It is refreshing when you meet a boyfriend who values you and puts you on a pedestal. You will feel cherished, especially if in the past, you have dated only insensitive and narcissistic guys. Initially, you will be very happy as you will be showered with gifts and compliments and he will give you all his time. You may even feel like the luckiest girl alive. However, what if after a few days, the affection he shows towards you turns into an obsession all of a sudden? It will become a quite tiring experience for you if you continuously have to prove your love to your insecure boyfriend.
It can get quite tiring and frustrating if you have to continuously prove your love to your insecure boyfriend.
Characteristic Features Of An Insecure Boyfriend
Having an insecure boyfriend can make your dating experience quite unsatisfying. Someone fighting his insecurities can simply be a lot of work. An insecure man usually seems quiet and shy; thus approaching him is convenient. He is overprotective, possessive, exhibits low levels of self-esteem and is considered to be an underachiever. And this is why he does not take a second to switch his mood, accuse you, or even bother you with calls and messages when you are not around.
When you first started dating and he kept asking you what you are doing or where you are you probably found it cute and loved the fact that he was taking such an active interest in your life. As time passes, it is natural that you will start to get annoyed by the fact that he constantly expect you to be answerable to him. Chances are that most of your major fights have been about you missing his call or not replying to his text in a timely manner.
You will never know what goes on in the mind of an insecure boyfriend. One moment, he can make you feel extremely important and special. But at other times, he will surely make you feel suffocated in the relationship due to his insecure feelings.
Some of the characteristics an insecure man exhibits are listed below. You should be aware of them to be smart enough to escape his grasp:
- Such a man is known for his controlling and manipulating behaviour. He will want to dictate what you wear, who you meet etc.
- Jealousy is the most defining trait of an insecure guy. He will get triggered by harmless interactions you have with anyone of the opposite sex.
- His confidence level is extremely low. He is constantly doubting himself and seeks validating from you.
- He cares about what other people think about him and his life.
- An insecure man is highly sensitive and gets upset very easily. You will constantly find him lashing out at you for the smallest of things.
- He will love to brag about himself, just to hide his shortcomings. This is just a defense mechanism.
- Bullying and putting down others will be his favourite habit. He will constantly criticize you and your friends.
- Criticism is something that will not be tolerated by an insecure guy. If you point out his flaws he will get extremely angry.
- He will always be suspicious of the intentions of others around him and will not be able to trust anyone, including you!
10 Sure Shot Signs Of An Insecure Boyfriend
Insecurity is one quality which has the potential of damaging your healthy relationship with your guy. It can lead to many issues which might never be solved between the two of you. At the beginning of the relationship, you might feel that your boyfriend is ‘Mr Right’ for you. But after a few days, weeks and even months, that insecurity rears its ugly head and you realise that you are caught in a relationship with an insecure boyfriend.
Related Reading: 13 Warning Signs Of Being Obsessed With Someone
Intense and draining are two words that perfectly describe a relationship with an insecure boyfriend. Therefore, you must lookout for the following signs of an insecure boyfriend, to save yourself from unnecessary drama and hardships.
- He just spends time with you only: He hardly has any friends and interesting hobbies. His world revolves around you and it can become quite smothering for you
- He controls every aspect of your life: Instead of giving you space and respecting your opinions, he becomes an insecure boyfriend, controlling each aspect of your life
- He keeps telling you to be as simple as possible: He does this because he does not want you to look sexy and attract other men. He will want you to wear ill-fitted clothes and will keep telling you to not wear any make-up or accessories.
- He exhibits feelings of jealousy: He is jealous of not only your male friends but also of any man who tries to come closer to you
- He puts you down: An insecure boyfriend will belittle you and fail to empower you. He will constantly have a problem with everything you do and this will get very frustrating.
- He keeps a constant check on you: He will keep tabs on you and will want to know where you are, what you are doing, with whom are you hanging out, etc. almost continuously
- He never accepts his mistakes: If he does something wrong, then you will notice that he will blame either you or someone else for his mistakes
- He wants to hear compliments but not any feedback: He will be happy to hear compliments, as it will boost his low self-confidence. But then he will not appreciate any kind of feedback from your side
- He doubts your loyalty: He is always suspicious about your motives and keeps testing your loyalty with cunning mind games and you might not even realise it
- He becomes aggressive if things do not go his way: Temper outbursts become a common phenomenon and he becomes aggressive when you try to confront him
Despite all these signs of a clingy boyfriend, if you want to continue your relationship with an insecure boyfriend, then read on.
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Overcome Insecurity In A Relationship
Tips To Deal With An Insecure Boyfriend
Insecurity is not something that cannot be cured. If you put in the effort, then you can help your boyfriend overcome his insecurity. But even he has to be ready to accept your help and work towards improving himself. Here are the 15 coping tips for women who want to do all in their power to give their insecure boyfriends a chance.
If you really love this guy, you will need to put in a lot of hard work and make extra efforts to make him get past his insecurities and these tips will surely come handy.
1. Evaluate your conduct and behaviour in the relationship
You have to examine the way you behave with your boyfriend. Do you fail to give him enough time and attention? Do you have a habit of flirting with other men, that too in front of him? You have to ensure that ‘you’ are not the reason behind his insecurity and his distrust.
Sometimes the relationship could be the root cause of your boyfriend’s insecurity. If he does not show any signs of insecurity in his interactions with others or other aspects of his life then you must stop and think whether your actions are causing him to behave in this manner. Perhaps he does not feel worthy of you or does not get adequate validation in his relationship with you. These things could be causing him to lash out with insecure behavior.
