Marriage comes with its own share of ups and downs, trials and tribulations. Couples go through a lot while trying to make their marriage work. In such a situation, if the husband does not get along with his in-laws, things take a turn for the worse. Constantly dealing with the “my husband hates my family” realization can eventually affect your marriage as well as your peace of mind.
When your husband hates your family, it is heartbreaking because you are always torn between the people you love. It is as if you are being forced to choose between your husband and your family. Through this article, let’s discuss the reasons and signs your husband disrespects your parents.
The In-Laws Resentment In India
In a traditional arranged marriage setup, the families have to like each other prior to any meeting between the couple. If the respective families like each other, then they coax their children to meet each other and be on their best behavior throughout the meeting. Both of them, especially the woman, are expected to do their best to impress the in-laws. This finally leads to the wedding.
However, after the wedding, things change. The wife, having left her paternal home, continues her quest to please her in-laws as she tries her best to fit into this new matrimonial home. It is quite contrary to the husband, who has already accomplished his mission to impress his in-laws and marry their daughter, which is why he may make no attempt to form a strong bond with his wife’s family after marriage.
In some cases, the husband might behave rudely with his in-laws or ignore them completely or, even worse, snap all ties with them. Such behavior puts his wife in a difficult position because she feels torn between the most important people in her life – her parents and her husband.
If that sounds familiar, you may rue, “My husband doesn’t like my family” or “My husband is rude to my family”, without any clue about where this negativity is stemming from. Let’s help you on that count with a look at the possible reasons behind your husband’s resentment toward his in-laws.
Reasons Why A Husband Is Hostile Toward His In-Laws
While before marriage a man tries to impress his in-laws and be nice to them, after the marriage he may seem detached and distant toward his significant other’s parents. The change is not sudden but gradual and there are certain factors responsible for the same. Through his resentment, your partner might be causing harm to your familial relationships.
The best way to deal with this situation before it spirals out of control is to get to the root of it and try to mitigate whatever is triggering this unpleasantness. To that end, here are a few possible reasons why your husband seems to hate his in-laws:
Related Reading: 5 Bollywood Movies Which Show Love In An Arranged Marriage
1. The wife criticized her own family too much
You are not just the bridge that connects your spouse to your family but also his window into your family dynamics. If in the process of pouring your heart out to your husband, you’ve shared some unpleasant details about dysfunctional family dynamics or issues that you’ve had to deal with, it’s possible that these may have tainted his perception of the in-laws.
As a result, even when the spouse’s family shows genuine love, he doubts their motive. While the wife thinks, “My husband hates my family, what do I do?”, the husband begins to resent or maintain a distance from his in-laws because of the things he has heard about them from his spouse.
2. Cultural, social, and economic differences
No two families are identical with regard to their social, cultural, and economic status, beliefs, and preferences. The matters which a wife’s family may consider routine could be a huge topic of concern for the husband’s side of the family and vice versa. Over a period of time, this can create rifts or differences.
This may cause the husband to take it upon himself to prove to his in-laws that they are wrong. Therefore, he may judge or demean them every chance he gets. As a result, the wife is left grappling with the uneasy realization, “My husband says mean things about my family” or “My husband hates my family”.
3. Broken promises
This is especially true in the case of arranged marriages, where umpteen promises are made by the girl’s family regarding some ritual or dowry. When the girl’s family does not keep those promises, the husband may hold a grudge against them forever. Sometimes it could be the other way around too.
If the husband had promised a certain lifestyle for his wife and could not match up, the in-laws probably taunt him about it every time he meets them, which obviously irks him. This is usually why most husbands resent their in-laws. But anger, disrespect, and resentment for in-laws can exist in the hearts of both spouses.
4. Being protective
A good husband will always be protective of his wife and kids. If there has been any negative incident in the wife’s family, due to an alcoholic father or an aggressive sibling, for instance, the husband will prefer keeping a distance. He may feel the best way to protect his marital life from any toxicity or negative influence of his in-laws is by keeping them at a distance. Even if it means putting up with his wife’s “My husband doesn’t like my parents” or “My husband doesn’t talk to my parents” jibes.
15 Signs Your Husband Is Disrespectful Toward You And Your Family
You often hear wives say things like “My husband acts aloof or is openly hostile toward my parents” or “My husband doesn’t talk to my parents”. They complain about how it is a task to get their husband and family together for special occasions. The reason why most wives feel this way is because they are picking up the signs that show that their husbands are disrespectful toward their family.
