You know that feeling all too well. There is something horribly amiss in your marriage, and you can’t shake off the thought, “My husband doesn’t love me anymore.” Yet, you both have continued to stay on in the marriage so far. He hasn’t broached the topic of separation or divorce yet. But one thing is for sure: he is cold and indifferent toward you.
This may leave you riddled with confusion. “Are these signs my husband doesn’t love me anymore or am I overthinking this?” “If my husband doesn’t love me anymore, why is he still with me?” Accepting and coming to terms with the fact that the man who promised to love and cherish you, in sickness and health, for better or worse, has gotten over you can be hard. It can cause all those dreams of a wholesome, happy marriage to crash and burn.
To even ask you to accept your husband doesn’t love you feels cruel. But remaining in denial, waiting for the other shoe to drop will only prolong your agony and despair. If something in your gut tells you so, pay attention to the major signs your husband isn’t in love with you. It’s a wake-up call you can no longer hit the snooze button on.
17 Agonizing Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore
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Carla was distraught by the state of her marriage. Her husband was becoming more and more aloof and withdrawn by the day. “My husband is distant and not affectionate. My husband has no interest in me sexually or emotionally. Does it mean he doesn’t love me anymore and my marriage is on the rocks?” she turned to her best friend, Simone, for advice.
As a way of reassuring her, Simone said, “When your husband seems distant and withdrawn, there could be many reasons behind his changed behavior. Perhaps, he is dealing with something at work or is under some other stress that he doesn’t want to share with you. If it’s a phase, it will pass. You need to be sure of the signs his love is not real before you let these thoughts take hold in your mind.”
It wasn’t a phase. It didn’t blow over. On the contrary, Carla became increasingly lonelier in her marriage. If Carla’s story resonates with your own, you must pay attention to these 17 signs your husband doesn’t love you:
Related Reading: 10 Signs You Married The Wrong Person
1. Your husband seems distant and needs too much space
Andrea and Ron had decided to get married when she got pregnant after what was meant to be a one-night stand. A few years down the line, cracks began to emerge. Ron would take off over the weekends, switch off his phone and be completely untraceable for days on end.
When Andrea expressed her displeasure over this habit of his, he’d retort by saying, “I need my space. It’s suffocating to always be in this house.” “His never-ending need for space and alone time was my first hint that my husband doesn’t love me,” she told a friend after her divorce had been finalized.
While personal space in a relationship is healthy and creates space for growth, too much of it can be detrimental to a couple’s bond. Some indications that tell that your husband’s need for space is not just about his boundaries are:
- He hangs out with other people more than you and the family
- When your husband chooses friends over you all the time, it’s a sign he is actively avoiding spending time with you
- He would rather stay at office even if he could come home
- His demand for space makes you feel like he doesn’t value quality time with you
2. He talks as if there is no hope left for your marriage
When your husband doesn’t love you anymore, he may use marital problems as proof that your relationship is doomed to fail. Every marriage goes through its share of ups and downs. But couples who are still in love with each other make an effort to glide over the bumps along the way without letting these drive them apart. However, a husband who has checked out emotionally from marriage doesn’t see any hope of salvaging it.
He talks about your relationship as if it has already failed or is doomed to. For example, if you share a concern with him, he may respond with something along the lines of, “It is what it is. There’s nothing to be done here. You need to suck it up and deal with it.” This may, in turn, leave you feeling, “I can’t talk to my husband about my feelings and concerns. It seems like he no longer wants to solve problems but uses them as an excuse to further distance himself from me.”
This is undoubtedly among the signs of an unloving, uncaring husband. The question you now need to focus on is: What to do when your husband doesn’t value you and love you?
Related Reading: 14 Signs Your Husband Is Planning To Leave You
3. He is more married to the screen than you
“My husband doesn’t pay attention to me.” This realization can be heartbreaking and awfully agonizing. But when your husband gives more attention to his gadgets than you, it becomes harder to make this feeling go away. It is time to accept that your husband doesn’t love you the same way anymore.
If your husband spends ALL his leisure time with his face buried in his phone, tablet, gaming console, or television screen, if he’d much rather be watching TV than spend time with you, it’s a hard-hitting sign that he has fallen out of love and stopped caring about you and your marriage. The growing engagement with the virtual world is perhaps his way of not having to deal with or acknowledge these unsettling feelings. Be warned, these feelings have taken hold in his mind and technoference is ruining your relationship.
