Each year in a marriage is considered a milestone. There is no denying that. But why is it said that if you have crossed the 7-year-relationship itch then you are in a safe zone?
Do you ever wonder why this 7th anniversary is equated with the so-called ‘itch’? Does it expose the alleged loopholes in a marriage? Or do high expectations shatter a couple’s happiness and lead them to break up? Are there deeper psychological dynamics involved that create unsettled feelings among the couples?
According to the statistics available from the National Center for Health Statistics, the median duration of marriage was 7.2 years for couples who divorced in 1989 and 1990. Most marriages go into divorce in the US after 10 years now. So people often talk about a 10-year relationship itch now.
What Is The 7-Year Relationship Itch Crisis?
It’s all in the mind when we talk about the 7-year itch or feel we are suffering from it. As per the 7-year itch psychology, it is often said that happiness declines after you touch this marriage/relationship milestone. Dissatisfaction, resentment and unresolved grudges in a partner/between the partners also results in friction.
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Worse cases make any vulnerable partner prone to extramarital affairs or seek divorce citing irreconcilable differences. Even if a couple is in a 7-year relationship, not married, they are still likely to a bitter breakup, thanks to the long time they have been together.
The disturbances, like ego issues and taking each other for granted, also create a glitch much before they get hitched. To avoid these painful breakups and divorces, both married and unmarried couples should place their ‘individual’ well-being before their relationship and see how it helps them become a great partner.
Now you must be thinking that marriage/relationship is more about ‘we’ the team, which is right in every sense. But in this process, any partner should not become too consumed to ignore ‘me’ the individual.
If one strikes a balance between both the identities, it becomes easy to sail through the ups and downs of marriage. While working on it, both the partners should participate in the activities that keep them happy and driven towards their individual goals.
Be it about performing a poem at open mikes, or honing their musical skills, keep exploring your talents and opportunities that make you happy.
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Remember, only if we are happy, we can keep others happy. When one of the partners is unhappy or faking happiness, they are not honest to themselves and each other. This unhappiness is the root cause of 7-year marriage problems couples across the world experience regularly. It leads to many other issues which we will explore in the next section.
What happens when the 7-year itch marriage problems surface?
The 7-year itch is a real-life problem due to which many marriages hit the rough spot. Couples can resolve this problem by working on their communication issues.
Usually, many husbands and wives face challenges while communicating with each other due to various reasons. Home chores, in-laws’ dynamics, kids in the family take a toll on their quality of communication. If this goes unnoticed, it creates a lot of disagreements and disturbs the marital equation.
Dissatisfaction finds its way through sarcastic comments in front of friends and relatives. If continued for a longer time, this results in regular fights among them and affects the health of a marriage.
In some cases, one of the partners withdraws from the constant criticism and hurtful words, which is lethal for the longevity of marital bliss.
Lack of communication also leads to lots of misunderstandings and arguments. This is one of the biggest 7-year marriage problems many couples face these days. Again, the balance dynamics are disturbed in this equation where one partner feels ignored due to additional marital responsibilities.
Due to this, the partners fail to find time for each other, and many times, take each other for granted. These can be the sole reasons why couples in a 7-year relationship break up usually. In 7 years spouses reach the threshold of tolerance. Those who can cross it can continue in the journey but those who can’t prefer to call it a day.
But, fret not! If your love is strong enough to withstand such temporary feelings, then some impressive solutions can help find your couple momentum again and revive the relationship like never before.
7-Year Relationship Itch Solutions
Besides internal ‘happiness’, if the partner/s in a marriage or a relationship focus more on positives than negatives, then the quality of life will increase manifold. Some 7-year itch solutions that can give a new lease of life to your marriage are.
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You need to open up to your spouse and tell him/her about what’s missing at present in your marriage. Don’t avoid communication to escape any arguments.
Instead, say what’s there on your mind, face them head-on and connect better with each other. Communication is the key to solve issues and you can go for communication exercises too.
2. Recommit to your spouse
After marriage, your spouse is your priority. Let him/her feel wanted in a relationship. Appreciate their strengths and affirm your faith in their strengths and abilities. In weak moments, don’t just leave your partner disoriented.
