How To Respond To A Breakup Text

Break up And Loss | |
how to respond to a breakup text
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While not every relationship has an expiry date, the heartbreak of a breakup is well-known. Your love connection has reached that point where the spark is lost, the respect is waning, and things just aren’t that much fun anymore. But what you don’t see coming is how your partner handles the breakup. They thought that ending a 2-year relationship over text was a good idea. And now you are left wondering how to respond to a breakup text.

At this point, you are juggling the intensity of your own emotions and the anger of your partner leaving you in this manner. “Why didn’t they have the courtesy to do it in person?” you wonder. And what exactly does one say when someone breaks up over text with no intention to call or meet? What do you say when you get dumped over text especially if you hadn’t seen it coming? What is the best way to respond to this person whom you still love? Let’s get right into it.

Why Do People Break Up Over Text?

Sadly, breaking up over text is a norm these days. In today’s day and age, messy and convoluted explanations have become redundant. People just break up over a text message, and some even have the misfortune of being broken up with over Snapchat. But why?

  • Too much drama: Let’s face it, breakups come with a whole load of drama that really cannot be everyone’s cup of tea. To save themselves from rage and tears, taunts and blame, some people tend to ditch their partners over text
  • No capacity to explain: The person who is being dumped can ask the “whys” to which there might not be any specific answer, and that is why most people want to steer clear of the emotional toll of breakups
  • Too many options: People can now break up via WhatsApp, text, email or simply choose to block you from all their social media accounts. The latter is called ghosting in the dating world. They will simply stop taking your call and cut you out of their lives in such a way that one is left wondering what really happened. So you’ll either be shattered while trying to figure out how to reply to a breakup text, or while coming to terms with being ghosted
  • It’s so quick!: Why do people break up over text? Because it’s the easy way out, and that is what makes it so awful. A face-to-face interaction followed by a conversation and a breakup can become a dragged out and messy affair. If they don’t have to communicate with you anymore, it helps them get over you a little faster too

Discussing or explaining the reason one wants to move on can give some comfort to the person being left. So when a friend shared their dilemma on how to answer a cryptic breakup message, I wondered how to guide my friend through this difficult period. Especially since there was no closure to be had. I mean, what to say when you get dumped over text?

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If you want to come across as the bigger person, you can try a mature response to breakup texts, which we’ll expand upon soon. But the perfect reaction to being dumped doesn’t exist. What you can do is send them a text that would leave them stumped. For instance, if they write “I am sorry, I can’t go on with this relationship,” you could probably say, “Oh! Thank God.”

But jokes apart, what does one do when there is a vast virtual world before you, and the person who was supposed to love you has cut the cord of communication without telling you why? Do you respond to a breakup text at all in this situation? Is no response to a breakup text fine? It’s completely fine, and even healthy, if you choose to ignore their words. But if you absolutely must reply, here’s how you go about it.

Related Reading: How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex? 11 Expert-Backed Tips

How To Respond To A Breakup Text

Breaking up over text is the easiest path of self-extraction from a relationship that isn’t working. It is also the most cowardly way to do it. This is why many people end up ignoring a breakup text because they don’t want to dignify their ex-partner’s action with a response.

Having said this, we all have friends, or friends of friends, who have been on the receiving end of such a notorious message that epitomizes the underbelly of relationships. Some people usually have no response to a breakup text. What can you even say? It is awkward, heartbreaking, and infuriating all at the same time.

Here, at Bonobology, your question has been heard loud and clear: “Should I respond to a breakup text? If yes, what do I even say?” This is why, we share with you 9 ways of dealing with a breakup text in the best possible way.

1. Breathe, nice and slow

How bad is it to break up over text and end things in a flash! Right? That audacity will take a toll on you. But let us tell you, your world has not come to a halt even though it feels that way. That ringing in your head is just your brain trying to process the disappointment you are feeling because you had more expectations in the relationship. You need to get in a better headspace before you head into a conversation with your partner. Here’s how you prepare the best response to being dumped:

  • Relax yourself: Sit on the nearest surface and breathe deeply. Or go for a walk or a jog, or any positive movement that calms you. Don’t call your friends yet
  • Observe your thoughts without judgment: Wait for coherent thoughts after breaking out into a frenzy. Our aim? Maintaining your stability and composure
  • Take your time to reply to a breakup text: Replying immediately to a breakup text is not a great idea. Calm down first, and then formulate your words once the reality has sunk in. Think about what you will say but also be open to hearing the other person

2. Take a minute

Read the text again and don’t be reactive. Give your mind a few minutes to stop spinning. Any decision you take now, whether to throw your phone down and stomp on it, or text angry words back to the sender — you will regret in hindsight. So, stop, get yourself something sweet to drink, or, better yet, drink a glass of water. Take a few hours off, if you need to.

It is inevitable you will feel anger, pain, and grief if you had no inkling that a breakup text was coming your way. So stop stressing over what you should say and focus more on how you feel. Whatever you say, do not react in anger. Your response should be written when you feel as cool as a cucumber. Yes, getting dumped over text is the worst. But stop yourself from carrying out your knee-jerk reaction.

