Why Trying To Make Your Ex Feel Jealous is Silly and Distasteful?

Why We Seek Validation from Our Exes

Break up And Loss | July 15, 2019 | Anish A R , Marketing Professional & Writer
Updated On: October 9, 2024

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After a relationship is over, why is it that we still want the ex to feel bad about what he/she may have lost out on? How silly can one be? Trying to make your ex feel jealous is the most ridiculous thing you can attempt to do.

(As told to Anish A R)

After a few weeks of dating Rahul, I invited Himanshu to come and meet him. Himanshu, my ex, had decided to move on with his life. For some odd reasons, I felt the need to make him realize what he was missing out on. But why?

These Are The Reasons We Try To Make Our Ex Feel Jealous

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It’s common for people to experience feelings of jealousy or competition after a breakup. While it may seem counterintuitive, sometimes individuals may try to make their ex feel jealous as a way of coping with the end of the relationship or seeking validation.

Deriving pleasure out of his/her misery

When Himanshu met my new boyfriend, I could see it in Himanshu’s eyes that he was jealous. As cruel as it may be, I was happy to see him still single while I had moved on. I wanted him to see how Rahul was better than him in every sense. He was taller, more handsome and definitely more of a passionate lover.

While my ex sat alone on a couch, Rahul and I were holding hands, kissing and caressing each other on one small sofa.

A few days later when I began to get over my ex, in a true sense, I realized how silly it was to have called him to meet Rahul and put up a show in front of him. Here’s why it was foolish and silly of me to have tried to make him feel jealous.

Perhaps, I was still getting over him

I might have started my new relationship with Rahul only to make an attempt to get over Himanshu. I was convinced that to get over someone, I’d have to get under someone. The reason for having a new boyfriend was so immature that I felt it was absolutely not necessary to have gotten into any new relationship until I was completely out of the previous one.

Related Reading: 18 Dating Tips To Find The Right Person

It made me look shallow

Not only did I have a wrong reason to begin a new relationship, I also made a blunder by making my ex feel jealous by showing off my new man.

I realized after a couple of days, that it made me look shallow because my focus was not being happy but to make my ex feel sad. Why is it that to look good, we need to make our ex look bad, I wondered.

Related Reading: 15 Signs You Are Still Not Over Your Ex

My new relationship began with the baggage of my past

If I think about what Rahul must have felt about this entire failed attempt to make Himanshu feel jealous, I can only be ashamed for having gotten the baggage of my past into my present and possibly a brighter future. Moreover, I also began to feel that I may have made Rahul uncomfortable.

It made me look bitchy in front of my new found lover

What’s worse, I also began to think how I made myself look bitchy, wicked and cruel in front of my new boyfriend. In the process, I did not present myself as the real me, but as a bad reaction of a break-up and a nasty desire to make my ex feel jealous and needy.

The ex, may have moved on

And finally, I also felt stupid to have even tried to make my ex feel jealous because, maybe he had moved on. After all, he did not seem uncomfortable with meeting Rahul.

I strongly recommend to men and women to keep away from your feelings of wanting to derive pleasure out of your ex’s misery.

It is silly to do what I did impulsively because

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It makes you look bad.
Your ex may be laughing at you behind your back.
It does not give a fresh start to a new relationship.
Your new boyfriend might think of you as a bitch.

Related Reading: 13 Proven Tricks to Make Your Ex Jealous

Your efforts of making your ex feel jealous won’t bring him or her back to you. In order to really move on, you can instead go on a break, join hobby classes, spend time with your friends and family, etc. After a break-up, always remember to keep a distance from all old things. Try to change the pattern of your thoughts, feelings and actions.

FAQs

1. Is it normal to want to make your ex jealous after a breakup?

Yes, it’s a common reaction. Breakups can trigger feelings of insecurity, hurt, and a desire to regain control or validation. Wanting your ex to see you happy and thriving can be a way to process those emotions.

2. How can I focus on my own well-being instead of trying to make my ex jealous?

Prioritize self-care and personal growth. Surround yourself with supportive people, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek professional help if needed. Remember, true happiness and confidence come from within, not from external validation.

3. Will making my ex jealous make them want me back?

It’s unlikely. While jealousy can spark a temporary interest, it rarely leads to a genuine desire to rekindle a relationship. It can even backfire, pushing your ex further away or confirming their decision to end things.

Final Thoughts

While the urge to make your ex jealous is understandable, it’s rarely a productive strategy for moving on. Focus your energy on healing, self-discovery, and building a fulfilling life for yourself. True happiness and confidence are the best revenge, and they’ll attract genuine connections in the future.

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