There’s a lot to be said for a comfortable relationship – the kind where you hang out in holey, old sweatpants and stop feeling awkward about bathroom noises. But what happens when comfort turns to that dreaded word ‘boredom’? What are the signs of a boring relationship, and how do you know what to do when a relationship gets boring?
Now, let’s not panic. Boredom in a relationship is perfectly natural and it doesn’t mean you’re a boring person overall, so don’t go beating yourself up. But it is important to acknowledge when a relationship is growing stagnant so that you can begin figuring out how to deal with a boring relationship.
So, have you been sitting around for weeks moaning, “I get bored of relationships after 2 years” and “we have nothing new to do”? It’s time to take some action (so you can get some action!), figure out what causes boredom in relationships and what to do when a relationship gets boring.
Top 5 Signs Of A Boring Relationship
Boredom is a sneaky little fellow – you might not even notice when it creeps into your relationship. But to deal with a boring relationship, you need to be watchful and vigilant. We’ve rounded up the top 5 signs of a boring relationship for you. Take a look and see if you’ve got signs of a boring boyfriend or signs of a boring girlfriend, or both.
Related Reading: How To Beat Boredom In A Relationship
1. Your relationship routine is the same
You’ve been going to the same bar or restaurant every weekend. Or Friday nights are always spent on the couch staring at Netflix and lackluster arguments over what to watch. You meet the same circle of people if and when you do go out. Sound familiar? Routine lends comfort, but if there’s no change at all, it can definitely be one of the signs of a boring relationship.
2. Physical intimacy is down
The importance of sex in relationships cannot be underestimated. Not only has sex become both infrequent and monotonous, but all the little things such as a forehead kiss when you come home, holding hands while walking and so on just don’t happen anymore. Or if they do, it’s so absent-minded, it may as well not happen at all. Looks like your relationship could use a sexy little boost.
3. You barely talk anymore
Effective communication, as we all know, is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. If you’re unable to strike up a conversation with your partner or talk to them about both the significant and banal things going on in your life, you’re looking at one of the signs of a boring relationship and it’s time to try and overcome communication problems in your relationship.
4. You wonder if you still like your partner
Again, there are always times when we wonder just what we see in our partners, but if you’re constantly thinking about whether or not you even like them anymore, or whether there are any feelings left, chances are you’re probably bored in your relationship.
5. You’re having more fun alone or with friends
Time for yourself and time away from a partner is important, but are you always having more fun on your own? Are all your fun outings with colleagues and friends?
And do you frequently confide in your friends, “My boyfriend is bored with me, what do I do?” or “We have nothing new to do, the relationship seems so stagnant”? Check in on your relationship, looks like it ranks high on the boredom scale!
Related Reading: 13 Simple Tips To Be A Better Lover
What To Do When A Relationship Gets Boring – 11 Things
If you think you’re seeing signs of a boring boyfriend or girlfriend, either in yourself or your partner, it’s time to dust off your relationship and act. The chances of fixing a boring relationship are higher when you see things clearly and take action. So, if you’re wondering what to do when a relationship gets boring, we’ve got some tips for you:
1. Acknowledge the boredom
Listen, you’re not going to be fixing a boring relationship if you keep brushing the issue under the carpet. It can be scary to admit that your relationship is not as exciting or stimulating as it was, but a boring relationship doesn’t equal a dead relationship.
Rather than seeing boredom as a death knell for your relationship, see it as an opportunity to make changes and spice up your love affair. Acknowledge in your mind that you want more out of your relationship, and yes, you are bored as of now and are probably contributing to the relationship boredom as well.
It’s all right – a long-distance relationship is boring, short-distance relationships are boring, all relationships are prone to boredom. Don’t be afraid to admit it – it’s the first step if you want to deal with a boring relationship.
2. Tell your partner
Don’t go snarling “I’m bored” or “we have nothing new to do” at your partner over the breakfast table. No one wants to hear that. But it is important that you have this conversation if you’re wondering what to do when a relationship gets boring.
Choose a time, let your partner know you’d like to talk to them and don’t make it sound too ominous. Be gentle, tell them you’d like to try new things with them, that you feel your relationship is becoming a little monotonous.
Don’t insinuate it’s their fault, blame-shifting never did any relationship any good. Rather than going, “You never want to do anything,” try, “Let’s make a pact to have a weekend away every few months.”
