Relationships 101

Why do single women fall for married men?

man and woman happy

Every day you stumble upon some or the other piece of news about an alleged extramarital affair with a single woman. Whether it is a ‘Dream girl’ or the ‘Queen’ of Bollywood, why do these gorgeous women who could get any single man at the drop of the hat, choose a man who is already taken? What is alarming is that, according to a recent study, nearly 90% of single women preferred men who are already in a serious relationship, compared to 59% of single women who were interested in single men.

10 reasons why single women date married men

A friend of mine was shattered when she caught her husband red handed with her best friend who was single. She seems to be more traumatised by the fact that her best friend, who is smart, independent, young and beautiful, could break her home, rather than her husband who was equally guilty. She just kept on questioning, “How could she do it?” and “Why did she do it?” Though later on things did somehow settle, this made me wonder why a single, good looking, independent woman would opt for having a relationship with a married man?

90% of single women preferred men who are already in a serious relationship, compared to 59% of single women who were interested in single men.

1. Psychological reasons

Unlike men, single woman get attracted to married men due to psychological reasons before physical attractiveness. These women want to copy the preferences of other women, so they find other people’s partners more desirable. When a man is wanted by other women, he automatically becomes an object of desire, says a study.

lady seeing man with another woman
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2. Mate poaching

Although this term is usually used to describe behavioural patterns among female species of animals, fishes and birds, in this case it can be used to describe the thinking of the single woman. It means attempting to lure someone from their partner through various strategies, either to mate or to prevent them from mating with their partners.

Related reading: One desperate housewife’s search for love

3. Commitment proved

A married man has already proved that he is competent to keep his promise to commitment and provide stability and reliability to his wife. In today’s commitment phobic world, a man who keeps his word is a treasure to find. Single women find these kinds of men even more attractive if they have just been dumped by a guy who doesn’t believe in a long-term relationship.

4. To boost her self-esteem

When a married man showers his affection on the single woman, she feels powerful and her self-esteem gets the desired boost. If a man is making efforts to be with her rather than his wife, that means probably she is prettier and more desirable. She may feel like a god-sent angel who provides emotional and physical support to the man who has a miserable life back home.

5. Dating a married man is less demanding

Most single woman are single for a reason, like their career or other personal issues. A married man doesn’t have many demands when it comes to his mistress. And this arrangement suits most modern independent single women very well. Both get what they want from this relationship.

There are some single women who are just jealous of another woman’s happy home.

6. Financial stability

As compared to single men, most married ones have a financial plan in place to secure their family financially. These married men are already running their domestic life smoothly. The single woman finds this trait of the married man being the provider of the family very irresistible.

7. Maturity and experience makes them attractive

Married men deal with different complexities of life far more maturely than a single guy. Be it handling in-laws or parental duties, married men are already experienced to handle any unforeseen circumstances. They are less clingy and more understanding.

lady with attractive man
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Related reading: I flirted with a colleague until my wife’s call brought me back to my senses

8. High-risk high returns

A married man takes a huge risk while dating a single woman. This risk reveals his level of deep commitment to her. A man will only put his social credibility at stake for something that he is really passionate about. He thereby creates a mesmerising illusion of how intensely he desires her; in the bargain the single woman gets whatever she asks for.

9. They prefer not to remarry

A study has concluded that men are twice as to likely to remarry than women who are either widowed or divorced. In India there is still a social stigma attached with being single after your first marriage. Divorced women prefer to remain single after their first marriage mostly to avoid marital disputes that they already experienced. When these women find another woman happily married, their want of this marital bliss attracts them to the husband of that woman.

10. They are just jealous and immoral

There are some single women who are just jealous of another woman’s happy home. Sometimes this jealousy reaches an extent where they get immoral and go all out to destroy the happily married couple. They are narcissistic, at times ready to use sex as a tool to lure the married man and then can even blackmail him to get what they want.

jealous woman
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Possible outcomes of single women dating married men

The outcome of an affair between a single woman and a married man solely depends on the ‘intention’ they had when they started it.

  1. A happily ever after: If the single woman and the married man genuinely love each other, then they will make it work irrespective of the hurdles. The man may divorce his wife and be with you forever. Yes, the separation from his wife and kids, if any, will be challenging. But there could be a happy future for all
  2. The single woman is left single again: All those reasons that made the single woman decide to date a married man may backfire if she wants to get serious in the relationship and he is not interested. Reality strikes and the qualities like commitment and stability that attracted her towards that married man instantly hold no value, the moment he decides to have this affair.If he can cheat his wife, he can cheat her as well. If the single woman decides to ask for anything more, the married man will use the most clichéd line “You knew what you were getting into”. The single woman may even have to go through some slut-shaming if the affair ever gets exposed
  3. The married man regrets the affair: The married man’s fantasy comes to an end the moment his relationship with the single woman starts becoming a replica of his relationship with his wife. When the excitement of physical intimacy and knowing each other fades away, the married man starts regretting the affair.The whole situation can get worse if that single woman or any third person who is aware of the affair starts blackmailing the married man
  4. It all ends amicably: This is the most common outcome of an affair between a single woman and a married man. The moment the novelty of the affair ends and there is nothing else left to explore, usually the affair dies a natural death. Both go their own separate ways without any expectations for each other, cherishing their moments together

Dating a married man is as good as playing with fire; you are bound to burn yourself at some point or the other. Even if you manage to steal away the married man, you will have to pay a hefty price. So it is up to you to decide what deal you are ready to make.

This happy couple and their open marriage

One desperate housewife’s search for love

I flirted with a colleague until my wife’s call brought me back to my senses

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