When your husband hates your family or when your husband disrespects your parents, he will show it through his actions. His body language and words will make his dislike evident. If you haven’t been able to figure out whether your husband is disrespectful toward or hates your family, here are 15 signs to help you understand:
1. Shows detachment toward your family
When your husband is totally disinterested in your plans to visit your family or to invite them home, he surely won’t do the things that he would otherwise do when his parents are involved. This bias is totally disrespectful. When your husband hates your family, he will detach himself from them as much as he can, if not completely. He will try to keep himself away from their affairs and will show no interest in their opinions or what they do and say to him.
2. Never calls or visits your parents
This is another answer to your “What are the signs my husband hates my family?” question. When you live with your parents, you are already looking after their welfare. After you get married, move to your husband’s home, and start living with the in-laws, you may call or visit them from time to time.
There is an unsaid expectation that your husband will share this responsibility just the way you’ve taken on the duty to care for his. If your husband never calls or visits your parents to enquire about their well-being, then he is definitely being hostile toward them. This might also lead to him causing harm to your relationship with your family.
3. When your husband hates your family, he avoids family functions
This is one of the most obvious signs your husband disrespects your parents. Be it festive dinners or casual outings, if your husband is constantly making excuses to avoid attending them, then it’s time you have a word with him about how mean and disrespectful it looks. You should probably talk to him about what exactly he feels about your parents. This will give you clarity on why he always avoids meeting your parents during family functions, get-togethers, festivals, and other special occasions.
4. Never mentions them
When your husband hates your family, he will make it a point to not talk about them ever, be it with you or anyone else. During casual conversations with his parents, relatives, neighbors, friends, or even at home with your kids, if you realize that your husband never ever mentions your parents or any of your family members, then know that he doesn’t like them. It is a sure-shot sign of him resenting them.
5. Being argumentative
If your husband disrespects your parents, then he will be argumentative. If you start dreading any occasion where your husband will be left alone with your parents or siblings assuming there will be an argument and things may spiral out of control, then it just shows how disrespectful your husband can get.
He will probably leave no stone unturned to convert every discussion into an argument. He will try his best, in fact make it a point, to prove that he is right. Perhaps, he thinks he does nothing wrong and wants to get into a one-upmanship contest with your loved ones.
6. Never wishes your family on important days
This is again a sure-shot sign your husband doesn’t like your family or resents them. Wishing in-laws on important days like birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, and festivals is an excuse to come together and celebrate and a way to strengthen the bond between both families. If your husband refrains from extending this basic courtesy to your parents but expects you to wish his parents on important days, then he is just being mean and disrespectful to you and your family.
7. If your husband disrespects your parents, he might belittle them
During your get-togethers and family functions (provided he attends them), if you find your parents or siblings being ridiculed by your husband for trivial matters, know that he resents them. If he leaves no chance to belittle them in private or public, it’s a sign your husband disrespects your parents. You must confront your husband and ask him why he likes to humiliate you by belittling your family every time. Let him know how hurtful his behavior is. If he expects you to respect his parents no matter what they say or do, then he should extend that same courtesy to your folks as well.
Related Reading: 10 Ways To Deal With Disrespectful In-laws
8. Refuses their hospitality
If you’ve been wondering or asking yourself, “What are the signs my husband is rude to my family?”, add this to your list. Your husband is certainly rude to your parents if he refuses to eat or drink anything at your home or anything cooked by your family. It’s a major sign of disrespect. Anyone is bound to be hurt if their hospitality is rejected, especially when they extend it with so much love and respect.
9. Not addressing them properly
Wives, who are the only daughters of their parents, feel more responsible toward them after getting married, to the extent that they feel the need to constantly defend their family. Therefore, when the husband addresses his father-in-law and mother-in-law by calling them “this fellow” or “this woman” instead of ‘Papa’ or ‘Dad’ or any other respectful name, the wife has all the reason to be mad. Not addressing his in-laws properly is one of the most obvious signs your husband disrespects your parents and a cue for you to confront him about it.
