The experience of a breakup is usually very excruciating. On top of that, if you get to know that your friend is dating your ex when you are still in love with the ex or probably unable to move on, then you might be devastated and feel betrayed.
Instead of getting depressed or lashing out in your anger, you must follow these tips, which will help you cope when your friend is dating your ex.
15 Tips To Cope When Your Friend Is Dating Your Ex
When you find out that your friend is dating your ex, then your heart might witness a storm of emotions like hurt, pain, betrayal, anger, depression, sadness, etc. If you are thinking, “My best friend is dating my ex whom I still love,” the whole realization can come with a sinking feeling.
When your best friend hooks up with your ex it’s indeed harrowing for you. But you have to deal with this storm and come out of it as a mature and better person.
You need to hasten the healing process after the breakup and find a way to accept the fact that your friend is dating your ex and move on. Here are 15 ways in which you can do so.
1. Confront your friend
No doubt you are upset and do not feel like meeting your friend or listening to him/her. However, it is important that you give your friend a chance to explain and understand his/her point of view.
So confront your friend and let him/her know about how you also feel regarding the whole situation. They might be thinking that you are over your ex and it can’t be hurting so much. Have a talk with them and tell them how you are feeling maybe the conversation would bring you some solace.
2. Embrace the sadness
If you are heartbroken that your friend is dating your ex, then cry and vent out all the pent-up emotions. Give yourself the time to grieve, because this will help you deal with the emotions in an effective manner.
You can actually share your feelings with the other friends and relatives who are close to you. That would help you get over someone you loved deeply.
3. Assess your feelings
Do not want your friend to be in your ex’s life? Do you feel jealous and extreme anger when you picture them together? Are you trying to make your ex feel jealous? If your answer to the questions is yes, then probably you are still in love with your ex.
Therefore, you have to take a step back and evaluate your feelings, so that you can take your stand accordingly. You can either decide if you want your ex back or you want to move on. Because jealousy can actually do all kinds of things to you.
4. Create boundaries in the friendship
Perhaps the best way to cope with such a situation is to ensure that you create essential boundaries in the friendship. Let your friend know that you are not comfortable with the idea of meeting his/her partner (your ex).
Strictly tell your friend not to share details about the relationship with you, because you are least interested in it. Set these boundaries for your peace of mind. It can be really painful to keep meeting your friend who is dating your ex.
5. Take a break from the friendship
The best way to cope when your friend is dating your ex is to take a break from the friendship. In this way, you will get the time to heal and understand the entire scenario in a better way.
Do not meet with your friend, avoid picking up his/her calls and do not reply to his/her text messages. Resume the friendship only when you are ready to accept your friend’s relationship with your ex.
“My friend was dating my ex wife. What I couldn’t figure out was if they were dating when we were still married or they started dating after the divorce. This question used to kill me,” said a recently-divorced man. So what did he do? He snipped his relationship with his friend and found his peace.
6. Hang out with your favourite people
If you find your best friend and ex boyfriend are dating, it can turn out to be a harrowing experience. Then It is high time you give importance to other favourite people in your life, apart from the friend who is dating your ex.
You must hang out with those people and try to bring fun and excitement back into your life. Good moments spent with your favourite people will speed up your process of healing.
7. Try to be supportive
Do not commit the mistake of losing a good friend because of an ex who does not really matter. If you truly value your friend, then you will at least try to be supportive of the relationship and give them an opportunity to make things work.
By doing so, you will still have your friend by your side, even if their relationship does not work out in the future. We know it’s very hard to accept your friend dating your ex but if you can be patient and sensible then you could avoid a lot of heartburn.
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8. Have a conversation with your ex
“My best friend is dating my ex who I still love but I want to move on and don’t want to wallow in self pity. I still have a good relationship with both my friend and my ex,” wrote a lady to our expert relationship counsellor.
It is important that you take the step to build a cordial relationship with your ex, at least for your friend’s happiness. So talk to your ex and sort out any issues that you both may be having against each other and gradually accept each other. Also accept that you might still love them but the relationship is over. It’s best to find closure.
