When you get out of another unsuccessful relationship and are left disheartened and possibly heartbroken, you end up asking yourself, “How to be okay with being single?”. Even though you miss your ex so much, you convince yourself that you never needed them in the first place so you can actually focus on your life. But do you really mean it when you convince yourself that they’re irrelevant? You know you don’t.
Figuring out how to be ok with being single, especially when you didn’t initiate the breakup and you’ve never been on your own for a long period of time is not easy. No matter how much you lie to yourself, the truth will catch up to you eventually. And that is when you will suddenly feel struck and realize that you never actually got over your ex because you neglected the problem instead of working through it.
So then, we arrive at the question: How to be okay with being single? Well, firstly, remember that being in a relationship and being happy are not related: your happiness lies in your hands and is dictated by you only. And it is when you’re alone that you can really focus on yourself and your goals in life. Don’t waste another minute moping when you can be out there doing great things and conquering the world! If you’re serious about doing so, then read ahead.
Being Single Is Hard But You Need To Accept It
Is it okay to be single when everyone around you is falling in love, getting married, and even having children? Absolutely! It’s better to be alone than to be with someone you don’t love or respect. Society puts a certain pressure, especially on women, leading them to believe that they need to find contentment through relationships and that everything else in their lives is irrelevant or temporary.
As a person of the 21st century, you need to know that none of that is true. Being single is okay and more and more people these days are choosing to lead this lifestyle voluntarily. Accepting being single means accepting that you’re ready for a new journey in your life where you can immerse yourself in the things that you love. You can focus on a new hobby or even travel to a totally new country that you’ve been longing to discover. Being single is ok, hell, it can be the greatest thing you’ve ever decided to do.
Related Reading: 7 Things To Do When You’re Single But Not Ready To Mingle
It Is Possible To Be Single And Happy
There are a host of things you can fall in love with if you are single, but first, you’ve got to accept it’s okay to be single. Your life can change for the better but only if you allow it. Wallowing and looking back on your past relationships isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Instead of obsessing about your last relationship, focus on your current relationship with yourself. That’s when you’ll discover what being single and happy is truly like. So, what are the things you can do to accept the single life and truly focus on yourself?
Take notes from this movie
The film How To Be Single, starring Rebel Wilson and Dakota Johnson, starts off as a predictable romantic comedy about a 20-something woman who moves to New York to ‘find herself’ before settling down with her long-term boyfriend. She befriends another 20-something woman at her workplace and they do what everyone in New York seems to do: hang out at a bar as that’s one of the best places to meet men.
It quickly turns into something very different. The long-term boyfriend is actually a nice guy who ends up with someone else, and she meets another guy, who is a thoroughly decent man but is dealing with issues of his own. It’s a sensible movie about sensible people making smart choices instead of grand, romantic ones.
The more I watched, the more I realized why this movie would not work in the rom-com space and why millions of single women everywhere will absolutely NOT like the fact that the central female lead does something radical – she chooses friendship and self-love over a guy. How To Be Single addresses a key issue that plagues so many people in their 20s and 30s. What do relationships mean if the first relationship – the one with self – is not nurtured?
Finding the balance between professional and personal life
Most of us women want to do everything that a man can and do it better while looking utterly fabulous. I am one of them. I want to do EVERYTHING. I want to work out, carve out a satisfying and successful career and have a personal life with that as well. Not to mention, I have girls’ night outs with my friends as much as I can.
I also want to have a functional relationship with my family so I figure out some ‘fam time’ every day, willingly. In all of this, there is hardly any time left over to prioritize romance or love. All the flirting happens over Tinder. Dates are fixed via text, and profiles are checked out on social media. That’s the most I can do at this point.
The truth is, there are days when the idea of making small talk and conversation that breaks down another person’s defenses is exhausting. To do this and maintain your sanity is near impossible, really. So what do I do? At this point, I’d honestly just rather accept being single for life.
Related Reading: Being Single or Getting into a Wrong Relationship?
Being single doesn’t mean being alone
How to be single and love it? Choose yourself first. I choose me. I’ve decided that I’m going to embrace being single. But not as defined by society – spinster, unmarriageable, on the shelf, or any variation thereof. Just as myself. Someone who likes to do the things she can while working about 70% of the time.
Of course, this doesn’t mean I don’t want a decent man who understands what naptime is all about and who will sit and debate Captain America versus Iron Man and how that speaks to the underlying sexism plaguing society. Bonus points if he possesses a full head of hair and kisses me till I lose my mind.
This is why I watch romantic comedies. I still have hope for good conversation and preparing for passionate love-making. But the only difference now is that I’ve started learning how to be single. This is also why I am still single. Not lonely. Just single.
How to be okay with being single? The freedom is eye-opening
Being alone is a grand thing. Not because you get to eat, drink, fart, sing, cry, scream and play video games whenever you want, if you so choose. Not because you can travel to exotic locations or check into a day spa or do whatever you fancy, no questions asked.
You can actually be happier being single because the weight of expectations, of unfulfilled and unmet desires doesn’t exist anymore. Your happiness is not codependent on someone else’s actions or reactions. Your sense of self-worth is not tied to the number of men (or women) who find you hot in bed or the number of dates they take you out on before you decide to go to bed with them. You are now stress-free!
Valentine’s Day is for eating chocolates and birthdays are for splurging on things you want really, really badly. Your heart is yours. Unbroken. An unbroken heart gives a peace of mind that an agitated one never can. I’ve also now learned how to move on when a breakup hits hard, and that is a learning one can never forget.
Being by myself is the choice I make every day to put myself, my SELF above all others. How to be okay with being single? I remind myself to be in a functional, happy relationship with myself first so I can go out and conquer all these mountains I have yet to scale. It’s not a question of learning how to accept being single. But of learning how to BE. To JUST be. Be okay. Be in the moment. Be here with whoever I am with. Be in love, be not in love, just be.
Definitely! Hopping from one relationship to another can be toxic and can actually distance you from yourself. Take some time off and consider being single for a while. There are in fact many people who have accepted being single forever as an idea and it works great for them.
It’s definitely better to be single than be with someone you don’t love completely or someone who doesn’t deserve you. It all depends on your situation, your needs, and the people around you.
Of course not. Being single is hard and learning how to actually enjoy that lifestyle is quite a feat. It takes courage to be independent and not try to manifest love in your life all the time.
Stop worrying about your relationship status and start worrying about your growth! That is a sure-shot way to focus your energies on the right thing.
It is okay to be single at any age or day in your life. A relationship or a partner does not define you.