However, if this is the only sign that is making you go, “My husband doesn’t love me anymore, what should I do?”, look at his behavior in totality. With the encroachment of social media, gadgets, and instant communication, even well-meaning individuals find themselves caught in their web. The same could be true for your husband.
4. When your husband stops loving you, he finds fault with everything you do
“Is no affection from husband a sign of trouble or am I making mountains out of molehills?” “What if it’s just a rough phase?” “Is it even possible that my husband doesn’t care about me?” “I feel like my husband doesn’t love me anymore but won’t leave. Does this mean our relationship can actually be saved?” If these doubts are clouding your mind, pay attention to how he reacts to you.
One of the 17 signs your husband doesn’t love you is that he finds fault with everything you do. The way you dress. The way you look, your approach to parenting, your body shape or your “inability” to lose weight, your job, the food you put on the table. Every breath you draw seems to upset and irritate him. All the nice things you try to do for him backfire.
Even if he doesn’t openly criticize you for all of these things, you can sense his disapproval through his looks, facial expressions, and exasperated sighs. This is a clear sign your husband is mean to you because he is falling out of love, or perhaps, already has.
5. You know you have an uncaring husband when he stops contributing to the marriage
Sophie, who married her high school sweetheart, says, “I began to have this sinking feeling that my husband is no longer emotionally invested in me or our marriage when he began shirking responsibility. Be it fixing a leaky faucet in the bathroom or resolving a conflict in the marriage, his attitude pretty much was “not my circus, not my monkey”.
“Since I have known him for so long, that really gave away his changing feelings. I just knew my husband doesn’t love me anymore when he stopped contributing to the marriage. After all, actions speak louder than words.” How to know when your husband stops loving you? Look for signs that make you feel that your husband is not willing to put any effort into the marriage:
- He stops caring about your engagements, routine, well-being
- He doesn’t show interest in entertaining your family and friends
- He starts pulling away from responsibilities related to the children
- He doesn’t stay at home enough anymore. He is never there for you
6. When your husband doesn’t love you anymore, communication stops
Communication. Communication. Communication. It’s the Holy Grail of a successful relationship. Love may bring you together. Trust, mutual respect, and admiration may strengthen your bond. But it is honest, healthy communication that sustains a relationship. From sharing the little things to talking out your differences, communication is what sees you through in the long haul.
When your husband falls out of love, his willingness to engage in any form of communication disappears. It may feel like he has lost interest in talking things out, or perhaps, he has stopped talking to you altogether. This is one of the most obvious signs your husband is not in love with you.
This, in turn, may leave you feeling neglected. “My husband treats me like I don’t matter,” you rue. I hate to be so brutally honest but that feeling is accurate. Even if he still cares for you on some level, you don’t matter to him like you used to. You’re no longer a priority in his life.
7. A husband who doesn’t love you won’t miss you
“My husband doesn’t love me anymore and it hurts,” Tabatha said to her elder sister. Her husband, Mark, had left on a business trip three weeks back, and in all this time, they hadn’t spoken to each other more than a couple of times. This despite Tabatha’s relentless efforts to reach out.
“He doesn’t call or answer my calls. He doesn’t reply to my texts. When you say I love you and he doesn’t say it back. It has been 10 days since we last spoke. He has even stopped his usual routine of dry-texting me. For all I know, he could have eloped with someone else or fallen off the face of the earth,” she said in complete dismay.
Over their last call, when she had asked him, “Mark, it feels like we don’t talk anymore. Don’t you miss me?” To which, he responded, “I’ve been too busy to even think about you.” While she hadn’t felt loved in a long time, that statement made Tabitha face the truth she had been avoiding all along – “These are signs my husband doesn’t love me anymore.”
8. Anger brings out how he really feels about you
“My husband doesn’t love me but won’t leave me either. Why is that?” Joseline wondered out loud after yet another ugly fight. It seemed as if all they ever did of late was fight. These fights were followed by long spells of him giving her the silent treatment. “My husband ignores me for days and acts like I don’t exist,” she sobbed, and decided it was time to address the elephant in the room. So, that night, she decided to confront him with this question. “You clearly don’t love me anymore. So, why not just leave? Why this charade?” she asked, hurt and angry.
