“I hired this person months ago, she is attractive, smart and witty. She is always on my mind. I have been hiding my feelings for her and have not received any signs from her either. But, my God, it is tough to do so. I feel for her more every single day, interacting with her is the best part of my day, even if it is simply about work or some light-hearted banter. I want to stop feeling this way… But I can’t stop wondering if maybe the feelings are mutual.” A boss confessed to us over email.
Has your boss been giving you special attention lately? Do you catch him staring at you? Have you been wondering if your boss likes you romantically? Do you find yourself wrestling with the dilemma of “does my boss have a crush on me and how do I handle it?” Maintaining boundaries in a workplace is difficult as you spend a major part of your day with your colleagues.
With all those hours of work and extra shifts, you tend to form personal relationships with your coworkers. But what if these personal relationships arouse romantic feelings in your boss? How does one tackle that?
10 Signs Your Boss Likes You Romantically
If you think your boss is interested in you, you must know how to handle it, because your job, maybe even promotion, depends on how you deal with it. You can’t just be curt and shoot down what you believe to be his romantic advance directly because of the professional setup too. This makes knowing how to tell if your boss likes you imperative.
What if you misread his intentions and are not right in assuming your boss is attracted to you? To accuse your boss if this were not true can have serious ramifications and be an HR nightmare for you. Curious if your boss is attracted to you romantically? How can you know for sure? The answer lies in the signs.
You must be absolutely sure of the signs your manager likes you or your boss has a crush on you to avoid looking like a fool, being the center of the office gossip, and also perhaps, losing your job and credibility. Do it the old-fashioned way. Follow the signs the boss likes you romantically to come to a definitive conclusion.
A word of caution, unless you are sure do not share this with anyone, especially in the office. You never know who is after your position or looking to score a point with your boss by throwing you under the bus. Tread carefully, and take note of these 10 signs your boss has a crush on you and likes you romantically:
Related Reading: 12 Ways Office Affairs can spell Trouble For You
1. Your boss likes you romantically if he is being too helpful
If your boss is finding excuses to interact with you and help you out more in comparison to the other coworkers, it could be one of telling signs your boss wants to sleep with you or likes you romantically. You may feel that your boss is being a good mentor, but is it just that, his goodness prompting this behavior? What if your boss lets go of your errors easier than others? What if he is more patient and gives you extra chances?
When someone goes out of their way to help (at the cost of their own time and energy) and does it often, it probably means that you mean something more. Beware, don’t encourage this over helpful behavior as your boss can interpret it as a sign that you reciprocate his feelings (unless you want to).
2. Your boss gets you gifts
The dilemma of a boss having a romantic interest in you becomes that much complicated if they’re already married. Even if you see clear signs of them making passes at you, the ring on their finger can make it harder for you to either reciprocate or shoot down their advances. You need definitive indications of their interest in you, but the question remains: how to tell if your married boss likes you romantically?
See if your boss gives you special, unwarranted attention. Are you the only one getting special gifts from your boss? Maybe that new printer or some office supply you have been asking for which was really not that urgent? What when you notice the pantry being stocked up with your favorite brand of tea bags and biscuits? What if your section gets a new aircon?
And then, there could be direct ones – a better appraisal that perhaps you think you really do not deserve or even a small token of appreciation from him like a scarf? There are other deserving employees in your team that should be appreciated, but you are the only one receiving this special treatment.
If your boss gives you gifts, maybe like perfume or a spa voucher but asks you to be discreet, you have more reasons to be suspicious. Now, if you like him too, you can reciprocate with gifts of your own to send across the message that this attraction is mutual.
However, unless you share a personal rapport with him, don’t get him something too personal like a shirt or any other piece of clothing. A tie, scarf, an exclusive limited edition pen, action figures of their favorite superheroes are bankable gift ideas to help you get started.
3. Your boss is constantly flirting with you
Does he always hold eye contact? Does he ask you how he looks (your opinion on him is important)? Does he ask you about your likes and dislikes? Does he touch his face often when he speaks to you, rub his chin, touch his ears? Maybe he uses cheesy lines like, “How could you have both beauty and brains, it’s not fair to others” to flatter you.
If you’ve been wondering, “Does my boss have a crush on me?”, these obvious attempts at flirting with you should make his feelings for you clear as day. These could pass off as genuine compliments, but if they are always about you personally, your clothing or your looks, something more is cooking.
Flirtatious messages have to be read between the lines, and it is a sure sign that your boss is attracted to you. Your boss flirting with you could spell trouble for you as well. No one who maintains professional boundaries sends flirty messages to their subordinates at late hours. This is also a sign that your boss wants to sleep with you.
Also, check if your boss has changed his dressing style? Maybe a new haircut, a new tie, the shoes are spick and span. Does he use a little more cologne? These are all subtle signs of flirting. Joking is also a form of flirting.
4. Your boss invites you for dinner/drinks
How to tell if your boss likes you? Them wanting to spend time with you beyond office hours is a strong indicator. Your boss may want you to stay back even after office hours and offers to stay up too. He becomes almost your PA and helps you finish the work. And to make up for the late hour, they casually ask you out and make it seem as if they are compensating for making you work late.
