“Love between two adults is always conditional. You can fall out of love because you are able to fall in love.” – Bryan Cranston, American actor.
Love, as they say, is a many-splendored thing. Sometimes, when things go awry, there is no option but to let go of the very love that holds the key to your heart. The challenge then is to learn how to fall out of love – for your own sake as well as that of the other person. It could be romantic love shared between partners or feelings of togetherness and care you share with your friend or sibling. When it ends, it ends.
Whatever is the status of your relationship, the fact is, it takes some effort to fall out of love while the opposite happens rather organically. There is a reality check, you get disappointed, disillusioned and hurt, and then begins the process of weaning away from the object of your affection.
How To Fall Out Of Love With Someone – 18 Tips
There are various reasons why you may need to fall out of love. If your love has remained unreciprocated despite all efforts on your part, there is no point in hanging on to an illusion. In such cases, you better teach your heart how to fall out of love before the emotion overwhelms you. This can be painful.
On the other hand, there are occasions when you simply fall out of love with your husband or wife. There might not be any overt reason or episode that triggered it. The attraction that brought you together might simply not be there. These cases require a bit of tact and skill to break the relationship.
There are also instances where perhaps your heart has missed a few steps and gone too far and you have found yourself pining for a man who cannot be yours. In this case, you are compelled to make yourself fall out of love with a married man because he is already committed to somebody else. This too can be a roller coaster of emotions and tensions.
Finally, there are instances when you fall out of love with your friend or someone close to you – even though your relationship is not romantic, they may have done something to cause you pain, which results in you wanting to walk out of their life. Such episodes can be difficult as you grapple with how to fall out of love with a person who has meant a lot to you.
But it’s okay. We all go through such moments and you can certainly master how to fall out of love and break the relationship just as you learn how to form it. Here are some tips:
Related Reading: How To End A Relationship On Good Terms
1. Know that it will take time
So you walked out of the relationship with your pride intact. Unfortunately, you hadn’t accounted for the weepy nights you’d spend thinking about your ex. Relax, you can’t fall out of love with your ex in a jiffy. Healing takes time so allow yourself to despair and think about them for a while.
Listening to their favorite band, eating the dessert you two always got together or walking past his favorite apparel store – moments like these will always make your mind wander toward what could have gone differently and why things went wrong. It’s only natural to ask these questions so give yourself and your heart some time to process and heal.
2. Practise journaling
If you are having serious doubts about your relationship or marriage, then practice journaling and write down all that is wrong with your partner. List down why it didn’t work out. Later, when you miss them, this list will remind you why it was necessary to end it and teach you how to fall out of love with your husband or boyfriend.
Once you convince yourself how much your life can change for the better when you consistently decide to fall out of love with someone who is bad for you, it might get easier. Writing things down might make you approach a more logical side of things and make you a little bit more resistant to succumbing to the memories.
3. Was it really love?
Many people confuse attraction and infatuation for love. You may be crazy about a guy or girl and when the attention isn’t reciprocated, you feel heartbroken. You don’t need to invest too much time in trying to fall out of love with your crush. Learn the difference between love and lust to be able to move on.
When Sammy understood that her 3-month relationship with Trevor was hardly a relationship in the first place, she got over him in a jiffy. She realized that obsessing over him was the only thing that was drawing her toward him. In reality, there was hardly anything organic or real between them. Once she came to this understanding, it became clear that she didn’t actually love him but had only convinced herself that she did.
4. Don’t get stuck on them
Easier said than done, we know! When love ends abruptly, it is difficult to look ahead. But give yourself a mental deadline about how long you are going to mourn. The art of how to fall out of love includes setting specific targets for your mind too. Divert your attention, don’t spend too much time ruminating over what could have been.
We wish there was some kind of chemical potion or way to fall out of love scientifically, but it all comes down to you and your willpower. You need to mentally re-adjust yourself again if you seriously want to forget about them and move on.
5. Practice mindfulness to get over one-sided love
Unrequited love is the toughest to forget and cope with. Trying to fall out of love with someone you never dated brings its own set of challenges as the heart keeps pining for something that was never yours. Practice mindfulness that might help you accept the situation for what it is. You can’t really change it, can you?
Being in a situation of one-sided love also brings other issues like low self-esteem or being scared to put yourself out there in the dating world again. But to snap out of it and fall out of love with someone who doesn’t love you, you need to let go of these thoughts that are holding you back. Do what it takes – whether it is going to a speed dating event or even getting a new hairdo!
6. Falling out of love with a married man
Seeing someone who is already committed can be blissful while it lasts but when it ends, it causes double the pain as you feel cheated and let down. When you fall out of love with a married man, try not to wallow in guilt. Trust us, the guilt will do everything to engulf you. But we can’t choose who we love, right?
That’s the thing. Love comes out of nowhere and one day you realize you’re in a hot mess that you need to get out of. Put the onus on him too as he is equally responsible for the mess that inevitably rises out of such relationships.
7. Cut off all contact
You can’t get them out of your system unless you get them out of your life. If you are serious that you want to fall out of love with your ex, then one way to do that is to snap all contact. You are not doing this out of bad faith or because you feel some kind of hatred. It’s just you following the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ principle.
Don’t visit the places they do, do not stalk them on social media and please don’t ask common friends about them. Take as long as you need to gather the strength to continue on without them. You don’t need memories needling you over and over again.
Related Reading: 15 Subtle Signs A Breakup Is Near And Your Partner Wants To Move On
8. Think of it as a lesson
A friendship gone sour is as tricky as a romantic relationship gone bad. When your best friend lets you down, the pain is immense, and the process of falling out of love with a friend leaves you with feelings of cynicism and wariness. Other than developing trust issues, you’ve also lost someone you felt like you could always be yourself with.
