One of the worst ways to end a loving relationship is infidelity. It causes immense pain and damages trust and self-esteem. When your husband is having an affair, he will hide it and pretend all is well, except you begin to notice he gets easily annoyed and seems distant. The telltale signs that he loves the other woman seem so obvious, but you want to believe otherwise.
If you are in this situation, I feel for you. You find yourself walking on broken glass when he’s around. You want to believe it’s a phase. That it will soon pass and he’ll be back to hugging you and smiling easily in your presence, except he seems to be talking a lot about his new colleague. He refers to her efficiency and the smart way she dresses, and you are beginning to wonder, “Does he miss the other woman when he’s with me?”
You are too afraid to ask and he’s too scared to tell the truth. To cushion you from the pain of infidelity and a breakup, we have put together a list of obvious signs that he loves the other woman, so you can gauge your situation and know how to handle it.
18 Definite Signs He Loves The Other Woman
Infidelity does not necessarily have to start with sex. The most threatening affairs are those that start with an emotional connection. How do you know if he’s in love with someone else? If your spouse has started avoiding you and is spending all his time with the other woman, that should tell you about his feelings for her. He might even be buying time, so he can pull the trigger on your relationship and break up. Before he does that, you can start reading the signs your husband loves another woman in order to safeguard your interests and be prepared.
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1. He’s distant
One of the early signs of a married man in love with another woman is disinterest. Your spouse rarely asks about your day or how your big meeting went. In fact, he’s forgotten you had an important meeting that day. When you talk to him, you sense he’s not listening. He’s distant and distracted, he seems to have a lot on his mind, yet he’s not open to discussing things with you like he used to.
Earlier, he always sought your advice and opened up easily about problems at work, or issues with his parents. Now, when you ask, he brushes off the topic and struts outside for a walk or asks if you need anything from the store. He avoids eye contact and seems far away. If he is distant and disinterested, it’s a sign that the guy is unhappy in the relationship. Talking about it might help resolve the issues before he shows interest in another woman.
2. When he’s with you it, he’d rather be somewhere else
Even when he’s with you, he’s not really there. You plan a lovely romantic dinner to ignite that ol’ spark. You send the kids off to your parents place. He even brings home your favorite wine. At dinner, he remarks that the steak is delicious. But you notice he is more interested in his meal than having a conversation with you. His phone is next to him and he’s constantly looking at it.
When you ask about his colleague, he says, “I guess she’s fine. I don’t know. It’s all work. Very busy in the office.” If you are getting that funny feeling in your belly that something is wrong, trust your woman’s intuition. But if you want to be certain, there will be other signs that he loves the other woman.
3. He hides his phone
Earlier, you’d find his phone lying on the kitchen counter or on the couch, now he keeps it next to him like an extra limb. He’s constantly on the phone. His house chores are delayed because he has to send an important message, and when the kids ask for his phone to play games, he tells you to give yours instead.
You get the drift. The signs of a married man in love with another woman are beginning to feel all too real. If you think he’s cheating on you, learn a few tricks to catch him. Or, maybe it’s a good time to have a serious talk and let him know your suspicions. Mention why his change in behavior is making you feel insecure about your marriage. If you want to save your marriage, it’s better to catch the affair in its early stages. If both of you would like to make the marriage work, try and visit a counselor.
4. He makes plans without you
Here you are, making weekend plans with him, only to find out that he’s already made other plans. He says he wants to be alone to clear his head. Sometimes, this could be true, but if you think back to the numerous times he has gone out to dinner without you, or made plans with his friends that don’t include you, then consider it another sign your husband loves another woman.
You are thinking of hiring a private detective just to be sure. You could do that, or you could continue to check this list of definite signs that he loves the other woman, and save yourself a lot of money and get some helpful tips on how to handle the situation.
5. He’s paying attention to how he dresses up
That’s not a bad change. He’s suddenly grooming himself, going out shopping, throwing away old tees and torn pants, and you are thinking that’s great. Except you’re aware he’s not doing it for you, and that’s painful. While he might be doing it to look attractive to the other woman, you are beginning to perceive it as an attack on your self-esteem. You are thinking that he doesn’t find you hot or beautiful enough to make the effort to look good for you.
Remember, it’s not your fault if your man is having an affair. There are so many reasons, and one is that he might have self-confidence issues. Being attractive to another woman boosts his self-esteem. It’s time for that serious talk. If he isn’t initiating it, you should – if you think your relationship is worth saving.