Your boss may invite you for a drink or even dinner. They will remember the cuisine you like and offer those places only. Maybe even will try to figure out your choice of alcohol too. Let’s say you turn the boss down citing some reason, but a few days later they ask you out again.
It is because your boss is attracted to you and wants to build a personal relationship with you in an environment that doesn’t involve work. He/she wants to get to know you personally. How you respond to these invitations and overtures depends entirely on how you feel about this person. If you like them too, then make sure you go out prepared to knock his socks off.
Order yourself a new dress that accentuates your body at the right places and the perfect shoes to pair it up with, get your hair done, put on some makeup and an intoxicating fragrance. But remember to keep it subtle. Your boss shouldn’t be able to notice that you have gone to great lengths to dress up for him. The key is to work your magic while appearing casual and nonchalant about it.
Related Reading: 6 things to know before you hook up with someone at work
5. Boss likes you romantically if they compliment you often
“You light up the office space.” “Our clients will not be able to say no if you take on this project” “The mauve looks very nice on you.” “Your choice in perfume is great, which one is it?” If your boss appreciates you for your work, it is because you’re a deserving employee.
But if this appreciation turns into compliments that aren’t work-related, it means that your boss is romantically attracted to you. But the above lines are not what a boss usually says to his subordinates. It shows that your boss is observing your physical characteristics and is attracted to you.
How to tell if your married boss likes you romantically? If you haven’t been able to tell if your boss who’s already hitched has feelings for you, here’s a trick to try: experiment with your appearances a little – perhaps, get a new haircut or color, change your dressing style, wear a color that you typically don’t – and see how they react. If they not only notice but make it a point to comment on it, you can be sure there’s something brewing.
6. There’s physical contact
Does he stand closer to you than required? Do you get unnecessary handshakes or hugs? Or he just reaches to touch your arm lightly? Does he pat you on the back more frequently? Does he lean in closer to help you out with something?
Sometimes he has you casually against the wall so that it is not as comfortable for you to move away and you spend those extra minutes with him. Notice if this is his natural style or is special just for you. If you are the only one who is being given this special treatment, you know what it means.
If your boss likes you romantically, you will be able to see female/male body language signs of attraction in their demeanor. Also, check if he blushes you when you notice his physical proximity? The signs your boss wants to sleep with you and is attracted to you don’t get any more apparent than this.
Now, it’s up to you to decide how you want to respond. If you like your boss too, you can consider reciprocating. If not, know that unwelcome advances like these amount to sexual harassment at the workplace and you can take action against your boss for it.
7. He tries to spend time with you privately
You take a coffee break, they appear for theirs, you go for a smoke and they join you. We have already spoken about asking you to stay back or come on weekends for which they will compensate you in terms of salary, but your boss takes extra care to come and even help you learn new things saying, “It would help you move up the corporate ladder.” This is because your boss wants to spend time with you and is using work to get some private time with you.
“Does my boss have a crush on me?” If you’re still asking this question, it’s time to look closely at the lengths to which your boss goes to get some alone time with you. If they’re truly going above and beyond, it’s a clear sign of their interest in you.
Related Reading: 8 signs that say you are being sexually harassed at work
8. You catch your boss staring at you
If your boss is romantically attracted to you, you might have caught him/her making googly eyes at you. For those who don’t know what making googly eyes means, it means staring at someone with love and awe. When someone is attracted to you, they tend to stare at you more often to catch glimpses of you. Staring at their crush is normal for people. What is not normal if that person is your boss. If these stares are making you uncomfortable, you need to do something about it.
You can consider talking to your boss and letting them know that their behavior is making you uncomfortable. If they still don’t back down, you can always take up the matter with HR, and if things go out of hand, even consider involving the internal sexual harassment committee. Even if your boss’ heart is in the right place and their feelings genuine, they still don’t have the right to make you feel uncomfortable and you have no reason to put up with it.
9. Calls/texts you for no reason
When a person has feelings for someone, they feel the urge to talk to their crush more often. “I called you to submit that thing. I just forgot what that thing is.” If your boss calls you out of nowhere, it means that he/she wants to talk to you but doesn’t know what to tell you. He/she will first make work-related excuses to call you and when those finish, he/she will just make other excuses to talk to you.
Maybe your boss will forward an inspirational message which is fairly innocent. Maybe they will share videos of a concert they have been to and mark them as ‘I know you like the performer’.
10. Your gut feeling says so
When someone likes you or is attracted to you, you just know. Your sixth sense suddenly gets heightened and you know that this person is interested in you, personally. Remember, gut instincts are not whims. It is your inner intelligence piecing together his body language, his tone, his words, and laying it down for you. If your boss’s changed behavior makes you uncomfortable (when you do not want that attention), there are chances that your instincts are right. Your boss likes you romantically and is giving you obvious hints and you know it.
When you realize that your boss has feelings for you, it becomes a dilemma because if you misread your boss’s body language and behavior, it can be embarrassing and cost you your job, or the boss his! It is important to be observant yet sure that your boss is really into you before you take any step.
If you see your boss and yourself in these signs then you know that your boss likes you. So the question is, what are you going to do about it? If you don’t do anything, your boss might think that you are okay with such behavior and it will keep increasing. If you’re thinking of doing something about it, what’s it going to be? Share with us in the comments.