I’m married and still attracted to both men and women

One woman's story of being torn between the straight and gay worlds, coming to terms with her sexual orientation and getting comfortable with her own body
you me and her

(As told to Priya Chaphekar)

What is this thing I feel?

When you grow up in a particular way, you have no control whatsoever over your sexual orientation. You’re mentally conditioned to be attracted to people of the opposite sex, so when you start having feelings for people from the same sex, it suddenly hits you and you’re like, “I know I’m not gay. But I’m definitely not straight.”

The road to discovery

Bisexuality, for me, was more subconscious than anything. The advent of teenage brought with it the awareness of the fact that I was an exceedingly sexual person. The tingly feelings had set in and I realised that when I did something about ‘that’ tingly feeling, it felt nice. Nevertheless, I was still a child on a wet and wild exploration.

My first boyfriend was someone I fell for. I didn’t know he was part of the LGBTQ community (I wish I could tell you how, but he won’t be too happy about it), and even when I found out, I felt nothing abnormal about it. It was after I turned 16 that I started reading about these things and that blew me over. I discovered that there are people of different sexualities and that not every gay guy or girl hits on a straight person.

I discovered that there are people of different sexualities and that not every gay guy or girl hits on a straight person.

Curious as a magpie, I plunged into the unknown waters, clueless about the path ahead.

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  1. Because, the dominant ideologues has systematically constructed the idea that any sexuality beyond male and female is a taboo to be dreaded of, Indian parents or even education system completely avoid sensitising their children about their body and the different sexual orientation that are in function. This is the reason why people from different sexuality suffer even coming to terms with their own originalities. But here’s what I want to tell you today. Being bisexual is okay. It is as human as being a straight is. And I am proud to see you embrace your origin. And whatever your kids may be in their sexuality, I am certain, they will be as fierce as you. 🙂

  2. Women’s sexuality has historically been policed, denied and demonised in very particular ways, and for a woman to be anything other than passively heterosexual has often been considered an outright perversion.

    In the above story, you got the right partner, lucky you! And I hope everyone thinks in the same way and not be judgemental. Really happy that people are acknowledging and appreciating the sexuality.

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