You know the feeling all too well. There is something horribly amiss in your marriage, and you can’t shake off the thought, “My husband doesn’t love me.” Yet, you both have continued to stay on in the marriage so far. He hasn’t broached the topic of separation or divorce yet. But one thing is for sure: he is cold and indifferent toward you.
This may leave you riddled with confusion. “Is it really that my husband doesn’t love me or am I overthinking this?” “If my husband doesn’t love me anymore, why is he still with me?” Accepting and coming to terms with the fact that the man who promised to love and cherish you, in sickness and health, for better or worse, has gotten over you can be hard.
Remaining in denial, waiting for the other shoe to drop, will only prolong your agony and despair. If something in your gut tells you so, pay attention to the signs your husband isn’t in love with you.
17 Agonizing Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Carla was distraught by the state of her marriage. Her husband was becoming more and more aloof and withdrawn by the day. “My husband doesn’t care about me. Does it mean he doesn’t love me anymore and my marriage is on the rocks,” she confided in her best friend, Simone.
As a way of reassuring her, Simone said, “There could be many reasons why his behavior has changed. Perhaps, he is dealing with something at work or is under some other stress that he doesn’t want to share with you. If it’s a phase, it will pass. You need to be sure of the signs your husband isn’t in love with you before you let these thoughts take hold in your mind.”
It wasn’t a phase. It didn’t blow over. On the contrary, Carla became increasingly lonelier in her marriage. If Carla’s story resonates with your own, you must pay attention to these 17 signs your husband doesn’t love you:
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1.‘His unending need for space tells me my husband doesn’t love me’
Andrea and Rion had decided to get married when she got pregnant after what was meant to be a one-night stand. A few years down the line, cracks began to emerge. Rion would take off over the weekends, switch off his phone and be completely untraceable for days on end.
When Andrea expressed her displeasure over this habit of his, he’d retort by saying, “I need my space. It’s suffocating to always be in this house.”
“His never-ending need for space and alone time was my first hint that my husband doesn’t love me,” she told a friend after her divorcer had been finalized.
2. He talks as if there is no hope left for your marriage
Every marriage goes through its share of ups and downs. But couples who are still in love with each other make an effort to glide over the bumps along the way without letting these drive them apart.
However, a husband who has checked out emotionally from a marriage doesn’t see any hope of salvaging it. He talks about your relationship as it has already failed or is doomed to. For example, if you share a concern with him, he responds with something along the lines of, “It is what it is. There’s nothing to be done here. You need to suck it up and deal with it.”
This is undoubtedly among the signs your husband isn’t in love with you. The question you now need to focus on is: What to do when your husband doesn’t value you and love you?
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3. He is more married to the screen than you
‘My husband treats me like I don’t matter’ – this realization can be heartbreaking and awfully agonizing. But when your husband gives more attention to his gadgets than to you, it becomes harder to make this feeling go away.
If your husband spends ALL his leisure time with his face buried into his phone, tablet, gaming console or television screen, it’s a hard-hitting sign that he has fallen out of love and stopped caring about you and your marriage.
The growing engagement with the virtual world is perhaps his way of not having to deal with or acknowledge these unsettling feelings. Be warned, these feelings have taken hold in his mind and technoference is ruining your relationship.
4. He finds fault with everything you do when he has fallen out of love
“Is it really that my husband doesn’t love me anymore or am I making mountains out of molehills?” “What if it’s just a rough phase?” “Is it even possible that my husband doesn’t care about me?” If these doubts are clouding your mind, pay attention to how he reacts to you.
One of the 17 signs your husband doesn’t love you is that he finds fault with everything you do. The way you dress. The way you look. Your approach to parenting. Your body shape. Your job. The food you put on the table. Every breath you draw.
It irks him, irritates him. If he doesn’t openly criticize you for all of these things, you can sense his disapproval through his looks, facial expressions and exasperated sighs.
5. “I knew my husband doesn’t love me anymore when he stopped contributing to the marriage”
Sophie, who married her high school sweetheart, says, “I began to have this sinking feeling that my husband is no longer emotionally invested in me or our marriage when he began shirking responsibility. Be it fixing a leaky faucet in the bathroom or resolving a conflict in the marriage, his attitude pretty much was ‘not my circus, not my monkey’.
Since I have known him for so long, that really gave away his changing feelings. I just knew my husband doesn’t love me anymore when he stopped contributing to the marriage.”