“I would have left long ago if I could. But I have a daughter with you and I want to be in her life. Divorce is not an option because I can bet you’d take her away from me. And you’re damn right, I haven’t loved you in a long time,” he revealed, in an angry outburst. People say the meanest things when angry.
When your husband is mean to this degree, sure, it’s bound to hurt. But if you have been having a nagging feeling that something has been way off for too long, you should take his words seriously. When emotions have settled, at an appropriate time, ask him what he meant. See if he takes it up with you, tries to brush it under the carpet, or is truly apologetic about what he said. Trust your gut.
Related Reading: 12 Signs Your Marriage Is Over
9. Signs your husband is not in love with you – The intimacy dissipates
What are some of the clear signs your husband is not in love with you? Here is one that you just cannot read wrong: intimacy has vanished from your marriage. If your husband has fallen out of love with you, not only will he not initiate sex but also turn down your advance more often than not.
“My husband pulls away when I try to kiss him.” “Why won’t my husband touch me?” “The lack of physical intimacy is taking a toll on our marriage.” Unpleasant thoughts like these become a constant feature when you’re going through a difficult time and your marriage problems just don’t seem to abate.
If you’re lucky, you may get an occasional round of mercy sex from him but it won’t feel the same. Even when you’re in the act, you can feel that he is distant and disconnected from you. This is one of the saddest ways to realize your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Lack of intimacy should not be concluded just from the lack of sex. Look for more of the following signs to know that you are having intimacy issues:
- He has stopped initiating sex
- Even when you’re intimate, he seems distant
- You may have sex regularly but he doesn’t show any intimacy otherwise
- He doesn’t hold your hand, touch you in any way, kiss you, look at you with affection
- You feel a lack of emotional intimacy as well
10. An unloving husband feels like a stranger
In the absence of love, the distance between spouses only grows. For Hope, the reckoning that her spouse didn’t feel the same way about her anymore came from the fact that she felt like she didn’t know him anymore. That he wasn’t the same person she had fell in love with and married.
“We had been having problems for a while. We’d go for long spells without talking to each other, and even when we did, it was mostly about the essentials – the children, the house, finances, and so on. Then, one day, I saw him steeping tea leaves in a pot instead of having his usual black coffee in the morning.
“When I asked him about it, he said he had given up coffee over two months back on the recommendation of a coworker he has been cozy with for some time. Suddenly, it hit me: my husband doesn’t love me, and perhaps, I don’t love him either. How could I when this man had practically become a stranger to me?” says Hope. Sometimes it is the little things that lead to big realizations such as lack of love and no affection in the relationship are warning signs that your marriage may have turned loveless.
11. Your husband does nothing to fight for the relationship
Sound conflict resolution techniques are the hallmark of a healthy relationship. When you’re in a marriage where both partners are equally invested, you fight because you want the best for your relationship. Sometimes, your ideas of what ‘best’ might be can be polar opposites, which leads to conflict.
Even so, you don’t give up. You try. You fight, you argue, you find a middle ground. One of the signs your husband doesn’t value you is that your husband doesn’t fight for the relationship. He just reluctantly agrees to whatever you say. If a fight erupts despite that, your husband does nothing to resolve the conflict. You’re the one who ultimately has to take the initiative to broker peace.
Whether there’s tension between you two or not, it doesn’t impact him in the least. Over time, this lack of interest may rub off on you too. When the “I stopped talking to him and he doesn’t care” realization hits you, you too may become cold and indifferent toward him.
12. He is more likely to be irritable and bicker all the time
Since he feels emotionally distant and detached from you but still has to share his life with you, he may be more irritable and on the edge all the time. One of the patterns that send out the “my husband doesn’t care about me or love me” signal is his tendency to bicker and set off arguments all the time. While he may not want to fight for or over the important things, he will most definitely sweat the small stuff.
For instance, something as minor as a delay in breakfast or you forgetting to take out the trash when it’s your turn can set him off. He’d use these small slip-ups as an excuse to lash out and walk away from you. This is just a way of creating more distance between you both. If that’s where you’re in your marriage, it’s a clear indicator of how bad things have gotten. You must find the answer to what to do when your husband doesn’t value you and assess if it’s even possible for you to work things out.
