In a crooked little hill town, the topic of sexuality was something we could not explicitly discuss. We were ignorant little fifteen-year-old teenagers, obsessing about boys from the enemy school. For us homosexuals were all men, trans-genders were ‘chhakkas’ and bisexuals were indecisive. Single bisexual women hardly received the respect they deserve. There was always a lot of confusion and gossip around their sexuality.
Accepting bisexuality or anything different from the norm never came easily to the people around me. “You are so gay” was supposed to be an insult until someone in a P.T class retorted “Yeah, I am. So what?” Of course, that someone was sent to Sister Principal and her parents were called. What a travesty, indeed!
There are a lot of first-time bi stories out there. Different circumstances and instances help people realize who they are truly meant to be and they rediscover themselves in the most beautiful and epiphanic way. Single bisexual women are strong, beautiful and courageous in their own way.
My story goes a little differently. I will tell you more about my journey of acceptance. Stories of bisexual relationships are still largely met with mockery, ridicule or derision. Hopefully, my account can help change that and all the myths about gay people.
The ‘all about boys’ stage from teenage years gave to the ‘all about men’ stage in early adult life. A significant amount of time was spent secretly gossiping about men who wore pink shirts and girls who walked in a “funny way”. Maybe she likes girls, maybe she likes boys. Maybe she likes both.
“Funny way” implied being more comfortable in a shirt and trousers rather than a skirt and a fancy top. The word “boyish” was used too often. And wonderfully enough, I was attracted to them in a manner that I did not think was sexual. Back then, I had never thought that I would end up being a single bisexual woman someday. As it is, I had deemed the bisexuals as indecisive, horny people who wanted to have it all.
Related Reading: I’m married and still attracted to both men and women
Bisexuality was something of an offensive term to me
I had an over-attachment to one of my best friends in school but I thought it was friendly. We would play out parts where she would be the boy and I would be the girl.
It is only in retrospection that I realized there might have been something more-than-friendly feelings for her. I got jealous when people hung out with her too often or she sat beside someone else until I got to the classroom. All these feelings were inside me while I had a thing going on with a boy who went to the same tuition class.
Do you know how some homosexuals are homophobic? I came close to fitting the bill. A single bisexual woman who was scared of other people being like her. Saying that I was homophobic would be stretching it too far but even though I understood the validity of a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman, I could not wrap my head around the fact that someone could be attracted to both men and women. I had been hearing a lot of stories of bisexual relationships. While I was intrigued, I was never particularly invested.
Times changed. Fast forward a few straight school years after, I met a gay person who offered me a cigarette. He was a senior in college. Speculations had been that he was gay. He did not wear a pink top, he did not talk with theatrical hand gestures and he did not change his shoes every day. In short, he did not fit the gay stereotype. He was a regular Karan or Arjun, so unlike what Mr Johar had so vibrantly projected in the movies all these years. Simply fascinating, is it not?
I got remarks like “Oh my God. He is gay. Why do you have a crush on him?” Weird enough I was flabbergasted. It was only months after I could muster a reply, “So I am supposed to check a guy’s sexuality before crushing on him?” to which I got a few raised brows as an answer.
Within the next year, I had successfully dated one of my crush’s friends. Then came the whole fiesta of dating men. Some were passionate in their affairs, some wanted to cop a feel only. Needless to say, my romantic gestures ended with me losing feelings for them and being termed as a “bitch”.
Stories of bisexual relationships
That’s when it started – my stories of bisexual relationships. I started falling for a lovely girl. It was in my university days that I was attracted to her. Though from a different department, we met through mutual friends, and after a while, she started giving me hints about liking me. I went with the flow but things sped up quickly.
There I was spending a starry night sipping wine with a gorgeous woman and I liked it. I have heard men say that women have the softest lips but I thought it was something they said to get laid. That day I learnt the truth in that notion.
It started with simple neck kissing and then grew into a much more intense session of making out. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I was sure of my sexuality from that day. This remains my absolute favorite bisexual couple story and experience.
When I told my best friend about my hanky-panky with a woman, she exclaimed that she always knew I was bisexual. Not once had she mentioned that to me but I did not mind being called one. Things proceeded with my girlfriend quite well. Some of my ex-boyfriends (who stayed in touch with me) told me it was “just a phase”.
Related Reading: What You Need To Know About Coming Out Of the Closet
When I finally came out to my friend about being bisexual, she rolled her eyes, pointing out my relationship was based on sexual urges. She argued that I could not be bisexual and the fate of this relationship would not exceed more than six months.
Fast forward again, one and a half years later, I am still in a monogamous relationship with a woman – no indecision there and love knows no gender. The sex is so much better than the ones I had with men and there is no unnecessary jealousy or the occasional outbreak of testosterone.
I check out men and women too, on special occasions. I have come a long way from a girl who used gay as an insult to someone who is bisexual and proud. Being a part of the bisexual women’s clique, I am as happy and proud as ever!