Be nice to yourself, too. If you’re thinking of telling your partner, “Gosh, I get bored of relationships after 2 years, I’m so fickle”, don’t. Firstly, they’ll assume you’re bored of them, and also, as we said, boredom creeps into the best of relationships, so let’s not self-flagellate.
3. Get spontaneous
“My partner and I are both planners, which is great, but can become boringly routine,” says Nikki. “When we realized that it was making our relationship a little humdrum, we started changing things up. Even small things like trying a new restaurant or popping into a movie while out on a walk helped.”
Related Reading: 12 Ways To Fix A Strained Relationship
Spontaneity can be tough since our lives are governed by routine. Start small – wake up one morning and surprise them with breakfast in bed, take a short road trip, try a different route on your daily walk and get lost together.
Don’t be afraid to get a little silly – do a twirl while cooking dinner or put on some music and dance together in your living room. Life is short, and relationships can be boring, but there’s no reason we can’t dance our way out of that.
4. Communicate better
Yes, yes, you’re probably tired of hearing it, but lack of communication plunges a relationship into the depths of boredom faster than anything else. One of the key signs of a boring relationship is not talking, and also not listening to a partner.
Don’t be a dry-texter – send your partner that cheeky text message during work hours. Tell them about that annoying person who tried to cut the line at the grocery store. When they’re telling you about their day, listen as actively as you can.
Of course, big decisions and occurrences need to be communicated to your partner, but the little things matter, too. If something’s upset you, if your favorite character on a TV show was just killed off, or you had another fight with your mom, tell your partner. And remember to listen when they talk in turn.
5. Get creative in the bedroom
Sex and intimacy are important antidotes to boredom. Not that great sex will fix boredom completely, but trust us, it goes a long way. If your sex life has become a little too routine or infrequent, it’s time to bring the spark back.
Plan a seduction scene for your partner – candles, wine, sexy lingerie – pull out all the stops. Experiment with new positions, ask them what they like. If you’ve always wanted to try sex toys, now is a great time to start.
If you’re thinking of how your long-distance relationship is boring, there are ways around that. Practice your dirty talk, send them a completely NSFW text message or picture during a workday, or a voice message that’ll have them rushing to come and see you as soon as they can. Plan a sexy video chat, give each other a teasing glimpse of what to expect when you meet next.
Related Reading: 10 Tips To Keep The Sex Alive In Your Marriage And Spice It Up
Have fun with intimacy, laughter in the bedroom (or outside it) adds to the fun. What to do when a relationship gets boring? Bring a little spice to life, of course!
6. Plan a change of scenery
While changing your mental and emotional scenery is important when fixing a boring relationship, physically taking yourselves out of routine and out of a rut makes all the difference.
“We started taking road trips about three years into our relationship,” says Robin. “We didn’t have the time or the money to fly to exotic locales all the time, but we’d get into our car, drive up somewhere scenic and splurge on a nice B&B. It was so great to get away from home and work and chores, even if we weren’t going far.”
Getting away together is always refreshing for a relationship, and living and working in the same space can quickly become part of what causes boredom in relationships. Have a holiday fund where you put in money each month for a dream vacation. Plan weekends away, look for adventure vacations for couples, even if it’s a short trip. All those signs of a boring boyfriend or girlfriend will dissipate once you’re on the road.
7. Do things together that you’ve never done before
What’s something you or your partner have always wanted to do? Bungee-jumping? Learning to salsa dance? Adopt a pet? Whatever it is, here’s something new you can do and experience with your partner.
“I get bored of relationships after 2 years or so, and I could see it happening in my current relationship as well,” admits Charlie. “I really liked my partner and I didn’t want the relationship to peter out just because we didn’t know how to deal with a boring relationship.”
Charlie and his partner started a travel and food page together on social media. They were keen foodies and it was fun to document their trips and what they cooked and ate. “We’re not great photographers,” laughs Charlie, “but it was a joy to give these memories and experiences a shape. It really brought back the spark.”
Related Reading: 35 Long-Distance Relationship Activities To Bond
Shared experiences nourish and nurture your relationship, and also make for great stories to reminisce about later, whether to each other or at a dinner party. So, if you’re wallowing in misery, thinking, “My boyfriend is bored with me, what do I do?”, it’s time to make some new memories.
8. Go on dates
Date nights are my favorite thing about long-term relationships. There’s something about those few hours of focusing only on each other and shutting out the rest of the nasty old world.
