It will obviously be refreshing for you when you meet a boyfriend who values you and puts you on a pedestal. You will feel cherished, especially if in the past, you have dated only insensitive and narcissistic guys.
However, what if after a few days, the affection he shows towards you turns into an obsession, all of a sudden? It will become a quite tiring experience for you, if you continuously have to prove your love to your insecure boyfriend.
It can get quite tiring and frustrating if you have to continuously prove your love to your insecure boyfriend.
Characteristic features of an insecure man
An insecure man usually seems quiet and shy; thus approaching him is convenient. He is overprotective, possessive, exhibits low levels of self-esteem and is considered to be an underachiever.
You will never know what goes on in the mind of an insecure boyfriend. One moment, he can make you feel extremely important and special. But at other times, he will surely make you feel suffocated in the relationship due to his insecure feelings.
Some of the characteristics an insecure man exhibits are listed below. You should be aware of them in order to be smart enough to escape his grasp:
- Such a man is known for his controlling and manipulating behaviour
- Jealousy is the most defining trait of an insecure guy
- His confidence level is extremely low
- He cares about what other people think about him and his life
- An insecure man is highly sensitive and gets upset very easily
- He will love to brag about himself, just to hide his shortcomings
- Bullying and putting down others will be his favourite habit
- Criticism is something that will not be tolerated by an insecure guy
- He will always be suspicious of the intentions of others around him
Related reading: Here’s how being clingy can kill your relationship
Why do women get attracted to insecure guys?
Now that we know the characteristics of insecure men, let us now try to comprehend why a majority of women generally get attracted to them. Actually, insecure guys seem like introverts, due to which women find it expedient to approach them. The insecure men even seem to be the nicest and the most considerate people in the world, when women start dating them.
Even if a woman knows that her guy is insecure, she feels she can help him get over his insecurity by giving him lots of love. Women innately have qualities of tolerance and patience, due to which they are able to deal with insecure men in their life. It is, normally strong and independent women who attract insecure guys, because these men need such women to boost their confidence.
10 Sureshot signs of an insecure boyfriend
Insecurity is one quality which has the potential of damaging your healthy relationship with your guy. It can lead to many issues which might never be solved between the two of you. At the beginning of the relationship, you might feel that your boyfriend is ‘Mr Right’ for you. But it is after a few days, weeks and even months, that insecurity rears its ugly head and you realise that you are caught in a relationship with an insecure boyfriend.
Intense and draining are two words that perfectly describe a relationship with an insecure boyfriend. Therefore, you must look out for the following signs of an insecure boyfriend, to save yourself from unnecessary drama and hardships.
- He just spends time with you only: He hardly has any friends and interesting hobbies. His world revolves around you and it can become quite smothering for you
- He controls every aspect of your life: Instead of giving you space and respecting your opinions, he becomes an insecure boyfriend, controlling each and every aspect of your life
- He keeps telling you to be as simple as possible: He does this, because he does not want you to look sexy and attract other men
- He exhibits feelings of jealousy: He is jealous of not only your male friends, but also of any man who tries to come closer to you
- He puts you down: An insecure boyfriend will belittle you and fail to empower you
- He keeps a constant check on you: He will keep tabs on you and will want to know where you are, what you are doing, with whom are you hanging out, etc. almost on a continuous basis
- He never accepts his mistakes: If he does something wrong, then you will notice that he will blame either you or someone else for his mistakes
- He wants to hear compliments but not any feedback: He will be happy to hear compliments, as it will boost his low self-confidence. But then he will not appreciate any kind of feedback from your side
- He doubts your loyalty: He is always suspicious about your motives and keeps testing your loyalty with cunning mind games and you might not even realise it
- He becomes aggressive if things do not go his way: Temper outbursts become a common phenomenon and he becomes aggressive when you try to confront him
Despite all these signs, if you want to continue your relationship with an insecure boyfriend, then read on.
Related reading: How to deal with a clingy boyfriend?
Tips to deal with an insecure boyfriend
Insecurity is not something that cannot be cured. If you put in the effort, then you can help your boyfriend overcome his insecurity. But even he has to be ready to accept your help and work towards improving himself. Here are the 15 coping tips for women who want to do all in their power to give their insecure boyfriends a chance.
1. Evaluate your conduct and behaviour in the relationship
You have to examine the way you behave with your boyfriend. Do you fail to give him enough time and attention? Do you have a habit of flirting with other men, that too in front of him? You have to ensure that ‘you’ are not the reason behind his insecurity and his distrust.
2. Extend your support and understanding to him
If you want your partner to overcome his insecurity, then you must communicate with him and remove all his doubts and concerns. Follow through with the promises you made to him and even try to live up to his reasonable expectations.
3. Let him know the importance he has in your life
Time and again, make the effort to let him know that you value him a lot. This will reassure him and he will feel good about himself.
4. Encourage him to discuss his past with you
The insecurity issues that your boyfriend is facing might be due to the past experiences. So, encourage him to talk about those past experiences, in order to get to the root of the problem.
5. Avoid becoming like your insecure boyfriend
Just because your boyfriend has become insecure, it does not mean that you become jealous and insecure as well. Behaving just like your insecure boyfriend will lead to more problems in your relationship.
6. You must completely avoid lying
Try to be as honest as possible in the relationship, because if you lie to him, then his trust will be broken and his insecurities might increase.
7. Make plans with your friends, that include him
If you know that when you go out with your friends, especially the male friends, your insecure boyfriend gets upset, then make plans with them that include him. This way, he can meet them, get to know them and get rid of his suspicions.
8. Let him know your concerns and insecurities
When you share your insecurities with your boyfriend, he will get the courage to be open with you about his concerns too. This mutual sharing of doubts and fears will make your relationship strong.
9. Give him time to improve himself
You cannot expect your insecure boyfriend to change overnight. So, giving him time and space to deal with his insecurities will be the best move on your part. Be patient and do not rush the process.
10. Approach a therapist
A therapist will be able to help you both reconnect and work through your boyfriend’s issues of insecurity. Thus, taking the help of one would be a good idea for both your boyfriend and you.
11. Compliment him, now and again
If you compliment him from time to time, then you will get an opportunity to deal with his insecurities in a better way. Just be as smooth and real as possible when complimenting him, so that it can help boost his self-esteem.
12. Watch what you say, what you do and how you dress
Around your guy, you have to be careful with your words, the way you dress and the way you behave. You do not have to change yourself completely, but just be watchful, so that you do not upset him needlessly.
13. Become a good listener
In order to understand him, you have to become a good listener. When he rants about things that he is insecure about, he has to feel that you are genuinely there for him and listening to his worries.
14. Do not joke about his insecurities
Whether in public or in private, you have to make sure that you do not joke about his insecurities. You have to respect him and avoid hurting him, at all cost.
15. Encourage him to socialise
Being around good people will give him an opportunity to improve himself and become a better person. Thus, encourage him to socialise with genuine people.
To be honest, it is not very difficult to deal with an insecure boyfriend. You just have to be wise, kind and patient to ensure that insecurity does not lead to the ultimate demise of your relationship.
Published in Relationships 101