9. Avoid being fake
If your friend is dating your ex and you are suffering inside do not try to show everything is hunky dory with you with a fake smile.
You have to maintain your grace and dignity while dealing with this situation no doubt. But you cannot pretend to be very happy and fake good behaviour in front of your friend and your ex, when inside you want them to burn in hell.
This is downright shameful. Just maintain a cordial relationship and avoid getting into clumsy situations with them.
10. Don’t give ultimatums
If your best friend and ex-boyfriend are dating then chances are you feel like getting a hired killer and giving them an ultimatum. But let that be in your imagination, in real life just move away.
Never ever tell your friend to chose between your ex and you, because this will just create senseless misunderstandings and awkward problems between the relationships the three of you share now. It’s just better to concentrate on other friends, you surely have and move on.
11. Do not dwell in the past
If you happen to accept the relationship between your friend and your ex, you might have to come face-to-face with your ex many times. When you meet your ex, it is better not to dwell in the past but try to focus on the present happiness of your friend.
Learn to let go for a better future. Maintaining the no contact rule in this case is the best since it will help you to move on. Do not harbor negative feelings and keep living in your past relationship. Don’t regret that it didn’t work out with you but is working with your friend. Destiny has good plans. Believe it and move on.
12. Don’t hang out in the same places
When your best friend hooks up with your ex chances are they would be hanging out in the same places you used to go with your ex. So the best thing that you can do is avoid going to those places.
Find a new set of friends and new places to be around. This will not trigger your memories and there wouldn’t be any chance of bumping into your friend and your ex either.
13. Avoid being angry
The moment you let anger control you, you will become an immature and unproductive person. Thus, you must try to avoid being angry and become more mature to bring out realistic solutions to the problems you are facing.
If need be reap the benefits of counselling and see a counsellor. Find out how you can manage the anger that’s pent up inside you. Being angry is the most normal reaction when your friend is dating your ex but how you handle that anger is supremely important.
14. Do not get into a rebound relationship
Just for the sake of making your ex-jealous or your friend uncomfortable, you should not get into a rebound relationship. This will just ruin your chances of finding true love in your life and you will just seem desperate to others.
Get into a new relationship only when you are ready. If your friend is dating your ex you will have this instinct to also prove to them that you can have the one you want too.
But don’t let that instinct take you over. Keep those feelings at bay.
15. Focus on the good things in life
Instead of getting bogged down by the betrayal, you can actually focus on things like your family, your career, your hobbies, etc. and try to work on improving yourself as a person.
Many people soar in their careers after a breakup because they have more time and are more focused on their work. There is no need to sit and sulk because your friend is dating your ex, turn it into motivation to do something better with your life.
Can Your Friend Date Your Ex?
Well, this totally depends on you and your feelings. If you have gotten over your ex and probably are happy with the way your life is after the breakup, then you can give the green signal to your friend. However, if the situation is opposite and you still love your ex, then probably your friend must avoid dating your ex.
It is natural to get upset and feel annoyed with the fact that your friend is dating your ex. But if you genuinely feel that your friend and your ex are meant for each other and that their relationship could work out, then there is no harm in giving them your blessings.
This is especially in cases where your friend is actually someone whom you value a lot and your ex is actually not a bad person.
However, in cases where your friend is just an acquaintance, you will probably end all communications with him/her for being so selfish and mean. This will not bother you that much and you will be able to forget about the entire situation.
By following these 15 tips, you can be assured that you will have a much more positive and healthier life, by avoiding the temptation to take revenge on your friend and/or your ex.
It is normal that you would feel angry, upset and hurt but it would be best to let the anger go and move on. If your friend and your ex are good people you can also wish them well. But it would be best not to be in touch with them, no matter what your feelings are, and concentrate on your own friends, family and career.
If you broke up with someone does not mean that your friends will have to treat them badly. They might continue to be friends as long as their friendship do not harm you. You can also be in touch with your ex’s friends. It’s not really possible to cut off relationships and take sides because you broke up.
It’s not really in your hands. If they decide to date they would. You cannot do anything about it. So don’t get angry and just move on.