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6. He constantly finds faults with you
Wow, this is a biggie. All your deepest insecurities, the little and the large secrets you told him, are now being used against you. By this stage, the signs that he loves the other woman are undeniable. His belittling you is his way of setting the stage for a breakup. By now, you are going through an emotional upheaval. It’s time for you to take care of yourself. Maybe go on a holiday, get away from him and his negativity.
If you are married, he will have no choice but to take care of the home, the shopping, the cooking, the kids and their homework. Perhaps it will open his eyes and heart to notice and value your partnership in the marriage. This might lead to a discussion toward healing, or even seeking help from a marriage counselor. If nothing changes, then it’s time to walk away. At least you’ll do it without further erosion to your self-esteem.
7. His friends are acting weird around you
On those rare occasions when both of you are out together, his friends are not making eye contact with you. They are careful with their words and are making silly small talk that is setting off alarm bells in your head. When a certain woman’s name comes up, there is dead silence or a lot of hemming and hawing.
If you were suspecting an affair, this is one of those definite signs he loves the other woman, and now you know who it is. What do you do? Do you wallow in self-pity or seek revenge? Instead, be practical and ask him directly. If he denies it, share your observations, your concerns, and ask him if he would like to save the marriage or the relationship. The next steps would depend on his answer, and on whether you wish to forgive his infidelity and let go of the hurt and betrayal in the relationship.
8. He is suddenly more affectionate
Sometimes, partners suddenly become very generous and bring you gifts. They lavish you with material comforts like that jacuzzi tub you’ve been eying since forever. Initially, it might seem endearing. But then you layer this with all the additional signs that he loves the other woman, and you begin to understand that it’s guilt, and not his love for you. He showers you with gifts but spends most of his time with the other woman.
If you know your husband is a womanizer and you can live with it, then enjoy the gifts. If you’d rather have your husband back, then ask him for a straightforward answer. As his wife, it is your prerogative to know the truth no matter how painful it is.
9. He is making big cash withdrawals
Nothing speaks louder about infidelity than money. When you begin to notice large cash withdrawals from your joint accounts, then something is amiss. These are signs of a married man in love with another woman. You know the cash is not going into refurbishing the home, or presents for the kids, or expensive dinners with you.
This is concrete evidence, and as a joint account holder, it’s your right to ask him about the expenses. In affairs, spouses usually try to cover their tracks by paying in cash. If nothing comes of it, you can at least ask him about the sudden expenses. He will try to come up with common excuses to hide his cheating ways, but it will be difficult for him to get away with it because you’ll have proof of his spending.
10. You catch your spouse telling little white lies
Cheating is a big overarching lie. To cover up the affair, he’ll start telling minor lies like he’s busy working late because he’s got a big project at work, or he had a puncture on his way home and got late. Soon, these little lies accumulate until he can barely keep track. He’ll let something slip that catches your attention. Maybe he has some other reason for lying to you, but a pattern like this should be addressed.
11. The sex lacks intimacy
Not only that, but he’s not asking for it any more. Once he hits the bed, he turns on his side and falls asleep. When you try arousing him, he pushes you away and says he’s tired or has an early morning meeting tomorrow. You don’t recall him ever saying no to you before. You are wondering if it’s his age, maybe it’s so many responsibilities weighing him down, or maybe he does miss the other woman. When you do have sex, he’s distant, his eyes are closed and you sense he’s not really into it.
Other times, he might suddenly have a new energy, but it’s different – as if he is imagining being with someone else. Accept your feelings. They are legitimate – shock, worry, depression, confusion, anger. You feel lost. Talk to a friend or a professional who could help you come to terms with the reality, and help you grieve the loss of your relationship and spouse.
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12. He keeps talking about the other woman
He might mention her name frequently, or remark that maybe you should put your hair up the way she does. When the phone rings, you know it’s her because she has a special ringtone. He attributes it to work, but you see the difference in his voice and the way he lights up when he says her name. He usually leaves the room to take her call.
Give yourself some time to think things through. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or a relationship counselor to understand your feelings and discover your next steps. If you feel strong enough to handle it, then talk to your partner. Listen carefully to what he says.
13. He spends a lot of time with the other woman
He says it’s work. They have a big client and a crazy deadline so he’s spending nights away from home and is working on weekends. The work isn’t new. Earlier, he always called home and checked in with you. He would update you about the project and say he loves you or misses you and can’t wait to be home.
