Why do we fall in love when it just leads to pain?
A rejected heart is a sad thing and is almost ridiculous by its existence. I mean, out of all the things in the world, why on earth would humans be designed to fall in love, and that too with people who might not love them back? It all seems futile, and yet people still fall in love every day, again and again. If you are one of those people who have fallen in love or been attracted to someone who’s rejected you, these are the best ways for you to handle it.
They are entitled to their own opinion
Remember that the other person has every right to not love you back. Just because you love them doesn’t mean they have to love you. We are sometimes brought up believing that the world is our oyster, and that’s great, but in the oyster filled world, we aren’t alone and other people are not our oysters. We are all entitled to feel the way we do and there’s nothing wrong in that.
You are entitled to your own opinion
Just the way the person who rejected you has every right to reject you, you too have every right to feel the feelings you did. You just don’t have control over the outcome, since it depends on the other person’s will too. What this means is that just because they got rejected doesn’t mean your emotions weren’t valid or true. You are entitled to feel love for whomever you want. However, you must remember that that love once expressed and rejected should remain with you as your feelings. Forcing it again and again on the other person is abuse and not love.
Related reading: Why do some people take breakups harder than others?
Grief is human
Heartbreaks can cause real physical pain at times and being rejected isn’t fun by any means. Therefore, if you’ve been rejected, instead of reacting to it, you must learn to sit with the grief and let it wash over you for a bit. Have a good cry, and let the sadness get out of your system first. Without grieving the loss of a love that you thought might be yours, the dreams that you had seen, you can’t face reality and be happy. Grieving is the first step in getting over someone.
A very wise person once said, ‘sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do, is to get physically busy’. These words ring true completely while dealing with rejection. The grief, the bruised ego, memories of that person, all of it will only get worse if you’re just thinking about it every day. Get out there, start working, go get coffee with your friends, start working out. Do anything that will keep you physically moving. While sitting with your grief is of prime importance, we can’t also be conceited about our pain.
Get help if it gets too much
Love can destabilise you, and that can be great sometimes, but one-sided love and its effects can be problematic beyond measure. If you feel unmotivated post-rejection, if you feel sad and sleepy and don’t feel like getting out, you might be driving down depression road, and it might be time to get help. You could get help in person or try online counselling. Just get help.
Related reading: How to get over a breakup fast?
It gets better
Remember that the world really is your oyster, and you will find other people to go have oysters with. There are more people out there that you might find you love and who will love you back. Keep telling yourself that you are okay and that you will get over the person. Tell yourself the feelings will go away. As exhaustingly clichéd as it may sound, time really does make things easier to bear, if not heal them. As unique as you may think your love is, you’re not the first person to fall in love on earth, neither will you be the last, and if you look at enough love stories with heartbreak, you would know that it will get better.
Yet we keep falling in love again and again
As the late great Amy Winehouse wrote in one of her best songs, ‘Love is a losing game’. A simple enough statement and yet it captures a world of heartbreak in five words.
And it rings true, doesn’t it? Whether you are with the love of your life and scared to lose them, or you’ve just broken up and are nursing a shattered heart, or your love is one-sided, you haven’t yet expressed it, or you were rejected, it all ends in a loss somehow. In spite of this, human beings can’t wait to fall in love again and again. Put that heart through the meat grinder and get it broken again and again. Why, you may ask. Well, that’s because, however long or short it might be, it feels fucking great.