13. The walls around him seem impregnable when your husband stops loving you
One of the 17 signs your husband is not in love with you anymore is that he doesn’t let you into his life anymore. You and he may still be life partners who live in the same house but you know nothing about what’s going on in his life. Forget spending time together, doing interesting things, to strengthen your bond, you don’t even know the most basic details about the goings-on in his life.
Did he get that appraisal he was due for? Was there an important presentation at work this week? Where does he eat his lunch these days? Who does he hang out with? What Netflix show is he binging on? If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you have at your hands a broken relationship.
This may leave you reeling under the realization “my husband doesn’t love me anymore and it hurts”. I feel you. Now would be a good time to start planning the next steps to reclaim your life and happiness.
14. How to tell when your husband doesn’t love you? He may sleep divorce you
I want to clarify at the outset that sleep divorce alone isn’t among the signs your husband isn’t in love with you. Perhaps, sleep issues or snoring habits are making it hard for you to share a bed. That’s completely fine. You can have a strong relationship despite separate bedrooms.
However, if you notice most of the 17 signs your husband doesn’t love you in your marriage, and on top of that, your husband decides to sleep in a different room, then you have every reason to be alarmed. No affection from husband coupled with a desire to distance himself from you indicates that he may have checked out of the marriage.
15. An unloving husband stops planning for the future
Ursula came to the “husband doesn’t love me” understanding when she noticed that her spouse had stopped making plans for the future with her. “I wanted to invest in a retirement home, and we were getting an amazing deal on a suburban property but he just didn’t seem interested.”
When Ursula prodded relentlessly, he said, “Who knows what the future holds? There is no telling whether we’d still be married after all those years. So, making such a huge investment on a distant prospect doesn’t make sense.” “I felt like my whole world came crashing down on me. My husband didn’t love me anymore, and it was only a matter of time before the marriage ended,” says Ursula, who is now divorced.
Stopping planning for the future can manifest in different ways:
- Committing financial infidelity
- Not planning any future vacations when that has been the norm
- Withdrawing from investments into assets
- Not showing interest in partner’s goals
- Not sharing their own goals and plans
- Gradual withdrawal of interest from planning a date, a weekend trip, a party at home
16. He treats others with more love and compassion than you
When your husband doesn’t love you anymore, there will be no affection in the relationship. Are you in a position where you are left to wonder, “My husband doesn’t love me anymore but won’t leave, why?” Then, you may find this behavior pattern relatable.
A partner who is not yet ready to leave you but is still showing signs he doesn’t value you will resort to passive-aggressive behavior. One sign could be that he treats others with more love than he treats you. He could be trying to make a point or he may be doing it unconsciously. Either way, things don’t look good for your relationship.
“My husband treats me like I don’t matter but is warm and caring with everyone else. Right from our children to the dog, his family and friends, and even my family and friends, he treats everyone with respect, love, and compassion. When it comes to me, all he has to offer is contempt and bitterness. I don’t know how we drifted apart to this extent or what brought on this change in his behavior, but I do know that my husband isn’t romantic or affectionate anymore because he has fallen out of love with me. My marriage is dying a slow death,” says Stevie.
17. Cheating is among the signs your husband isn’t in love with you
Yes, people cheat for all sorts of reasons and not just because they’ve fallen out of love with their spouses. From seeking novelty and freshness to the excitement of tasting the forbidden fruit, there can be a host of factors that drive a man to cheat on his wife or vice versa. However, if not only has your husband cheated but has also fallen in love with another woman and that relationship has become his priority to the point where he is willing to sacrifice his marriage for it, then it is undoubtedly among the signs your husband isn’t in love with you.
How to know when your husband stops loving you, you ask? If your partner is committing emotional infidelity without any remorse, your marriage is in deep crisis. Salvaging a marriage where one spouse is not only emotionally disconnected but also invested in someone else can be near impossible. You have now reached the stage where you would wonder, “There is no love in the marriage. My husband has no interest in me sexually or emotionally. He is not the same guy I married, what should I do?” So, what should you do? Let’s find out.