6. When your husband falls out of love, communication stops
Communication. Communication. Communication. It’s the Holy Grail of a successful relationship. Love may bring you together. Trust, mutual respect and admiration may strengthen your bond. But it is honest, healthy communication that sustains a relationship.
From sharing the little things to talking out your differences, communication is what sees you through in the long haul. When your husband falls out of love, his willingness to engage in any form of communication disappears.
This, in turn, may leave you feeling ‘my husband treats me like I don’t matter’. I hate to be so brutally honest, but that feeling is accurate. Even if he still cares for you on some level, you don’t matter to him like you used to. You’re no longer a priority.
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7. A husband who doesn’t love you won’t miss you
“My husband doesn’t love me anymore and it hurts,” Tabatha said to her elder sister. Her husband, Mark, had left on a business trip three weeks back, and in all this time, they hadn’t spoken to each other more than a couple of times. This despite Tabatha’s relentless efforts to reach out.
“He doesn’t call or answer my calls. He doesn’t reply to my texts. It has been 10 days since we last spoke. For all I know, he could have eloped with someone else or fallen off the face of the earth,” she said, in dismay.
Over their last call, when she had asked him, “Mark, it feels like we don’t talk anymore. Don’t you miss me?” To which, he responded, “I’ve been too busy to even think about you.” That statement made Tabatha face the truth she had been avoiding for too long – ‘my husband doesn’t love me anymore’.
8. Anger brings out how he really feels about you
“My husband doesn’t love me but won’t leave me either. Why is that?” Joseline wondered out loud after yet another ugly fight. It seemed as if all they ever did of late was fight. These fights were followed by long spells of him giving her the silent treatment.
So, that night, she decided to confront him with this question. “You clearly don’t love me anymore. So, why not just leave? Why this charade?” she asked, hurt and angry.
“I would have left long ago if I could. But I have a daughter with you and I want to be in her life. Divorce is not an option because I can bet you’d take her away from me. And you’re damn right, I haven’t loved you in a long time,” he revealed, in an angry outburst.
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9. When love dissipates, intimacy follows too
What are some of the clear signs your husband isn’t in love with you? Here is one that you just cannot read wrong: intimacy has vanished from your marriage. If your husband has fallen out of love with you, not only will not initiate sex but also turn down your advance more often than not.
If you’re lucky, you may get an occasional round of mercy sex from him but it won’t feel the same. Even when you’re in the act, you can feel that he is distant and disconnected from you.
10. ‘My husband doesn’t love me. He feels like a stranger’
In absence of love, the distance between spouses only grows. For Hope, the reckoning that her spouse didn’t feel the same way about her anymore came from the fact that she felt like she didn’t know him anymore.
“We had been having problems for a while. We’d go for long spells without talking to each other, and even when we did, it was mostly about the essentials – the children, the house, finances and so on. Then, one day, I saw him steeping tea leaves in a pot instead of having his usual black coffee in the morning.
“When I asked him about it, he said he had given up coffee over two months back on the recommendation of a coworker he has been cozy with for some time. Suddenly, it hit me: my husband doesn’t love me, and perhaps, I don’t love him either. How could I when this man had practically become a stranger to me?” says Hope.
11. Your husband doesn’t fight for the relationship or try to resolve conflict
Sound conflict resolution techniques are the hallmark of a healthy relationship. When you’re in a marriage where both partners are equally invested, you fight because you want the best for your relationship. Sometimes, your ideas of what ‘best’ might be can be polar opposites, which leads to conflict.
Even so, you don’t give up. You try. You fight, you argue, you find a middle ground. One of the signs your husband isn’t in love with you is that your husband doesn’t fight for the relationship. He just reluctantly agrees to whatever you say.
If a fight erupts despite that, he makes no effort to resolve the conflict. You’re the one who ultimately has to take the initiative to broker peace. Whether there’s tension between you two or not, it doesn’t impact him in the least. Over time, this lack of interest may rub off on you too. After sulking over ‘my husband treats me like I don’t matter’ for a long time, you too may become cold and indifferent toward him.
12. He is more likely to be irritable and bicker all the time
Since he feels emotionally distant and detached from you but still has to share his life with you, he may be more irritable and on the edge all the time. One of the patterns that sends out the ‘my husband doesn’t care about me or love me’ signal is his tendency to bicker and set off arguments all the time. While he may not want to fight for or over the important things, he will most definitely sweat the small stuff.
