Ever walked into a room and caught your friend tearing up while looking at her phone? Or your crush casually mentioning her ex’s opinion about something you happened to mention in the way of a conversation? Sounds familiar? Well, your friend is still hanging on to her past. In case you are her admirer, whatever you are expecting is not going to happen anywhere in the near future.
Confusing, right? We cannot possibly fathom what’s going on inside her head as she just got out of this serious relationship. And it would be rude to pass judgements about someone’s feelings. Here are some signs she will show, if she is not over her ex yet.
1. She constantly checks for unnecessary notifications
We keep checking our phones too but what we lack is her frenzy. I have seen girls visibly agitated in case they are waiting for a message or text or some notification saying “he has liked or commented”. This is because while she was in a relationship, she was used to talking to him/her constantly. May be the absence of that feeling feels weird to her and she tries to make do by replacing the phone calls with Facebook notifications that “prove” to her that he is still not over her.
2. She casually slips in her ex’s name in a conversation
This has happened to all of us. We have done this too. So, you know when and how to look out for this sign. Suppose you all are talking about Ranbir Kapoor and Alia’s relationship when she suddenly goes, “You know, Rahul, my ex, laughed for 15 minutes after Alia made that mess at Koffee with Karan…” Or something to that effect. And trust me on this, you would be able to catch it because it is going to be something out of the blue.
3. She wears that discarded T shirt
For this friend, a gift from her boyfriend mattered a lot. However, after the break-up she had discarded it, only to start wearing it all over again, without any explanation. She was clearly missing her ex-lover and this T-shirt was kind of taking his place at the moment.
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4. She compares her ex to practically everyone
We all have done this too at some point or the other. However it gets tiring after some time, right? Your friend, on the other hand, keeps constantly comparing other people to her ex. This is the stage when you actually understand what she is going through. Because you can see this is getting a little too obsessive, especially when she compares some random person’s boyfriend or girlfriend to her ex.
5. She drunk texts him
You have to wait for this to happen. Some night, in drunken stupor, she will actually do this. Send some sort of almost pathetic text. Do try to stop her from doing this because you will otherwise have to deal with her traumatised sober version later. If you fail, though, and she texts them anyway, then wait for a bigger mess to happen because the ex might just reply.
6. She will come to you
You are her biggest confidante, her closest friend. She knows that she can be vulnerable around you. This time you have got to take the reins in your hands and console her or answer her questions calmly. Make her see reason. She might not actually admit to the real feelings, she will not address the elephant in the room that she isn’t over her lover yet. She will say she is confused, she is too afraid. This was a real relationship she had. Did she end it too fast? Did she ruin something good? So many questions. Make sure you remind her of the reasons she broke up with them, make her write those reasons down, if needed. Then tell her that you and her other friends are there for her if she needs to talk.
7. The final straw
She breaks down and says that she does miss that person’s presence terribly, she still loves him. And it is getting hard for her to even try and forget him. Should she go back to her ex? Should she call him? What should she do? And again you have to rise to the occasion here and see what can be done about this matter.
So, if you have been noticing any of these signs in your friend, crush or lover, do not judge them. Let them know you are there for them. See, relationships are not easy and there is nothing called a clean break up. I am sure you too have such baggage from the past, that one story of that lover who got away. So, do not judge them. Give them time, offer a shoulder, help them slowly delete their ex’s texts and photos. Maybe let them keep that T-shirt. After all, love is all about acceptance, isn’t it?