When my friend, Aaron, told me about the 5 shocking things to do when a man pulls away, I was left, as expected, shocked. This guy I met at work, Jason, had just canceled our second date in a week. What felt humiliating was that last week we had an amazing night, talking and making love, and he had refused to meet this week. I had begun to like him a lot and I had no idea what to do when a man pulls away after intimacy.
Aaron listened to my sad tale over drinks and asked me, “How do you respond when a guy pulls away?” I told him that I was feeling used and wanted to rush to his cubicle and give him a piece of my mind publicly. He tsk-tsked in his familiar manner and told me of five ways to be high value when he ignores you. These five ways helped me get Jason back. So, keep reading on.
How To Be High Value When He Pulls Away?
Aaron used a shopping analogy to explain it. He said, “You don’t always pick the first dress you find in the store. Even if you like it, you’re still not sure. So, you wander off and have a look around. But eventually, you realize that that dress you left two aisles ago was the most high-value dress in the store. Likewise, you’ve got to be high value when he ignores you so he’d come back.” But why do men behave like that? Aaron said that men could pull away for several reasons:
- He has gamophobia or fear of commitment
- He’s getting overwhelmed because it’s going too fast or you’re coming on too strong
- He is unsure of his feelings. Often guys pull away when they are falling in love
- He’s had bad experiences in relationships and is wary
- He has seen something about you that’s a red flag for him
- He enjoys being single
- There is someone else on the side
- He’s on the rebound
- He’s not pulling back. He’s just busy, so you’re being paranoid
Our barkeep, Claudia, agreed with Aaron and advised me, “When a guy pulls away, do nothing.” But how can you do nothing? I asked, “He keeps talking about 5 shocking things to do when a man pulls away and you’re telling me to do nothing. And how do you not do anything, especially with all the anxiety coursing down your veins?” Claudia poured me another drink and told me, “Be high-value.” Here’s how you can be high value:
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1. Believe in yourself
Nobody will believe that you’re high-value if you don’t believe it. People who are assertive, place a high value on their mental health, and do not indulge in negative self-criticism are attractive. These factors also increase the satisfaction in a relationship, which in turn boosts the self-esteem of the people in the relationship, as substantiated by this research. This is why everyone wants to be with confident people.
2. Manage your emotions healthily when a man pulls away after intimacy
When a guy acts interested, then backs off, don’t make a spectacle of your emotions. Exhibiting private emotions publicly often comes across as attention-seeking behavior. Such behavior could hint at a need for external validation or a lack of emotional immaturity. Do not go crying or screaming at him, demanding explanations. If you feel anxious, talk to your friends. Seek therapy, if you need to. It may feel overwhelming but there are ways to process emotions healthily instead of putting them on display.
3. Distract yourself with other things
It’s a good idea to keep yourself distracted. Start a new exercise routine. Exercise releases endorphins, a feel-good hormone, that helps you stay off negative emotions. Connect with friends and family. Try new things. Have new experiences. Meet new people. This makes you less dependent on any external factors for happiness and could be the best thing to do when a man pulls away.
When Duke Simon Basset begins to withdraw from Daphne in Bridgerton since he didn’t want to commit, Daphne doesn’t sit around and mope. She distracts herself. Of course, many would question the distraction, since she was entertaining other suitors. But it can be argued that her objective was spot on.
4. Acknowledge and be grateful for what you have
Count your blessings. We often get in the habit of taking things like family and friends’ support for granted. Acknowledge everything good in your life. Do not ignore any compliments just because they’re coming from someone you tend to ignore, like a janitor. Talk to friends and tell them how lucky you’re to have them. Do something nice for your parents. It’s a great way to deal with a guy who’s not ready to commit. There’s so much in life. You don’t need a guy to make it feel worthwhile.
5. Get rid of the negativity
A major reason why many women can’t move forward in their journey toward a high-value lifestyle is that while they engage in positive behavior, they do not get rid of the negativity around them. If you have a messy wardrobe, fix it.
If you have a leaky faucet, fix it. Keep your apartment clean. Take care of your appearance. Wear clothes that elevate your natural body shape, instead of wearing whatever you found lying around. Get rid of any people who make you uncomfortable or anxious. Prioritize your mental well-being.
