There is strength in one-sided love but there is a limit to it too. To get over someone you never had is tough and frustrating. Primarily because you can’t even be angry with the person for there isn’t a real breakup. The pain of breaking up with someone, who was never yours, is not shared with the person or with friends. You had a crush, you enjoyed it while it lasted but now it is your self-imposed goal to move on and you are alone in this too.
Coping with unrequited love is hard already, add a breakup to the already complicated equation! You might not have much help from friends about getting over your crush but here we can provide some useful tips for how to get over someone you never dated.
11 tips to get over someone you never had
Well, getting over someone you never had is as painful as getting over any other relationship.
You may have to do it on your own, more like dealing with a breakup alone. Maybe it was just not meant to be, and that’d how these tips on moving on someone you never dated will help you. As I say to my girls #notanotherminute, that should be your moto too.
1. Stop Flirting
If you have decided to move on then it is about time you stop flirting with your crush every time you see each other. When it is not getting you anywhere then it is just an exercise in futility. Quit it. Maybe your crush is just playing with you, understands everything but is not interested in moving forward with you
You should leave with your dignity intact before you become a laughing stock. It may be good for you to stay away from the company of your crush for a few days. You can try and avoid meeting them even in company. It is like quitting any other bad habit; need to create a safe distance from your object of intoxication. And to get over someone you never had, you need to resolve yourself that you won’t flirt, and wouldn’t entertain the same from your crush as well.
Have you ever wondered what is it about one-sided love that keeps us hooked?
2. Stop Fantasising
The day dreaming has to stop. Maybe you can’t stop yourself from drifting off to fantasy that you spin around your current crush but it is not healthy anymore. Now it is making your life more stressful and all the more lonely. Agreed, its hard to let go of someone who doesn’t love you, but who means the world to you.
I know that these fantasies are all you have left and these are yours alone. These are like poison that kills you slowly. Don’t indulge in them. Be punitive. Punish yourself if you ever find yourself wandering again in your mind. This will be good for you in the long term.
3. Stop re-reading the texts
There was a time when you used to stay connected with your crush every minute of the day. There was nothing that you won’t share with each other.
Either you spent hours talking or texting them every waking hour. But now that time is gone. Your crush now rarely replies to your ping. But you can stop this. You need to stop sending them texts and missed calls.
Most of the time, while waiting for a reply, you start scrolling up and re-reading old texts. Nostalgia gets the better of you and you end up sending texts, which are more pathetic than the last one.
4. Burn your feelings
This is very effective, speaking from personal experience. First, take a piece of paper and write down your feeling for your crush on that. Take a few pages, spend a few days, if that’s what it takes, but write it all down. Once it is written, now comes the hardest part. You need to set those pages to fire.
Create a bonfire or just throw them in a metal dustpan and see them burn. This will give you a sense of closure. Don’t stay stuck in a story that has no consequence. Why, it does feel that he broke your heart, even though it wasn’t a real relationship. Infact, the signs that he will break your heart are all there, you just have to look closely.
5. Pamper Yourself
You have invested a long time in someone who doesn’t even understand your feelings. For all work and purposes, it has been a bad investment. Now invest in yourself. Fill your loneliness with the best company that you can ever get: yourself. Take yourself out for a date. Get yourself a makeover. Change your style. Take the risk. Live a little. Enjoy yourself, first time in a long time.
But these are temporary things. These will only make you happy for a while. What you really need to do is take care of yourself, health wise, both mentally and physically. A broken heart cannot dwell for long in a healthy body and refreshed mind.
Related reading: Here is why you can’t fix bad relationships with fake smiles
6. Take care of your profession
In all the fantasising and daydreaming you have procrastinated about your work too much. Now it is time to take stock of the profession that sustains you. Your work, your profession is your identity, don’t let it suffer just because your mind was elsewhere.
Bring fresh energy to your work. Pull up your pants and dive in. Show them what you are really made of by doing twice as better than you have been doing a while back. Giving your job importance is another way of giving importance to your life choices and wellbeing.
7. Give it Time
Time is the greatest healer or so they say. With time you can slowly recover from this unsustainable pain. It is human nature not to be miserable for a long time unless we particularly want to be. If you allow yourself to remain in the darkness of remembrance, then there might never be a way out.
You just need to come across the light. Forcefully do away with the thoughts of your crush, make it a regular practice. Now it is time to reverse the rigour that you put into remembering them, into forgetting them.
Related reading: What should I do if I love someone who does not love me?
8. Take help from your friends
Confide to your friends. You may believe that they won’t understand or make fun of you but true friends have a way of surprising you. No matter how deep you fall you will always find at least one friend who is there to pull you back up. Friends are the biggest support system that you can ever get.
So, tell your friends and share the load. Trust them to be honest but supportive.
9. Start Dating
For the whole time that you have been crushing on this person you have abstained from dating, haven’t you? This entire time you were being faithful to a relationship that didn’t exist. You were being physically and romantically faithful to someone who is not your partner. You now need to break the pattern and try out new things.
Start dating, even if you don’t want it at first. Bring new people in your life and that could be the perfect cure for your loneliness. Someone new in your life could help you move on ahead.
10. Rebuild your self-esteem
When someone looks at you and doesn’t recognise that you are in love with them that really hurts and takes a toll on your self-esteem. You start feeling you are not attractive or you are not interesting enough or intelligent enough to get their attention. Now it is time to shift your attention to others who pay heed to you. If not, then at least turn your own attention to yourself.
It was just one person and their opinion alone can’t be the ultimate statement on who you are. Build yourself again and feel alive.
Related reading: 6 Signs You Are in a One-Sided Relationship
11. Rebuild your confidence
It can wipe away all your confidence to get over someone you never had. You can ask for professional help to get over someone you were infatuated with. There is no shame in going to a professional counsellor to get over your self-loathing. One-sided love hollows you out from the inside slowly and before you know it you are the shell of the person that you used to be.
But you are not lost. The essence that makes you ‘you’ is still inside. All you need to do is dig a little deeper. Professional help may guide you to the light at the end of the tunnel by dragging you out of the long and dark labyrinth of your personal tragedy.
Just remember this: this too shall pass. You are a beautiful person and
you deserve happiness and not just fruitless longing for someone.