Sach baat kahoon? Four people talk about their experiences of coming out as gay

Sourish Samanta
gay couple

Coming out has to be done

Coming out has always been a way to let others know about your sexuality. Of course, you never come out if you are straight since that’s “normal”, a convenient term used by many. Coming out, on the other hand, is a very personal thing for people from the queer spectrum. Not necessarily an act of compulsion, but more like an act of letting others know that “Yes, I am queer and it’s okay to be so”. The person coming out shouldn’t feel uncomfortable, ideally, but it’s not the case for many who come out and suffer dire consequences. I have heard a lot of stories about coming out and there are a few which need to be shared here.

Related reading: Open about his sexuality and buoyant about his art: Sujoy Prosad Chatterjee

As a vlogger, I used YouTube to come out

I was once a shy person who liked to talk about movies with people who didn’t care enough to talk to me. But I felt lonely, and I always felt this urge to talk about movies. So, I started making videos on YouTube which got decent views and my fans loved me when I spoke about things or issues in general. I never had any reason to come out specifically, as I never thought that it was necessary for me to do so. I lived my life the way I wanted and it gave me ample space for me and my creativity. The lack of communication between me and the world outside always created hurdles and I started to learn the ways of being transparent. I learned that being transparent will help me become brave.

I learned that being transparent will help me become brave.

So I decided to come out on YouTube. I recorded the video and edited the whole thing. It felt silly, but I was anxious about the whole thing. I then made a broadcast list and sent the link to my video to each of my friends and family members. And the rest is history.

I announced it via a blog link on Facebook

I like to write blogs and I have always been an avid reader. My blog mostly talked about books and movies or music. I liked boys and I never thought that it was quite a big thing that needs to be “hidden”. So I devised a plan to come out. I wrote an open letter on my blog and put that link up on my Facebook page. I invited my friends to read it. The reception was mostly positive, but it didn’t matter anyway. I wasn’t looking for validation, just saying something that needed to be said. It’s already hard enough to stay in this heteronormative community and I had to put my foot down. I did and I am happy about it. I love my friends and they love me too. I’m glad to have come out like this. I thank the Internet too.

I got very negative reactions when I came out

“Girls like girls”: This is being fetishised by men to the point that they think that sexuality is like a T-shirt that can be worn according to your convenience. I knew that I would get a lot of flak if I came out as a lesbian. Being a girl is hard enough already and now a queer woman? But I did it anyway. I made a long post on Facebook and I publicly came out. Everyone, from my family to friends, started commenting. I even got calls. My mom started screaming, but I pulled myself through that shit storm. I was rebellious and I never got diverted. I did what I felt like and I had no regrets. Things are easier now, but coming out was a tough nut to crack. I am gay and I know it’s okay.

Related reading: How she came to accept that her son was gay even as her husband stayed aloof

Why I love my family so much

I love my family and we always discussed everything openly. From politics to gender issues, we talk a lot. And I never felt that my family was homophobic. So, I thought that I would ask my family out for dinner and take them someplace nice. That wasn’t the only motive, since I also wanted to come out. I did once the waiter stopped serving and my family replied to that by saying “We know” and we all broke down in laughter. I had a great time that day and I am glad to have a family like that.

Coming out is indeed a tough nut to crack, but it gets cracked either way. You are who you are, because “Baby, you are born this way!”

I’ve accepted that I’m gay but my family is trying to hide my sexuality from the world

I dated women for years before publicly coming out as gay

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