2. Extend your support and understanding to him
If you want your partner to overcome his insecurity, then you must communicate with him and remove all his doubts and concerns. Follow through with the promises you made to him and even try to live up to his reasonable expectations.
A reader once that told us that her boyfriend was extremely controlling and demanded that he select her outfits every morning. He would constantly text her while she was at work and would ask her to sit by herself during lunch and speak to him over the phone. He was also angry when she attended any office parties or outings and got enraged when she came back late from work. When they sat down and had an honest conversation she realized that his issues stemmed from her boss who was known to have a bad reputation when it came to his female employees. When she assured him that she would never pay attention to any advances by her boss, he calmed down a lot. Their relationship got even better when she changed companies.
3. Let him know the importance he has in your life
Time and again, make the effort to let him know that you value him a lot. This will reassure him and he will feel good about himself.
You do not need to spend extravagantly to do this. Simply sending him quotes that remind you of him or surprising him with his favorite dessert will do the trick.
4. Encourage him to discuss his past with you
The insecurity issues that your boyfriend is facing might be due to past experiences. So, encourage him to talk about those past experiences, to get to the root of the problem. We recommend that if his behavior is linked to his upbringing then he must seek professional help.
Related Reading: 5 things men do to make a woman feel insecure
5. Avoid becoming like your insecure boyfriend
Just because your boyfriend has become insecure, it does not mean that you become jealous and insecure as well. Behaving just like your insecure boyfriend will lead to more problems in your relationship. You will ruin your relationship with your boyfriend if you also start to embrace his thinking process. This will only foster hatred amongst you guys and will quickly turn the relationship sour.
6. You must completely avoid lying
Try to be as honest as possible in the relationship, because if you lie to him, then his trust will be broken and his insecurities might increase. If he already has trust issues, work with him to help him lead a happy and loving life.
7. Make plans with your friends, that include him
If you know that when you go out with your friends, especially your male friends, your insecure boyfriend gets upset, then make plans with them that include him. This way, he can meet them, get to know them and get rid of his suspicions. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is worse than the reality. When he observes your platonic interactions and builds a rapport with your friends he will let his guard down and become more trusting of you. At the end of the day this will be good in the long run as one would always want their friends to get along with their significant other.
8. Let him know your concerns and insecurities
When you share your insecurities with your boyfriend, he will get the courage to be open with you about his concerns too. This mutual sharing of doubts and fears will make your relationship strong.
9. Give him time to improve himself
You cannot expect your insecure boyfriend to change overnight. So, giving him time and space to deal with his insecurities will be the best move on your part. Be patient and do not rush the process. However, this does not mean that you put up with abusive behavior on his part. If you don’t see any signs of improvement it might be time to call it quits.
10. Approach a therapist
Counselling has many benefits and so if you and your boyfriend are keen to seek help, speak to a therapist. A therapist will be able to help you both reconnect and work through your boyfriend’s issues of insecurity. Thus, taking the help of one would be a good idea for both your boyfriend and you.
11. Compliment him, now and again
If you compliment him from time to time, then you will get an opportunity to deal with his insecurities in a better way. Just be as smooth and real as possible when complimenting him, so that it can help boost his self-esteem. Perhaps there are things happening at work or with his family that are making him doubt his self-worth and your kinds words might help him build back his self-esteem.
12. Watch what you say, what you do and how you dress
Around your guy, you have to be careful with your words, the way you dress and the way you behave. You do not have to change yourself completely, but just be watchful, so that you do not upset him needlessly. Work with him gradually and take him into confidence. Do not be afraid to ask his opinion on your outfits. He will feel like he is important to you and this will also help you gage what he is comfortable with. You must remember that you have the last say though as it is your life.
Related Reading: 13 Signs He Disrespects You And Does Not Deserve You
13. Become a good listener
To understand him, you have to become a good listener. Listening intently really helps a relationship flourish. When he rants about things that he is insecure about, he has to feel that you are genuinely there for him and listening to his worries.
14. Do not joke about his insecurities
Whether in public or in private, you have to make sure that you do not joke about his insecurities. Refrain from criticising him in public. You have to respect him and avoid hurting him, at all cost.
There was a couple where the guy had recently put on a few pounds due to work related stress and he felt uncomfortable in his body. He had shared this with his girlfriend and yet when his friends poked his belly and laughed at it jiggle she joined along. He felt violated and had a hard time trusting her again. Needless to say their sex life became non-existent after his as well…
15. Encourage him to socialise
Being around positive people will allow him to improve himself and become a better person. Thus, encourage him to socialise with genuine people. Sometimes you might need relationship advice and relationship counselling to deal with the insecurity in men. Relationship therapy also helps.
To be honest, it is not very difficult to deal with an insecure boyfriend. You just have to be wise, kind, and patient to ensure that insecurity does not lead to the ultimate demise of your relationship.
Why do women get attracted to insecure guys?
Now that we know the characteristics of insecure men, let us now try to comprehend why a majority of women generally get attracted to them. Insecure guys seem like introverts, due to which women find it easy to approach them.
The insecure men even seem to be the nicest and the most considerate people in the world, when women start dating them.
Even if a woman knows that her guy is insecure, she feels she can help him get over his insecurity by giving him lots of love. Women innately have qualities of tolerance and patience, due to which they can deal with insecure men in their lives. It is normally strong and independent women who attract insecure guys because these men need such women to boost their confidence.