A first date is as awkward as it is exciting. All that excitement can often leave you tongue-tied, wondering how to make the first date perfect. It is also true that the first date will either blossom into a second one, or end up in the bin. And what actually makes or breaks a first date is the conversation you have – that keeps both of you engaged and gives a little bit about what the other person is about. Of course, without letting each other know that they are being sized up. Talking about the right things on a first date assumes a lot of importance, so what can a woman talk about that will keep both the partners interested? More importantly, how can she make her partner feel warm and comfortable in her company? Let’s find out!
Batting the first date jitters
Unlike what you may think, you don’t have to be a charmer to make a first date a success. The first few minutes are mostly hassling, that make you appear for loss of words. And while it is normal to feel shaky and confused for the first few minutes, here are a few tips that can make it easy for you, and your partner.
- Greet with a warm smile: Goes a long long way! The easiest way to make someone feel warm and welcome is to smile on them – a genuine smile that
- Listen if he says something: So if you do have the skills of starting a conversation, do not forget that you need to listen too! Let him speak as well, and do not just charge on him snapping words after words
- Appreciate him for being on time: Thank him for being on time and also let him know that you appreciate people who are punctual. This may actually start a decent conversation
- Ask about how his day was: Asking politely about his day will make him feel comfortable in your company and gives the impression that you care
- Do not fiddle with your hair or clothes: To make the other person shun his inhibitions, you need to pay attention to him. Fiddling with your hair, mobile or clothes will only make him feel as if you are not interested
8 first dates conversation tips for women
- Find out common interests: This is the easiest way to start a conversation – and both partners can talk, since the interests are mutual. A little research on their social media profiles will go a long way in this. Is he a bookworm? Ask him if he’s reading anything good. Does he love cooking? Tell him you admire men who follow their passion. Any common hobby or interest you could figure out? Bring it up. And you will see that both of you will feel relaxed and comfortable with each other
- Travelling: Most men like to travel, and travel anecdotes can be quite interesting! Start with him – ask him where has he lived, places he has been to, and places he’d like to visit. This will set the tone of an interesting conversation if you also look forward to visiting the places he wants to see. If both of you have visited a place, both of you can recollect the memories and share with each other. This will also give you clues as to what he likes and dislikes
- Pets and animals: Pets and animals can be a major deal-breaker in a relationship, no matter which side of fence you are. If you are a pet and animal lover, you need to find out of the other person shares the passion too. It can set the ball rolling. But if the other person detests pets, that is enough to call it quits for a woman. This also works vice versa!
- Education or work: If you are a student or dating someone who is, it would be nice to bring up education and future goals in a conversation. If your date is working, talk about what he likes about his job, and how his professional life is. People who are passionate about their work give subtle clues on how fulfilling their lives are, and that may click with you too. On the other hand, if the man keeps on cribbing about how hard he is working or how tough his boss is, you may get the signs that he is more of a complainer
- Talk about family: Bring your family into the picture and subtly ask him about his. However, do not go overboard with this one, as some men keep their families away from their dates. If you feel your man is not comfortable with the conversation, drop it
- Past relationships: This could be a dicey conversation to start with, but when done in a nonchalant fashion, it will help you know the man better.If he has had a series of failed relationships in the past, the problem could be him. The way he speaks about his exes can provide a great window to his mind on how he thinks about women in general. The point to remember here is that you will also need to as honest and open about your past relationships as you expect the man to be
- Go funny: Funny first date conversation starters are a great way to go about making the other person feel relaxed and at the same time get them interested in you. For example, you can tell your date about an amusing incident that happened at your workplace or college. Your date might be able to relate to it and tell you a similar story, which will keep the conversation flowing
- Childhood stories: All of us have memories of ourselves as children. And if one has had a happy childhood, childhood stories can take us down the memory lanes and make us smile. Ask him what he was like as a kid. Share your stories and wait for him to come up with one or two. If he doesn’t, maybe he does not want to talk about his life as a kid. It is best to drop the topic there
Related reading: How important are shared interests in a relationship
What to talk about on a date when you already know the person?
What to talk about on a date if you already know the person? Well, you are lucky! You don’t have to face the initial ice-breaking phase, and you already have a fair idea of what the person likes and dislikes. Talk about mutual friends or experiences you have shared together. If you like something about him or her but have been hesitant to tell them, now is the time. Expressing your liking will change the flavour of the date from friendly to romantic, and might lead to a situation pleasant for both of you!
Things to avoid on a first date
There are some things to avoid on a first date, and keep the room open for subsequent ones-
- Keep that phone away: Who would like to be with someone who is constantly digging into their phone screens texting, posting and liking stuff? Being on the phone while you are with someone can make the other person feel unimportant and ignored. Keep that phone away and answer only the very, very important phone calls. Focus on your date
- Skip controversial topics: Do not start talking on controversial topics, the major ones being religion and politics. These are things people are normally sensitive about and it is best to keep conversations about them postponed till you really get to know the other person. Avoid asking too many personal questions. Not everyone is willing to open up to someone they have only just met
- Eat and drink reasonably: Yes, it is a date and you need to let the other person know that you are responsible too. Avoid gorging on food altogether or getting drunk. Reserve the surprises for later dates; in the first one, order reasonably, eat slowly and drink responsibly
- Skip marriage and kids: It is just a first date, and you still do not know whether you will see this man again. Talk about family and gauge your date’s interest in marriage and kids. But do not give the idea that you want to rush things straight to the aisle!
- Listen: Be open to listening, too! First dates are not about talking all the time, so let the other person participate in the conversation too!
Do remember to compliment!
Remember to give at least one compliment to your date. It might be something as small as ‘You smell nice’, but it can do wonders to lift the mood and show your date that you are being attentive. Avoid being critical. Keep the conversation simple and fresh, and you’ll do great!