. She explained to the best of her ability what sex actually means, leaving out any awkward parts. After eagerly surfing the net, I learned about orgasms and masturbation.
I realized that the internet had taught me more aware about sex and sexual health than any textbook or adult. But the knowledge I had gained was not enough. I was to learn later what these terms meant in practicality.
The books never explained the penetration part (I guess it was implied, as if a 13-year-old would just get what it implied). So I understood this, a man enters his penis in a woman, rocks to and fro, some chemicals are mixed and bam! Nine months later a baby was born.
According to our Indian society, this lesson on sex was sufficient. That is, until I get married.
Related reading: How I Discovered Sex, Pregnancy And Love In Pre-Internet Days
Paulo Coelho taught me about masturbation
I used to read a lot. I still do. Novels provided me with reprieve from a lot of trouble. They taught me a lot, too. From places I couldn’t dream of visiting to visiting my own body. I read a book called Eleven Minutes, by Paulo Coelho. I was in the twelfth grade when I read it. The book mesmerised me. It talked about so many “inappropriate” things. I learnt so much.
There was a segment where the protagonist discovers her body’s magic through masturbation. I did the same as she did and I don’t ever regret it. I reached a point where I had seemed to black out and felt like I was floating. My first orgasm. I learnt a lot about my body from then on.
A few months later in college, girls were talking about it and they thought that it was so “yucky” to penetrate yourself like we have nothing better to do. They made it sound like a crime, and I started feeling ashamed and guilty.
Related Reading: What’s The Big Deal About Masturbation?
It affected me in a different way. I didn’t realize that most people do masturbate but still disavow it in public to save themselves from embarrassment. From that point on, whenever I masturbated, I did it with a lot of shame and guilt.
Then, I met Andre
In the fourth year of medical college, I met Andre. He was an intern. I sought his advice for guidance about the internship next year. He knew a lot, told me about prospects other than being just a doctor. He was nice. We clicked. So he asked me out and we went on dates. I enjoyed his company a lot.
We both started liking each other and we both disliked labels. Technically I had a boyfriend, but I didn’t like saying that. However, I was happy to be dating someone. Someone who I knew wasn’t going to break my heart.
So my friends and I talked about boys, booze and drugs. When we started talking about sex, and sex positions, everyone got awkward. No one liked talking about it. They still viewed sex as a process that put you on the path of parenthood, not a tool for pleasure. It was wrong.
I still felt guilty, but something came over me. I experienced pleasure when I explored myself. It wasn’t mystical like some unicorn. It was for real. I understood that if it did exist and if it made me feel so satisfied, it could not be wrong to want it more. It was like chocolate; once you have had it, savoured it, you crave it, too.
Sex has nothing to do with marriage or babies
Andre and I had regular make-out sessions, but just that. We never took it any further. Once when we did, he explored my body so very gently – it was the best sex of my life. He made me feel at home. And then it hit me – sex had nothing to do with marriage or babies.
What if a future husband didn’t understand my body like Andre did? How could I let go a chance at pleasure? Best sex can be right in that moment, with the person you want to do it with – captivated, entwined. Nothing is wrong about wanting something that is real. So I did have sex with Andre. The best sex of my life, might I add.
Related Reading: ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’- You Need Not Be Ashamed Of Your Desires
Since that day, I learned so many things. I learned that gynaecologists view clitoris as nothing but a vestigial skin protuberance (what an irony!), that society thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to have sex before marriage, that it was wrong, that people will make up any rules just so that their kids can conform to their certain contorted “sense of morality”, that to feel the need for sex was equal to blasphemy.
It was a long and hard journey; a journey of self-exploration, and I learnt about the importance of sexual compatibility. Sex taught me so many things about my own body. I realized that having sexual needs and desires is not embarrassing – if anything, it only makes me human.
So I learned to have sex without guilt. It always felt right, felt good. Why should I be ashamed that I accepted pleasure and ecstasy as something real, just because some people think that ‘best sex’ is a myth?
It is the imparting of biological knowledge relating to sexual intercourse, reproduction, anatomy, and birth control. Typically, sex education is received in middle school.
Not at all! Everyone masturbates at some point, and it is totally normal and healthy. In fact, the rush of hormones after an orgasm can relax your body and mind, and make you feel good about yourself. So, if you feel the desire for it, there is no reason to hold yourself back.
The answer is a big and loud NO! We are living in the 21st century – it’s time we educate people that sex is not just meant for reproduction but also pleasure, and there’s nothing wrong with that.