Related Reading: How Soon Can You Start Dating Again After A Breakup?

3. Formulate a sensible text, read it again, edit, re-read

When you respond to a breakup text after being dumped, keep your dignity; that would define who you are. So now that your breathing is almost regular, compose yourself and text back, asking your partner if they are sure of their decision. That is ideally the most mature response to a breakup text.

Now read the text you have written. Edit and correct spellings. No abbreviations. Change that ‘u’ into ‘you’ and ‘n’ into ‘and.’ Now read it again before sending it. Be as formal and clear as you can be. If you are writing a long message, then you might need a couple of glances at your draft to make changes. Be compassionate even when your ex is testing you (you can dump them later when you realize it was a test).

Decide if you wish to let them know how devastated you feel. Even though text seems like a place where one is more in control of what they say, your valid emotions can get the better of you. This is why, you need to calm yourself and regulate your breathing before replying to a breakup text.

mature response to break up text
It can be hard to think of a mature response to a breakup text when you are feeling devastated

4. Do not call them yet

Your emotions are too close to the surface, and you’re ready to blow the lid at any point. You will start crying, asking for reasons, be willing to change anything or everything, or you will shout and call them names and all the choicest words in your bag (which I would wholeheartedly agree with, by the way).

  • It is important to respect yourself: In the process, you will let go of the dignity you should be holding on to, even if by your fingernails. So if you want to keep that, the best thing to do would be not to call immediately. Imagine getting no response to a breakup text. Your ex might go berserk too
  • Have a high-value response to being dumped: As the dumpee, don’t act desperate for them to explain themselves or make it up to you. Hold yourself together and show them that while you are hurt, you will not be moved so easily. Show them that you are ready to let go of your ex. They should feel bad about their actions instead of pitying you
  • Control your reaction for your own sanity: Because people don’t know what to say when they get dumped over text, they make rash mistakes like calling instantly. Let the reality sink in, and process your feelings. There is no need to respond to the breakup text immediately. Reply only when you feel like it, and that could be a few hours or a few days later. Fair enough! There’s no hurry here

Related Reading: How To Get Over A Breakup? – 11 Effective Tips To Follow

5. Wait some time to respond, then take and ask for accountability

And when I say wait… I mean wait for at least half a day before replying to a breakup text. Keep them hanging, because an instant reply reflects desperation. Yes, sometimes the best reply to a breakup text is ignoring a breakup text, but only for a few hours.

Then, ask them for a reason. When they do bring up issues, relationship arguments, or concerns, here is the cheat sheet to what you should do.

  • Explain yourself earnestly: If you have had a fight or there has been a terrible misunderstanding, and the reason they give is actually fair, then briefly explain yourself. Place a request for a call, or meet and explain yourself in a public place. Keep calm and say you respect their decision, but you would like to put your side forward. They can then make their choice. In any case, do not beg for them to come back
  • Accept your mistakes: A relationship mostly never goes wrong because of just one person. If you have been in the wrong and have made a mistake, then accept your mistake. This is no time for ego or one-upmanship. Apologize and say you would like to make amends if given a chance, provided you truly want to save the relationship. Explain that you didn’t see it their way and did not intend to cause them harm. However, if they still want to break up, you would understand
  • Lashing out is no response to a breakup text: If there is no genuine reason and you think your partner is simply giving up, then just swallow your anger and wait for a day. The best ways to respond: Text back once you are in control, say you understand their decision, and wish them well. Keep your dignity intact at all costs

The most important thing to remember is to not beg them to stay with you. A Reddit user advises someone going through a breakup, “She tried to dump you through text! Don’t give her the satisfaction of begging her to stay with you. That’s not worth your time. If she doesn’t value you enough to tell you in person, she doesn’t deserve the pleasure of your company. Cancel the meeting, hit the gym, and start anew. Good luck!”

6. If ignoring a breakup text is not an option, then what to reply?

There are several ways you can reply to a breakup text. We have listed down a few suggestions for you:

  • Be funny: You can be flippant and say something like, “Sure, is that all? See you” or something to this effect. It shows you didn’t take this relationship that seriously anyway and are alright with parting ways. If you want to be extra petty, you can even just reply with one word, like “Sure”
  • Stay composed: You can say you understand their reasons and wish them the best when replying to a breakup text. This is one of the best responses to being dumped. It shows that you want nothing to do with them going forward. Chapter closed
  • Show displeasure at the way it is done: You can say that you expected better or you anticipated such a juvenile reaction from them from the beginning. You are allowed to express your expectations and that you deserved a better treatment
  • Give the benefit of doubt: If you seek closure and want a reason for the breakup, say as much. Say that you would not want to change their mind but would like to know why they chose to break off the relationship. Give them a choice of meeting as per their convenience. Or maybe they could tell you the reason over text too
  • No response: If you choose not to reply, that too is a reply in itself. Blocking the person from every social media profile or letting them watch you move on in life has its joy. Yes, it is alright to not to respond to a breakup text and end the relationship in that manner

Please remember. If they do decide to meet you, that doesn’t indicate that they want you to pressure them to keep the relationship going. The minute you press this advantage, you are proving their point that they are better off without you. Go and meet your ex to understand what tipped the scales instead of trying to save the relationship.