For instance, something as minor as a delay in breakfast or you forgetting to take out the trash when it’s your turn can set him off. He’d use these small slip-ups as an excuse to lash out and walk away from you. This is just a way of creating more distance between you both. If that’s where you’re in your marriage, you must find the answer to: ‘What to do when your husband doesn’t value you?’
13. The walls around him seem impregnable
One of the 17 signs your husband doesn’t love you is that he doesn’t let you into his life anymore. You and he may still be life partners who live in the same house but you know nothing about what’s going on in his life.
Did he get that appraisal he was due for? Was there an important presentation at work this week? Where does he eat his lunch these days? Who does he hang out with? What Netflix show is he binging on? If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you have at your hands a broken relationship.
This may leave you reeling under the realization ‘my husband doesn’t love me anymore and it hurts’. I feel you. Now would be a good time to start planning the next steps to reclaim your life and happiness.
14. A man who’s not in love with you may sleep divorce you
I want to clear at the outset that sleep divorce alone isn’t among the signs your husband isn’t in love with you. Perhaps, sleep issues or snoring habits are making it hard for you to share a bed. That’s completely fine.
However, you notice most of the 17 signs your husband doesn’t love you in your marriage, and on top of that, your husband decides to have a separate bedroom, then you have every reason to be alarmed. ‘My husband doesn’t love me anymore’ realization doesn’t get any more real or telling than this.
15. ‘Husband doesn’t love me and he’s stopped planning for the future’
Ursula came to the ‘husband doesn’t love me’ understanding when she noticed that her spouse had stopped making plans for the future with her. “I wanted to invest in a retirement home, and we were getting an amazing deal on a suburban property but he just didn’t seem interested.
When Ursula prodded relentlessly, he said, “Who knows what the future holds. There is no telling whether we’d still be married after all those years. So, making such a huge investment on a distant prospect doesn’t make sense.”
“I felt like my whole world came crashing down on me. My husband didn’t love me anymore, and it was only a matter of time before the marriage ended,” says Ursula, who is now divorced.
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16. He treats others with more love and compassion than you
“My husband treats me like I don’t matter but is warm and caring with everyone else. Right from our children to the dog, his family and friends, even my family and friends, he treats everyone with respect, love and compassion.
When it comes to me, all he has to offer is contempt and bitterness. I don’t know how we drifted apart to this extent or what brought on this change in his behavior, but I do know that my husband doesn’t love me anymore,” says Stevie.
17. Cheating is among the signs your husband isn’t in love with you
Yes, people cheat for all sorts of reasons and not just because they’ve fallen out of love with their spouses. From seeking novelty and freshness to the excitement of tasting the forbidden fruit, there can be a host of factors that drive a man to cheat on his wife or vice-versa.
However, if your husband has fallen in love with another woman and that relationship has become his priority to a point where he is willing to sacrifice his marriage for it, then it is undoubtedly among the signs your husband isn’t in love with you.
Salvaging a marriage where one spouse is not only emotionally disconnected but also invested in a third person can be near-impossible. It’s in your best interest to weigh your options and make a decision for yourself rather than sit and wait for him to ask for a divorce.
‘My husband doesn’t love me anymore’ – accepting this can be one of the hardest things you’ll even have to do. Even more so, if you’re still in love with him. But if you see these glaring signs in your marriage, you must take proactive measures to protect yourself. Have an honest conversation with your husband, and ask him if he’s willing to work on the marriage.
If he agrees, you can try couple’s therapy to mend broken bridges and make a fresh start. If he doesn’t, you need to get yourself a divorce lawyer and plan the next steps. Either way, if you need assistance, professional help is only a click away.
Have an honest conversation with your husband, and ask him if he’s willing to work on the marriage. If he agrees, you can try couple’s therapy to make a fresh start. If he doesn’t, you need to get yourself a divorce lawyer and plan the next steps.
Staying with a husband who doesn’t care for you can be hard. Ask yourself why you feel the need to stay in a marriage where you’re not loved and don’t feel fulfilled. Then, work on addressing whatever limitations are holding you back. Once you’ve done that successfully, set yourself free.
Abuse, violence and infidelity are often touted as legitimate reasons to walk away from a marriage. However, if you’re stuck in a loveless marriage that is making you miserable, it’s best to make a clean break and start over. It will make both you and your partner happier in the long run.