It is a great feeling when you meet a guy who values you and puts you on a pedestal. You feel cherished, especially if in the past, you have dated insensitive and narcissistic guys. This is what a relationship with an insecure boyfriend starts out like. Initially, you will be showered with gifts, compliments and love. You may feel like the luckiest girl alive.
However, what if after a few days, the affection he shows towards you turns into an obsession all of a sudden? He demands your constant attention and needs you to prove your love for him.
It can get quite tiring and frustrating if you have to continuously prove your love to your insecure boyfriend.
Characteristic Features Of An Insecure Boyfriend
Having an insecure boyfriend can make your dating experience quite unsatisfying. Constantly fighting his insecurities can be a lot of work. An insecure man usually seems quiet and shy; thus approaching him is convenient. He is overprotective, possessive, exhibits low levels of self-esteem and is considered to be an underachiever. And this is why he does not take a second to switch his mood, accuse you, or even bother you with calls and messages when you are not around.
When you first started dating, it was cute when your insecure boyfriend kept asking you what you’re doing or where you are. You liked the fact that he was taking such an active interest in your life. However, as time passes, it is natural that you will start to get annoyed by the fact that he constantly expects you to be answerable to him. Chances are that most of your major fights have been about you missing his calls or not replying to his text in a timely manner.
You will never know what goes on in the mind of an insecure boyfriend. One moment, he can make you feel extremely important and special. But at other times, he might make you feel suffocated in the relationship.
Characteristics of an insecure boyfriend
Some of the characteristics an insecure man exhibits are listed below. You should be aware of them to be smart enough to escape his grasp:
- Such a man is known for his controlling and manipulating behaviour. He will want to dictate what you wear, who you meet etc
- Jealousy is the most defining trait of an insecure guy. He will get triggered by harmless interactions you have with any one of the opposite sex
- His confidence level is extremely low. He is constantly doubting himself and seeks validation from you
- He cares too much about what other people think about him and his life
- An insecure man is highly sensitive and gets upset very easily. You will constantly find him lashing out at you for the smallest of things.
- He will love to brag about himself, to hide his shortcomings. This is a defence mechanism.
- Bullying and putting down others will be a habit for him. He will constantly criticize you and your friends
- Criticism is something that will not be tolerated by an insecure guy. If you point out his flaws he will get extremely angry
- He will always be suspicious of the intentions of others around him and will not be able to trust anyone, including you!
10 Sure Shot Signs Of An Insecure Boyfriend
Insecurity is one quality which has the potential of damaging your healthy relationship with your guy. It can lead to many unresolved issues between the two of you. At the beginning of the relationship, you might feel that your boyfriend is ‘Mr Right’. But soon that insecurity rears its ugly head and you realize that you are caught in a relationship with an insecure boyfriend.
Related Reading: 13 Warning Signs Of Being Obsessed With Someone
Intense and draining are two words that perfectly describe a relationship with an insecure boyfriend. Therefore, you must look out for the following signs of an insecure boyfriend, to save yourself from unnecessary hardship:
- He just spends all his time with you: He hardly has any friends and interesting hobbies. His world revolves around you and it can become quite smothering for you
- He controls every aspect of your life: Instead of giving you space and respecting your opinions, he becomes an insecure boyfriend, controlling each aspect of your life
- He keeps telling you to be as simple as possible: He’s constantly asking you to dress down because he’s either insecure of his own appearance as compared to you or he does not want any other men ogling over you
- Feelings of jealousy are second nature to him: He is jealous not only of your male friends but also of any man who tries to come close to you
- He puts you down: An insecure boyfriend will belittle you and fail to empower you. He will constantly have a problem with everything you do and this will get very frustrating.
- He’s always keeping a check on you: He will keep tabs on you and will want to know where you are, what you are doing, with who you are hanging out with ALL THE TIME
- Never accepts his mistakes: If he does something wrong, you will notice that he will blame either you or someone else for his mistakes
- He wants to hear compliments but no feedback: He will be happy to hear compliments, as it will boost his low self-confidence. But he will not appreciate any kind of feedback or constructive criticism from your side
- Your loyalty is doubted: He is always suspicious about your motives and keeps testing your loyalty with mind games and you might not even realize it
- He becomes aggressive if things do not go his way: Temper outbursts become a common phenomenon and he becomes aggressive when you try to confront him
Despite all these signs of a clingy boyfriend, if you want to continue your relationship with an insecure boyfriend, then read on.