But remember, that people often come and go. Each person is meant to teach you a lesson. So think of this mishap as a learning experience about trust and boundaries.
9. Do not get into the revenge mode
We do not emphasize this lightly. Men, more than women, can find it difficult to accept that their love story is finally over. When you want to fall out of love with your wife or girlfriend because she has moved on, don’t mess it up further by indulging in a relationship on the rebound.
Rebounds might seem like the perfect solution at that moment but you also internally know that it will lead to no concrete solutions. It will only end up complicating your emotions even further, leaving you in a turmoil of feelings. Entering rebound relationships to cause your ex pain is a bad idea for yourself and for the rebound partner too.
At the same time, don’t stalk her or threaten her in any manner. There is no dignity in dragging a relationship that meant so much to you once through the dust just because things didn’t work out as you had hoped.
10. Channel your negativity into positivity
Learning how to fall out of love with someone does not involve hating that person (however negative you may feel toward them). You can’t be expected to be a saint toward them but how about using rejection or lack of love to improve yourself and your situation?
To fall out of love with someone who isn’t good for you doesn’t have to entail despising them and making them the villain in your life. Get inspired to rise above the hate and even the pain that they have caused you. Learn how to fall out of love with the person and fall in love with yourself.
11. Face the fear of being single again
You may know that there is no future in the relationship but carry on because the thought of being single again terrifies you. You are technically trying to fall out of love with someone you can’t be with, a person who does not excite you or make you feel special again.
So choose the single life instead! When Jessica realized that waiting desperately for another boyfriend was only making her sadder and she was thinking about her ex, even more, she decided to embrace singleness in all its glory. She joined a spin class, was volunteering at a dog shelter in the evenings, and started meeting the girls for drinks every weekend! Take it from Jessica – being happily single and trying to rediscover yourself and your interests is a far better option than wallowing in the pain of lost love.
12. Do not blame yourself
You don’t have to feel guilty about falling out of love or not wanting to give yourself to somebody who is not the one for you. Relationships evolve with time and it’s best to be honest about your feelings rather than fixating on the wrong connection. You may suffer from guilt and wonder how to fall out of love without hurting your special someone but don’t be too harsh on yourself.
Time heals all wounds and it will heal theirs too. No point spending all your time overthinking the ifs and buts of the situation. You ended the relationship because it was not working out, sometimes it’s just that simple.
13. Increase your connections
To ease your journey into singledom again, try and meet new people. No, it doesn’t mean you go on a dating spree the next day because you might still be a little fragile to take that on. All we advise is that you just ensure you have a larger friends’ circle and people to keep you going when you feel down.
Having just fallen out of love with your best friend, you may feel no one can replace them but you are not looking for a substitute. You are essentially looking for friends who will add to your life.
14. Develop new hobbies
Admittedly, you will not be able to forget or forgive. Let’s not sugarcoat it, to fall out of love with someone you can’t be with or someone who broke you does not happen overnight. But to do it right, you need to distract yourself from the pain point. Do new things, sign up for a class, learn a new craft, or join some kind of a club.
When you learn how to fall out of love, you need to release some feelings to allow new ones to come into your heart. Self-love is a good start point. You have nothing to lose if you try.
15. Don’t hold on to their stuff
If you are still struggling to shake off the feeling, try and get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Get rid of their stuff. You do not need these things to make you feel guilty and confused all over again. You have fallen out of love for a reason, stick to that path alone.
You won’t seem petty or childish if you get rid of their sweatshirts or their birthday cards. You need to do what you need to do to make yourself happy again. Give yourself a clean break and then revisit the feelings later on, more objectively.
Related Reading: Looking up your exes on social media? Is there a point?
16. Learn to live in the present
Think about it this way. Your love existed in the past. It is hard to let go of memories but, as we said above, practice the art of living in the ‘now’. Bring a conscious change to your routine, paint a wall with a new color or do something symbolic to release the feelings of being stuck.
A new chapter in your life awaits you and you have to gather the strength to turn the page over. Additionally, yoga and meditation can also help you cope with the new realities as well.
17. Seek support from your friends
Your bro gang or group of gal pals will be your best bet when you are trying to fall out of love with someone who doesn’t love you or get over a bad apple who only gave you a toxic relationship. Lean on your friends and make them aware of your thoughts and feelings. They can be your biggest support system as you try and negotiate your own mixed emotions. They may even provide a fresh perspective for you.
Moreover, spending time with your friends will make you realize how loved and special you are. Their care, concern and warmth toward you will help you understand that you are worth so much more. Their blanket of security and love will go a long way in helping you realize who is good for you.
18. Seek counseling
Falling out of love can be a hard process. Whatever be the cause – unrequited love, betrayal, developing feelings for someone else, or realizing you do not complement each other – there will be a huge sense of loss. Do not hesitate to approach a professional if you feel stuck or cannot move on or if you are grappling with coming to terms with the situation.
Life does not stop with one relationship or one person. It’s a long journey and sometimes, despite the best of intentions, things don’t go your way. Love is a strong emotion, but unfortunately, it can come with an expiry date. When it’s over, you just need to accept it’s over. Accept now that it is time to let go.
There is no timeline to falling out of love. It can happen after years of being in a relationship or you might want to snap out of it after the initial flush of love fades off. It depends on the trigger for wanting to end the relationship.
You stop feeling attracted, you do not want to spend time with them, the things that made you infatuated no longer excites you and you realize that you are not compatible with them anymore.
It is impossible to fall out of love with your soulmate. The love may evolve and take a new shape but it will remain in some form or the other. Soulmates are meant to be together.