7. Don’t get angry at any cost

This is sacrosanct. Losing your cool, shouting, using foul language, saying hurtful things, and threats will prove that what they thought about you was true all along. It will open a can of worms where only ugly things will be said to each other, and you might never break things off on decent terms or heal from what’s said in the end.

If you two do argue a lot, they might even make the point that you are a nut case. That they were right to send you a breakup text. Because had they spoken to you like an adult, you would have embarrassed them. You become the culprit in this manner.

Instead, here’s what will help you:

  • Put two and two together: Understand all the hints and clues of the impending breakup that you failed to look at earlier. Put the jigsaw puzzle in place and you will be in a better frame of mind eventually
  • Let the negativity leave you: Tell yourself that this is the best thing that could happen to you! In reality, things were falling apart with them and now you can focus on self-growth
  • Embrace the relief: Research suggests that positive emotions can occur following a breakup, particularly when the previous relationship did not satisfy one’s emotional growth
  • Make a list of what helps you: Writing and journaling is a great intervention that can help one refocus on positive emotions. What else helps you? Singing, art, friends, travel, stories? Try them all

8. Don’t give a volatile reaction

I have found that no reaction is the best reaction when someone is trying to get a reaction out of you. It agitates that person the most because their expectations about you are not met. If you don’t believe us, just ask your parents! ‘Cold war’ is a term that is used in most households to describe how parents fight.

The more volatile of the partners will shout and the other will go quiet. The next two days are then spent by the partner who shouted trying to get the other person to talk. You get the drift.

Your silence on the issue will make the person wonder if you were affected at all, how important the relationship was to you, and if they had any value in your life. Sometimes, not saying anything to a breakup text is a good thing, and is a high-value response to being dumped so awfully.

Related Reading: 5 Steps To Ensure Closure After A Breakup

9. Talk to someone

You are brimming with unexpressed feelings. Find a friend, and call or visit someone who will listen to you without judgment. Tell them that all you want to do is vent. It takes a village to keep us sane. Don’t hide. Be out and about and meet people whom you trust.

Breakups not only cause an awful lot of stress but can lead to depressive episodes as well. Some people even go into depression for a few months after their breakup because they are unable to cope with it. There is a study that shows that a breakup is considered an important stressful event that increases the risk of developing depression.

This is why, you should try to share feelings that rise to the surface. Many folks are willing to listen if you are mature enough to ask for help. Nothing should be more important than ‘you’ at this time. If your family knows about your relationship, spend time with them. Seek comfort where you are sure you will get it.

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Savage Replies To Breakup Texts

How bad is it to break up over text? Let us tell you what a reader from Pennsylvania wrote to us, so you know how heartbroken and angry a person can get. They said, “I want to hurt my ex badly. I want to know what to say when you get dumped over text, when your only purpose is to make them regret their actions.” Not everyone can always take the high road by adopting the power of silence and there is such a thing as being petty after a breakup.

And sometimes, it’s about self-respect too. Some people can feel so hurt at being left that way, that they really cannot help but unleash a rude side of themselves to the person who broke their heart. In that case, if you think that saying something snarky is what makes you feel good, so be it.

A Reddit user suggested there’s no need for a long-drawn explanation. It’s better to keep it crisp. Here’s how they would respond to a breakup text, “I’d just text back ‘I changed my mind about meeting you Sunday. Have a nice life.'”

We’ve all been there. So, here are some savage breakup lines to completely stun the person who has dumped you:

  • You were my cup of tea, but I guess I drink coffee now
  • Alright, see you never
  • Bye boy
  • Onto the next chapter!
  • Sayonara, sucker
  • Time to finally realize my worth
  • Phew. I thought you’d never say it
  • Entering my healing era now
  • Thank you. I will now choose me and my happiness
  • Thanks for ending my suffering
  • Oh good! Back to the dating apps
  • Lost your tongue?
  • You finally realized that I deserve so much better
  • I got 99 problems and now you won’t be one
  • Oh god, thank you! I was tired of pretending

Key Pointers

  • A breakup text can feel brutal but you need to keep your calm instead of lashing out at your partner (now an ex)
  • What to say when you get dumped over text? You can tell them you are disappointed and deserved better in the way it was done
  • Don’t vent to them to express your frustration, vent to somebody else
  • You can text back something sassy or choose the high road, it’s up to you. But take some time to cool down before you formulate a response
  • Is it OK to not respond to a breakup text? It’s definitely okay but if it leaves you with terrible feelings on the inside, it’s better to have a final conversation and receive the closure you need

As tempted as you are to use the above lines to hurt them, remember that even if it may feel fun for now to say all this — it is indeed best to follow it up with a mature conversation. You are letting go of someone special to you, and you need some kind of closure. Unless, of course, they are completely averse to the high road. Then send one of the above texts and begin your grieving journey.

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