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Overcome Insecurity In A Relationship
Tips To Deal With An Insecure Boyfriend
Insecurity is not something that cannot be cured. If you put in the effort, you can help your insecure boyfriend overcome his insecurity. But even he has to be ready to accept your help and work towards improving himself. Here are the 15 tips for women who want to do all in their power to give their insecure boyfriends a chance.
If you really love this guy, you will need to put in a lot of hard work and make extra efforts to make him overcome his insecurities. these tips will surely come handy.
1. Evaluate your conduct and behaviour in the relationship
You must examine the way you behave with your insecure boyfriend. Do you fail to give him enough time and attention? Have you been unfaithful or flirting with other men? Ensure that your behaviour is not the reason for the rise of his insecurity.
Sometimes the relationship could be the root cause of your boyfriend’s insecurity. If he does not show any signs of insecurity in his interactions with others or other aspects of his life then you must stop and think whether your actions are causing him to behave in this manner. Perhaps he does not feel worthy of you or does not get adequate validation in his relationship with you. These things could be triggering his insecurity.
2. Extend your support and understanding to him
If you want your partner to overcome his insecurity, then you must communicate with him and eliminate all his doubts and concerns. Follow through with the promises you made to him and even try to live up to his expectations, if reasonable.
A reader once that told us that her boyfriend was extremely controlling and demanded that he select her outfits every morning. He would constantly text her while she was at work and would ask her to sit by herself during lunch and speak to him over the phone.
He also got angry when she attended office parties or outings and got enraged when she came back late from work. When they sat down and had an honest conversation she realized that his issues stemmed from her boss who was known to have a bad reputation when it came to his female employees. When she assured him that she would never pay attention to any advances by her boss, he calmed down.
She made him understand that she was not okay with him having a problem with the way she dresses and her attending office parties. It took him a while to realise but he made a conscious effort and now their relationship is better than ever.
3. Let him know the importance he has in your life
“My boyfriend is insecure, what do I do?”
“My boyfriend is very insecure and jealous and it’s ruining our relationship”
We hear these grievances about insecure boyfriends a lot!
When this happens, make the effort to let your insecure boyfriend know that you value him a lot. Make him understand that he is irreplaceable in your life. This will reassure him and he might realize his insecurity is baseless. You do not need to spend extravagantly to do this. Little gestures like getting him his favorite dessert ought to do the trick.
You can also drive home the point that he is loved and valued in the relationship by getting him small, albeit thoughtful, gifts every now and then. Say you’re browsing through an online store and spot a quirky beer mug that you know your boyfriend will appreciate, just order it for him and give it to him on your next date. Or if you spot a shirt or scarf that you know will look good on him, don’t wait for a special occasion to buy it for him. These gestures can go a long way in reassuring him that he is always on your mind and put his insecurities at ease.
4. Encourage him to discuss his past with you
The insecurity issues that your boyfriend is facing might be due to past experiences. So, encourage him to talk about those past experiences, to get to the root of the problem. We recommend that if his behavior is linked to his upbringing then he must seek professional help.
Childhood issues can end up being deeply rooted into a person and to deal with them they may require therapy. Especially if your boyfriend has had a disturbed childhood or abandonment issues, you should consider this.
Related Reading: 5 things men do to make a woman feel insecure
5. Avoid becoming like your insecure boyfriend
Just because your boyfriend has become insecure, it does not mean that you become jealous and insecure as well. Behaving just like your insecure boyfriend will lead to more problems in your relationship.
You will ruin your relationship with your boyfriend if you also start to embrace his thinking process. You might feel like giving him a taste of his own medicine however, this will only foster hatred amongst you guys and will quickly turn the relationship sour.
6. You must completely avoid lying
Try to be as honest as possible in the relationship, because if you lie to him, then his trust will be broken and his insecurities might increase. If he already has trust issues, work with him to help him lead a happy and loving life.
If you lie to him and he finds out, it will only be adding fuel to his insecurity. Your insecure boyfriend already has visible trust issues and being dishonest will just make him more paranoid and make him more doubtful of you. Be honest with yourself and him both.
7. Make plans with your friends that include him
If you know that when you go out with your friends, especially your male friends, your insecure boyfriend gets upset, then make plans with them that include him. This way, he can meet them, get to know them, and get rid of his suspicions.
Sometimes the fear of the unknown is worse than the reality. When he observes your platonic interactions and builds a rapport with your friends he will let his guard down and become more trusting of you. At the end of the day, this will be good in the long run as one would always want their friends to get along with their significant other.
