My wife did not bleed on our first night but says she was a virgin

by Aman Bhonsle
intimate couple

Dear Sir,

I got remarried recently. While this is my second marriage, it is the first marriage for my 27-year-old wife. 

When I had sex with her for the first time, I was shocked to note that my wife had no bleeding. My wife went on to report that she has never had sex before with anyone. How is it that she did not bleed then, during our first intercourse? If a woman does not bleed on her wedding night what does it mean? Is first night bleeding necessary to prove she is a virgin?

My first wife had bled on the first night in my first marriage when we had sex. I am confused & disturbed. Is my second wife really a virgin? Please help me.

relationship counselling

Aman Bhonsle says:

Dear Remarried man,

Vaginal bleeding isn’t imperative

Vaginal bleeding while having sex for the first time need not necessarily happen even if a woman is a virgin. It is also possible that a woman’s hymen is absent since her birth or that it was ruptured without her knowledge during sports, dancing, athletics or other similar physical activities like horse riding, cycling or acrobatics. If the hymen is torn, a small quantity of bleeding may take place during the first penetrative sexual intercourse.

Understand female anatomy

The hymen is a thin membrane at the opening of the vagina. It may or may not be present in every girl at birth. In the case of some girls, the hymen only has few small openings through which menstrual blood comes out. However, in other girls, the hymen is merely a rim of tissue. Sometimes it may also just fold along the walls of the vagina naturally.

Not every virgin girl has the type of hymen that could appear to “pop” with the very first act of penetrative intercourse. This is likely to have caused the bleeding that you have described in the case of your first wife. The hymen may also get torn during masturbation or if a girl uses tampons.

The rupturing of the hymen cannot be regarded as a test of a woman’s virginity or chastity.

Love your wife

As there are no means to be sure of your second wife’s virginity, perhaps you could steer your concerns more towards the way you nurture the relationship with your second wife.

Marriages are meant to provide people with companionship, the pleasure of intimacy, sexual expression, a socially sanctioned & legitimate family unit, a life partner & a close friend. This will help your relationship blossom & truly grow as you both evolve as human beings.

Wishing you best

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