One of the major signs of a boring relationship is when you’re not making time for each other and for your relationship. And, this is a common pitfall in most long-term relationships. So, if you’re looking at what to do when a relationship gets boring, dedicated date nights are strongly recommended.
Get all dressed up and hit that fancy new restaurant with candlelight and wine with names you can’t pronounce. Or stay home, order pizza, watch an old movie while you cuddle on the couch.
If you have kids, find a babysitter. Switch off from work commitments and chores and just focus on how utterly amazing your partner is. You can go back to criticizing them tomorrow, but just for a few hours, make the effort to appreciate each other fully.
9. Flirt with your partner
No, flirting isn’t just for the young and newly in love. There’s really nothing nicer than flirting with your partner because you already have a relationship, and flirting simply brings a new sparkle to a relationship that’s getting boring.
Make eye contact with your partner in a crowded room and hold their gaze for longer than needed. Let your fingers brush theirs when doing chores or when out walking. Indulge in playful kisses as often as possible and for absolutely no reason. Give them sudden hugs and then hold on for a few seconds extra. There are lots of ways to flirt with your husband or wife.
Keeping the spark alive in a relationship isn’t just about what occurs in the bedroom. If signs of a boring boyfriend or signs of a boring girlfriend are popping up, it’s time to flirt away those relationship boredom blues.
10. Make time for yourself
“Hang on”, we hear you say, “Isn’t fixing a boring relationship all about togetherness?” Yes, we know, but hear us out. When you take time for yourself, when you make an effort to nurture your own hobbies and dreams, you grow as a person.
This would mean you’re changing and evolving and have more to offer and share with your partner. Maybe you take a pottery class or go on a solo trip. Perhaps you join a writer’s group or a book club. Whatever it is, pay attention to what you need to find joy as an individual so you bring your best self to your relationship.
Conversation is important in any relationship, especially if you’ve been worrying that your long-distance relationship is boring and looking for ways to add some zing to it. When you do new things on your own, you have more to talk to your partner about. And more importantly, you’re learning things and feeling great about yourself in the bargain!
11. Learn each other’s love language
There are various types of love languages and we all have our own unique ways of expressing love. Maybe you need and offer words of affirmation as your way of showing affection, while your partner’s primary love language is acts of service and always being there for others.
How we show our love for one another is an integral part of who we are, and intensely important in a relationship. Learning your partner’s love language is a way of getting to know them all over again. Learning how to appreciate and acknowledge their love language is a lifetime project that should play a major part in getting rid of boredom.
So, if you’re sitting around sighing, “My boyfriend is bored with me, what do I do?”, maybe it’s time to sit down, pay attention and get to know each other as the dynamic, loving people you are.
What causes boredom in relationships can be a complex issue, but what’s important is that all parties involved in the relationship want to fix it and are willing to take action toward doing so. There’s no point trying to make a boring relationship better if you’re the one making all the effort.
It’s not a bad idea to seek support if you think you need it. Talk to friends or supportive family members if you need advice or simply need to unburden yourself. If you think you need to talk to a professional, Bono’s panel of experts is always available to lend an ear and impartial advice.
While we’ve given you ways to deal with a boring relationship, there’s no shame in admitting that maybe your boredom stems from a lack of compatibility, and maybe your relationship needs more help or even a break.
Ultimately, it’s important to do what works for you. Maybe boredom seems too silly and frivolous to pay much attention to. Maybe your initial response is, “It happens to all relationships” and then ignore it.
But if you strongly believe your relationship is worth saving, you’ll hopefully realize that while it’s absolutely okay to be bored in your relationship, it’s also important to fight for what you love.
It is completely normal to be bored in a relationship, especially if you’ve been together for a while, or even if you’re just someone with a short attention span in general. Being bored in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love each other anymore. Neither does it mean that one or both of you is a boring person and cannot change. Boredom in relationships happens to the best of us and there’s no shame in admitting it or considering it a relationship issue.
There are lots of things that cause a relationship to become boring. Lack of communication, an infrequent and monotonous approach to physical intimacy and not focusing and prioritizing the relationship are some of them.
A long-term relationship can also become boring when you haven’t learned or don’t speak each other’s love language, or don’t do new and stimulating activities together occasionally.
When you’ve been with the same person for a while, it’s easy to fall into a routine and to take each other and your relationship for granted. You stop making an effort to spend time together, to show up for each other and you no longer bother to bring your best self to the relationship. All of this can lead to relationships becoming boring after a while, and is, in fact, a common pitfall for most long-term relationships.