8. Let him know your concerns and insecurities
When you share your insecurities with your boyfriend, he will get the courage to be open with you about his concerns too. This mutual sharing of doubts and fears will make your relationship strong.
Being open and honest with each other is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Open communication means you both are comfortable with each other and not afraid to bare your vulnerable side while in each other’s company. You must encourage each other to share and discuss your problems and fears mutually.
9. Give him time to improve himself
You cannot expect your insecure boyfriend to change overnight. So, giving him time and space to deal with his insecurities will be the best move on your part. Be patient and do not rush the process. However, this does not mean that you put up with abusive behavior on his part.
If you don’t see any signs of improvement it might be time to call it quits. Staying in a relationship with someone who refuses to better himself as a human being and is set in his own redundant thinking and ways is bad for you and your mental health. You deserve much better.
10. Approach a therapist
Counselling has many benefits and so if you and your boyfriend are keen to seek help, speak to a therapist. A therapist will be able to help you both reconnect and work through your boyfriend’s issues of insecurity. Thus, taking the help of one would be a good idea for both your boyfriend and you.
If your insecure boyfriend suggests this himself, it is a very good sign as it means that he is willing to improve himself and realises there is an issue that needs resolving. So, make sure you encourage this and help him find a good therapist to deal with his issues.
11. Compliment him, now and again
If you compliment him from time to time, then you will get an opportunity to deal with his insecurities in a better way. Just be as smooth and real as possible when complimenting him, so that it can help boost his self-esteem. Perhaps there are things happening at work or with his family that are making him doubt his self-worth and your kinds words might help him build back his self-esteem.
It never hurts to make your loved one feel just a tad bit special and uplift their mood and self-confidence.
12. Watch what you say
Try not to say anything that unnecessarily hurts your insecure boyfriend. Yes, if you’re in a heated argument you have to present your arguments but try your best to keep calm and not hit him where it hurts. You do not have to change yourself, but just be mindful, so that you do not upset him needlessly. Work with him gradually and take him into confidence.
Do not be afraid to ask his opinion on your outfits. Let’s say you’re planning to upgrade your wardrobe or are just in the mood for some shopping, ask your boyfriend for his opinion on dresses, shoes, accessories. If you’re at home and doing this online, it can be a fun way to spend a lazy afternoon and get to know each other’s tastes a little better.
He will feel like he is important to you and this will also help you gauge what he is comfortable with. You must remember that you have the last say though as it is your life.
13. Become a good listener
To understand him, you have to become a good listener. Listening intently really helps a relationship flourish. When he rants about things that he is insecure about, he has to feel that you are genuinely there for him and listening to his worries.
Sometimes, a simple rant about a seemingly mundane thing can highlight an underlying issue. Therefore, you must listen to him when he is upset or going through something to understand better and make your relationship stronger.
14. Do not joke about his insecurities
Whether in public or in private, you have to make sure that you do not joke about his insecurities. Refrain from criticizing him in public. You have to respect him and avoid hurting him, at all cost.
There was a couple where the guy had recently put on a few pounds due to work-related stress and he felt uncomfortable in his body. He had shared this with his girlfriend and yet when his friends poked his belly and laughed at it jiggle she joined along. He felt violated and had a hard time trusting her again. Needless to say, their sex life became non-existent after his as well…
15. Encourage him to socialize
If you find yourself wondering “my boyfriend is insecure, how do I get him to open up?”, here is how- let him socialise!
Being around positive people will allow him to improve himself and become a better person. Thus, encourage him to socialize with genuine people. Sometimes you might need relationship advice and relationship counselling to deal with the insecurity in men. Relationship therapy also helps.
To be honest, it is not very difficult to deal with an insecure boyfriend. You just have to be wise, kind, and patient to ensure that insecurity does not lead to the ultimate demise of your relationship.
Why do women get attracted to insecure guys?
Now that we know the characteristics of insecure men, let us now try to comprehend why a majority of women generally get attracted to them. Insecure guys seem like introverts, due to which women find it easy to approach them.
The insecure men even seem to be the nicest and the most considerate people in the world, when women start dating them.
Even if a woman knows that her guy is insecure, she feels she can help him get over his insecurity by giving him lots of love. Women innately have qualities of tolerance and patience, due to which they can deal with insecure men in their lives. It is normally strong and independent women who attract insecure guys because these men need such women to boost their confidence.