Instead, listen to them and inspire them to work on that individual goal again for overall happiness. Yes, there will be ups and downs, but a positive and constructive outlook can give you more substantial spousal support and a much stronger marital relationship. This works wonders for spouses who are going through a mid-life crisis.
3. New goals, new challenges
We as humans need to evolve from time to time. New goals renew our sense of clarity and inspiration to push our limits. Usually, by the time the 7-year itch in relationship hits and blocks your perspectives, you already have a family, including kids, own a house and have a stable career.
All these factors can make the couple work 24×7 on an auto-pilot mode, which makes life annoying for both the spouses. Seven-year itch psychology suggests that such couples sit together, talk and make new goals or vision boards.
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4. Support each other
If a wife is starting her phase two in her career after a baby, then the husband can support her and help her approach this with confidence. This can energise the marriage and leave you both fulfilled and satisfied in a union.
To renew their chemistry and stay in tune with each other, a couple can enrol in ballroom dancing classes, adventure trips, gym session, volunteering for a social cause, etc. Follow up its success with a six-month goal check-in to tune with each other
5. Celebrate each other’s triumph
The way you receive each other’s success also makes a difference in strengthening a couple’s bond. Remember, you are both on the same team, and celebrating wins can reinforce your love and respect for each other.
Being happy for their achievements and making way for a celebration is key to satisfying relationships. So, pop a bottle of champagne next time he/she cracks a business deal or earns a promotion
6. Experiment with new things in bed
Many women feel they lose intimacy and connection with their spouse after a few years of marriage. They think that sex is a chore and that at times, pushes them apart. To avoid it, both the partners can work to bring their sex life back on track.
Here, that seven-year time-frame can be an advantage where you can easily open up to each other at ease, express your sexual fantasies and reignite that lost spark
7. Don’t compare yourself with other couples
Every couple is different, and so is their chemistry. So, it would be foolish to examine your relationship with others. Your contact has its strengths; cherish them and embrace your married life with gratitude for a qualitative experience.
Couples nowadays get influenced by fake relationships showcased on social media and start comparing themselves and fighting over it. Increase your own relationship satisfaction and don’t bother about what others are doing.
Relationship advice from counsellors
According to psychologists, the seven-year itch is just a pop-culture fad. The reality is crude where this dissociation can hit the couple any year after marriage, starting from a mere two years.
Our Bonobology relationship experts have communicated with many couples struggling with their marital dissatisfaction and counselled some tried and tested advice for their emotional well-being. Let’s look at it.
- If you are happy, then your 100% commitment will surely reflect in a relationship or a marriage. You will be much more supportive of him/her and give more room for growth to each other. So a positive outlook always helps a marriage wonderfully
- One interesting 7-year itch relationship advice revelation states that both the spouses need to slow down at regular intervals to evaluate where the marriage is heading
- Keep listening to what you need – for your relationship’s health and individual’s happiness. If something is going wrong in life, or you are caught with regrets and boredom, then you can talk it out, share your anxieties and work on a positive resolution
- No marriage or relationship is immune to problems. Instead of ignoring them and pushing it under the carpet, why not face them and put them to rest
- Remember, matrimony is not a landmine where every step has to be taken carefully. It should be a comfort zone where you can be as natural as you are and express your feelings to your spouse without any inhibitions
According to our Bonobology experts, every relationship has the potential to be fulfilling, provided both the partners are ready to cooperate and work on it together. We hope this simple advice shifts your perspective about the 7-year relationship itch and helps you lead a soothing and comfortable companionship for life.
Simply by tackling your boredom. The 7-year itch happens when you are settled in your relationship and boredom sets in and you express that with lack of intimacy, fights and blame shifting. Don’t let it turn into resentment and address the boredom. You are all set then.
Not really. Once you cross the 7 year threshold you are into a more mature phase of your relationship when you feel more settled. But the feeling of boredom and intolerance can raise its ugly head after 7 years, 10 years or even 20 years.
There is no timeframe for that. How you feel about each other and how you want to resolve the issues that are stemming from the 7-year itch will decide on how long you will go through this phase.
Statistics show that most marriages that collapse and end in a divorce survive a period of 7 years. It’s precisely 8 years now. But now many Americans are getting divorced after 10 to 12 years.