Now you find that you have to call him. Most times, his phone is on voice messaging and when he calls back, he sounds irritated. This is a clear sign that he loves the other woman and it’s an agonizing sign that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. It’s important to avoid the blame game between you, him and her. It will lead nowhere and won’t change anything. Don’t play the victim either. Sometimes, affairs end, and other times, it’s time to say goodbye. For you, the time right now is to know the truth and find ways to deal with reality.
14. He doesn’t get upset about things anymore
In his head, he’s probably moved on. He’s imagining a future with the other woman, and all those little domestic issues that used to irritate him, no longer bother him. Things like the kids leaving their toys lying around or the creaking noise of the kitchen cabinets no longer irritate him.
You can feel him distancing from domestic life, and his thoughts elsewhere. He probably misses the other woman and many times, you see him deeply engrossed in his phone. If you’ve noticed this change, it’s a red flag, and one of many signs that he loves the other woman. It’s time for you to think about your future. If you have kids, it’s important to keep them out of it. If you want to save your marriage, try to resolve differences with your spouse amicably, no matter how difficult it is. Or you can choose to separate.
15. No more public displays of affection
First, it’s getting rarer that the two of you hang out together, especially in public. When you go out, you end up quarreling in the car about petty things. Once you reach your destination, both of you are in a bad mood, sulking and turning away from each other. He no longer holds your hand or even tries to make peace. The dinner you planned at your favorite restaurant has become cumbersome and you can’t wait to get home.
You sense your marriage has reached a point where reconciliation takes a lot of effort. The signs of a married man in love with another woman are adding up and you can no longer ignore the signals. As painful as it is for you, it’s time to address the crisis in your marriage. It will help you determine your future.
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16. He has stopped posting photos of you with him on social media
Something about your relationship does not feel right so you decide to check his social media posts. You notice his FB status still says married and you feel somewhat relieved. But then you notice there are no recent photos of you together. This is definitely suspicious. Social media today reflects the people and things a person loves, or is inspired by, and if you are not featured anywhere in his virtual world, doesn’t that translate to what is important in his real world?
17. Date nights have become non-existent
These were once the highlight of your week especially after the kids came and both of you hardly had time for each other. This one day in the week for a few hours was your time to be intimate with each other. Talk, laugh, watch a movie, cook a nice meal, have relaxed sex while the kids were at your parent’s place. In fact, neither of you ran out of at-home date night ideas.
For the past few months, however, he has been putting off date nights, saying he is working late, or having an important business dinner, or an old friend is visiting and he has to spend time with him. Eventually, you stop reminding him about date nights and he doesn’t even mention it. Missing a few nights is understandable but when it’s happening over and over again it’s a sign your husband loves another woman.
18. Your gut says something is up
Finally, there’s your woman’s intuition and your own body giving signs that he loves the other woman. After all, you know your partner well. When his behavior changes toward you, your intuition will kick in telling you something is off center. You get that funny feeling in your belly when he calls saying he’ll be late. Soon, you find yourself riffing through his laundry to try and get a whiff of the other woman.
Ask questions if you have to. Try and focus on the facts and not let the conversation get derailed because of anger or blame games. You can ask your spouse when the affair started and what he thinks the next steps should be. Accept the situation so that a resolution can be found. After all, there’s no point holding onto a man who cheated on you and who doesn’t wish to make amends.
Infidelity has many faces. There are no clear reasons for a married man to love another woman. Sometimes, it’s a passing affair, and marriages can be healed after infidelity and love restored. Other times, the aftermath of a breakup can be painful and demanding. Whatever the outcome, knowing the truth can lead you to knowing your next steps forward, together or apart.
Yes, he can. There are many reasons that a man can cheat and fall in love with another woman. There is no simple answer. Sometimes, it is for a sense of adventure, or because the affair gives him a sense of self-esteem. It could be a symptom of something wrong in your relationship, or related to something about your partner’s past.
The fact remains that infidelity is real, and it can throw your relationship into a state of crisis.
Yes, he can. A man can love his wife but be dissatisfied with the marriage. He might choose to seek comfort from another woman. The man might be open to saving his marriage if that’s what the wife wants as well. Then, it’s a matter of working things out by rebuilding trust and restoring love between the partners.
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