Not every relationship has an expiry date. But if yours has reached that point, and you want to break up, what do you do? Take a minute to think about it. Would you break up over a text message?
Now, in my time if you had to breakup, you would be graceful and tell the other person the reason. More importantly, you would take the consequences of the said breakup on the chin. Dealing with the guilt of breaking a heart, talking about it for hours, feeling like the lowest form of life, and suffering for years in guilty silence were a few of the aforementioned consequences.
Then came the age of drifting apart and yet remaining friends. We would go to each other’s marriages, wish our ex well, and be happy being called aunty or uncle by their kids. ‘Mutual understanding,’ we called it.
Breaking up over text is a norm these days. But what exactly does one say when someone breaks up over text? Replying to a breakup text is not easy. Because if you hadn’t see it coming, then getting ditched over text will make you feel awful. What do you say when you get dumped over text? What do you do when your boyfriend breaks up with you over text? We will tell you.
Why Do People Break Up Over Text?
In today’s day and age, messy and convoluted explanations have become redundant. People just breakup over a text message. People breakup via WhatsApp, text, email or simply choose to block you from all their social media accounts. The latter is called Ghosting.
They will stop taking your call and cut you out of their lives in such a way that one is left wondering what really happened. You’ll be shattered while trying to figure out how to reply to a breakup text.
So when a friend shared their dilemma on how to answer a cryptic breakup message, I too wondered how to guide my friend through this difficult period since there was no closure to be had. I mean, what to say when you get dumped over text? After all, talking, discussing or explaining the reason why one wants to move on gives some comfort to the person being left, a sense of closure.
People break up over text these days because it is the easy way out. A face-to-face interaction followed by a conversation and a breakup can become a messy affair. The person who is being dumped can ask the “whys” to which there might not be any specific answer.
There isn’t any perfect response to being dumped because it just doesn’t exist. But you can send them a response that would leave them stumped. For instance, if they write, “I am sorry, I can’t go on with this relationship”, you could probably respond with, “Oh! Thank God.”
This might be followed by tears and even hysteria. Not many people have the gumption to deal with such a situation, so just shooting a text is the best option in that case.
But jokes apart, there are ways to respond when there is a breakup text coming your way. So, what does one do when there is a vast virtual world before you, and the person who was supposed to love you has cut the cord of communication without telling you why? Do you respond to a breakup text? If yes, how do you respond to a text being dumped?
How To Respond To A Breakup Text
Why do people breakup over text? Breaking up over text is the easiest path of self-extraction from a relationship that isn’t working. It is also the most cowardly and spineless way to do it.
Having said this, we all have friends or friends of friends who have been on the receiving end of such a notorious text that epitomizes the underbelly of relationships. And people usually have no response to a breakup text. What can you even say?!
How do you respond to such a text that destroys how you had been viewing your world but a moment ago?
Your question has been heard loud and clear: “What to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you over text?” We share with you here, 9 ways of dealing with a breakup text.
1. Breathe and count
How bad is it to breakup over text? It’s not the end of the world, despite how it feels. That ringing in your head is just your brain trying to process the disappointment you are feeling. Sit on the nearest surface and breathe deeply.
The ‘Anulom Vilom Pranayam’ technique
will come to the rescue. Deep breathing helps us deal with the most adverse situations by calming our nerves. The first and best response to being dumped is maintaining your stability and composure.
Replying immediately to a breakup text is not a great idea. Calm down first, and then formulate your reply once the reality has sunk in.
Related Reading: How Soon Can You Start Dating Again After A Breakup?
2. Take a minute
Read the text again and don’t react. Give your mind a few minutes to stop spinning. Any decision you take now, whether to throw your phone down and stomp on it or text angry words back to the sender, you will regret in hindsight. So, stop, get yourself something sweet to drink or better yet drink a glass of water.
It is inevitable you will feel anger, pain and grief if you had no inkling that a breakup text was coming your way. But what to say when you get dumped over text? You will probably have no response to a breakup text.
Whatever you say, do not react in anger. Your response should be written when you feel as cool as a cucumber. Yes, getting dumped over text is the worst. But stop yourself from carrying out your knee-jerk reaction.
3. Formulate a sensible text, read it again, edit, re-read
Now that your breathing is almost regular, compose yourself and text back, asking your partner if they are sure of their decision. Now read the text. Edit and correct spellings, no abbreviations. Change that ‘u’ into you and ‘n’ into and. Now read it again before sending.
Does it sound neutral? No?
Rewrite it, no sarcasm…for now.
Calm yourself and regulate your breathing before replying to a breakup text. When you respond to a breakup text after being dumped, keep your dignity, that would define who you are.
4. Do not call yet
How bad is it to breakup over text? It can be bad because your emotions are too close to the surface. You will start crying, asking for reasons, be willing to change anything or everything, or you will shout and call them names and all the choicest words in your bag (which I would wholeheartedly agree with, by the way).
In the process, you will let go of the dignity you should be holding on to even if by your fingernails. So if you want to keep that, the best thing to do would be not to call immediately. Since there is no response to a breakup text, people go berserk in their reactions.