5 Shocking Things To Do When A Man Pulls Away
Later, Claudia clarified, “Being high-value not just involves focusing on yourself but also giving other people the necessary space and support they need. This is how you get a man to chase you after he pulls away.” Aaron said that women often overreact in such situations and end up doing things that push men further away. So how do you respond when a guy pulls away? Here are 5 shocking things that almost always work:
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1. Identify if he’s pulling away or you’re overreacting
It’s possible that he’s only busy and has not been getting any time to contact you. So, look at the signs. Is he avoiding your calls or texts? Is he going through something painful? Is he giving signs he’s a player and isn’t serious about you? Before you figure out the next steps, it’s important to have an idea of his interest and intentions.
Overreacting to a mundane issue could also make him rethink his interest in you. Every normal man wants to be in a relationship with a mature woman, who is capable of handling herself. Many men believe that women tend to get overwhelmed in high-pressure situations. Your cool and collected demeanor could shock him if he has similar beliefs and force him to break such assumptions.
2. Leave him alone when he pulls away
Aaron says that guys pull away when they are falling in love. A lot of it is related to fear of commitment, which could be stemming from past relationship trauma. If you believe that your guy is pulling away, give him that space to deal with his emotions. Either he will come back to you with clarity about his feelings or you will be rid of someone who didn’t deserve you.
When Jason didn’t contact me, I felt bad but followed Claudia’s advice. I went around with friends and did yoga. I went kayaking with my mother. I spent a weekend camping with my cousins. It was only after two weeks that Jason contacted me. He told me he was going through a divorce and was confused about me. I felt shaken. But we decided to take it slow since we liked each other a lot and he was already going through so much. Claudia’s advice “when he pulls away, let him go” did come to my rescue.
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3. Show you’re self-sufficient
When you think of the 5 shocking things to do when a man pulls away, you may imagine it involves seduction techniques and emotional manipulation. In fact, this is what most men expect too. Shock him by showing your independence. Men often get cold feet at the thought of commitment if they believe that it might become an emotionally exhausting relationship. You need to show him that you’re high-value and not dependent on anyone for validation.
4. Tell him you’re there
Toxic masculinity makes it difficult for men to communicate their emotions. Give him space but make sure you communicate to him that you’re there if he wants to talk. Research indicates that men who avoid commitment respond better to relationship goals if they’re provided with support and acknowledgment. A great text to send when he pulls away could be, “Hope everything is OK. I’m here if you want to talk.” But don’t send him a barrage of texts, one is enough.
5. Get clarity on the situation
Assess if he’s the right man. It’s fine to give someone space but if it appears that he is not as affected by the distance as you are, then it’s a sign that you mean nothing to him. At that point, you can try talking to him and get clarity on the situation. Ask if he wants more time or is dealing with some issues due to which he can’t be with you. If he needs more time to settle his feelings and you can wait for him, then it’s great. If he appears to be uninterested or ignores you completely, then as Claudia said, “When he pulls away, let him go”. To hell.
- A guy may pull away due to several reasons, not just because he’s uninterested
- To be high value in a relationship, you need to develop your self-esteem
- When a guy pulls away, do nothing. Men often find it difficult to share. The space you give him may help him explore his feelings
- Ensure you communicate that you’re there for him if he needs you, but ensure he doesn’t take your relationship for granted
Finding the right guy can be tricky, especially given the complex dynamics of modern dating. People, generally, have a fear of commitment and are likely to pull away. It is unfair to expect people to be constantly available whether in a relationship or while dating. Everyone has their way of processing emotions and may take their time in deciding whether or not they want to take a romantic equation to fruition. However, the above list of 5 shocking things to do when a man pulls away will help you communicate with your partner and bridge the gap.
No. He may be having trouble processing his emotions or going through a difficult phase. In such cases, if you do the same, it will weaken the relationship. Give him time to process it all. At the same time, communicate your support.
Leave him alone when he pulls away and communicate your support. A great way would be a text to send when he pulls away like, “Are you doing well? Do you need to talk? Let me know. I’m here for you.”