What To Do If Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore
“My husband doesn’t love me anymore” – accepting this can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. Even more so, if you’re still in love with him. But if you see these glaring signs in your marriage, signs your husband doesn’t value you, you must take proactive measures to protect yourself.
It’s in your best interest to weigh your options and make a decision for yourself rather than sit and wait for him to ask for a divorce. Here’s what to do when your husband falls out of love with you:
- Accept the reality: Give yourself time and space to come to terms with the fact that what you’re going through is more than a rough patch and your husband has fallen out of love
- Take the time to process: Allow yourself to cry, seek support, and share so that you can process this lightning bolt you’ve been hit by. Your emotions are valid. Nothing you are feeling is an overreaction
- Decide what you want: Now that you know your husband doesn’t love you, do you still want to try to save your marriage or go your separate ways? Take the time to decide what you want to do when your husband falls out of love with you
- Talk to your husband: Once you’ve arrived at a decision, talk to your husband and see if he is on the same page as you. If he, too, wants to save the marriage despite his lack of love for you, it’s a good sign and there may be hope that you can resurrect your bond. However, if he is no longer interested in making things work, it may be best for you to let go
- Seek help to save your marriage: If you both decide to work toward saving your marriage, marriage counseling may be your best bet at getting to the root of the issues that drove this wedge between you in the first place and resolving your difference. You may be desperately wondering, “How to make my husband love me again?”, but remember, there is no magic wand that can turn on the love button in your husband’s heart. It will need consistent work from both your ends to rebuild this connection
- Make a clean break to walk away: If your husband is no longer interested in reviving the marriage, it’s best for you to make a clean break. Talk to him about the logistics of peeling your lives apart, get a divorce lawyer, and plan the next steps. At the same time, pay attention to your emotional health and allow yourself to go through the stages of grief to be able to heal and move on at some point
- Redefine the terms of your marriage: If your husband doesn’t love you but won’t leave or you’re not in a position to, it can help to redefine the terms of your marriage. Perhaps, open up the marriage and agree to see other people so that emotional and physical needs are not stifled in the process of keeping alive this hollow shell of a marriage
Key Pointers
- When a man falls out of love with his spouse, he becomes distant and emotionally detached
- This detachment may manifest as needing to much space, not contributing to the marriage, non-existent communication
- When your husband no longer loves you, he will also stop seeing a future with you, prioritizing you, or caring about your wants and needs. He may even cheat to have his own needs fulfilled
- When this happens, you have three choices: try to salvage the bond, walk away, or redefine the terms of your marriage
It can be hard to be objective about your own relationship. Perhaps, you have been noticing these signs all along but didn’t want to read too much into them or accept what these were pointing to. Now that you have it black and white what it feels like when your husband falls out of love with you, don’t look the other way. There is no other way of dealing with this situation but to put yourself through the emotional wringer and decide where you want to go from here.
This article has been updated in June 2023.
FAQs
Have an honest conversation with your husband, and ask him if he’s willing to work on the marriage. If he agrees, you can try couple’s therapy to make a fresh start. If he doesn’t, you need to get yourself a divorce lawyer and plan the next steps.
Staying with a husband who doesn’t care for you can be hard. Ask yourself why you feel the need to stay in a marriage where you’re not loved and don’t feel fulfilled. Then, work on addressing whatever limitations are holding you back. Once you’ve done that successfully, set yourself free.
Violence, infidelity and abuse in a relationship are often touted as legitimate reasons to walk away from a marriage. However, if you’re stuck in a loveless marriage that is making you miserable, it’s best to make a clean break and start over. It will make both you and your partner happier in the long run.
It is advisable to communicate your doubts with him directly. His response will tell you of the possibility for any reconciliation. If he doesn’t show any interest in addressing your concerns, treat it as signs your husband doesn’t value you. Salvaging a marriage in such a stage of crisis is near-impossible. It’s in your best interest to weigh your options and make a decision for yourself rather than sit and wait for him to ask for a divorce when. Consult a marriage and divorce counselor to help you with the process.
It means that you both should sit together and discuss your future, especially if your marriage directly affects the care of other members of the family, such as children, elderly dependents, pets etc. If your partner is dismissive or not ready to sit with you, you should immediately seek support from family or friends, and if possible, seek professional guidance.
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