Because people don’t know what to say when they get dumped over text, they make rash mistakes like calling instantly. Let the reality sink in, you process your feelings and if need be there is no need to respond to the breakup text immediately. Reply only when you feel like it, and that could be days later. Fair enough! There’s no hurry here.
Related Reading: How To Get Over A Breakup? – 11 Effective Tips To Follow
5. Wait for their response
When I say wait… I mean wait for at least half a day before replying to a breakup text. Keep them hanging, because an instant reply reflects desperation.
Here’s what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you via text and you have asked for a reason:
a. If your partner does not respond, go to 1.3 or 6(b) below.
b. If they do respond by outlining the reason, do the following:
1.1 If you have had a fight or there has been a terrible misunderstanding, and the reason they give is actually fair…briefly explain yourself. Place a request to talk and explain yourself in a public place. Keep calm, and say you respect their decision, but you would like to put your side forward. They can then make their choice. DO NOT BEG.
1.2 If you have been in the wrong and have made a mistake then accept your mistake. This is no time for ego or one-upmanship. Apologize and say you would like to make amends if given a chance (provided you truly want to save the relationship). Explain that you didn’t see it their way and did not intend to cause hurt. Tell them you have no response to a breakup text. However, if they still want to break up you would understand.
1.3 If there is no genuine reason, swallow your anger and wait for a day before responding. Text back once you are in control and say you understand their decision and wish them well. Keep your dignity intact at all costs.
Anyone who is gutless enough to not talk to you, and does not feel you are important enough to engage with, should be treated similarly.
6. What to reply
What to say when you get dumped over text? You probably have a lot of questions in this area. Like, is it OK to not respond to a breakup text? Should you keep them hanging? Don’t worry, these questions will get resolved soon. There are several ways you can reply to a breakup text.
a) Funny: You can be flippant and say something like, “Sure, is that all? See you,” or something to this effect. It shows you didn’t take this relationship that seriously anyway and are alright with parting ways. You can choose to stay friends if you wish in such a scenario.
b) Dignified: You can say you understand and wish them the best when replying to a breakup text. This is one of the best responses to being dumped. It shows that you want nothing to do with them going forward. Chapter closed.
c) Showing displeasure at the way it is done: You can say, you expected better or you anticipated such a juvenile reaction from them from the beginning. Basically, Go Fu*% Yourself.
d) The benefit of a doubt: If you seek closure and want a reason for the breakup, say as much. Say that you would not want to change their mind but would like to know why at this point in time did they need to break off the relationship? Give them a choice of the meeting as per their convenience to discuss. Or maybe they could tell you the reason over text too.
Please remember, if they do decide to meet you, that in no way indicates that they want you to pressurize them to keep the relationship going. The minute you press this advantage, you are proving their point that they are better off without you. Go and meet your ex to understand what it was that tipped the scales.
e) No reply: If you choose not to reply, that too is a reply in itself. Blocking the person from every social media profile or letting them watch you move on in life has its own joy. Yes, it is OK to not respond to a breakup text.
You are the only one who can make that choice.
7. Don’t get angry… at any cost
This is sacrosanct. Losing your cool, shouting, using foul language, and threats will prove that what they thought about you all along was true.
That you are a nut case. And that they are right to send you a breakup text because had they spoken to you like an adult, you would have embarrassed them. You become the culprit.
This is the last thing we want them to think.
Instead try to put two and two together. Understand all the hints and clues of the impending breakup that you failed to look at earlier. Put the jigsaw puzzle in place and you will be in a better frame of mind.
8. Don’t react at all
I have found that no reaction is the best reaction when someone is trying to get a reaction out of you. It agitates that person the most because their expectations about you are not met. Ask your parents. The cold war is a term that is used in most households to describe how parents fight.
The more volatile of the partners will shout and the other will go quiet. The next two days are then spent by the partner who shouted trying to get the other person to talk.
You get the drift. Your silence on the issue will make the person wonder if you were affected at all, and how important was the relationship and by extension, he/she to you. Sometimes not responding to a breakup text is a good thing.
You keep them hanging. They don’t get to know anything about your feelings. The best response to being dumped is radio silence from your end.
Related Reading: 5 Steps To Ensure Closure After A Breakup
9. Talk to someone
You are obviously brimming with unexpressed feelings. Find a friend, call or visit someone who will listen to you without judgement. Tell them all you want to do is a vent. It takes a village to keep us sane. Don’t hide. Be out and about and meet people whom you trust.
Share feelings that rise to the surface. Everyone is willing to listen if you are mature enough to ask for help. Nothing should be more important than ‘you’ at this time. No one. If your family knows about your relationship, spend time with them. Seek comfort where you are sure you will get it.
Things to keep in mind
Never argue to prove your innocence
Silence is golden
Ab ja… Simran…ja …ji le apni zindagi…
Breaking up over text does not give you closure. It’s true; but it depends entirely on you how you want to react and reply to that text. And the more dignified you stay, the more peace of mind you will have despite the circumstances.