10. The act of disappearing
If your husband always makes some sort of excuse and leaves the house the second any member of your family arrives or if he just drops you off at your parents’ house and does not go in with you, then he is being openly disrespectful toward them. It is humiliating to always disappear when your spouse’s parents arrive at your place to meet you. Your husband needs to understand that, whether he likes them or not, they are your parents. He might not like being around them but there is no harm in behaving in a civilized manner for a few hours and giving them basic respect.
11. Not engaging with them on social media
Considering the generation gap between your husband and your parents, their social media interactions will be awkward. However, if despite repeated friend requests and reminders, your husband does not even include them on his list or blatantly refuses to respond to any social media interactions your family members initiate, he is just showing complete disregard.
Just a casual ‘hello’ or ‘like’ never hurt anyone nor will it turn his life upside down. If you notice such behavior, you’re not wrong in thinking, “My husband hates my family.”
12. Refusal to accept any gifts
Another obvious sign your husband resents your family is his complete refusal to accept any and all kinds of gifts that your parents bring for him. If your husband does not accept any small gift or memento from your parents or siblings or relatives and also forbids you and your kids from doing so with the sole intent of hurting them, then you must put your foot down and let him know it’s not acceptable at all. Even if he has a valid reason for not accepting gifts, he cannot force you and your kids from following in his footsteps.
13. Blatantly ignores your family
It’s ok if your husband disapproves of your side of the family, but completely ignoring them when they are at your home, not even saying a “Hello”, or showing basic courtesy and decency is blatantly rude and disrespectful. Would he accept similar behavior from you toward his parents? No, right? The same rule applies here. Meeting the in-laws and exchanging pleasantries with them is not too much to ask for.
14. “What are the signs my husband hates my family?” He cuts off ties with them
Still asking yourself, “What are the signs my husband is rude to my family?” Your husband cutting off ties with your parents is proof enough of his resentment and hatred toward them. If your husband insists on severing all ties with your parents or any other relative without a valid reason, then that is one extreme measure of showing disrespect to your feelings and those related to you. You don’t need any other sign to tell you that your husband hates your family.
15. Harasses your family members
Harassing your parents, siblings, or other family members is a definitive sign that your husband resents them. This is an extreme way of being disrespectful and a sure-shot sign he hates your parents and other family members. If your husband starts verbally or physically harassing and abusing your folks and siblings, it’s time for legal intervention. If he harasses or threatens them for not having fulfilled his demands, you must seek legal help. This is not just disrespect, it’s abuse and crime in the eyes of the law.
When your husband hates your family, it creates tension and marital conflict between you as well. No child likes to see their parents get humiliated and disrespected at the hands of their own husband. Seeing the people you love the most not get along or be at loggerheads with each other can be heartbreaking, which is why you need to find a middle ground with both parties to ease the situation. Read on to know what you can do to improve the situation.
What Can Be Done?
If you’re constantly upset and stressed thinking, “My husband hates my family”, know that you can take steps to make the situation better. While you might not be able to get your husband to be best friends with them or expect him to regularly and willingly hang out with them, you can bring him to a point where he behaves with his in-laws in a civil manner. Here are a few things you can do:
- Try not to take the disrespect personally
- Communicate your feelings and point of view to your husband without making accusing
- Let him know that you don’t like being stuck in the middle or made a scapegoat for no fault of yours
- Get to the root cause of the resentment. Ask him why he doesn’t like your parents
- If he has valid reasons for resenting them, talk to your parents about what is acceptable and what is not. Set boundaries, if needed
- Make your husband realize that he may have his differences with them but the fact remains that they are and will remain your parents
- Make him realize that his behavior is affecting your relationship with him
- If it’s reached a point of harassment and abuse, seek help and leave immediately
- There can be several reasons why a husband resents his wife – broken promises, being protective of their wife from negative influence, his wife criticizing her family too much, and cultural, social, and economic differences
- A few signs a husband resents or disrespects his in-laws include never calling or visiting them, refusing their gifts or hospitality, cutting off ties with them, ignoring them, or not engaging with them on social media
- If your husband always disappears on your parents, doesn’t address them properly, or harasses them for favors, understand that it’s abuse and seek help immediately
Once your husband is convinced that you understand his situation, he might just be more receptive to the solutions offered. You must also make your parents and siblings aware of your situation. They must understand that your priorities have changed after marriage. Your husband is as important to you as your family. As long as no one means any harm, there will always be a way out to settle issues together. There is no need to be disrespectful.